Where the Wind Takes Us

Once a month, the year twelves has a meeting in our common room. We basically discuss the upcoming events and such, and today’s meeting is no exception. Even though in about three weeks we have exams, our school decides it’s a good idea to send us off on a mini trip to the Gold Coast for a weekend, allowing us to destress and have our last moments of fun before we delve into exam time. Basically, they don’t want us to drink or participate in any dangerous activities to drown out our sorrows before exam time.

I’m still annoyed at Mick, so I get James to pick me up this morning with Barbs, which he obliges to. Unfortunately, he likes to talk and I don’t like talking so early on a Monday morning, so we compromise. I get my coffee and I’ll talk as much as he wants me to, making us both satisfied with the results.

“Hey,” I greet Georgia, who’s surprisingly not sitting next to Colton. I can’t see Colton anywhere, for that matter. “Where’s your other half?”

She shrugs, tugging her ponytail to the side. “No idea. I didn’t go to school with him this morning.”

I groan. “You mean you could’ve picked me up this morning? I had to get a ride with James. He made me talk.”

“We also got coffee, if you’ve forgotten,” James says pointedly, tugging on my hair as he takes a seat on the couches next to me. Mick and Colton join him, with Colton sitting opposite Georgia and Mick sitting next to James. Making no effort to greet Mick, I smile at Colton in greeting.

“Oi Nat,” Ignore Mick. Ignore Mick. “Are you still pissed at me?”

I don’t say anything.

“Seriously Nat,” Mick says again, and reaches over James to pinch my shoulder. “Don’t ignore me. I apologised, remember?”

“Why do you hate Josh so much?” I blurt out angrily, crossing my arms. “What has he ever done to you?”

Mick draws in a long breath. “Why are you defending him? I thought you were my friend?”

“What, I can’t be friends with other people?” I snap. “Forgive me if I don’t want to hang around assholes twenty-four seven.”

Colton and James stare at me, shocked, before I realise what I’ve said.

“Asshole,” I correct myself. “Just one. Just Mick. Sorry.”

“Sorry for being an asshole,” Mick says after a moment. “Seriously Fader.” He looks into my eyes, and I do all I can not to squirm under his gaze. “I’m sorry. Can we be friends again?”

I sigh. “Only because I don’t want to stay pissed at you during the trip.”

Mick suddenly grins and squeezes my shoulder. “You know you love me.”

“Don’t push it, Ryans.”

Mick makes a face at me and I scrunch my nose at him in return.

“Ryans, Fader, you two done there?” Mr Assface asks us, calling our attention. Woops.

Mick and I give our best shit-eating grins. “Yes sir,” we chorus.

“Alright guys, listen up,” Mr Assface starts. His name isn’t actually Assface, but he’s such an asshole that Georgia decided to give him the title of Assface. He takes both the smart and general math classes, and he’s just an asshole to everyone. I think he’s divorced or lonely. Georgia reckons it’s because he hasn’t gotten laid in God knows how long. “As you know, we leave next Friday. Our flight is at eight in the morning so the latest you can be at the airport is six thirty. Anyone who’s late will have to sit next to me on the flight. On the way and back.”

Georgia and I exchange a shudder. There is no way we’re letting that happen, let along anyone else in our cohort.

“Me and Mr Dalf will be your chaperones. Anyone who dicks around on this trip or tries to sneak out will be severely punished, so think wisely about your actions. Anything I didn’t cover now I’ll discuss when we arrive. Meeting dismissed.”

“So,” Mick begins, a sly grin on his face as he turns to us. “Clubbing for Nat’s birthday?”

The most exciting thing I’m looking forward to on this trip is turning eighteen next Saturday, at 11.57pm, to be exact. I know there’s a chance I’ll be ‘severely punished’ if caught, but it’ll be worth it.

“How are we going to sneak out?” I ask worriedly.

