The Pros and Cons of Breathing

"Where have you been?" Kate shouted into my ear the moment I re-entered the kitchen. I winced as her fingernails dug into my forearm. Before I could say anything, Kate's eyes bugged out of their sockets as she took in Landon stepping out from behind me. He cleared his throat with a glance at her hand, still tightly squeezed around my wrist.

She said nothing, but released her grip, eyes bouncing back and forth between us. "No." I answered her unspoken question sternly.

Landon looked confused, and then realization hit him, "Oh! Yeah, no, nothing happened." He moved to the sink to rinse out my empty cup.

"Gosh, Kate, don't look so judgmental," I hissed when I was sure Landon was out of earshot.

"Sorry! You were gone for a really long time, with a guy! What else was I going to assume?" She argued.

I rolled my eyes, "That I'm smart enough to know that losing my virginity for rebound sex is beyond childish, and pointless for that matter. Adam's not going to take me back just for being a slut at a college party, and I have way more self-esteem than that to stoop to that low."

Kate pouted, "But that guy is totally hot."

"Thanks, I think." We both looked up to see Landon standing beside us, my cup taken care of.

I blushed, and Kate stammered, a grin spreading on her face. "Well, uh, y-you're welcome, uh, I guess…." She cleared her throat and turned to me with determination and blushing cheeks, "Annabelle's ready to go home now. We're gonna follow her to her apartment."

"We can't drive." I started to feel dread creep into my veins, hoping we wouldn't be stuck there all night, "I'm definitely a little more than tipsy and I know you've been drinking."

"I'll drive." Landon piped in.

I looked up at him and he smiled. "But then what about you?" I asked. If he drove Kate's truck over there, how would he get back?

He shrugged, "I'll just crash on Anna's couch, and she can give me a lift back here in the morning."
"Sounds like you've done this before." Kate observed, eyeing him suspiciously.

"I've been the designated driver way too many times and usually for Anna's friends." He quipped back.

After a moment, Kate finally relinquished her keys to Landon, and he followed us out the door. I tried hard to concentrate on just getting to the car, and not the fact that I would be spending the whole night with Landon under the same roof as me. Annabelle didn't look the least bit surprised to see Landon tagging along. "Hey there, where have you been hiding all night?" She gave him a flirty wink.

I suppressed a frown when Landon ducked his head and smiled. We walked out to the cars, and Kate practically shoved me into the middle seat of her pick up, subjecting me to the torture of being squished next to a totally beautiful, but completely off-limits guy for fifteen minutes. The denim of his jeans was surprisingly soft against my thigh, and I caught him throwing a sideways glance to me at the contact. He cleared his throat and started the ignition.

Kate almost immediately passed out once we started rolling, leaving an awkward silence to fall over Landon and me. "So your friend thinks I'm hot." He blurted suddenly, causing me to jerk my head to look at him.

I chuckled, "Yeah, I guess so."

"Do you?"

I swallowed, "Do I what?"

Landon grinned at me, seeing right through my façade, "Think I'm hot."

"Uh," I cleared my throat, and then let out a breath to brace myself, "Y-yeah, I guess." I couldn't look at Landon after my confession, but he remained silent for such a long time that finally, I looked up to see if he heard me.

My heart leapt into my throat. He was smiling. "Aren't we pleased?" I teased him, grateful he wasn't regretting asking that question.

He looked over at me with an even bigger grin, "Very." I felt myself blush all the way to my toes and darted my eyes to the floor.

For the rest of the ride, we sat in silence, smiles plastered on our faces.



"Ladies, I have a spare bedroom for you down the hall, first door on the right. You'll have to share a bed though. Landon, you know the drill. There are blankets and pillows in the hall closet. 'Night guys!" Annabelle called over her shoulder, already off to her bedroom for the night.

Kate followed her, rubbing her eyes sleepily. I snuck a last glance at Landon while bringing up the rear. The sight brought me butterflies. Landon stood shirtless, setting his clothes into a neat little pile on the coffee table, with his back to me. I suppressed a sigh as the image of the tattoo on his back imprinted into my brain and I closed the door to the spare bedroom behind me.

Later that night, my eyes flew open with a start. My lungs were empty of air for a moment, and I was left feeling terrified and helpless; I wanted to scream, but with no air, no sound could escape my gaping mouth. Finally, my body caught up with my mind, and I gulped down huge gasps of air. Sitting up, I turned my head to find Kate sound asleep.

My hands were still shaking from the nightmare, so I softly slid out of bed and crept into the kitchen for a glass of water. Landon was sprawled on the too-small couch, with his arm hanging out from under the blanket. I bit my lip and continued by, through the entryway of the kitchen. The hood-light above the stove provided just enough light to see by without waking anyone up. Or so I hoped. I located a glass and stuck it under the tap as I turned on the faucet. Every move I made seemed to sound as loud as if an elephant were trampling around in the room.

