This Is Not What It Is.

I woke up with his arms around me. I felt safe. I look at him as sleep. He was so cute. Our legs had laced together sometime during the night. It was perfect. I love him so much. I knew we were going to be there together for this whole month. It was going to be great. I snuck out of his arms. Tux jumps off the end of the bed to the floor and rubs himself against me. I walk to my kitchen. He follows me. I feed him and give him water. He eats happily. I couldn't believe I was the only one up. I noticed that my kitchen seems a bit unkempt, but that's probably from last night. I walk into my dining room.

"Happy Birthday," Iris, Alan, Josh, Isabella, York, Simon, Lexi, and Hope say at once.

They made me pancakes, tea, and bacon, how sweet, "Thanks guys," I say as I sit down.

"We'd figured you and Austin would be sleeping in because," Isabella says.
I heat up rosey red in my cheeks, "No faggot. We didn't sleep together."
"Is that for tonight?" Hope asks.
"…I don't know," I mumble.
"Can we just eat, and not talk about lil Phoe banging Austin like guns?" York states loudly.
"Yes Yorkie," I say with a smile.

We ate breakfast and over time Elijah, Spencer, and Austin joined us. Each of them greeting me with a Happy Birthday. Austin made his Happy Birthday, sorta, kinda, hot. I stood up to hug him when he walked in before he said anything. He grabbed my ass, said "Happy Birthday," gave me a big kiss on the lips, then he kissed the skin behind my ear and mumbled about how he was going take me to squealtown tonight. I love him a lot. We sat down and ate. It was a nice breakfast. They manage to usher me to the living room and there are my gifts on my coffee table and I'm sitting on the ledge of the fireplace. They hand me one present.

"Sweet, this is from Alan," I open it. I smile as it is a picture of us and a bottle of booze. I hold up for people to see. They hand me another gift.
"Yes Hope and Lexi next," I open the gift, It was the dress I wanted and perfume and a cute leather jacket. They hand me another.
"Josh and Isabella," I mumble and open it. It was a picture of Austin and I on my couch. It was in a cute frame. I show it to Austin. He smiled and hands me the next gift.
"Iris," I say with a smile. I open it to another box. I groan and open that one. It was hair dye and Mac n cheese. I laugh as they hand me another one.
"The band," I open the box to a bunch of vinyls. One caught my eye, WAIT A MINUTE!
"OUR CD BECAME A VINYL?" I ask loudly.
"YES!" York says back loudly.
"HOW?" I question.
"It was a surprise gift from Rise Records," Eli says calmly.
"That's amazing," I say. They hand me the last gift.
"Austin," I say as I look at him with a smile. I open the box to find a small Tiffany’s box inside. My breath hitches in my throat. I pick it up and my hands were shaky. I look over at him. I open it. It was just a beautiful necklace. I hold it up to show the girls. They squeak. Austin helps put it on me. I thank him and we share a kiss. I thank everyone for my gifts. We get talk and I put up my gifts in my room. Austin helps me.

"I thought that the Tiffany’s box had a um a thing," I make a gesture that looks like I'm sliding a ring on my finger.
"No…no. It's way to soon," Austin says with a nod.
"I was worried. I mean yeah it's way to soon," I say, "We still have our dysfunctions."
"Dysfunctions?"
"Yeah, dysfunctions. We still aren't in sync or something else."
"Something else?"
"In love."
"We aren't in love? Well, I'm in love with you. You aren't in love with me?"
"I don't know...I’m not sure. I haven't felt that way in a long time."
"Can you at least tell me you're falling in love with me?"
"No, because I'm not sure."
“What the hell am I doing here then?”
“I don’t know, but I know I need you. You are my better half. You keep me happy.”
“Well, I don’t feel like you need me.”
”I do need you. Can we not do this today?”
“Okay, fine. We’ll talk about this when people leave.”
“Okay, thank you.”

I have had crappier birthdays. Austin was making this a tiny bit better of a birthday. He pulls me into a small kiss. I kiss him back gently. We walk back into the living room, where everyone is conversing.

“Look who is back,” Alan says with a little laugh.
“Hey, shut up, nothing happened,” Austin says.

We go and converse with everyone else. We act like we never had that small fight in my bedroom. Once it hit about noon, Isabella and Josh were going to go out to get some Jimmy Johns for everyone and scoop out a good club. Knowing Isabella though, it’s going to be the club that she works at, which means she’ll be DJing at the club. She’ll technically be working on my birthday. It wouldn’t be the first time. We’re all old enough to be in the club legally now, so fuck it. I took out my phone and sent Isabella a text.

I know you are going to pick the club you work out. I am allowing it, and you can DJ if you want. I’m totally cool with it.

A few moments go by.

I wasn’t going to, but that is good to know. I just want your first time to be safe.