“Don’t worry Nat,” James nudges his shoulder with mine playfully. “You know we’re not going to be the only year twelves planning to sneak out. I’m sure someone else has a plan.”

“I think Matt’s planning on drugging Assface and Dalf with sleeping pills,” Georgia brings up. “I have no idea on how he plans to do that, but I’m pretty sure everyone’s good with that plan.”

I snort. “Yeah, because that’s not dangerous or anything.”

“Aw Nat,” Mick stretches out to tousle my hair. “You’re such a worry-wart.”

“Yeah,” Georgia adds. “How about you focus on what you’re going to wear and what boy you’ll be ringing in your birthday with, and we’ll deal with the other stuff.”

“Boy?” Colton, James and Mick say simultaneously. I roll my eyes at how protective they are, but a warm feeling fills my chest when I see how much they care.

“She’s joking.” I glare at Georgia, who just grins back. “I’m spending my birthday with my favourite boys.” I grin. “And girl.”

“Awwwww,” Georgia and James coo, squishing me into a hug.


There are two schools I’m applying to in Melbourne: RMIT and VCA. RMIT is a design university with a focus on the arts, whereas VCA is the Victorian College of the Arts, a school that primarily focuses on the arts and my dream school. I’m not sure where arts could take me as a career, all I know is that one day, I want to open my own gallery and have my artwork featured.

I plan on submitting my photography folio to RMIT, and my studio art folio to VCA. While I’ve made some progress on the studio art folio, I’ve made none on the photography one, where my inspiration is my life, showing snapshots from when I was younger to me, now. The kinks are still being worked out, but I do know that my friends will be in it, my parents, and Josh, I add as an afterthought. It’s only been a week and a half since I met Josh (although I’ve known him as the guy with the sweet ass for ages), but I feel like he’s affected me in ways I can’t exactly explain.

Since I’ve yet to make a start on the photography folio, I asked the gang to be my models for the folio, although they have no idea about my plans to move to Melbourne after graduation. I figured I’ll tell them eventually – if Mick hasn’t said anything, that is.

“Who wants to go first?” I ask the group. Mick volunteers, and I ask him to do one thing: take his shirt off.

“If you wanted to see me naked, you could have just asked,” Mick says suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows at me. I roll my eyes, hoping I’m not blushing.

“It’s for the photo, asshole,” I reply. “It’s part of my vision. Let me…visualise.”

Georgia snorts in the background, and I don’t stop myself from giving her the finger.

I snap a few shots of Mick, both without his shirt and with his singlet on. I know that his shots are going to be black and white, with him showing off his smug side, the beautiful smile he has, and some shots of Mick being suave because I know from experience he pulls off those looks well. On the side, James and Georgia are wolf-whistling, with Colton making faces behind me that makes Mick laugh so hard he throws his head back, holding his stomach for support. I snap a bunch of photos, so I have a selection to choose from later.

Next is Colton, who doesn’t question what I ask of him, which isn’t much. His brief is simple, just look his natural, thoughtful self and I’d go along with that. The thing about Colton is that he doesn’t smile much, and when he does, it looks forced. I know that him and Georgia are meant to be because when he’s around her, he can’t stop smiling and it’s beautiful. I remind myself to go through old photos of mine and try to find a decent smiley one of Colton.

I had originally planned to do James and Georgia’s portions of the folio, but I decide against it instead, a new idea forming for their photos. When I tell them this, they’re fine with the idea, but ask why I’m putting so much effort into something school related – more than I usually would.

I send a glance at Mick, surprised. “You didn’t say anything?”

Mick shrugs, shoving his hands into his pant pockets. “It’s not my place to tell.”

I turn back to the other three, who are looking at me expectantly. “I wanna submit them to RMIT – in Melbourne.”

“Melbourne?” James echoes, frowning.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Georgia adds, crossing her arms. “Actually, why didn’t you tell me?”

I shrug uncomfortably, not really sure how to answer them. “Just because I’m applying there doesn’t mean I’ll get in.”

