Punk Rox!

“That is the most epic-est thing...I have ever seen...” I awed at the bus before me. I didn’t know the make or model, but I knew it looked cool and had our name on the side.

“You’re welcome,” Heath crossed his arms smugly.

“Dude, I’d totally go gay for you right now,” Ethan was just as awe struck as I was.

“If I ever decide I’m tired of pussy, I’ll call you,” Heath’s tone was sarcastic. I think.

Skeet giggled his Michael Kelso giggle, “You’re both straight.”

The three of us inwardly sighed at Captain Obvious.

The Pünk Rox bus was black with electric blue trim. Our band name, Pünk Rox was scrawled across the right side like graffiti and was surrounded by a pale blue similar to the color of my eyes that resembled mist. I’d totally lay that bus. Totally. Problem is, it happens to be frowned upon by society to fuck a vehicle.

“I’d totally fuck this thing if it was a girl,” Ethan seemed to be thinking similar to me.

“Totally,” Heath nodded in agreement. Skeeter giggled his idiot giggle again but nodded so his hair flew around him like a dusty curtain.

“Hey, guys,” Josh approached, oblivious to our previous conversation about fucking our tour bus.

“Hey Josh,” Heath extended his hand, which Josh took.

“Now, we have business to attend to,” I groaned at that.

“You guys are able to go on tour, but the company feels your current line-up is lacking,” How did I know this was going to be just the start of a really long list of stress?

“What do you mean?” Heath wasn’t playing around. It was straight to business.

“We think you need a second guitarist.” Josh cut to the chase.

“I’m offended,” Ethan scoffed, not really offended, “am I not good enough for you anymore? What happened to the promise that we’d be together forever?! You lying asshole! I thought we were going to grow old together! What’s this other person have that I don’t! Fuck you, you cheating bastard!” Josh stared in blank shock. Skeeter, Heath and I burst out laughing.

“Okay?” Josh dragged out the word.

“Anyway...” he continued, “we’d like you to interview a couple of guitarists we think would be a good match for your style of music. Or, of course, if you have someone else in mind...”

“Well...” Skeeter looked like he was actually thinking for once.

“No, Skeet,” Heath knew who he was thinking of, “only if these other guys are extremely terrible.”

“So... Yes?” Josh questioned.

“Yes,” Heath answered before anyone could object.



Alright, this is how our day went.I sat there at a conveniently placed desk and rubbed my temples while Ethan and Heath fought over which actress was the hottest. Skeet sat there staring at them like a child waiting for his parents to get off the phone with the principal.

“Angelina Jolie has nothing on Scarlett Johansson,” Heath argued.

“At least her legs aren’t all over the fucking internet like some pornstar,” Ethan fought.

“Scarlett Johansson is a pornstar.”

“Not all pretty girls are whores,”

“Fuck they ain’t!”

“SHUT UP!” I interjected, “Just fucking SHUT UP!”

“In Star Wars, did Princess Leia fuck Java The Hut?” Skeet asked, completely serious.

“God, Skeet, no one knows!” I threw my hands in the air.

“I think the correct question is, did Java The Hut fuck Princess Leia?” Heath corrected. I sighed.

“That’s a good question. I mean, there was a pretty long amount of time that she was held captive with him that was just never explained,” Ethan added to the madness.

“Yeah, like, with no sustainable evidence to say it didn’t happen, it would’ve be enough time for them to...like...procreate...” Heath responded.

“It’s almost like they wanted us to know they did it, but at the same time, keep it discreet so they wouldn’t get sued or something,” Skeet thought.

“That is a disturbing image...” Ethan spoke up again.

“A giant space worm on top of a tiny human girl...” He cringed.

“Ew... Goddamn, where the fuck does his dick go?” In response to Ethan’s question, I slammed my head down on the table.

“Maybe he doesn’t have one...like, what if his tail was actually his dick and he just, like...squished up inside her or something?” I almost gagged at Skeet’s potential explanation.

“Gross dude,” Ethan laughed.

“The creators of Star Wars had some fucking weird fetishes...” Heath shook his head, satisfied with Skeeter’s answer to the prolonged question. Did Java The Hut and Princess Leia fuck?