A shuffling sound caused me to jerk my head toward the kitchen entrance. I nearly dropped my glass in the sink with shock at what I found. Quickly, I shut off the tap, averting my eyes from the shirtless, pants-less Landon standing before me with sleep still evident in his features.

"Sorry," I whispered, still not looking at him.

Landon didn't seem to hear me. I watched as he rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands and blindly squeezed by me to pull a cup out of the dishwasher next to my hip. He scooted me over by hip-checking me and proceeded to fill his own cup under the tap without saying a word. I stood by, openly staring now in confusion. My eyes wandered to the tattoo on his back.

It was a piece big enough to fit from shoulder to shoulder on his upper back. An angel of justice, its wings spread, kneeled with its blindfolded head bowed. A sword was gripped in its hands in front of it, and a broken set of scales lay at its feet. Below the image was a quote that I recognized from when my English class read To Kill a Mockingbird last year.

"People generally see what they look for, and hear what they listen for." I whispered, "Atticus Finch. Very nice." I added with a little more volume.

Landon's eyebrows shot up in surprise, "You've read Harper Lee?"

I shrugged my shoulders sheepishly, "In English last year, but Atticus was a total boss, so I actually enjoyed it. I'm not much of a reader normally."

Landon merely nodded his understanding. I sipped my water gingerly, averting my eyes to the clock on the microwave. Wow, four in the morning? Really? Landon's eyes followed my gaze and he yawned dramatically. I stifled a giggle.

"What are you doing awake at this hour?" He asked finally, recovered from his fit of exhaustion.

"Bad dream," I replied, "Sorry for waking you. I didn't mean to be so loud, I swear."

He waved me off, grinning, "Don't worry about it. I'll be out again as soon as I lay down."

I frowned, "Why are you up then?"

Landon paused and leveled me with one of those disconcerting stares I've received a handful of times already in the short time that I've known him. It was a look that told me he could see right through me. He took a quick sip of his drink, a little nervously it seemed, and dropped his eyes as he lowered his glass. "Just wanted to make sure you're okay." He hesitated and continued, "Break-ups can take a while to set in. I just want to make sure it's not going to hit you when you're alone."

As if on cue, I felt my insides twist at the reminder. It felt like being punched in the stomach. Very carefully, I set the glass on the counter and tried to keep my face neutral. "Oh that." I nodded my head, taking shallow breaths, "Yeah, I'm fine. The break-up is realized and I've decided I'm cool with it."

But I wasn't cool with it. I couldn't even look Landon in the eye as I blatantly lied to his face. The only thing I could focus on was trying not to cry. A trick I learned when my dad died was to stare at light, and let the burning feeling dry out my eyes. I quickly shifted my gaze from the blurry penguin print of Landon's boxers to the soft light of the hood above the stove. I focused on setting my lips firmly together and blinking normally to avoid looking like I was going to cry. My knees buckled.

Landon had his arms wrapped around me before I realized it. His skin was blazing, considering everything else was warmed by the Kentucky summer heat, but it was soft, with strong muscles contracting and relaxing underneath. I hugged him back, thankful that I didn't have to pretend I wasn't hurt. I was even more thankful that he didn't expect me to be okay, nor did he make it seem like a bad thing that I wasn't. It was like this;

I've been hurt and humiliated and he could see that, but he accepted it without passing any judgment on my weakness. He just held me until I could hold myself up again.



Breakfast later that morning had been a quiet one. Kate was obviously hungover, and I got a good laugh at the shade of green she turned while poking her scrambled eggs around on her plate. Annabelle wasn't a morning person; she nursed her coffee on the barstool before loping back to her room quietly to get ready for her day. I myself was having trouble looking Landon in the eye after last night, and strangely, it wasn't because of my embarrassing display of emotion.

No, even worse; I couldn't look him in the eye because all I could think about was his penguin printed boxers. My cheeks felt like they were on fire.

Landon seemed content enough to skim through an old magazine left out on Annabelle's coffee table as he sat, fully clothed in last night's outfit, across from me at the kitchen table. I breathed a sigh of relief when Kate finally signaled to me that it was time to go. She had already gone into Annabelle's room to thank her for letting us stay over and waited by the door for me as I got up and put my dishes in the sink.

Wordlessly, Landon got up as well, meeting me there with his own plate. I hesitated before looking up at him. He was already regarding me with a hard-to-place expression. "Thanks for… everything, last night." I said in a hushed tone. "I really needed a friend and you went above and beyond that, even though you don't even know me."

"I do now." He replied. "Know you, that is. Not very well, but better than I did twenty-four hours ago."
I blushed in response.

"Here," He held out a folded piece of paper in his outstretched hand, "It'd be cool to hang out again, if you'd like. No pressure."

Baffled, I took the slip, already knowing what it was. I looked up into his eyes for the first time since last night. "Thank you," I whispered, "And goodbye, Landon."

He smiled, "L'hitraot."

I opened my mouth to ask what that meant when Kate called to me from the front door, "Sorry honey, but we gotta go now."

Frowning, I waved to Landon and followed Kate out of the door.