“Is RMIT the only school in Melbourne you’re applying to?” Colton questions.

I shake my head. “VCA as well. It’s a specialist arts school.”

The three of them are silent. I can tell they’re upset, by their furrowed eyebrows and perplexed looks and tense bodies.

“Why?” James asks, anger in his voice. I blink in shock, not expecting the intensity of his response. “Why do you want to move? Away from us?”

“Darwin doesn’t make me happy anymore,” I say hot-headedly. “I don’t want to live here.”

Georgia’s mouth drops and she starts blinking rapidly, which I know she only does when she’s about to cry. I’m not sure why, until I realise what I’ve just said.

“No!” I protest. “It’s not – not you guys – c’mon guys, do you really think - ?”

“Nat,” Mick says quietly, interrupting me. “I think you should leave.”

My shoulders slump and I glance between Mick and the others quickly. They’re not looking at Mick or at me either. Blinking back tears that threaten to fall, I grab my camera and walk silently out of the art building, not looking back at all.


Lunchtime rolls around and there’s no way I can sit with Georgia and the rest of them, knowing that they’ll just shun me like they did earlier. So I sit on the grassy area outside the common room, iPod in hand and headphones in my ears, listening to an old Rihanna tune. Just as I’m about to turn the music up, I see Josh with his friends, throwing a footy around.

“So you’re leaving us then, ey?” Max, a fellow year twelve and Aboriginal says, passing the football to Josh, who catches it with ease.

“Josh, mate,” another guy, Stanley I think his name is adds, “Don’t go to Sydney.”

Josh and I never got to finish our conversation at Colton’s party, but I remember that he said he wanted to study interstate too. I just didn’t think it would be in Sydney. Not that there’s anything wrong with Sydney, it’s quite lovely, but Sydney and Melbourne have a rivalry and if I move to Melbourne, I’m not sure if I can go to Sydney and make it out alive.

“Josh, mate,” I call out to him, mocking his other friend. I’m not sure why I’m doing this, but it’s one of those times where I feel like I have to share my opinion. Josh turns around, an eyebrow raised. “If you go to Sydney and I go to Melbourne, there’s no way I can visit you without my ass getting kicked.”

“Oh yeah,” Max nods vigorously in agreement. “Fader will get bashed if she risks it out to see you, man. Do it for Fader. Don’t go to Sydney.”

Josh laughs, but I can tell he’s happy with my implications. There’s no doubt that I’d like to be friends with Josh after high school. “C’mere Nat,” he says, inviting me to hang out with his friends. I look at Georgia and Mick chatting with Colton and James on the chairs wistfully, wishing that they were speaking to me, but they’re not, so I join Josh and his friends instead. Josh takes a seat on the picnic table, and I take a seat beside him. “Are you telling me if I move to Sydney we won’t be friends?”

“Oh we can still be friends,” I reassure him. “But we can just never see each other in person again. Unless you want to die. Then you can do whatever you want.” I give him my famous shit-eating grin and he responds similarly back.

“I’m so glad you care about my well-being,” Josh says dryly, and I giggle in response.


It’s been a whole day and everyone is still freezing me out, no matter how much I try to talk to them. It got to the point where I had to catch the school bus in the morning, something I loath doing, but seeing Josh and Max on it makes it worthwhile. Max teases me about me bitching out the younger years trying to steal my seat, and I snap back at him for thinking that I would let the younger years take my seat. Even if I hardly go on the bus.

Josh just laughs at the both of us.

I hang out with Josh and his friends and lunch time and none of them say anything, although they do note that Josh’s cheeks tend to blush more often when I’m around. Of course, this makes me blush and Josh and I stand there like blushing fools while Max and the others laugh at us. Not in a mean way, more like harmless teasing.

