The Pros and Cons of Breathing

Break-ups suck. I saw mine coming from a mile away, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. It didn't make me feel any less angry.

"So, what kind of bullshit line did he try to feed you, Sonny?" My best friend, Scottie Hinkle, asked me as she flopped down on my perfectly made bed.

I watched my sunset-printed comforter crease under her pale calves with a pinched expression, before looking away and back up to her face, "Madison," I mimicked the breathy tone Adam used to possibly try to pacify me while he ended things, "I can't be with you anymore. You want to spend all our time together, but I don't think we can have a real connection when you refuse to open up to me –"

"Open up?" My other best friend, Katelyn Beech interrupted, "What does he mean by – ohh!" She cut her sentence short with widened eyes directed at Scottie, who was unable to stop her sexual hand gestures quick enough when I looked her way.

She caught my gaze and dropped her hands to her lap.

"Yeah, basically." I tried on a weak grin, with the hope that I sounded blasé enough to fool them.
"Well you know what this means?" Katelyn's blue-green eyes lit up and she flipped her straight, chin-length blonde hair back. "It's time to welcome you back to the land of the living!" A mischievous grin spread across her heart-shaped face.

"Hey!" Scottie tossed one of my pillows at her, further ruining my bed, "I take offense."

Kate rolled her eyes and reached over my footboard to pat Scottie's curly brown head, "Sorry, but you and Grant can be kinda boring sometimes."

They continued their back and forth and I stayed leaning against my white-washed beach-themed furniture. I couldn't care less about rejoining the living. I'd much rather stay in and listen to my special mix tape until I forgot that boys exist.

"Get changed, Sonny!" Kate raised her voice just enough to get my attention. Kate was the biggest daydreamer of us all; she was no stranger to how easily one can distance themselves from someone right next to them, without ever moving an inch.

I did as I was told; picking up the outfit Kate had set out for me without complaint and slid into it.
Scottie's fingers were already dashing across the keyboard of her phone, no doubt to Grant to tell him to meet us at Bob Evan's for our traditional pre-party round of burgers. Kate was always a firm believer of never drinking on an empty stomach, and she superstitiously insisted that Bob Evan's burgers prevent hangovers.

I was a little skeptical, but since I had yet to have a hangover the morning after any of our burgers-before-beer rituals, I couldn’t really disprove her logic. Scottie paused, her lips moving as she read over her text, checking for typos before she hit send.

I looked back down to what I was doing, realizing my foot was never going to magically fit in my shoe without watching where I was putting it. I readjusted the boot so that the front was facing in the correct direction before I dropped my foot in.

After Kate briefly touched up my hair and make-up, I refused to leave the room until she and Scottie rectify the mess they made of my bed. With a great deal of grumbling that made me giggle, they finished and we exited the room.

My mother was out with a friend from work, so I locked up the house and sent her a quick text that I would be out with my friends. Like every time I enter and leave the house, my eyes zeroed in on the portrait above the piano across the living room. Beneath it, a shadow box contained the flag they gave my mother at my father's funeral.

"Bye Daddy," I muttered as I turned off the lights and shut the door.



"Ohh, that smells amazing!" Scottie's boyfriend, Grant, was already salivating when the waitress set his portabella mushroom burger on the table in front of him.

I rolled my eyes at him, but didn't bother responding. It was true enough. My own bacon cheeseburger smelled like heaven and I already knew the fries were just the right amount of crispy and the tea would be perfectly sweet. Silence fell over the table for a moment, except for the collective moans of pleasure as we took our first bites.

After a few more minutes of golden silence, Kate's cell phone buzzed. Like a true Southern Belle, she wiped the corners of her mouth and fingers delicately with her napkin before replacing it and picking up her phone. After a moment of reading, her bottom lip jutted out in a pout, revealing the dimple in her chin.

"Maria says there's nothing going on tonight." She informed the group, but she pulled her phone closer and began to type a new message.

