This Is Not What It Is.

Finally Friday, I was dragging Austin to the club to see Isabella DJ. I told her I’d take him so, we are here. Austin was wearing a nice black long sleeve shirt, with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, black skinnies, and black boots. I had on my Toms, a pair of black skinnies, and a sparkly top. We are standing in the cue and Isabella rolls up.

“Hey, come on,” She says.

She takes my hand, which made me grab Austin's. She takes us to the front and we get in. She has to work at one of the best clubs in all of Philadelphia. Austin was just happy to go to something that is this much fun. Isabella goes to her stand and Austin gets a beer. I kinda wish he wasn’t but I am out tonight being his girlfriend not his mother.

“Babe, come here,” He says as he pulls me close to him.

He takes out his phone to take a picture of us. He took another as we kissed. I didn’t mind. I kiss his cheek and leave him at the booth we were sitting at. I went to the dance floor. I was able to get close to the DJ stand where Isabella was. She pulled me up there. I was up there with her for maybe fifteen minutes. I danced as she DJed. I help her picked out tracks and what not. Its usually what I did when I go watch her. I was able to see the whole crowd and the back of the club, I frowned when I saw that Austin wasn’t in the booth. I whisper to Isabella that I have to find him. I get down and look around. I made it back to the booths. I take out my phone and call him. I hope to hell he hears it. I sighed when it went to voice mail. I heard giggles towards the edge of the dance floor. I looked up as I see Austin talking to some whore. I shake my head as I walk to him.

“Sorry honey, he’s with me,” I say as move my hand to his ass. I’ve seen this in movies and that is what the guys did to the girls. He jumped a bit with a tiny squeak. He has had more than beer to drink.
“Yeah, that’s cute. Why would he be with some em…” She starts.
I club her across the face. “SOME WHAT? SOME EMO FREAK? REALLY BITCH LIKE I’VE NEVER HEARD THAT ONE BEFORE!” I screamed and by that time the music had stop. Austin’s eyes were wide when he was looking at me.
“YOU FUCKING WHORE! I JUST GOT THIS NOSE JOB!” She squealed as she held her nose.

The security that was there asked me to leave. I heard the music go back on. I go back to the car. I held my knees to my chest as I let out a soft sob before Austin comes out. He vomits a few feet away from the car as he stumbles to the car.

“Baby?” He asks, great vomit smell and alcohol.
“Get in the back, we are going home,” I say.
“But, I just,” He starts.
“In the back...now,” I say as I buckle in.

He climbs into the back seat and buckles. I drove home. Once we got there, I get out as I run my bedroom. I took off my shirt and my jeans. I lost my shoes as i walked inside of the house. I looked at myself in my big mirror. She was right, I was an emo freak. The scars that littered my stomach and my upper thighs and the few I’ve managed to hide on my hand. I stare at my scar that looks like a heart that I got away with on my ring finger. I must have staring too long, Austin was knocking on my door. I sighed and threw on my pajama shirt, what my bra was really lacey and see throughish. I opened it and saw him there. He had a water bottle in his hand. I didn’t want to yell at him and tell him those are for my work outs.

“I am sorry I didn’t say something. I was about to but you punched the whore,” He states.
“It’s fine. Go lay down in your bed. I’ll be up before you, so just let me know if you need something,” I reply with.
“But, that’ll be the first night this week I haven’t slept with you in my arms,” He says.
“Just go,” I say.

I stood there and looked him. I saw his eyes wander over my body, locking on my thighs. I look down at my hand.

“I never noticed the ones on your hand,” He spoke up.
“No one does. Why would someone selfdestruct on their hands?” I ask.
“You tell me,” He answers.
“It was tough and like I ran out of room on my thighs without reopening some. I needed room," I answer my own question.
“I’ve felt the heart on your ring finger millions of time but I couldn’t get myself to ask.”
“It was something I did in high school, with my ex boyfriend. You have the date right on your neck line, I have the heart carved into my finger.”
“It was a in the moment thing and you sure they were the one.”
“Basically...Get in here.”

He smiles and walks in my room. He gets on my bed. I lay down next to him. His fingers were tracing the scars on my thighs. I traces the tattoos on his chest. We fell asleep shortly after.

*_* ZzZz*_*

I woke up. Shortly after, I realize that Austin was leaving today. I had to drive him to the airport and say good bye. I didn't want to. I get up and go straight to the shower. I shower rather quickly. I pull my clothes. I walk into the kitchen as Tux is meowing at me for food.

"Mamma is getting your food right now," I coo.