When I get home, I have only one goal in mind: get changed and go to the shops. For some reason, the weather is a bit chilly despite the sun beating down like no other, so I wear a thin knit sweater with a pair of cotton shorts and a pair of boots. I need to print out the film from the shots I took of Colton and Mick yesterday, as well as buy some film and the special photography paper needed to make my photography folio. I catch the local bus to get there, thankful that the shops close half an hour later tonight so I can get all that I need.

Heading into Riot!, I find the things I need and pay for them, deciding whether to get something to eat before I go home. Fortunately, someone else decides for me.

“Natalie Fader,” Josh drawls, dressed in sweats and a white tee (seriously, does he not own anything other than a white tee?), “What are you doing here?”

I open my mouth to respond, but he beats me to it.

“Oh wait, buying art supplies, as usual. Let me guess, you’re buying two types of paints the same colour?”

I glare at him. “Stuart Gold and Concord Ivory are not the same colour, they’re a shade apart!”

Josh chuckles. “You’re cute when you’re annoyed. Can I interest you in hanging out with your favourite person in the world?”

I perk up. “Barbara Palvin is here?”

James and Colton aren’t the only ones with a crush on her.

Josh lets out a loud, booming laugh. “Your second favourite, then.”

I roll my eyes, but I let out a smile regardless. “I’m not saying you’re my favourite, but we’ve hung out all day today,” I point out. “And yesterday afternoon too.”

“Not alone,” he responds. “C’mon Fader, do you really want to give all of this –” And when he says that, he swerves his hips around in a gyrating movement. “– up?”

I giggle. “Jeez, you dork. Fine. What do you wanna do? I have to work on my photography folio, so if you don’t mind doing some homework…”

“That’s fine,” Josh smiles, happy to have gotten an answer out of me. “Mine or yours?”

My parents are strict with people coming over, let alone boys, but I know for a fact that dad doesn’t come home until dinner time and mum likes to watch TV downstairs when she comes home at five, before staying in the kitchen to cook whatever she has prepared for us. The only time she comes to my room is when she’s calling me for dinner, so I’m thinking that I can sneak Josh in and it’ll be fine.

“Mine,” I tell him. “But mum doesn’t like visitors, let alone boys, so she’ll probably have a fit if she sees you.”

Josh is silent for a moment before speaking up again, this time with a smirk. “You’re going to sneak me in, aren’t you?”

“Do you mind?”

Josh shakes his head. “Lead the way, Fader.”


Just as I suspect, it’s easy to sneak Josh in. I distract mum in the kitchen as Josh takes off his shoes and goes to my room. I’m a little nervous about Josh seeing my room, because I feel like when he sees it, he’ll understand me better and see a part of me that I don’t show to others, in a way. I don’t know, it’s like I’m exposing part of myself to him and I’m not sure whether I want to let him see that or not.

I feel like even if I did show that part to him, Josh wouldn’t mind. Not even a little bit.

Telling mum that I’m studying for a test (lies) and for her not to distract me at all when I’m in my room, I rush upstairs and get in my room, seeing that Josh is smiling at a bunch of photos in front of my desk. There’s no arrangement, it’s just a bunch of pictures of me, Georgia, Colton, James and Mick, smiling and being our natural idiotic selves. There’s a photo from when I first met Mick in year nine from some sports day we had at school. I’ve jumped on his back and he’s in mid-laughter with that beautiful smile I’ve known to come and love. Next to it is me and James throwing confetti at Colton and Georgia at Georgia’s eighteenth at the start of the year. It was their first kiss and of course, James and I felt like being idiotic. Another memory is me and Georgia swimming in her pool, but the photo is blurry because the cameraman was shaking and because we were naked. The cameraman was James, and Colton was more than pissed when he found out that James had seen Georgia naked. Snapshots of the five of us take over my wall, but there’s an empty space for a photo I’ve yet to put up.

