Tombstone Tourist

There was going to be a burial today. It wasn't a new thing for me to experience, seeing as I'm always here, but it was still so heartbreaking to see how much emotional pain the families were in. I knew the pain all too well.

Many times, I had walked over to the outdoor funeral area and introduced myself to the people there, underneath the weeping willow and surrounded by white and yellow tulips. The service area was beautiful and secluded from everything else. Other trees lined the outside, keeping the section hidden from anyone who didn't know about it.

To me, it was beautiful, but I knew its beauty was the last thing on the mind of this family. As usual, I walked over and introduced myself to a woman who looked to be in her late forties. I could see in her eyes that she had been crying for a long time.

"Excuse me, ma'am?"

She turned to face me directly and I smiled warmly at her, trying to show her that I had felt all the pain she was before and that I understood.

"Who are you?"

"My name is Austin. It sounds a little odd, but I spend a lot of my time here in this cemetery. It's almost like a second home. My mom is buried here."

"Oh, alright. My name is April," she looked hesitant. "What can I do for you then?"

"Nothing. I just wanted to come over here and offer my condolences to you and your family. I know how hard it is."

"I lost my son," she blurted out. "My only son is gone."

She started crying again and I put an arm around her shaking shoulders, trying to calm her down. She hugged me then and, though I was surprised at the gesture, I hugged her as well.

"It's alright, April. I know it doesn't feel that way now, but it will be."

"No it won't. You don't know how he died. He- he killed himself."

"Did he, uhm, did he leave a note or anything?"

She shook her head and my heart hurt more for her. I knew it had to be hard to lose someone, especially a child, without knowing why.

"I think it was because of the kids at the college he was going to. They bullied him for being different. For being gay. He was only 19. He was only 19 and now he's dead!" She yelled and I backed up slightly.

A man came over to her and took her in his arms, directing her toward a seat at the front.

"I heard you talking to my wife before. You're welcome to stay for the service, if you would like."

I nodded and found a seat. I often attended funerals if I talked to the families, but never before had the person who passed been so young. This kid was only three years younger than me. He could have had a husband, maybe kids, a job he loved, a good future, but he threw it all away.

It seemed so selfish to me, but I know just how it feels to want to be dead every day of your life. After my mom died, it's exactly how I felt. I was conflicted now between sympathizing with the family and sympathizing with the boy.

The service started and I was surprised when there was no preacher to be seen. Instead, multiple friends and family members went up to speak about the boy. Every one of them talked about how wonderful he was, how accepting, loving and kind he was. All of them said that they loved him. He just couldn't take the people who didn't anymore.

By the end of the service, a few tears had slipped out of my own eyes. This boy had so many people who loved him, but the people who were so terrible to him pushed him too far. There was to be an open casket viewing and everyone stood to say their last goodbyes. I waited in the back until the area around the coffin was cleared out before walking up there myself, curiosity getting the best of me.

I had to withhold as gasp. A rope burn was not hidden so well around his neck, seemingly intended to be covered by his shirt collar. The collar had slid down now and I felt that I was the only one who had seen the rope burns. The woman overseeing the funeral looked over at me and I nodded, walking away so they could close the casket for good.

I walked back to my mother headstone and sat against it, waiting to see where they laid the boy. I soon found out that it was not far away from my mom, but behind her and covered by a few trees. I got the feeling that I would be spending quite a bit of my time by his grave now, for I was intrigued by it.