“Ugh, that is disgusting, imagine what that baby would look like!” Harper spoke up, leaning against the doorway.

“Ew!” The most disturbing image popped up in my head.

“I imagine a little greenish worm-like thing with six arms and a humanoid face with yellow cat eyes,” Ethan told us.

“I see a yellow baby with an actual worm body, but with legs and arms,” Heath added.

“I see Leia, but with, like, tentacles coming out of her sides and her skin all yellow and stuff,” Skeet explained his image.

“That’s fucked up,” I had both of my hands on either side of my hand, hunched over the desk.

“Is it wrong that I only see a talking earth worm?” Harper questioned and the others started laughing.

“Um...?” Andy stood in the doorway, coming in at probably the best time he could have given the prior conversations.

“Oh, hi there, Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome,” Harper smiled at him. A tinge of jealousy ran through my body. But I didn’t know why. I was gay, Andy was straight, I would never have him anyway. And Harper was a very pretty girl. But she was never interested in long term relationships, however, and only wanted him in her pants for a night or two and that was it. I knew these things. Harper was a bit of a slut, but she was a good friend.

“Hello,” Andy seemed a little nervous, “um...talking earth worm?”

“Don’t ask,” I saved him and myself from another weird conversation about an alien worm and a human having sex, and then discussing their creepy, disfigured baby.

“Right, well, I came down here to see how you guys are holding up,” He explained.

“Oh, they’re doing fine, it’s me who’s about to lose my fucking mind!” I snapped and immediately felt bad for it. I sighed guiltily.

“I’m sorry...” I apologized.

“It’s okay, I know it gets stressful sometimes,” I loved how he just completely understood. I smiled sheepishly.

“So, how’s the search going?” He asked, genuinely interested.

“Bad.” We all answered at once.

“Oh...”

“Yeah,” I sighed.

“I think we only have one real option...” I said, more to the guys, but so Harper and Andy could hear as well. They both walked over and stood beside the desk.

“Quincy...”

“Dude, no fucking way!” Heath objected instantly.

“Quin plays guitar, bass, piano, drums and he could actually sing really well. He could cover for any of us except for me if one of you, for some reason, can’t play and he could sing back-up,” I argued. I didn’t like it either, but I truly thought Quincy was our only hope and the others knew that.
Everyone remained silent, but Andy eventually spoke up.

“Who’s Quincy?” I sighed again, preparing for a long explanation.

“Okay... This is going to take a while so, I suggest you take seat,” I gestured to a knocked over chair a few feet away.

“Quincy Sanders. He used to be a friend of ours...” I began, the guys had all sat back down and were staring into the laps while Harper sat on the desk and Andy listened carefully.

“He was our bass player up until about 10th grade. Just so you know, we were all kind of...well, we were on a lot of drugs then. And Quincy was probably the worst of us. To get right down to why I said he used to be our friend, he kind of sold us to a drug dealer for a fix when he drained his savings account and his parents bank accounts.” I paused and waited for someone to interject, but every was silent, even Andy.

“And this is where the long part comes in...” I began the story of how Ethan, Skeeter and I had gotten kidnapped by a drug dealer and had to work together to escape with our lives.



By the time I finished, Andy was agape with shock. The others stayed quiet and watched their feet or stared at the floor. He slowly looked to Heath with shocked expression.

“And where do you fit in with all of this?”

“My dad happened to report the incident and that’s basically how I met them,” He explained, Heath was usually at the place of incident with his father so, when we were asked to do an interview, the four of us kind of clicked. Andy nodded once, still utterly shocked and looked down at his boots.

“And you want that psycho back in your life?” I couldn’t help but laugh at how he put it.

“Not really, but from the last thing I heard about him, he went to rehab and had a bit of a breakdown that he sold out his friends for drugs,” I told him, and reminded everyone else.

“I think he deserves a chance, I mean, he could complete the band. Admit it, you guys know we’re missing something...” I looked around to my bandmates, Harper and Andy.

After a long silence that seemed to drag out forever, Heath finally spoke up.

“Fine...but if I wake up in a white van heading to Mexico, I’m suing you assholes first.”