Hiding Place

Usually during the last week or so – or after Marcus and I had our day together to catch up on each other’s lives – Danielle and I spent every minute together. It usually worked out this way because after our couple of weeks in San Jose, she went with her family to visit her grandparents in Napa for a month or so. Her grandparents own a winery so Danielle and her brother usually got stuck, as she put it, working in the winery for a month every summer.

But this year was different. For the second time in four days, Danielle had plans that didn’t include me. Instead, she chose to spend her time with TJ. I guess I was supposed to hang out with her on Sunday but I didn’t feel like going out and ended up ditching Logan with Danielle and TJ.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to hang out with her; it was that I didn’t really want to see Logan. I didn’t want to have feelings developing for him. I didn’t want to want to see him. It was happening too fast and that scared me. How was I supposed to go from absolutely hating the guy and how he talked about my Giants to maybe, sort of, having feelings for him? It wasn’t right and I was trying to avoid it.

Danielle didn’t tell me where she was going, which was okay. It’s not like I was keeping tabs on where she went and who she was with but when I heard her kind of giggling this morning on the phone, I knew it was probably going to be somewhere with TJ. Marcus took Amelia out for an apparently much overdue date where it was just the two of them. I kind of wondered if he screwed up somehow but he assured me that he didn’t, he just took Amelia out for random special dates to show her how much he appreciates her supporting his dream of baseball. Naturally, I thought if I ever date an athlete, I wondered he would do that for me.

So today was an Emma day – a day where I could do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted and however I wanted. There were no rules, no restrictions and no one to tell me no. It was all my call. Of course I chose the most boring way to spend a day to myself. I slept in, made a lazy breakfast – just toast and jam – and grabbed my backpack with a beach towel, my ipod, my Giants hat, a soccer ball and a copy of The Time Traveler’s Wife, which Amelia told me I had to read. Sometimes you just need a day at the beach.

It was a beautiful day in San Jose, a perfect day to spend at the beach. My first stop was my favourite little place to get tea. Whenever I decided to have a beach day, I always stopped there and got two things – a watermelon torani milkshake and a cinnamon scone.

As soon as the bell rang to alert the baristas in the café that someone had walked in, I wasn’t greeted with the usual hello that they shared. It was someone else entirely. “I was wondering when I would see you here.”

The voice was distinct and I knew exactly who it was. I was curious how much time he had been spending here waiting to see if I would turn up. I hadn’t been to the teahouse since I brought him here.

He motioned for me to sit at the table he was occupying. Quietly, I shuffled over to where he was, peeled off my backpack and sat down. I wasn’t sure what to say to him so I went with the obvious. “Have you been here every day?” My voice was soft as I questioned him.

Logan nodded. “Every day that we’re in San Jose, yeah.”

“Why?” I don’t think I could have asked a more obvious question. He had to know that it was coming next.

“For the chance that you might be here,” his lips curled into a slight smirk.

I could feel my cheeks darkening to a pinkish hue. It was inevitable with the way he was looking at me. I licked my lips carefully as though I was giving myself a chance to think before I spoke. “What if I never showed?”

He chuckled. “You couldn’t ignore my texts forever.” He took a sip of whatever he was drinking. It looked like a torani milkshake of some sort. “Why have you been ignoring my texts?”

Because I’m an idiot. Because I’m only in San Jose for six more days. Because I don’t like that I’m starting to like you. My brain kept screaming answers to me. All of them were true. I didn’t know exactly why I was ignoring his texts.

I couldn’t even make eye contact with him as I shrugged. I didn’t have an answer, at least not one that made sense. The last thing I needed to do was start to ramble at Logan as to why I was avoiding him. It would probably confuse him just as much, if not more, than it was confusing me.

Logan reached across the table and grabbed one of my hands. Seeing how small my hand looked in his and the sheer contact between us sent shivers up my spine, yet my brain kept yelling stop this now! I chose to ignore my brain instead of Logan, for the moment anyways. “If you think I’m being a creep, you can just tell me. My feelings will only be hurt a little,” He locked his eyes with mine and blinked slowly.