Maria Gomez was the go-to person for any party, bonfire, kickback or get-together happening at any time in Elizabethtown. No one really knew how it all started, or how she got her information to begin with, but like all things in a small town, it escalated and became her identifier. It was a role she took very seriously, and just like the Black Knight in Monty Python, she guarded her Bridge of Death – I mean Bridge of Party Invites – with her life. No one who wasn't welcome at any specific party would get past her. It was all a little ridiculous, if you ask me.

I slumped down in my seat, but continued to eat. Scottie and Grant were unaffected and I suspected slightly that they planned to ditch us anyway, regardless if there would be a party or not. The thought of going home at this point had my stomach in knots. Maybe I was in the denial stage of my break-up, where I was going to continue to pretend it wasn't happening and I wasn't hurt until I suddenly exploded. I'd rather not be home alone when that happened.

Of course, maybe a party full of people wasn't the best place for an emotional breakdown either.
Either way, disappointment began to register on my face when Kate met my stare. She grinned wickedly, "Don't look so sad, boo. I'm texting my cousin in Louisville right now."

"Your cousin? The sophomore in college?" I stuttered back. I wasn't that desperate to get over Adam. "Kate, I don't think that's a good idea."

"It'll be fine. Tell your mom you're staying with me tonight. My mom won't care if we spend the night with Annabelle. The girl can do no wrong in her eyes."

"But it's like an hour away! Is this really necessary?" I protested.

Kate rolled her eyes, "Which is why we will be staying the night with Annabelle." She waited while I continued to hesitate, "Come on!" Her eyebrows shot up and she pointed to my phone on the table top.

I looked to Scottie and Grant for back up. Grant quickly averted his eyes to his plate. Coward. Scottie cleared her throat and shrugged her shoulders.

"I have to be home tonight, so I can't. But you should go. You should avoid pity partying alone."
How considerate.

I huffed and pouted. "Fine." Kate cheered while I picked up my phone with one hand and several fries with the other.



"So sketchy." I muttered as we pulled up to a long drive surrounded by old oak-looking trees. The location of whatever Annabelle invited us to turned out to be an older-looking brick house in a nice, old neighborhood not too far from the university. However, in the evening light, it looked haunted, and I could feel chills crawling up my arms. "This is probably one of the sketchier places you've taken me to, Kate. Your tolerance for creepy and potentially dangerous is growing alarmingly high."

Kate snorted a very un-lady-like snort and hopped down gracefully from her typical old pickup truck that her dad got for her sweet 16. She dusted off her cowgirl boots by tapping them against the wheels of the truck while she waited for me to follow her out.

There was muffled music coming from the house, but other than that, the place was pretty quiet. Probably just a kickback. I eased up a bit, thinking there was a much smaller chance of something bad happening, considering kickbacks tended to entertain a reduced numbers of guests.

"Chill, Sonny." Kate replied, "Annabelle is here and you know she's straight-edge, so she'll be able to keep an eye out. Nothing's gonna happen." I rolled my eyes, but followed her up the drive.

Annabelle was seated on a porch swing with a pretty black girl giggling beside her as we approached. "Hey girlies!" She exclaimed over the music, popping up to hug us, "I'm so glad y'all could make it." To Kate, she said, "I missed you so much!" with an enthusiastic squeeze. I took a certain amount of pleasure in Kate's pain.

Annabelle sat back down on the swing and tossed her strawberry blonde curls back. True to Kate's word, she seemed pretty sober. I hope.

"This is Michael," She introduced us to a tall, lanky guy with very short blonde hair and plenty of facial acne. He stayed where he was, leaning against the window, but his smile was genuine in between sips from a solo cup. "And this is Amari," Annabelle turned her head to the girl next to her. Amari's smile was a little less genuine, but at least she made the effort.

Kate and I waved and said hi to the two. Annabelle continued, "If you need anything, and you can't find me, these two will be happy to help. Mike, do you want to get them something to drink?"

Michael took his cue and ushered us inside the house. Just as I hoped, the rooms were fairly free of crowds. Small groups were congregating everywhere, but thankfully everything appeared very relaxed. I wrinkled my nose as the familiar and very unwelcome smell of weed hit my nose. "Gross." I muttered.

