Tombstone Tourist

"They told me no one would be able to feel me! They said no one would ever be able to hold me or hug me or take my hand, but you just did! It's triggered by the word love!"

Alan looked like a little kid on Christmas and I smiled at him. I was trying desperately to ignore the lingering feeling that floated along my palm where our hands had touched.

"Can we try something else?"

"Uh, like what?"

"Can we, uh, could we see if it still works when I say it?"

"Sure."

His hand moved towards mine slowly and he spoke quietly. There was fear in his words and his eyes.

"Love," he uttered, barely above a whisper.

He placed his hand in mine and once again it was real. It was as if he was really alive and no different than me. I heard him sigh in relief and he let go of my hand.

I didn't know what to say, so I just looked at him expectantly. He was looking intently at the top of his hand before flipping it to look at the palm. He must have noticed the silence though, because his eyes flicked up to again meet mine.

"Your hand f-felt nice in mine," he mumbled, casting his eyes back to his lap. "No one has ever held my hand before," his voice trembled in a whisper.

"No one?"

He shook his head, ginger locks bouncing around his face. He still looked so sad. It surprised me how quickly he had gone from ecstatic to so deeply upset.

"I never had a boyfriend. Nobody ever wanted me. Not even my own parents."

"Now, I know that that isn't true."

"How could you possibly know that?"

"I was there during your funeral. Your mom poured her heart out to me in tears within five minutes of knowing me. They did want you. They were worried about you."

"They were clueless, that's what they were. You have no idea what they did to me at that school."

"You're right. I don't. I've been told I'm a pretty good listener though, if you'd like to tell me, and I promise I won't tell anyone else. I have no one to tell anyways."

"They used to call me a fag and throw me to the ground just for the hell of it. Some of them would come up behind me to hold my hips down and grind against my ass before saying they knew I liked it. There were guys who'd be daring enough to touch me in the showers. I never did a thing about it because I couldn't. I'm so weak."

Alan looked as if he could fall to pieces and the pain was written on his face as clear as day. I leaned forward towards him, whispered the word 'love,' and took him in my arms. He cried into my shoulder but none of his tears manifested to fall on my arm. I rubbed the middle of his back and kept him close, occasionally whispering love so that he would not disappear again. I knew he needed someone right now and he couldn't handle having no comfort.

"The one I have to send... down, he was the worst. He was always the one to start those things. It was all his fault."

"Shh, it's okay. He's out of your life for now and he'll suffer the consequences of what he did. You know you never deserved any of what happened to you right?"

"Sometimes. Sometimes I feel like I did."

"You didn't. I promise."

"How would you know? It's not like you'd know what it's like to get bullied for being gay."

"Wouldn't I?"

"But you're not... you're gay?"

"Always have known I was," I said with a nod.

"Oh. Sorry. I just assumed..."

"It's okay, Alan, really."

"Have you ever, um, have you ever been in love?"

He rushed the sentence out and blushed deeply.

"Once. I was, once."

"What happened?" Alan asked in a voice no louder than a whisper.

"He left me. He couldn't take my depression after my mom died."

Alan sighed heavily and let his eyes fall closed briefly.

"Life's really not fair is it?"

"Not at all."

"I'm sorry that happened to you."

"It's okay. It was all my fault anyways."

"No it wasn't. It was his. It was his fault for missing out on someone great just because he wasn't strong enough."

"Thanks, Alan, but I'm not great."

"As far as I'm concerned you are. How many people would take in a total stranger, not to mention a stranger that happens to be dead but not really dead? How many people would take the time to help? You're a genuine person, I can tell, and you deserve to be loved as much as you love others."

Before I could say anything, a look of realization crossed Alan's face. He tried to shake it away before I noticed, but it was too late. I had noticed and now I was curious.

"Why are you staring at me like that?"

"You look like you just realized something."

"Oh, uh, no. Nothing. It's nothing."

"That isn't true and we both know it."

"It isn't important."

I raised a questioning eyebrow, trying to portray my confusion. He shook his head and I decided just to let it go. If he wanted to tell me, it'd be on his own terms. I wouldn't force him.

"Is it alright if I go to sleep? I'm really tired."

"You don't have to ask. Of course. The bathroom is down the hall, go ahead."

"Okay."

Alan placed his empty plate by the sink and pet Aurora when she appeared next to him on the counter before disappearing down the hall. I put the remaining pizza in the fridge and cleaned off our used plates, then headed to my own room. I changed quickly and as I was unmaking my bed, a knock came at the door.

"Yeah?"

Alan stepped through the doorway, having changed as well and looked shyly at me.

"Goodnight, Austin."

"Night, Alan."

"Thank you for letting me stay here. It means more than I could even tell you."

"It's nothing, really. Go to sleep. You look like you might fall over at any second."

I sent a lighthearted smile in his direction and he returned it before leaving the room. I heard his light flick off and shut mine off as well. I laid in the big, empty bed and knew immediately that tonight would be a sleepless one. How could I sleep when I needed to process everything that had happened? Not to mention the fact that there was a very attractive boy in the room next door.

Yes, I admitted, I did think that Alan was cute. But he was on his own little mission. He had to fall in love and have someone love him. Why would he ever fall for a freak like me?