“I don’t think you’re being a creep,” My mouth betrayed my brain as I spoke before I could process what he said. Somehow I managed to pull my gaze from his and looked at the menu behind the counter of the teahouse. I licked my lips again. It felt extremely dry and I wished I had a milkshake or something right now. “I shouldn’t have ignored you,” I muttered softly, only loud enough for him to hear.

“Then why did you?”

I ran my free hand over my face and scrunched my face up. I left half of my face covered as I answered him. “Can we just not talk about that right now?”

His lips curled into a full smile. “Oh, we’re going to keep talking now?”

“If you want to, but I’m not staying here for the day,” I pulled my hand from his and started to dig through my backpack for my wallet. It was time to enjoy the sun, not be cooped up in a teahouse in this beautiful weather.

I stood up and made my way over to the counter to order my milkshake and scone. I glanced over at Logan, I decided to make it two scones just in case, and put them both in my backpack. If ‘in case’ didn’t happen, I had a scone for later tonight or tomorrow too. Maybe what I decided to do was a good idea, maybe it was a bad idea or maybe it was both. Why did I think that I could go from ignoring him to assuming he would want to hang out? I highly doubted that Logan Couture wanted to spend an afternoon at the beach.

As soon as I got my milkshake and put the wrapper for the straw in the garbage, I stopped by the door and looked at him. “Are you coming?” I asked with a half smirk and took a sip of my milkshake while I waited for his response.

Logan stood up with a smile on his face. He picked up his milkshake and put his Jays hat on his head before joining me at the entrance to the teahouse. I shook my head at him when I glanced up at his hat, I didn’t need to say anything but his smile grew. Part of me expected him to ask where we were going or what we were doing, but he never did.

Instead, Logan walked beside me in content – at least I thought it was content – silence. Occasionally we would bump into each other and our hands would graze but neither one of us held on to the other person. It wasn’t a far walk to the beach and he seemed to get that that’s where we were going. He pulled his sunglasses out of his pocket and put them on once we got into the direct sunlight – we were only minutes away from the beach now.

Because it was a Wednesday afternoon in May, the beach was fairly empty. It was exactly how I liked it when I had a day to myself. I made my way down the beach and Logan followed beside me. He never questioned me about when I was stopping or what I was doing; he just followed along as we walked in the sand. Once we were past the businesses with ocean views, I decided that this was the spot. I dug out my extra large beach towel and spread it out on the sand before I kicked off my flip-flops and sat down.

Logan slid out of his sandals and sat down beside me. “So is this what you do at the beach?”

I shrugged. “Usually I’m by myself when I walk this far.” We were about a twenty-minute walk from the most popular beach area in San Jose. “I think you’re the first to come along with me to this spot.”

He raised an eyebrow at me. “Good thing or bad thing?”

“We’ll see,” I smirked at him.

“So what do you do?”

I almost emptied the contents of my backpack – soccer ball, Giants hat – which I promptly put on my head – book and ipod – I left my sunscreen, water bottle and the two scones inside the bag. “It depends. Sometimes I just lay here and read. Sometimes I listen to music. But almost every time, I kick my ball around.”

The smile crept onto his face again. “You’re a soccer player, aren’t you?” I looked at him like that was an obvious question that he should know the answer to. “When we were at the teahouse, you told me you were a varsity athlete, but you didn’t say which sport.”

“You are correct. I am a soccer player, a midfielder actually.” My competitiveness was starting to come out. I put my Giants hat on and placed my sunglasses on my nose once more before standing up. “Do you want to kick the ball around? Or will you get injured playing barefoot?”

Logan frowned at me. “I know how to kick a soccer ball. Just go easy on me, I’m still learning this sport.”

A laugh escaped my mouth. “It’s not like I’m going to tackle you into the sand Couture.”

“What if I want you to?” He winked at me.

My mouth opened to correct him that in soccer a tackle is taking the ball away from someone, not taking the person out, but I decided against it. I would let him think that I could possibly tackle him to the ground. Although, I kind of hoped he didn’t plan on it. Sand is a rough landing and I’m not prepared for that at all today.

