Hiding Place

“All I’m saying is look at the whole picture Em, I don’t want to see you get hurt because things aren’t solid between you two,” Danielle explained as the two of us stood in the kitchen doing our dishes from our late dinner thanks to the meeting we had after practice.

I took a plate from Danielle and proceeded to dry it. “So wait, what exactly are you saying?” My heart started to pound in my chest. It seemed like only weeks ago Danielle was pushing me to give things with Logan a shot, especially when he surprised me with a visit before his season started. “Do you suddenly not like Logan?”

My best friend turned to look at me, “Are you kidding me? You are seriously asking me that? I like the guy just fine, not as much as you do but that’s how it’s supposed to be Emma.”

“Then why the whole picture comment?” I needed to get to the bottom of this. I needed to know why my best friend picked today of all days to bring up my relationship with Logan. It was eerie timing.

Danielle sighed and put down the scrubby brush she was using to clean the dishes. “All I’m saying is he’s a professional athlete. I just want to know that you two are solid and that he knows how you feel about him. And I hope he feels the same way about you, okay?”

My heart continued to pound in my chest. “What does the fact that he’s a professional athlete have to do with this? I’m a varsity athlete…” I had a feeling that I knew the connection that Danielle was making but I didn’t want to acknowledge it. I didn’t want to even think about that being an issue between the two of us.

“Emma…” Danielle put her focus on the dishes rather than looking at me as she spoke. “He’s a really good hockey player and he’s young. I’m sure he has plenty of girls throwing themselves at him. I just don’t want you to get hurt because you trust him.”

Butterflies erupted in my stomach and I suddenly felt light-headed. Did she really think Logan would do that? That he would act that way, especially with how he acted over the summer? I put the second plate down on the counter and went over to the kitchen table. I needed to sit down.

“Do you really think he would do that?” My voice was soft and small. All these scenarios started to run through my head. The fact that my best friend thought that the guy I call my boyfriend is even capable of doing something like that coupled with the fact that Logan and I haven’t really talked the last couple of days… It freaked me out.

She came over to where I was sitting and put an arm around me. “I didn’t mean to freak you out, I just, I don’t think I could handle seeing you hurt especially by someone you like so much.”

I looked at her carefully, “So you think he’s capable of it… Which means you think he would do it. You think he would use the fact that he’s got girls throwing themselves at him everywhere he goes.”

“No,” Danielle shook her head vehemently. “Why would he need to? He’s got you.”

My response was a half-hearted shrug. Danielle didn’t know that Logan and I hadn’t really spoken the last couple of days. It wasn’t exactly something I wanted to broadcast. I didn’t want the looks of pity I would likely get from my friends. Most of them didn’t understand the relationship that Logan and I have. “We haven’t really talked the last couple of days…”

She raised an eyebrow at me. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

There was no way to respond other than I don’t know, I let out a sigh and looked away from her. I didn’t like talking about my problems, especially problems involving the guy in my life. Besides, I thought it would pass and that Logan and I would get right back to talking like we usually did. “I don’t know why I didn’t, I mean Logan’s been on the road on the east coast so I figured he was busy. It wouldn’t surprise me if he had family come down to see him.”

Danielle rolled her eyes. “That’s not an excuse and you know it. Please just promise me this one thing, if he does something stupid – you know what kind of stupid I’m talking about – do not stay with him. He may be perfect for you in his offseason but that doesn’t mean you should suffer during his season.”

I nodded, “I promise.”

“Good, now let’s finish the dishes and watch Revenge then NCIS: LA?” She smirked as she pulled me up from the chair and back into the kitchen.

“No, we always watch Revenge first and you fall asleep during my show. Then I have to explain to you what happened and it’s never the same because I can’t describe the awesomeness that is NCIS: LA,” I argued as the two of us started up dishes. Danielle always knew exactly how to distract me from whatever was bothering me whether it was a little or a lot – that took the talent of a best friend.

---

Despite the fact that I went to bed two hours ago, it didn’t matter that I was tired, my brain was not letting me sleep. Instead, I was staring at the ceiling of my bedroom as my thoughts kept me awake. I wondered what Logan was doing. I wondered if he was thinking about me – or if it was someone else that occupied his mind. I hated the feelings of insecurity that rushed through me.

The worst part was that I didn’t have any of these feelings earlier. Earlier today he was just Logan – the guy that I really like who happens to be exceptional at hockey – but now I wasn’t sure if he felt the same way. It scared the shit out of me.

Finally it hit me. I should go to San Jose – that would solve everything. It’s been weeks since I saw Logan in person and that would solve all the insecurities that I’m feeling. All I needed was to feel his embrace and I would feel reassured that everything is okay.