Kate tossed a stern look at me, knowing what I was thinking even if she couldn't hear me. Michael opened a cooler and helped us choose from the wide selection of beer and liquor. Paranoid as always, I chose an unopened can of Bud Light and Kate followed my lead. Michael excused himself and disappeared into the hazy distance, leaving Kate and me stranded by the kitchen counter. I took a gulp of my drink. "Well, this sucks." I declared.

"Yeah, kinda," Kate sighed, looking around. "Oh wait, beer pong! Spoke too soon." She ushered me over to the table that was already surrounded by people.

I was a little hesitant, not wanting to be just another high school dweeb who annoyed the college kids, but Kate was immediately accepted into the group by a gorgeous guy, just like that. He took one look at her, ran a hand through his pretty brown curls, and put his arm around her shoulder to pull her closer to the table. For whatever reason, I stayed back, not really understanding what just happened.

In front of me, Kate was already twisting her head around to try to locate me, like the fantastic friend that she was. When she spotted me, she latched onto my arm and dragged me forward, successfully knocking me into the girl next to her, who gave me a dirty look, but did nothing as I squeezed in beside my best friend.

As far as I could tell, the game was pretty neck and neck, but I had never been one for beer pong. Other drinking games, on the other hand, I could handle, but throwing a table tennis ball into a plastic cup had always been a challenge to me. So after about a minute, I lost interest in the orange ball flying back and forth across the table. Instead, I started to watch the reactions of the people watching the game.

That was about the time I noticed the guy across the table. He was staring. At me. I looked behind me as discreetly as possible. Nope, I was right, he was looking at me. The guy actually didn't look too much older than me, so I didn't get the creeped-out feeling that I probably would have gotten if some college guy were checking me out. Except… I didn't think this guy was checking me out. It looked more as if he was just studying me, committing something to memory. And even though I caught him staring, he didn't look away, or make any certain moves to appear embarrassed for having been caught. I wasn’t sure he even noticed that I was looking back at him.

He had a far-off look in his chestnut colored eyes. I took the opportunity to study him as well. His dark brown hair wasn't cut too short, and was fashioned into something of a fauxhawk, and I felt that, combined with the stubble along his jaw, really complimented his light-skinned, diamond-shaped face. My favorite feature, aside from how thoughtful his eyes looked, was his nose. It was perfectly straight and not at all big on him; it perfectly suited his face.

Well, at least that was my favorite feature, until he caught my eyes and started smiling. That boy epitomized a "wolfish grin." I think I had officially fallen in love with a set of teeth.

Oh crap, now I'm staring, I thought after a beat. I quickly averted my eyes to the table and watched as the ping pong ball sank into a cup in the center of one of the pyramids. The crowd around us cheered as the owner of the pyramid took a drink. But it was just so boring. And his teeth were so perfect, that I found myself sneaking another quick peek.

He was looking at me. My breath hitched. He smiled just a tiny bit compared to the last time, and tilted his head to the side. I could feel my cheeks heating up. What was he thinking? Was he deranged? Or was he actually interested in something about me?

I took an unsteady gulp of my beer and looked to Kate. The guy who reeled her in now had her full attention and they seemed to be hitting it off. I cleared my throat quietly and looked back down to the can in my hand before taking another swig. It was almost empty, so I took that as my excuse to head back to the kitchen.

Once I made it back to the counter, away from the crowd, I took in a deep breath. I downed the last of my drink and set the can on top of the pyramid of cans already being formed. Then I found a clear spot next to the pyramid on the counter and hoisted myself up to people-watch from a distance. If we were at a party in E-town, I would probably have been on my second drink at this point. But for some reason, I wasn't as comfortable as Kate was with all these strangers. So I contented myself with twiddling my thumbs and not rooting through the cooler under my feet.

"You're not in college."

The statement just about made me piss my pants. Looking up, I tried to control the rapid beating in my chest. The guy sure was sneaky – I hadn't even heard him come up. I swallowed, but my throat had gone dry.

Finally, I cleared my throat, "So?"