Instead I shook my head and juggled the ball between my feet, “Let’s just start with some passing so I can see how easy I have to go on you.” Rather than make it seem like I was blatantly challenging his ability, I added a wink. I hoped it showed that it was in good fun and not that I wanted to destroy him.

It started laid back and easy as we kicked the ball back and forth, talking about various things. Logan asked me how many goals I scored and how long I had been playing the game. I asked him if he participated in the soccer warm-up you hear other athletes participate in before games. Conversation flowed easily between the two of us.

The competition level escalated slightly when Logan tried to kick the ball to my non-dominant foot or tried to get the ball past me. I could tell he was getting frustrated that I never let the ball get past me, whether it was one touch passes or two.

“I thought you were a midfielder. Doesn’t that mean you’re only good at offense?”

A laugh escaped from my mouth. “Do you know anything about soccer?”

He scoffed. “Only that it’s lame to watch.”

A challenge was now in order. “Okay, if I’m supposedly only good at offense, try and get the ball from me.”

Logan’s lips curled into a big smile. “You’re on.”

I knew that I would have to go somewhat easy on him, but I wasn’t going to give him the ball either. He was going to have to work for it. At first I simply jogged around the beach while juggling the ball between my two feet. A couple of times I would stop with the ball, let him catch up to me and he would get this look on his face that said he was going to get me. Two times I kicked the ball between his legs and went around him.

He groaned in frustration and kept chasing after me. I was easily operating at half-speed. I forgot how fun it was to have someone to play against on the beach. I would have to bring Danielle down here one time.

“Come on Emma, let me have the ball,” Logan whined as he continued to chase me around the beach. I went down close to the water where the sand was wet and easier to run in and up to the dryer sand, which was more challenging. “It’s not fair. You’re practically a professional at this.”

I turned and stuck my tongue out at him, “Says the professional athlete.”

“You’re dead,” Logan deadpanned. He was jogging behind me and would have moments where he would almost get the ball, but now he was full on sprinting. When I saw the look on his face, it clearly said the ball no longer mattered.

The two of us had wondered down the beach in our game of keep away. Now I was full on sprinting towards the towel with Logan close behind me. It was obvious that if I got back to the towel without him getting me, I was safe but if I didn’t, I had no idea what he would do.

I kicked the ball ahead of me so I could run faster. I was just out of his grasp. “I’m going to get you,” he managed to get out while sprinting just behind me.

When I was a few feet from the towel, I made a quick decision. I dove. I leapt forward with my arms out and rolled. Thanks to the sweat I was now covered in sand with my sunglasses and hat scattered from my roll. I was on my back my chest was heaving and my eyes were shut. I never dove with my eyes open on sand.

My eyes shot open when I felt Logan half on top of me. I could only assume he did the same – diving towards the towel – because he was covered in sand and his Jays hat and sunglasses were nowhere to be found. He opened his mouth to say something but didn’t. His eyes were locked on mine. I thought he was going to roll off of me, but instead, he brushed some of my sweat soaked hair out of my face.

I opened my mouth to say something but he shook his head. He shifted slightly, he was completely aligned with me and the only distance between us was that he was using his arms to hold himself up. Our chests were still heaving but my mind was racing with anticipation as I swallowed nervously. I had no idea what was going to happen next.

When his tongue darted out of his mouth to moisten his lips, my eyes followed and then returned to his eyes. Logan titled his head to the side ever so slightly with a questioning look on his face. It was like he was asking if this was okay. I didn’t want to ruin this by speaking.

He seemed to know exactly what he was doing, while I had no clue. I had no idea what to do with my arms. It was like he could tell that the gears in my brain were turning at a million miles an hour. He shifted his weight to his left arm and instead of just brushing the hair out of my face that had returned from the breeze, he carefully tucked it behind my ear and ran his fingers down my jaw while keeping his eyes fixed on mine.