I just smile at my phone before putting it in my pocket. We’d all agree at showering at once. I am pretty sure Iris and Alan, York and Lexi, Simon and Hope were going to shower together. I am also pretty sure Iris and Alan has fun night last night. Austin has never seen me naked. I was scared to be naked around him, it’s the scars that liter my body that makes me uncomfortable in my own skin. I was probably going to shower first, because I shower faster than Austin and I take longer to get ready. I was just going to after everyone, because I like hot water while showering. We stayed talking with everyone till their shower time. Austin and I were the last ones. I turn to face him. Austin kept looking at me.

“Before lunch sex?” He asks.
“How classy,” I comment.
“Well, I want to tonight, but I don’t want to do drunk sex with you,” He mumbles.
“But, I am not in the mood,” I state.
“Well, maybe we should shower together…,” He starts.
“No!” I say loudly to cut him off.
“Baby, I’ve seen and felt most of your scars,” He says.
“Fine,” I mumble.
“I love you,” He says as he kisses my forehead.
“I love you too,” I say quietly.

He kisses my lips gently. I kiss his lips back gently. He pulls away. It was finally our turn to shower. Austin and I go to the bathroom. We both stripe. I felt Austin’s eye on me. I felt a bit uncomfortable. I was going to get over that. I look over at him. My eyes try their hardest to not wonder to Austin’s AHEM…area. I lean up and kiss him. He kisses me back gently. I pull away and turn on the water. It was warm, thank God. We both step in. We kiss again and Austin pins me up against the wall of the shower. My arms wrap around his neck. He hoists me up, so I can wrap my legs around his waist. His tongue traces my bottom lip, that I opened my lips. His tongue slides into my mouth. Our tongues tangle together. I let out a small moan. His lips curl up into a smirk. I pull away and I just nod.

“What do you mean?” He asks.
“Go for it. I am all yours,” I answer.
“I don’t have a condom,” He mumbles.
“I don’t care, just pull out before hand,” I say and kiss him gently.
“I’ll try,” He mumbles as he kiss me back.

We continue kissing. My fingers tangle in his hair. He pulls away from the kiss with a questioning look on his face. I nod at him. His one hand gently cradles the side of my face as he tilts his head, leaning in to press his lips against my neck biting down as I moan out remembering we aren't alone I flush a little, trying to stay as quiet as possible. My heart and mind racing as I felt him at my neck, each nerve lighting up with fire as his hands moved, caressing my body. Pulling back I looked at him, resting my hands on his shoulders as I lifted my hips against his, his facial features changing, his eyes filling with lust, a subtle change signifying his need. I needed him too. I had never been willing to give myself to someone but I loved him, right? I do love him and he loves me. Leaning in I brushed my lips against his ear, muttering out I love you softly as his hands found their way to my chest, my nipples growing hard under his touch while I struggled to keep silent. My body flushed as I heard him mumble out you're so beautiful before he crashed his lips against mine with a new intensity, I tightened my legs around his waist as his hands trailing down my sides cupping my ass. lifting my hips as he looked at me again to see if my mind had changed. I nod him to continue. He slowly slides himself into me. I let out a low moan. He slowly start moving his hips into mine as he thrust. I let out tiny moans till I beg him to go faster. He obeys my command and moves faster. He filled me up perfectly. I moan out. I haven’t felt this way in a long time. I moan his name quietly. His breath is nothing but moans. We stay like this for a few minutes before he starts whining that he’s close. I was close to my release. Austin said he’d pull out, but I wanted to release first. I kiss him gently as I moan loudly, forgetting that there is other people, and I forced my orgasm and released. I felt lust full as I finished. Austin had to quickly pull out. I take his length into my mouth as he releases into it and down my throat. I swallowed what I could. He didn’t taste very good. I should feed him pineapple. He had leaned up against the wall after I moved from in front of him. I spit out the rest right into the drain.
“I love you,” I say.
“I love you too,” He says back.

We kiss then actually showered. The water was a bit colder now. I didn’t mind. We finished up our shower and got ready. I heard the door opening, which meant Isabella and Josh just got back. I got dressed quickly. I put up my hair up in a ponytail. Austin got read quickly. We walked downstairs and into the kitchen. We find our sandwiches and join the people in the living room. I sit by Lexi, Hope, Iris, and Isabella. I eat my sandwich, thank God it was washing down the taste of Austin. I wasn’t going to tell them, till like they were about to leave. Austin had gone and sat with the gentlemen.

“GOOD FOR YOU BIRDY,” Alan says loudly. I am going to stab Austin. I shot Alan a look.
“What?” Iris says.
“Nothing, nothing,” Alan says. He must of saw me glare at him earlier.
“What is Alan congratulating you on?” Lexi asks.
“Nothing,” I mumble.
“Bull shit,” Isabella says, “Tell us!”
“Later, like at the club,” I say.
“Okay, that is fair,” Hope says.

I excuse myself and walk over to the guy group. I sit on Austin’s lap for a second.

“Not the first time she’s done that today,” Josh says with a small smirk on his face.
“You told them?” I ask Austin.
“I told Alan. I texted Tino, Phil, and Aaron,” Austin defends.
“Alan has a big mouth,” Simon says.