I get all his food together in his fish and place it down in the usual spot. I pull out a box of muffin mix. I start making muffins and put them in the muffin tray and that into the oven. I set the timer. Austin was just dragging himself into kitchen by then. His hair was in a damp mess and his face looked tired.

"I'm adjusted to the time just in time to fucking leave," He groans quietly.
"I'm making muffins for us," I say.
"Blueberry?" He asks.
"Yes," I answer.

I get a pain killer for him as I take a small cup and fill it with water. I place it on the breakfast bar for him. He just smiles and takes the pills and sips enough water to wash them down apparently.

"Drink all the water, it helps," I say as I look at him.
"Ugh, fine," He says as he drinks the water, all of it.
"Austin?"
"Yes?"
"I love you."
"I love you too."
"Always?"
"Always."

I smile as I lean up to kiss his lip. He connects our lips as we kiss in a soft embrace. It was so nice. I didn't want him to leave, ever.

"Don't leave."
"I already bought my ticket and I can't refund it."
"My big 21st in a month. Will you come back then?"
"Yeah, of course. In fact, I know what I am getting..."
"No, no gifts. I'm going to have my first beer and that's it. Then go to the club because Isabella can't take that day off."
"I'm still getting it for you."
"Noooo." I hide my face in his chest.
"Too bad, it's gonna great. You are going to love it."
"Really?"
"Mhm."
"Will you remember to take your medicine?"
"I have before."
"What did you do at the spa?"
"I got waxed."
"Ouch why?"
The oven timer goes off.
"Because I needed too."

I got a pot holder and open the over door. I pull them out and place them on the counter. I just watch Austin smile as he looks at me.

"What are you staring at?" I ask.
"Your cute little frame." He answers.
"I'm not little."
"You are, compared to me."
"Everyone is little compare the 6 foot 4inches that is Austin Carlile."
"Shush up you are like what? 5 foot 5 inches."
"I'm 5 foot 4 inches."
"I'm a foot taller than you?"
"Yes. The muffins should be cooled down by now."
"Yay!" He gets up and takes one of of the pan.

He eats it like a happy kid. I look at him before grabbing one for myself. They were really good. Damn, I did an awesome job. We are in silence. After eating, we sat there and kinda stared at each other.

"When does your flight leave?" I ask.
"Um, in three hours," He answers.
“We need to leave noooooow,” I say.
“Alright, alright. I’ll get my stuff,” He says with a small frown on his face.
“Hey, hey, no frowning,” I say as I kiss his lips softly.

He kisses my lips back. His hands resting on my face. My arms wrap around his neck. He pulls away. I just smile at him. He smiles.

“We need to go now,” I say as I grab my keys.

I slide on my shoes. He went off to his room. He came back with his bags. We loaded them up in the car. We get in. The long one hour drive. It’s sad that’s he’s leaving. I look at him when we got to red lights. We finally get to the airport. I park the car. We get out and Austin grabs his bag. I took his free hand. We get inside the airport. He goes and checks his bag. We walked slowly to where you have to go to for security. We arrived there. He pulls me into his arms. I held on to him. Maybe I could visit him in California. I could see Alan too. Two birds with one stone. He brings his head down to kiss me softly. I kiss him back. We move our lips together slowly and gently. His hands came down to rest on the side of my face. We held this kiss for what feels like forever. He eventually pulled away. He rests his forehead against mine.

“I love you,” He says.
“I love you too,” I say.
“I’ll miss you,” He mumbles.
“I’ll miss you too. I honestly don’t want you to leave,” I say with a small frown.
“I’m leaving and you are going to frown?” He says.
“I wouldn’t frown if you weren’t leaving,” I reply.
“I’ll be back in a month. We can facetime and Skype and whatever makes you happy.’
“Sleeping without you is going to be hard.”
“I know.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“You need to get going or you’ll miss your flight.”
“Alright babe.”

We shared another head spinning kiss before he pulls away. I gave him one last hug. He hug me back. He pull away from the hug the walked into security. I watch him do all the security things. I slowly walked back to parking garage. This was going to be a long month. My phone rings in my pocket. I answer it without looking to see who it is.

“Hello?” I say as I answer, finally getting to my car.
“I love you,” the voice say, it was Austin.
“I love you too, baby,” I say.
“I miss you already.”
“I miss you too baby.”

I plugged in my headphones and placed my phone down on the middle console. I pulled out of the parking spot. I drove to the nearest fucking IHOP. We stayed on the phone the whole time. As soon as I got to the restaurant Austin said he had to go. We hung up. I sat in the car for a bit. I missed him a lot. This is what it is like to have a boyfriend you really like, apparently. This was going to be a long month without my boyfriend. I’ll be okay though.