This Is Not What It Is.

I wake up, my hand searching for my phone. I squint as I click the home button and the screen lights up. It's 7 am. I crawl out of my bunk and walked to the front lounge. I started water for my tea then I ran to the bathroom, doing my business. I go back to the front lounge.

"I want to go home," I mumble.
"Me too. I miss my puppy," Simon says.
I jump a bit, not noticing him before, "I miss my cat and my bed."
"We have like a month left. Yeah, it'll be painful but," He starts.
"I'm always like this toward the end of tours though, just waiting for them to end. I rather be touring instead of being home but I miss home really bad this time around," I say as I sit down next to him.
"Yeah, I totally understand. I feel the same way Phoe. You get to go home to your beautiful ranch in Pennsylvania," He says, "I'm stuck in a shitty apartment in LA."
"I told you you can move in with me whenever you want," I reply.
"I know, but...I love LA," He says.
"I know you do," I say as I smile at him.
"I love you," He mumbles.
"I love you too," I mumble back.

I got up and made my tea. I took small sips as I go to my bunk, grabbing my phone, walk back to the front lounge, and sit down back down next to Simon. I look at my phone. I opened twitter as I drink my tea.

Morning Tea. Missing home quite a bit.
I bit my lip I type another one.
I miss my cat. I miss my bed. I miss my privateness as I dance around to music.

I locked my phone and drank my tea. My phone buzzed and it was a text from Austin.

Morning Star Shine. The earth says Hello
I laugh before hitting reply.
Whenever we get to the venue. I'm cuddling the shit out of you.

I look out the window, all the passing trees and endless flat lands. I watch everything pass, closing my eyes slowly.
_________________
Waking up in my bunk....this isn't where I fell asleep. I rub my eyes and get out of my bunk. I walked to front lounge. Everyone was dressed and talking. I was still in my pajamas. I go back to my bunk, grabbing my clothes, changing, then walks to the front lounge. I sit down on the floor by the couches. All their eyes glued to me.

"Morning," I say quietly.
"We are like 5 minutes away," Elijah says.
"You fell asleep looking out the window," Simon states.
"Damn..." I say.
The guys laughs and I just laugh with them. We all feel the bus stop moving and we cheered! York stood up and we all went quite.

"Wh have to be set up and ready to play by 8pm...okay?" York says clearly.
"Yes father," The other guys and I say back to him.

He just shook his head and laughed. He was a good man. We all got off the bus and just started loading the gear right away. We basically had the whole day. I get to spend it all with my boyfriend. I smiles at the fact he was my boyfriend. I was loading in all the guitars by myself which is one if the heaviest things that we push in and out of venues so. Spencer came and helped me like the last few feet.

"Thanks Spencer," I say to him sarcastically.
"You're welcome," He says back in the same tone I used.

I shook my head and laughed a little. I went outside to grab my suitcase from the bus. Another venue with a shower! I see the Of Mice and Men pulled up. I squeaked quietly as all the guys get off. Austin looks over in my direction and a smile appears on his lips. He says bye to the group as he makes his way to me. I pick up my suitcase.

"Hello," I say with a smile.
"Hi cutie pie," He says as he kisses my cheek.
"I need to go shopping today, come with?" I ask him a bit hopefully.
"Sure," he answers taking my suitcase from me.

I took his free hand and laced our fingers together. We walk into the venue. He walks me to the dressing room and let's go of my hand and opens the door as he smiles at me. I walk in taking the suitcase from him. The guys were in there talking and when I put my suitcase down, they went silent.

"I'm going shopping. Do any of you guys need anything?" I ask the guys.
"Deodorant, Axe. Snacks. And I could use some new shoes," Elijah says.
"Deodorant," the other guys say.

I nod and smile wide. I take my bag and take Austin's hand. Austin and I walked to the closest store. We just kinda walked around, holding hand. I got a cart.

"You are so beautiful," Austin says as he squeezes my hand.
I blush a crimson as I look down, "Austin..."

We stopped in the middle of the aisle and he pulled me closer Our lips connected, my head spinning a bit, sweet embrace. It was amazing. He took my other hand, I intertwined our fingers together. His lips curled up into a smile, My lips did the same, I parted our lips, his forehead resting on mine. I look down at our hands, my cheek were a deep red. I felt so flustered. He let out a soft chuckle at the sight of the state I am in. I let go of one of his hands and starts to drag him to the health and beauty part of the store. I stopped in front of the hair dye.