Somehow that gave me confidence. I ran my hands up his arms to his shoulders and linked my fingers just behind his neck. I was careful not to let any of the sand sticking to me fall on either one of us. His lips curled into a smile and he licked them once more.

Without thinking, my tongue crept out of my mouth and moistened my lips too. Logan’s head was still titled to the right slightly and the gap between our faces was closing. I didn’t know if I was moving closer to him or he was moving closer to me or we met in the middle. He balanced his weight on both of his arms and kept me pinned beneath him as our lips met.

The kiss was soft, gentle and sweet to start. It wasn’t overly aggressive or completely passive either. Both of us were fully involved in the embrace. His tongue slipped between his lips and swiped across mine to deepen it. Our tongues battled slightly for dominance until he surrendered and broke the connection. He placed a kiss on my nose and smiled, “I told you I’d get you.”

Of all the plans I had for this afternoon at the beach, kissing Logan Couture was not one of them and honestly, it was not something I was going to complain about.

I smiled at him before softly adding, “I still won.”

Logan groaned and rolled off of me. He sat close to me, right beside my legs and put a hand on my knee. He smiled at me and kept his eyes on mine. “In all seriousness though Emma,” his voice softened completely. It was almost a whisper. “Why didn’t you text me back? There has to be something here. I mean you didn’t exactly shove me off of you when I kissed you, so what is it?”

A fun afternoon at the beach with soccer and kisses suddenly became something with feelings included. This whole afternoon was completely unexpected and it didn’t feel like now was the time to be discussing the lack of texting between us.

I half shrugged. I wanted to tuck my knees to my chest but I didn’t want to lose the feeling of his hand on my knee. But I needed to be honest – it might hurt his feelings right now, but its better in the long run. It’s better to be honest than to lie to someone. “I kind of just wanted some alone time.” I licked my lips. “I guess I was okay with something low key, then I heard the plan for Sunday and I didn’t want to so I stopped.” I took a deep breath. “I know it was rude of me, but I didn’t know how to tell you?”

Logan tucked his knees to his chest and ran his hands through his hair. I tucked my legs underneath me partly now that he had removed his hand from my knee. “So let me get this straight,” he started to say. He was squinting slightly as he grabbed both his sunglasses and Jays hat and put them on. I watched as his tongue slid out of his mouth and dampened his lips again. “You didn’t want to hang out when I asked you to when we were texting, but when I basically stalk Amy and Kate’s teahouse to see if you’ll show up again, you invite me to hang out with you?” Logan paused. He sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “So basically, everything has to be on your terms. From what I can understand, from the five days that I have actually known the real you and not the crazy Giants fan that I argued with at the bar?”

I tore my gaze away from his. I hated how he nailed it. I hated that he knew that about me already. I hated that I was confusing to him. I hated that I didn’t want him to be confused. I hated – and loved – that he kissed me like that. I hated how well he could read me already.

After a couple of minute, I finally found the words to answer him. I didn’t think he was going to like what I had to say, but it needed to be said. “It’s a downfall of my personality. I like to be in charge and in control of things. So, I’m sorry for that, but it feels like its too fast. It’s too much, okay?” I grabbed my hat and placed it on my head. I tucked my loose hair up into my hat. “It’s not sustainable even if there is something here Logan. We don’t live in the same city. It wouldn’t work. I’m sorry.”

Logan sat there shaking his head.

I started to quickly gather my things. It didn’t matter what it was, it didn’t matter if it was covered in sand, I was shoving everything into my backpack as is. It was almost a complete silence that took over with the exception of the waves crashing into the beach. Logan stood up, watching me with his arms folded across his chest as I shook the beach towel and haphazardly folded it before putting it into my backpack.

Rather than saying goodbye, instead of simply stating that I was leaving, I just left. I hated myself for it because as much as I think I don’t like Logan, I know that I’m starting to slowly like him. Of course, it was the feeling that got me the worst because as usual, I ran. I ran away from anything that could possibly resemble any form of a relationship – either in the early stages of happening or officially. I absolutely hate that I do it because it could be something that makes me happy, but with my behaviour just now, I’ll never know.