This Is Not What It Is.

Everyone was gone, it’s just Austin and I in my big house. Oh, Tux is here, thank God I managed to talk Alan out of taking my cat from me.

I hear the door get knocked on. I walk to the door and look through the peep hole. It’s a delivery man. I open the door. I sign the package. I take the package from the guy. We exchanged nice sayings and I walk back inside. It was a box from my parents. I close the door. I walk into the living room and open the package. I opened it to see it was my wedding planner I started when I was fifteen. There was a note that stated:

‘Dear Phoenix,
This is for you. There is a special something in the back your father and I got for you. We love you. Happy 21st Birthday Baby Girl.
Love,
Mom.’

I smile and put the note back in the box. I pull out the wedding planner book. I flip to the last page. I find a small box and I open it to find my grandmother’s pearls. Holy crap, grandma’s pearls? I take them out and put them on. I walk back to the kitchen, where Austin was, making us some weird burrito. Austin looks up at me.

“Those are nice pearls,” He speaks.
“Thank you, they belonged to my grandmother before she passed away,” I answer back.
“Who gave them to you?” He asks, turning his attention back to cooking.
“My parents. They also sent me my wedding planner,” I reply, biting my lip at my words.
“Wedding Planner?” Austin asks as he looks at me.
I release my lips before speaking, “I was fifteen. It’s what all fifteen year old girls do. We plan out our dream wedding,” I defend myself.
“Girls are so weird,” He states.
“You cannot live without us though,” I say with a smile.
“We can, just can’t procreate,” Austin says.
“You’d take Alan up the butt all day every day?” I ask with a straight face.
“Yes, I would. He’s the only other person I love. Maybe Tino as well, but not at the same time,” Austin answers with a smug look on his face.
“I hate you,” I mumble.
“You love me,” He says.
“I do,” I say with a sigh.

He hands me a burrito and urges me to take a bite. I take a bite, holy shit, culinary orgasm. I loved it. I take another bite. I swallow my bite and mumble out ‘Thank you, this is so good’ I walk off to my living room, taking a bite as I flip through my wedding planner. The Plaza, white and red, fluffy dress with a red ribbon, red and white roses, red bride maids dresses, and stupid matching high heels. I ruffle my hair back as I finish my burrito. I hadn't even noticed that Austin sat next to me. I knew he saw most of the stuff.

“I love the rings,” He says with a gross cheesey smile
“Of course you do! It’s Star Wars,” I say.
“You’re my Princess Leia. I am Han Solo,” He says, his smiling staying.
“You’re so cute, I really kind of hate you.”
“You really kind of love me.”
“Do I? Do I really?”
“Yes, you do.”
“Mmmm, I do.”

We share a small kiss. His lips tasted like the burrito he made. It was good, not as spicy as I would like, but whatever.

“Can we go out drinking tonight?” Austin asks.
“Um, you can,” I say.
“You’re only going out drinking once since you turn 21?” He questions.
“I’ll get some Jack Daniels and drink here. Public intoxication isn’t attractive,” I answer.
“Well, but, I want to have fun out in public with you,” He says.
“Austin, we can go have fun in public but I don’t want to drink. We can go to clubs, but I am not drinking,” I say.
“We should go to club tonight then.”
“That’s fine, but promise you will not drink too much.”
“But, fine. I want you to be happy.”
“God forbid you make your girlfriend happy.”
“Babe, don’t be like this.”

I just roll my eyes, and walk upstairs to my room. He’s been a bit of an ass the longer he is here, the longer we are together. I don’t want this to end yet. I never want this to end. God, I am fucking this up! Why do I push people away?

“Babe,” I hear Austin after he knocks, “I am sorry.”
“Go away,” I say quietly.
“Why do we fight so much?” He asks quietly.
I sigh and get up. I open the door, “Because we are getting out of our honeymoon stage. But everything is creating problems between us. I don’t know maybe just…”
“Just what?” He questions me.
“Just…need to break up. Maybe we aren't suppose to make it.”

He just shakes his head and walks out of my room. I then hear the front door open and it closes. I get up and pull myself to my bathroom. I open the small window in there. I fill up my tub and grab my cigarettes. I crawl into the tub, also I light up my cigarette. I stay in the tub for about three cigarettes. I chain smoked the three. I usually don’t chain smoke them, ever. Austin is just stressing me out. I slide back down in the tub to cover my mouth. I breathe out my nose and look down at my body. I hear the front door open after a bit. I decide to get out and wrap myself up in a towel. I unplug the tub and I make my way downstairs. I find Austin in the kitchen. He’s making food of some sort.