I groan and walk back over to the girls. We finish eating. The guys had started to watch the game. I was on the floor with my laptop on my legs. I was typing. The girls where watching the game. Isabella was next to me. We were exchanging notes about shipping our boyfriends as I typed the story. The game had ended. We were just trying to kill time till the party at the club. It was at 7pm and It’s only 3pm. Austin and I had ended up back in my bedroom, exchanging silva. His hands were all over me. I didn’t mind. I was worried about him touching my scars on my stomach.

Austin pulled away a bit heavy breathed, “Let…me…see them.”
“See what?” I ask innocently.
“All your scars,” He states.
“I am not ready for that,” I say quietly, “Besides you already saw them in the shower.”
“There too much steam and the scars were not my top priority,” He defends.
“Fine,” I mutter.

With that I lifted up my shirt as I shed it off. My upper arms, the few on my hands, the couple i had on my chest, my stomach, and the few on the back I managed was exposed to him. He took me in. I felt his eyes scanning over my body. He stared extra hard at a spot because his crow’s feet showed and his eyes squinted.

“Do you have some on your boobs?” He asks.
“Yeah,” I say quietly.
“Let me see,” He states.

With that, I removed my bra. The outer sides were covered and so was the underside. I knew he had felt those one in the shower.

“Baby,” He says quietly as he looks them. I decided he had enough looking, so I put on my bra and my shirt.
“You’ve had enough looking,” I say.
“I want to see your hips and legs,” He asks.
“No,” I say firmly, “You are done.”

He let’s out a tiny sigh. We go back to the living room. The girls were watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians. I join them. The other guys were outside and this were Austin joined them.

“Can I marry Kylie?” I ask.
“No KoKo all the way,” Iris states.
“This is dumb. And I’d marry Kourtney. She is the only pretty one,” Isabella says.
“We’d have to share Kylie,” Lexi says.
“No, fuck you,” I say with a smile.
“I’d marry Kourtney too,” Hope says.
“Have her,” Isabella says with a laugh.

We watched and laughed. A few of us mumbled out “same” or “tbh”

Before leaving we decide to have cake. It was red velvet and cream cheese frosting. They sang ‘Happy Birthday’ and I blew out the candles. We ate cake, which was so damn good. I loved it. It was so yummy. I was ready to go party my ass off now.

~PARTY TIME~

We get to the club. The music is thumping loudly. I loved it, it was like being at a concert. Alan ordered a round of shots for everyone in our little group. I groan as Alan hands me one.

“Bottoms up,” I mumble as I drink the shot then cough a little. Everyone cheered then took a round of shots done. Austin ordered beer for himself. I ordered the same beer. He looks at me like I am a small child, which I am not. It’s my first time drinking ever. I take a sip of beer. It went down like piss. It burned and taste gross. I hand it over to Austin.

I leaned in close, “It taste like piss.”
“You’ll get use to it,” he urges as he hands me the bottle back.

I shrug and take another sip. It didn’t taste as bad. I went on the dance floor and danced in my little wedges. Lexi had curled my hair. Isabella found me a cute dress. Hope attacked my face with make-up. I looked nice and girly for once. We had taken plenty of selfies which I had to tweet one.

@PhoeEllaDeath: I look so pretty for my birthday party tonight. Thank you guys for the wishes. :* pic.twit.com/as34gr50

We took more selfies as the party went on. Isabella was DJing. I took a lot of Austin and I. I kissed him in one of them. I was in love with the man. I didn’t drink that much. It took me forever to finish the beer. I also had another shot. I felt a little tipsy. Thank God we got a cab. I was on the dance floor with Austin. We were dancing and having fun. He obviously have had more to drink then I have. He’s a heavier drinker than I ever will be. I pull away from him and go to the car. I order a shot and drink that. I pay the tab for my shot and beer. I go back to Austin who was waiting for me. We start to dance again. Josh was up with Isabella. Iris and Alan were on a grinding train. York and Hope were dancing like Austin and I. Elijah and Spencer were dancing with some random chicks. Simon and Lexi were also with Iris and Alan. I was having a blast. I might not drink, but clubs are fun. By the time it was 10pm. I was tired and Austin was smashed. Alan and Iris were both smashed. Lexi, Hope, Isabella were exhausted. Josh, Elijah, Simon, York, and Spencer were tired and whiny drunks. We managed to get everyone a cab back to my place. I took care of Austin. We get in the house last. I had payed the driver. He was groping my ass. I push him off. I got him in the bed, a bucket, and took off his pants and shirt. I kiss his head as I managed to slide out of the room. I walk outside and sat down on my porch in my bare feet and my hair up. I smoked a cigarette. Isabella sits next to me.

“Happy 21st,” She says.
“Thank you,” I say.

I finish my cigarette and we go inside. We split into our rooms. I change out my dress and bra. I slide on his shirt that i love. I snuggled up against my drunk, alcohol smelling Austin. This was the best birthday ever.