Status: Still Writing
The Story of the Broken
The Downfall of Us
God I hate so much. I mean am I really that pathetic?...
“Yes Kellin of course you are that pathetic. I am look at you, you are covered in scars, you’re scrawny, and you are worthless. Think about it, everyone would be so much better without you.” my mind races on and on, until the point of no return. I search my room for my beloved and much needed black box. After searching for much longer than I should have I found it stashed under my bed. Carefully opening the lid I am greeted with a rusty old blade, a towel stained with my own blood and band- aids. Otherwise known as everything I needed to get my mind to stop racing, my drug, my life. I take the blade out of the box with the tip of my index finger and flip it around so the blade is facing my already beaten skin. Slice by slice and drop by drop the room began to spin. Knowing that I may have gone too far this time, yet not caring enough I carefully wrap the towel around my wrist and crawled to the bed. Lifting myself up with the last bit of energy I had, finally collapsing on the bed as the room surrounding me when dark.
*Beep Beep Beep*
Damn it, I made it through the night. Secretly hoping that this would be the time that had worked, this time I wouldn’t wake up in the morning. But sadly it wasn’t and now I had to face school like nothing ever happened last night. Rolling out of bed already dreading this day I stumble over to my dresser only to grab my skinny jeans and a black and white v-neck. Like every morning I continue on grabbing my shoes, backpack, keys, and then rushing out the door. However for once when I got to school I was kinda happy because I saw Vic and Mike sitting on a bench waiting for me. Still being new to this school, having friends helped out a lot but all I could like about were my arms being covered in fresh and irritated cuts. Once again checking to make sure my sleeves were pulled down for the millionth time I walked over to Vic and Mike. “Hey Kel, whats up?” Mike asked with a smile that washed away some of my fear. “Oh you know, the usually… still stuck in this hell hole.” “Its not that bad” Vic chimes it. But he doesn’t even know the first of it. Sure it was all fine and dandy for him, but he has been here since the beginning. Finishing up the small talk the first bell of the day rings. English is the first block for today and at least that class wasn’t all that bad since Vic and Jamie were in it.
After making it through what seemed like forever I have made it through the day. Eager to head home and finished some left over business of last night I rush to my locker than my car. “Hey Kellin, wanna hangout tonight” Vic asked almost as if on cue. “Sure Vic are you driving or am I?” “I will” Mike yelled from down the hallway, followed by tony and Jamie. “Come on guys lets go.” Jamie seemed overly excited to get to Vic’s house today.
…
“Kellin would you like to stay for dinner” Mrs. Fuentes shouts from upstairs. “No thank you, I should head home to my mom.” “Alright hunny, see you tomorrow I assume.” “Yes ma’am” I announce reaching the top of the stairs. Fuck, going home meant having to face my “mother” again.
“WHAT THE HELL, DID I SAY YOU COULD GO OUT YOU FUCKING PRICK!” “No sorry mom, I just got caught up in the moment.” “That’s not good enough!” Shit, shes snapped again. Backing myself up to get away from her raphe but I run into the wall. Swallowing the lump sitting in the back of my throat , suddenly met with the furry of her fist. The fist continues on to collide with my face for a good fifteen minutes before I can wiggle myself out and run up to my room locking the door behind me. Once again the same nightly routine… searching for wherever I stashed the black box and cutting until I pass out.
“Yes Kellin of course you are that pathetic. I am look at you, you are covered in scars, you’re scrawny, and you are worthless. Think about it, everyone would be so much better without you.” my mind races on and on, until the point of no return. I search my room for my beloved and much needed black box. After searching for much longer than I should have I found it stashed under my bed. Carefully opening the lid I am greeted with a rusty old blade, a towel stained with my own blood and band- aids. Otherwise known as everything I needed to get my mind to stop racing, my drug, my life. I take the blade out of the box with the tip of my index finger and flip it around so the blade is facing my already beaten skin. Slice by slice and drop by drop the room began to spin. Knowing that I may have gone too far this time, yet not caring enough I carefully wrap the towel around my wrist and crawled to the bed. Lifting myself up with the last bit of energy I had, finally collapsing on the bed as the room surrounding me when dark.
*Beep Beep Beep*
Damn it, I made it through the night. Secretly hoping that this would be the time that had worked, this time I wouldn’t wake up in the morning. But sadly it wasn’t and now I had to face school like nothing ever happened last night. Rolling out of bed already dreading this day I stumble over to my dresser only to grab my skinny jeans and a black and white v-neck. Like every morning I continue on grabbing my shoes, backpack, keys, and then rushing out the door. However for once when I got to school I was kinda happy because I saw Vic and Mike sitting on a bench waiting for me. Still being new to this school, having friends helped out a lot but all I could like about were my arms being covered in fresh and irritated cuts. Once again checking to make sure my sleeves were pulled down for the millionth time I walked over to Vic and Mike. “Hey Kel, whats up?” Mike asked with a smile that washed away some of my fear. “Oh you know, the usually… still stuck in this hell hole.” “Its not that bad” Vic chimes it. But he doesn’t even know the first of it. Sure it was all fine and dandy for him, but he has been here since the beginning. Finishing up the small talk the first bell of the day rings. English is the first block for today and at least that class wasn’t all that bad since Vic and Jamie were in it.
After making it through what seemed like forever I have made it through the day. Eager to head home and finished some left over business of last night I rush to my locker than my car. “Hey Kellin, wanna hangout tonight” Vic asked almost as if on cue. “Sure Vic are you driving or am I?” “I will” Mike yelled from down the hallway, followed by tony and Jamie. “Come on guys lets go.” Jamie seemed overly excited to get to Vic’s house today.
…
“Kellin would you like to stay for dinner” Mrs. Fuentes shouts from upstairs. “No thank you, I should head home to my mom.” “Alright hunny, see you tomorrow I assume.” “Yes ma’am” I announce reaching the top of the stairs. Fuck, going home meant having to face my “mother” again.
“WHAT THE HELL, DID I SAY YOU COULD GO OUT YOU FUCKING PRICK!” “No sorry mom, I just got caught up in the moment.” “That’s not good enough!” Shit, shes snapped again. Backing myself up to get away from her raphe but I run into the wall. Swallowing the lump sitting in the back of my throat , suddenly met with the furry of her fist. The fist continues on to collide with my face for a good fifteen minutes before I can wiggle myself out and run up to my room locking the door behind me. Once again the same nightly routine… searching for wherever I stashed the black box and cutting until I pass out.