"I think you should stay brunette," he mumbles.
"But black..." I say, "except id do a bright red streak."
"You still in your rebellious stage or?" He asks a bit harshly.
"No! I just.." I shake my head just giving up, "I'll just wait till I go back to Pennsylvania..."
"Pennsylvania?" He questions.
"That's where I live off tour and recording. I live in a big ranch home with my cat...," I answer.
"Maybe...I could visit you. But I really want to go to home first," He muses.
"Yeah, that would be nice," I say.

My phone vibrated in my pocket and Austin's phone made a little sound. I looked at it and saw a tweet from Alan mentioning me and Austin.

Found out @AustinCarlile and @PhoeEllaDeath went shopping w/out me! Pick me up a cat toy and underwear.

I just laughed loudly and put my phone back into my pocket. Austin was laughing but doing that cute thing where he would cover his mouth when he laughs.

"You know what size Kitty wears?" I ask him.
"No," Austin says.

I took his phone and pressed the reply button.

@AlanAshby Hey boo, what size do you wear?

I hand it back to him. He just shakes his head and let out a small laugh as I go to where the deodorant lives. I get two two packs, and spray able deodorant. I put deodorant for myself in the cart along with the other cart. Austin and i walked to the men's underwear section. Austin takes out his phone seeing a tweet from Alan.

@AlanAshby: @AustinCarlile Medium.

Austin gets a few packs of medium boxer briefs. Austin pushed the cart and I followed him to the snack food. I put all the snacks we ate into the cart. Candy, chips, and applesauce. We walked to the produce and I got some fruit. I figured the boys could use some type of nutrition. Austin and I walk around. I found myself down the toy aisle, looking at the StarWars stuff. I slide the light up light saber in the cart.

"I need it...you don't understand," I whisper.
He just shook his head, "Stage prop?"
"Sure...well now it is," I answer.
"You're cute," He mumbles as he pulls me close to him.
"Oh am I?" I ask.
"Mhm," He says as he presses his lips to mine. I press my lips back against his. One of his hands end up cupping my cheek. We stood there, kissing in the toy aisle. It was perfect, to me at least. He pulled away when oxygen became a factor. I look at him with a big smile. He was panting slightly.

"Breath," I mumble.
"I am...," He answers.

We walked to check out. The kid scans out items, putting them in the cart, and gave us our total. I used my card to pay. Austin had loaded up the cart with the bags. We walk outside, grabbing all the bags from the cart and walk back to the tour buses. I look over at him. He was smiling happily. It was strange knowing I had that affect on him. We get to the bus, I put all the bags in the front lounge. Austin and I walked back to the inside of the venue, hand in hand. I had Alan's boxer briefs in my free hand. We walked to the Of Mice dressing room.

"Kitty!," I said a bit loudly.
"Birdy!," Alan says back.

I walk to him and gave him a quick hug. After the hug I handed him his packs of boxer briefs.

"Here you go kitty," I say as I hand them over.
"Thank you Phoenix," he looks over my shoulder, "THANKS AUSSIE."
"YOURE WELCOME GINGER PRINCESS," Austin screams back from where he was placed next to Tino on the other side of the room.
"I'm going to go back and check on my brothers," I say.
"Alright, have fun with that," Alan replies.

We hug again and I walked to Austin.

"See you later," I say.
"Will do," Austin says.

He presses his lips to mine for a quick soft kiss. I returned the kiss before pulling away.

"Byyyye Tino," I sang.
"Bye Phoenix," He says.

I walk out of the dressing room and down to my dressing room. I walk in, all the guys were still chatting.

"Phoenix!!!!" Spencer cheers.
"Phoooooe," York says.
Simon's voice drops, "Take your medicine."
"Alright, shit, yeah," I say as I walk to my suitcase.
"Phhhoeniiiix," York sings.

I laugh as I find my medicine, taking out my dosage. I grab the Arizona tea that just so happen to be in there. I opened it up and drank some, tossing the pill in my mouth swallowing it down. I sit in a chair more off in the corner and drank my tea, humming to myself.

*_on stage_*

"This next song is very close to my heart. I wrote it as a strangling teen. I hope you guys enjoy," I say into the microphone as the guys started playing 'Give The Truth A Little Twist (I'm Fine.)' That was our last song. After the song ended I thanked the crowd as usual and walked off stage. I felt exhausted. I walked to the dressing room.

"I've got dibs on the shower," I say as I walk into the bathroom with my suitcase.

*_after shower_*
I was in my Golden Hearts Shine Forever jumper and my pajama pants, I had my toms on cause I went straight back to the bus. I sat myself in the back lounge. I had my applesauce in my lap. My spoon was in my hand. I ate a bunch of applesauce. I just wasn't feeling good at all. I put my applesauce away and crawled in my bunk. I laid down and drifted asleep slowly.