“What photo are you putting here?” Josh asks, pointing to the empty space. I close the door and rummage through one of my drawers, before finding the picture of Josh and I at Colton’s party. I had asked some random drunken person to take the photo of us – we’re standing side by side, Josh’s arm around my shoulders while we both grin cheekily at the camera. I’m holding the bottle of tequila we shared and I’m also fairly drunk at this point. I like the photo a lot, not because it’s with Josh but because of how happy we are – like nothing can affect us, because we’re in a world of our own and nobody can come close.

I send a quick smile to Josh before stickytaping the photo of Josh and I to the wall.

“Is it okay?” I ask, a little worried at what he might think. “It was either this pic or the one of us playing beer pong and losing. I don’t really remember what happened after that, though.”

“We lost,” Josh says, his voice as soft as a feather. He’s smiling though, and it makes my insides feel like butter. “We lost but it felt like we won.”

Feeling the heat rush to my cheeks, I look down at my feet before looking up at Josh shyly. I want to say something but I’m not sure what, and I’m pretty sure that if I don’t look away, something’s going to happen and I’m not sure if I want anything to happen. I mean, part of me does but most of me doesn’t and this isn’t something I want to think about right now.

“We should work on our stuff,” I say finally, taking a seat on the floor. I kick off my shoes and get out my photos I’d printed out earlier.

“Bet Ryans enjoyed taking his shirt off,” Josh says casually, taking a seat on the floor as well. He pulls his laptop out of his bag and turns it on, waiting for it to warm up.

I snort. “Idiot thought I was doing it for my own purposes.”

“I thought you were in love with him?” Josh questions carefully.

My eyes flicker to his instantly, wondering how the hell he could have known that. Have I been that obvious this whole time?

“Was it that obvious?” I ask quietly.

Josh shakes his head. “I kind of guessed by the way you followed him around a lot. I know you guys are friends, but…”

I know what he means, and I don’t really want him to explain it any further. I think about my own feelings for Mick, and realise that it’s been a while since I’ve thought about him – really thought about him, and the way I feel about him.

“I think there’s a part of me that will always love him,” I tell Josh slowly. “But I don’t think I’m in love with him as much as I used to.”

“Oh yeah?”

I nod. “My heart hurts less when I’m around him. I don’t know how to explain it – but I don’t find myself as sad as I used to. It’s like there’s been a weight slowly lifted off me, and I don’t know how I’ve gotten to this point, but it’s nice when my thoughts aren’t consumed of him all the time.”

Josh is quiet for a moment, typing something away on his laptop.

“So,” he starts. “What are you thinking about when you’re not thinking of him?”

I shrug. “Nothing. Everything. Georgia and Colton. My parents. James. You.”

“Me?” He’s surprised and I think flattered, judging by the way his voice rises at the end of his sentence.

“Don’t think too much into it,” I warn him. “I don’t know. I like hanging out with you. You don’t judge. It’s nice.”

“I like hanging out with you too, Nat,” Josh tells me, his eyes warm and inviting with a hint of a smile threatening to explode on his face. “Can I tell you something?”

I keep my gaze on him. “Tell away, friend.”

He chuckles before continuing. “When we were in year ten, I had the biggest crush on you. You sat in front of me in English and asked me if I had a pencil and I thought you were the cutest thing ever.”

My heart lurches. “You had a crush on me and you never said anything?”

Josh shrugs. “You were always around Ryans and I figured if I asked you out, you would have said no. Besides, Ryans would have thought I was doing it to piss him off. I don’t mind pissing him off, but not at your expense.”

I frown. “How come you two don’t like each other? What happened?”

Josh doesn’t answer for a while. I’m not sure whether he’s trying to answer the question or he’s struggling on how to answer it, but I finally get my answer when he says simply, “Shit happened.”

I don’t want to push him but I’m curious to know, and decide that I’ll ask him at another time when he’s considerably drunk. Or Mick. I can get Mick drunk too and find the answer that way.

So I leave it at that, and Josh and I return to working on our homework.