My gaze fell to the clock on my bedside table; it was glaring a bright green two o’clock in the morning. If I left now, I would get to San Jose in less than an hour. It wasn’t the best timing, but it needed to happen.

As soon as the blankets were off of me, I crawled out of my bed and quickly changed into a pair of yoga pants and grabbed the hoodie that Logan left at our apartment when he surprised me with that visit almost two months ago. I grabbed my phone, wallet and keys before quietly leaving my bedroom.

I scribbled a note on the whiteboard in the kitchen for Danielle as I slid into my shoes. D – I did something crazy. I’ll call you when I can. Wish me luck! Em.

Before I knew it, I was out the door of the building and into the cool, crisp ocean air and heading towards my car for the forty-five minute drive to San Jose. Every part of me was trying to convince my heart that this was a stupid decision, but I couldn’t fight it. I needed to go to San Jose.

I was doing something I never thought I would do – I was running to San Jose.

---

It wasn’t difficult to navigate my way to Logan’s apartment complex, I felt like I was on autopilot even though I had only been to his place less than a handful of times. Parking was a piece of cake but that didn’t mean that butterflies hadn’t erupted in my stomach as I sat in the parking lot. My heart was pounding in my chest. And once again, it felt like I was getting another romantic comedy moment with Logan.

Although this time I wasn’t sure whose role I was playing and I had no idea if I would be successful or not. This situation could go one of two ways – either Logan thinks I’m completely crazy and breaks up with me on the spot or he thinks I’m completely crazy and thinks adorable that I came all this way just to see him.

Now all I needed to do was get out of the fucking car.

I pulled the handle of the door open and stepped outside. There was no turning back now. I pressed the lock doors button in my car and shut the door. This is it. It was now or never and all those other clichés that are usually reserved for sports but people apply to all aspects of life.

After sucking in a deep breath, I made my way towards the large field that I had to cross in order to get to the front door of the building. Of course, right when I was halfway across the field, the sprinkler system went off and soaked me to the core in less than ten seconds.

I stopped in the middle of the field and looked up at the sky as I silently questioned the universe as to why this was happening to me right now.

Despite the setback, despite the fact that I had a trail of water dripping behind me, I made my way up the three flights of stairs to the floor that Logan lived on. I was thankful that he lived in a complex that each apartment could be accessed outside rather than having to excessively press a buzzer.

I swallowed nervously as my heart rate increased tenfold when I stopped in front of his door. The numbers on the door were staring at me as though they were mocking me. I attempted to take another deep breath to calm my nerves but it proved to be unsuccessful.

“Here goes nothing,” I mumbled to myself before banging on the door. I knocked three times and waited to see if I could hear any movement from behind the door. It felt like time was standing still as I waited.

Normally I am a fairly patient person, but this? This was torture.

Just as I lifted my fist to bang on the door once more, the door swung open and there stood my boyfriend with sleep-covered features as he squinted at me. “Emma?”

“This is stupid,” my eyes widened as my brain caught up with my heart. I shouldn’t have followed my heart. I should be in my room in San Francisco. I should not be in San Jose. I can’t hide here.

Logan ran a hand through his hair as he yawned. “It’s three in the morning.”

“I know,” I pulled my gaze from him as I ran my hands over my face. “It’s completely stupid that I’m doing this…” I couldn’t look at him. I couldn’t believe that I woke him up for this. I can’t believe I drove to San Jose in the middle of the night and for what? So I could be awkward and fidgety in front of Logan at three in the morning?

He yawned once more and leaned against the frame of the door. “Emma? Is everything okay?” I could sense the concern in his voice and quite frankly, I would be concerned too if he showed up at my apartment at three in the morning.

“I think,” I started to say. If I was going to say it, I should just say it. “I think I’m kind of in love with you.” I closed my eyes and braced myself for Logan’s response. I didn’t have a particularly good feeling about this.

“Wow,” his voice was quiet and gentle. “That’s a lot to process at three in the morning.”

My eyes snapped open. “No it’s not.”

Logan was still leaning against the doorframe. “Em, it’s three in the morning. Everything is complicated.”

I shook my head. No, this was not complicated. It was clear. It was obvious. “I drive all this way out of the blue because I wanted to see you because I haven’t seen you in weeks and I want to tell you how I feel and that’s what you say? You say it’s complicated at three in the morning?”

He stood up straight and was no longer leaning against the doorframe. Logan blinked a couple of times before opening his mouth to speak before obviously completely changing what he was going to say. “Did it rain tonight?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re soaked, so I’m wondering if it rained.”

