Tombstone Tourist

I couldn't remember the details of the dream I had been having as I drifted slightly into consciousness, but I knew it had been one of the first pleasant ones I had had in months. It felt like someone was staring at me, though, and it was disconcerting. I slowly opened one eye, squinting at a possible intruder. I jumped when I was, in fact, greeted by staring eyes.

"Alan, oh."

"D-did I scare you?"

I smiled softly at his quiet, sleep muddled voice that was hinted with a small bit of shyness. He blushed and smiled back after dropping his head down.

"Yeah, a little, but it's okay."

"Are you s-sure?"

"Of course. Are you hungry?"

"Not really, n-no. I was trying to m-make you b-breakfast, though."

"Were you?"

I smiled at him again. He was so shy and it was unfathomably cute. He nodded again, still looking down at the carpeted floor.

"It s-sorta didn't work. I may have made a h-huge mess. I'm sorry."

He looked disappointed in himself and scared of my reaction. God, it shouldn't be, but even that was cute. It was hard to keep the smile I was wearing off of my face.

"Oh, I'm sure it's not that bad," I said as I finally pushed back the blankets on my bed and went to stand. Alan's eyes went wide and I sent a questioning glance in his direction.

"Austin, uh, you, uh...."

He loosely motioned towards me and I glanced down, instantly becoming embarrassed. Now that I had actually noticed it, I was painfully hard. I could remember the dream much better all of a sudden, and now I didn't want to. He laughed a little at the look on my face that I'm sure portrayed horror. His laughing became harder as my face turned pink.

"Oh my god," I groaned as Alan continued laughing, clearly finding my situation quite entertaining.

"I'll be in the kitchen w-when you finish taking care of that."

With that he disappeared out the door and I walked at a rapid pace towards the bathroom, mentally kicking myself the whole time. How fucking embarrassing! The worst part was that this was all caused by a dream.... a dream that had been about him. Oh, god. I hope he didn't realize.

~

I had tried to be as quiet as possible, still embarrassed about the whole thing, but that didn't change the fact that I had thought about Alan as I got off. It wasn't voluntary, I just couldn't get him off of my mind and I wanted to finish as quickly as possible. It wasn't as if Alan had to guess at what I was doing, but that didn't make it any less embarrassing. To make matters worse, I had moaned his name when I finished and was now praying that he hadn't heard that.

I had changed quickly and went back out for food. Alan shot a sly smile at me as I entered the kitchen and I felt my face heat up once again. I was still mentally kicking myself and I didn't guess that it would end anytime soon.

"All good now?"

I groaned and shot him a death glare that didn't deter him in the slightest. His smirk grew and I glanced around the kitchen, ignoring him. I wanted quiet, shy, and sleepy Alan to come back.

"I thought you made a mess?"

"I d-did but I got it cleaned up. Apparently I wasn't the only one."

I ignored him again and grabbed a pop tart from the pantry, putting it in the toaster and going to get milk from the fridge. Alan was sitting at the table and waiting for me in silence as I readied my mediocre breakfast. I placed the milk back in the fridge just seconds before the toaster popped. Gathering everything together carefully, I went to the table and sat down.

"What? None for me?"

"You said you weren't hungry. Plus you lost the privilege of me bringing you breakfast when you started making fun of me."

"It's not m-my fault! You're the one w-who had the morning wood, not me!"

I rolled my eyes and started on my breakfast while Alan stared at me.

"What? What are you staring at me for?"

"Huh? Oh. No reason."

A mischievous look of realization bloomed across his face and I sighed, preparing for the worst.

"So... What was it you were dreaming about?"

I choked on the milk I had been drinking and coughed heavily, placing a hand between my stomach and my ribs. Alan cocked his head to the side and continued to stare until I could breathe properly again.

"Nothing."

"Uh huh. Nothing.... Sure."

"I'm being serious. It was nothing."

He nodded with a look on his face that told me he didn't believe me for half of a second.

"Uh huh. Sure it wasn't, Aus."

"Whatever. I'm going to the cemetery. You can come if you want or you can stay here."

"I can come?"

"Sure, of course."

~

Alan and I had walked the short distance to the familiar patch of land, but he had stopped a foot short of the gate.

"Oh my god," he mumbled under his breath.

"What? Alan, what's wrong?"

"T-that's h-him."

"Who, Alan?"

"The bully. The one I have to...." he trailed off, but I knew what the end of the sentence would have been.

"How are you supposed to, you know, send him down?"

"I n-need him to stand over the grave and put his h-hand on it."

"How do we do that?"

"I don't fucking know!"

I jumped at his sudden outburst and his face softened apologetically.

"I'll go talk to him, okay?"

"N-no. I have to do it."

"What will he see you as?"

"I don't know. I do know that I'll always be a guy and around my age, t-though. I have a plan. I'll walk b-behind you. I need you to l-look lost and let me lead y-you."

"Why?"

"Pretend to be blind and then have him describe me to you, okay?"

"What? Are you sure that'll work?"

"Yes, I'm almost positive."

"Okay. I'll try."

We walked through the gate slowly and I heard Alan whisper the word that would trigger him to be solid. He took my hand and walked me forward. I did my best to focus on looking as if I couldn't really see but it was difficult when all I could pay attention to was the feeling of his hand in mine. We approached his headstone and the boy who was standing by it.

"Excuse me?"

Alan spoke and his voice sounded different. It was higher than normal and sounded extremely odd.

"Yeah? Can I help you?"

"Not me, exactly, but him. See he's blind and we've been friends for some time. He asked me to be his boyfriend earlier," I saw him smile out of the corner of my eye. "I tried to describe to him what I look like, but he thinks I'm being hard on myself and that my description isn't accurate. Could you please tell him? I'm going to visit my mother's grave, okay?"

The boy nodded, looking hesitant and Alan walked off.

"He just left."

"I know. I heard him."

"Oh, okay. Well, uhm, I really don't know how to do this. I was actually just here to visit a grave."

"Oh? Of who?"

"A kid I knew... We went to the same school. He, uh, he killed himself."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I didn't really know him anyways."

"What was his name?"

He turned to look at the headstone and stayed facing it.

"Alan. Like I said, didn't know him well."

"It must be nice to be able to read. I miss that."

"How did you know I was reading anything?"

"I heard you turn in the grass and assumed."

"Oh."

I nodded, sighing for effect.

"I've had to learn to use my hands to read. I wasn't born like this."

"No?"

"Nope. It just happened slowly. It started with tunnel vision but eventually, my sight went away completely. It's quite a challenge to adjust to reading and learning things simply by touch."

"I'm sure. Your, uh, boyfriend is coming back."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Do you think you could read the name on that stone with only the tips of your fingers?"

I heard and saw Alan come to stand next to me and look at the boy nervously. I'm sure he was scared that this wouldn't work. I was conflicted between wishing it would but also that it wouldn't.

"I could try."

He turned away from Alan and I and closed his eyes. Alan shot a worried glance at me and I took his hand, making sure to add the word so it wouldn't pass right through. We stepped back away from the stone and the boy reached out, placing his hand solidly against the cold granite. There was a flash of orange light as the ground opened up and the boy fell through. I was grateful to not have seen his face.

The earth closed again and there was no more light. Alan let out a shaky breath from beside me and grasped hold of my arm. He was deeply upset and I could see tears running down his cheeks. I whispered a quick "I love you, mom. Goodbye," in the direction of her grave before picking Alan up off the ground bridal style and beginning the walk back home. I knew now that she was safe and thanks to Alan, I was finally ready to let go.