Hell Within

The sound of his last scream still reverberated in her ears. It filled up all the crevices of her mind and left her feeling numb. It was at times such as these that she wished she could wipe out all her memories- even if it meant losing the handful of pleasant ones she had shared with him. Never once in her life had she imagined that she would feel so weak, so vulnerable. She hadn't been like those city-bred snobbish bitches for whom everything came easy; food, clothes, schooling, affection, love. No, she had had to work hard for everything; she had to fight even to just earn approval- let alone affection- from her own parents. And it was not always that her hard work paid. Her old man hadn't looked at her even on his dying day. It was just this bond she had with him that hadn't required any work at all. She didn't have to fight to impress him or to gain his affection. It had been as effortless as breathing.

He made her feel wanted, like he couldn't survive without her. He had taken away her seclusion-her only refugee-and had opened her up to the world. And now he had gone away. She was scared. He had altered her permanently; she could never be the headstrong, arrogant, fiery, bitter girl again she once had been. She didn't know what she had become. Her sweet temper and improved vocabulary was certainly not going to help her survive on the streets. She remembered his last words. 'i love you zoe, forever' he had whispered his head in her lap; his blood smeared hands cradling her face. The memory of his voice hurt her ears, it made her thrash, it made her scream. In that instant there was no one who loved him as much as she did, and there was no one who hated him as much as she did. The tears that rolled down her cheeks as she sat by his grave found a permanent place on his headstone, where they would stay- unaffected till the end of the time