“I got you something, it’s on the table,” He mumbles
“Thank you?” I say as I go to the table. I open the bag. It was a few packs of Camels Number 9 and a new lighter. He knows me so well.
“I know those are your favorite and I know you needed a new lighter.”
“What are you making?” I ask.
“Just some food, don’t worry.”
“Alright babe.” I say.
“We are going to talk about this whilst we eat.”
“Austin, I love you so much but, I am tired of fighting over something small.” 
“I love you too. I am also tired of fighting, but we just ned to work through it.”
“Or break up.”
“Do you really want to break up?”
“No, but I can’t stand this.”
“I can’t either.”
“So, what should we do?”
Austin sighs and looks at me, “I think we should try, honestly try.”
“We should, I agree.”
“I love you, so much Phoenix.”
“I love you too Austin, so much.”

He hands me a plate with food. I take it and look at him. I don’t question it. He seems to make more food then I would have ever guessed. My phone chimes. I look at it.

Hey, Can we come over today. We have song ideas and pump them out before they leave our brains.
I quickly reply. Yeah! Come on by!
A quick reply back On Our Way!

“I have clients coming in soon,” I say.
“Clients?” Austin asks.
“Yeah, I produce music. Remember?” I answer.
“Oh, yeah,” He says and smiles.

We eat, well, more like I inhale and he took his sweet ass time. I went to my studio to just set everything up for the guys. I then go back to the dinning room, where Austin was, taking a small last bite and looking at his phone.

“You get to meet Tidal Spectrum.” I say.
“Who?” He asks.
“It was some local band back when we use to live in New Mexico,” I say.
“Huh, alright,” He smiles.

I hear a knock on my door and smile. I walk to the front door; I check myself in the small mirror by the door. I open the door and see Kelso, Luth, JD, and JD’s girlfriend Ava.

“Hi guys, come on in. Long time no see,” I greet as they walk in.
“Hi Phoe,” Luth and Kelso say.
“Hey Phoenix,” Ava and JD says.
Austin walks over to us with a smile, “I am Austin,” He says with a smile.
“Austin Carlile, Austin?” Luth asks.
“The one and only,” Austin answers and put his arm around my waist.
“Kick ass!” Luth says.
“Babe could you get them some snacks and drinks please,” I ask Austin.
“Yeah I can,” He says and kisses my lips. I kiss him back then he pulls away.
“Thank you boo,” I say as he walks away. I turn my attention on them, “Follow me!”

They follow me to the studio, which was down the hall, but Luth asked a million questions.

Luth: “How did you met him?”
Me: “The first time or the time before we got together?”
Luth: “The time you guys got together.”
Me: “Uh, we were touring together on the Kissing The Reaper Tour. He liked me and I always liked him and things just happened. Dates, first kiss, all that gross cheesy stuff. He’s staying with me for month before we decide to move in together.”
“You guys going to get married?” Kelso asks.

We get to the studio and I open the door as I mutter ‘In’. Austin comes to the door a few seconds later an goes in. I follow Austin in. I am pretty sure Austin heard that. It’s a big house with not a lot in it, shit echoes. Austin puts the snacks and drinks on the table and kisses my cheek going back to the living room to watch TV, no doubt.

“Alright, what are we going to track first?” I ask JD.
“Uh, guitar I suppose, then bass, then drums, then vocals,” JD suggests.
“Let’s do bass first, it’s easier. Get in there Luth,” I say.
“Yes ma’am,” Luth says.

I always set up my studio for bass first.

“You never answered if Austin and you are going to get married,” Kelso points out.
“We are, eventually,” I grumble as I start the program.

We start to do the music. Luth kick ass at doing his bass. Kelso does amazing on his drums. JD records his vocals and his guitar. Ava did some small guest vocals. Luth also did vocals. They aren’t that bad as they make it seem. I met them back before I graduated high school. I promised them that I would produce a record for them. We finished up this song and by the time they left and I did a bit of editing, it was 5pm. I found Austin asleep on the couch. I grin at him before shaking his leg gently.

“Austin dear,” I say softly.
“Mmmm,” Austin mumbles as he turns over.
“Babe, do you want food?” I ask.
“I want a Philly Cheese Steak Sandwich,” He whines.
“I’m not driving into the city for food.”
“I wannnnnnt like cereal too.”
“There is some in the kitchen.”

I walk off to the kitchen. I make myself a sandwich. Turkey and Chedder with mayo and sour creme and onion chips, the best sandwich ever. I open a tea. I drink it and I eat. Half way through my eating, Austin comes and sits with me with a bowl of Lucky Charms.

“So, did they get a song or two done?” Austin asks.
“They recorded a song. It was a long time because they didn’t know how they wanted the song to sound. They also were excited to meet you, well to see your face,” I answer.
“How did you meet them?” Austin continues the small talk.
“We met in high school actually and I promised them that one day that I’ll record one of their albums,” I say.
“That’s pretty awesome!”
“Yeah, they are awesome guys.”

We finish eating then I clean up. Austin had crawled into bed. I was pretty tired myself. I crawled into bed next to him. He kisses my neck gently.

“Noooo, I am too tired.”
“Babbbbbbe, so am I, but.”
“Tomorrow Aussie I promise.”
“Okay babe.”


We both ended up falling asleep about 5 minutes later.