In a lame attempt to appear nonchalant, I went back to staring at my shorts. I started picking at a loose thread in the seam while I waited for him to respond, but he was oddly quiet. After a moment, I lost the battle within and looked up to see him grinning at me. Oh my God, those teeth were so…. I gave my head a shake and looked away, toward Kate at the beer pong table.

She looked up and saw me and the boy who was most likely still grinning at me like a predator and gave me a big smile and thumbs up. You've got to be kidding me, I thought.

"Did your friend drag you here?" I pulled my eyes away from Kate and looked at the boy again, trying my hardest not to blush.

"What gave it away?" I silently congratulated myself on how confident I sounded.

He chuckled, although I couldn't actually hear him, and my heartbeat sped up. I watched numbly as he took a step closer. "How out of place you look."

Offended, I scoffed. I didn't look that young. He noticed my frown and grinned, shaking his head, "No, you look bored." Oh.

"Well, I kinda am." I replied with a shrug, trying to make it look like it was some big secret.

He extended his hand, "Landon."

I shook his hand, "Not interested." He did that quiet chuckle again and I was mesmerized by his smile.

"So, Not Interested. What brings you here?" He leaned against the counter next to me. I sucked in a breath at the proximity; his arm was practically touching my leg!

Landon remained quiet, waiting for me to respond, but he wasn't looking at me. He was staring at the beer pong game across the room. I used the opportunity to try to read him a little better. Maybe he didn't have some hidden college-boy agenda. I was just starting to feel a tad bit offended that he might not even want to try to get in my pants, when I mentally slapped myself. I should be grateful that my virginity is still safe for one more night, I chastised myself.

There was a lock of brown hair curling right below Landon's ear and it was distracting the hell out of me. It looked so cute and soft and for some reason I liked the fact that Landon wasn't self-obsessed enough to make his hair absolutely perfect before leaving the house. He didn't even shave. For a second I wanted to lean in closer to see what he smelled like; I wondered if he just decided to skip a shower altogether before coming here. But he turned his head to look at me and I snapped out of the trance.

"Sorry, what?"

That grin again. Oh Lord, save me. "I said, what brings you here?"

"Oh, my friend's cousin invited us."

"Who's the cousin?"

"Annabelle. You know her?" Landon smiled and nodded his head in recognition. Curiosity consumed me; what if the two had a fling or something? "Do you have class together or something?"
Landon furrowed his eyebrows for a moment, in confusion. Was I mumbling? I was about to repeat myself when realization dawned on his face, "Oh! No, we don't have class together. Mutual friends."

Mutual friends.

Mutual friends? What did that mean? Way to be vague. "Oh cool." I replied, nodding my head.
We stood in silence for a moment, watching the suddenly incredibly interesting beer pong game, which Kate was now a part of. Wonderful. "Hey, you're done drinking already?" Landon asked with a nod to my empty hands as they fidgeted in my lap.

I shrugged in response. "But that was only one beer. It's only like," He looked at his cell phone, "Eight forty. Too early to quit." He argued.

"How do you know that was my first beer? I could've been here longer and that could've been my third or fourth." I eyed him suspiciously.

"Well then you have a drinking problem." I gasped at him as he sipped from his cup to hide his smile. "I'm just kidding!" He confessed, "I saw you walk in with Mike through the front door."

"Oh," I replied, laughing a little. How embarrassing.

Landon reached down and started looking through the bottles of alcohol in the cooler. "Can I make something for you?"

I hesitated as he pulled out a bottle of peppermint Schnapps, "Don't worry, I'll make it all in front of you so you can see me not drug you." He smirked.

The bottle was set down onto the counter between us. I looked down at it, and then up at him. And for the first time ever, I didn't consider the consequences. Who cares if Kate's probably drunk already and whatever Landon was about to fix me would render the both of incapable of driving anywhere? Who cares that I just met the guy and didn't know a thing about him? All I could do was stare at his smile and try to remember the last time I felt as carefree as he looked.

"Madison." I said as a response.

The smile disappeared and he looked at me with that same expression that he had when I caught him staring not even fifteen minutes ago. "Madison." He repeated seriously, before that smile reappeared on his face.

Oh boy, what have I gotten myself into?