This Is Not What It Is.

We got called to stage and I ran out there and started singing right away. There were good energies and good vibes all around.

"Salt Lake, you probably the most energetic crowd tonight, I fucking love it," I say into the microphone, following shortly after my statement there were really loud cheers.

I laughed and the guys started the last song. It was the same ending routine. Thanking the crowd, telling them to enjoy the other bands. We walked off the stage. I was kinda outta breath today. I felt weak. I went into the dressing room, grabbing a water bottle, I took some sips. I was having an anxiety attack. I've only had one before, so I know what happens to me. I don't know the cause of this attack. I'd admit I didn't take my medicine tonight.

"York! Spencer!" I cry out, tear pouring.
"PHOENIX!" The guys yell.

They run over to me, knowing what's wrong. York hugs me tightly. Spencer runs off to get my medicine.

"Babes, you have to take your medicine," York hums in my ear quietly.

I was a whimpering mess. Spencer hands me a pill and open water bottle. I tosses the pill in my mouth and drank the water, all of it. Swallowing the pill down. It would take a while for me to feel better. I headed outside for some fresh air. Spencer nor York left my side. We all sat on the cold ground. I had Spencer's hand in one and York's hand in the other. I was starting to feel calmer as the time pass. I had fallen asleep after calming down and ate a little something. I woke up but I stayed in my bunk. I saw a hand grab my bunk curtain and slowly open it. Kitten's (Alan) face was on the other side.

"Wanna go out for a smoke?" He asks happily.
"Aren't we moving?"
"Yes, but we are stopping at pit stop in a bit. I was talking with York and I heard what happen..." He says the last part quietly.

I scoot over in my bunk and Alan crawls in next to me. I rest my head on his chest. He put his arms around me.

"Austin would be so jealous, if he saw this." Alan says with a little chuckle.
"Yeah, he would. He can't know about my emotional dysfunction," I answer back.
"Emotional dysfunction eh?" Alan asks.
"Yeah....that's what we call it on this bus."
"Oh...."
"Yeah, now shush."

He laughed and I kinda closed my eyes.
________________________

I wake up and find myself cuddling a ginger. I get up and rub my eyes. I squint at him. That was probably the best sleep ever, to be honest. I got out of my bunk, I walked to bathroom, knocking.

"Oc-occupied...." Elijah says.

I groaned. I walked into the front lounge. Spencer was looking at me.

"Morning pills..." He says holding the bottle.

I nodded in obedience, walking to him, taking the bottle, getting a small pill. I placed it on my tongue and picked up his coffee, stealing a sip. Elijah had left the bathroom in that amount of time. I ran in, taking a wee, doing the rest of my morning routine. I got out and saw Alan standing there outside the door. He walked in. I walked to Spencer and Elijah.

"Whoa! You and Kitten?!" Elijah asks/demands.
"What? NO! We just cuddled last night and fell asleep..." I reply.
"I think he likes you...." Spencer says.
"He doesn't...." I mumble.
"Heeee dooooooes." Spencer and Elijah sing.

I groan and gave up, looking out the window.

"What's the answer to the question?" Elijah asks.
"No," I answer bluntly.
"Good...." He mumbles.

Alan walks out and walks to me, sitting down next to me.

"The guys are probably worried about me," Alan mumbles quietly.
"I'll text Phil that you are here," I comment.

I get up, walking to my phone and receiving my phone. It started ringing with Phil's face on the screen. What a mind reader. I hit answer.

"Hello?"
"Hey Phoenix, is Alan there?"
"Yeah...he fell asleep last night while we were watching a movie."

I heard Phil's voice quietly saying, "He's on Kiss of Deaths bus."

He spoke back in the phone. "Did you two..."
I cut him off, "NO!"
"Alright return him when we get to the venue..."
"Will do Philly."
"Alright bye lovely."
"Bye..."

I walk back to the front langue and sat down next to Alan.

"We get to return you when we get to the venue."