I rolled my eyes. “No your stupid sprinklers got me. But you know what, forget it. Forget that I came here; forget that I drove here in the middle of the night. Let’s just pretend that it never happened, okay?” Silently I was praying that he would agree to my ridiculous request and forget that this girl he’s seeing is crazy.

An escape was all that I needed. I started to walk away from the door to his apartment and was quietly scolding myself for thinking that this was a good idea. A hand encircled my wrist and pulled me to a stop.

“I know better than to let you run away from me, Emma.”

I refused to look at him. I couldn’t look at him. Not like this. “Please just let me run this one time. It was stupid of me to come here, it was a bad decision…”

Logan wasn’t having any of that. He let go of my wrist only to lace his fingers with mine. His grip was tight but somehow reassuring also. He squeezed my hand as he led me into his apartment.

I watched as he closed the door behind us and slid the lock into place. He stood in front of the door and broke the link between our hands. “Is what you said true?”

The two of us were standing in the entrance to his apartment in the complete dark and Logan asked me one of the most complicated questions of our relationship – whether it be friendship or more.

Once again, I couldn’t make eye contact with him. I was scared shitless that he was going to laugh at me if I said yes or that he was going to call me on my bullshit if I said no. The worst part of this was that I had absolutely no idea how he felt or if he reciprocated the feelings I had for him.

I swallowed nervously before sucking in a deep breath for the third time. “Yes.” There was no point in lying. I couldn’t deny how I felt. He would figure it out even if I did try to deny it. “It is.”

“Emma?” His voice pulled my gaze to him. I watched as his lips curled from a smirk into a full-blown smile. “I think I’m kind of in love with you too.”

At first I didn’t believe him. It only took a couple of replays in my mind of the words he spoke for me to fully comprehend what he said and that he actually meant it. I could feel my lips go from a straight, nervous line to a face-consuming smile.

There were no words to convey how I felt. Instead, I closed the distance between the two of us. I grabbed his t-shirt and pulled Logan down to me so I could press my lips to his. Instantly his hands went to my waist and locked at my lower back. I slid my hands up to his shoulders and locked them behind his head.

Logan deepened the kiss by dragging his tongue across my lower lip and I obliged as our tongues danced together. His hands slid down to my ass as he lifted me up off the ground. I hooked my legs around his waist and somehow managed to kick out of my shoes.

Apparently Logan didn’t care that I was completely soaked from a sprinkler as he carried me towards his bedroom. He broke the kiss and pressed his forehead to mine only to say, “You’re not going back to San Francisco tonight.”

I shook my head in agreement and pressed my lips to his jaw. Logan dropped me on his bed and crawled on top of me. He reconnected our lips and deepened the kiss once again, I ran my hands through his hair and he let out a subtle groan into my mouth.

After reacquainting our mouths, Logan rolled slightly off of me after breaking the connection between us once more. “I know this is going to sound incredibly lame, but I’m exhausted. We just got back from Ottawa today and –”

“I get it,” I cut him off and kissed his nose. “I’m kind of tired too. I mean I just drove like an hour to see you.” I teased.

He yawned, “I would have driven to see you if I didn’t think I would fall asleep at the wheel. But first you need dry clothes.”

Logan slid his fingers underneath the hoodie and the t-shirt I had on underneath and tugged it up towards my head. I sat up and put my arms straight in the air. He tossed the two wet shirts to the side of his room and pulled the t-shirt he was wearing off. He carefully slipped it over my head and instantly I felt warmer than before.

I watched as Logan walked over to his dresser and pulled out another t-shirt and put it on. “Shorts or pants?” His voice was soft.

“Shorts,” I answered just as softly.

He tossed me a pair of his shorts. I slid out of my yoga pants and put on the shorts. Instead of tossing them, I placed my pants on the pile that Logan started and carefully unhooked my bra and put it in the pile also.

Logan was already under the covers and nodded for me to join him. I hopped up onto the bed and crawled over to the open side. “I’m sorry I’m so lame,” he whispered as he pulled the blankets up higher on the two of us.

“You’re not lame,” I smiled as I rolled onto my side. Logan slid closer to the side of the bed that I was on and curled around me. “The first time you did this, when Danielle was making all that noise that morning? You made it really difficult for me to want to go to the gym.”

He nuzzled his nose into my hair, “That was completely my intention.” He wrapped his arm around my torso and our legs were completely tangled together. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“I am too,” I relaxed into Logan’s embrace as a content sigh passed my lips.

“Hey Em?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

I should have known that if I fell, Logan would catch me and he did just that. All it took was a middle of the night drive to San Jose to realize that he’s my escape from everything; he’s my hiding place.