Clarity

Xianghua sobs uncontrollably to drown out any sense of dignity she had left she needed to do this in order to completely move on. This is the last time she will ever shed tears for Benedict and after this she will finally push forward.

Wedging her head between her legs she muffled her cries when she heard her phone ring. At the moment she could careless who is calling and a part of her had a sense it is probably Ben, the one person she didn’t want anything to do with. The rings became relentless, ringing every so often and finally Xianghua had the nerve to answer.

“What do you want now?” Anger flared within her as she blindly picked up.

A short paused followed by a questionable response, “Xi?”

Xianghua sat up straighter at the recognition of the voice, “P-paty. Sorry, I thought you were someone else.” Wiping away the excess tears she rubbed one of her cheeks to regain color back into them.

“I’m assuming the talk didn’t go well.” When Xianghua didn’t understand Paty admitted that they encouraged Ben to chase after her to clear the air between them. There was bad blood and it needed to be fixed pronto, according to the bride to be.

She knew that Paty meant the best and being vulnerable at the moment she spilled every single detail of what transpired. Letting Paty soak all the information, she heard a curse being mumbled under her breath before apologies started to arise.

“You don’t need to apologize, Paty. This whole thing has just been a mess to begin with and Ben—he just wants something he can’t have. He didn’t want me when I wanted him and now that I have moved on the tables have turned. Those feelings he has for me will fade. He will get over me.”

“I’m sure he will.” Paty seethed, she couldn’t believe what she is hearing. First she goes out of her way to make Ben feel better about himself only for it to be a slap in the face. The man betrayed Deirdre the sweetest woman she has ever met. Not that Paty never vouched for Ben and Xianghua, but bloody hell it turned out to be a one-sided love.

It seems to be the theme for their friendship, one-sided love or trying to move on.

“Do you want me to come over, darling?”

Xianghua shook her head vehemently, “N-no. I’ll be fine. You should enjoy spending your free day with Tom; I should know. I’m his assistant.” A wry smile appeared on her lips at the mention of her job the same job that landed her feelings for Ben.

“If you’re sure.” Paty cautiously responded there is a hint of worry for her friend and with persistence from Xianghua she finally gave in comforting her that she is only one phone call away.

Xianghua didn’t want to be selfish and call if she needed her. Paty and Tom barely spend time with one another as it is and their busy schedules are hard to work around. If she had a problem she will have to deal with it herself. Letting out a shaky breath, she wiped her tears promising herself that this is the very last time she cried over him.

The very last.

Picking herself up from the floor she padded across the flat getting ready for her free day on her own. Spending most of the day on her own she bumped into an old colleague of hers, someone that she rather not run in to. With forced smiles and awkward hugs, they chatted for a few minutes before her old coworker invited her to go to some club at the end of the night.

Xianghua is never someone into the party scene that much, but as seeing she is a complete wreck and needs a night out she agrees.

Shifting in her form fitted pink dress, her hair pressed in beautiful waves to much her frustration took forever for the hairspray to hold, and glittered heels that gave her that feminine look she always craves for. Xianghua pouted seeing her small chest barely filled out the sweetheart neckline of her dress, but deterred when she focused on meeting her acquaintance at the club.

Grabbing her clutch she was on her way, butterflies formed in her stomach not knowing whether to expect total chaos or just a relaxed evening. She couldn’t remember for the life of her what kind of woman, Susan was.

When she stepped out of the cab prepared for drinking it struck her what kind of woman Susan is. Her eyes landed on the once ordinary black haired woman that is done up so well Xianghua had to double check if it is truly her. Softly calling her name, luckily it is Susan who walked abnormally fast with stilettos and embraced the small woman.

“Hey! I’m so glad you could make it! I actually didn’t think you would show.” Susan sent her a sparkling smile, placing her black tipped nails on her cheetah print dress.

“That was the old me. I’ve changed quite a bit.”

“Obviously! Look at you, bombshell! Fuck, if I didn’t know better you are trying to get some tonight.” The American twang hit Xianghua hard as it echoed through the parking lot, a soft blush hit her cheeks dismissing the idea.

Being discreet, she only smiled, “I’ve never been the type to do that.”

Susan sheepishly smiled and shocked Xianghua as she confessed, “Me neither. Most of the people in the fashion industry are total sluts, spreading their legs to the top I suppose. Anyways, why don’t we go in and have some fun!”

Agreeing to her proposition, her mind swirled at the preconceived notion that she had of Susan before she arrived here. She thought she was a typical woman that was wild beyond belief, did drugs, drink alcohol and was a complete mess. Xianghua had her fair share of clients and coworkers that did those things.

With their lack of conversation during her time in the industry, she assumes that Susan was the same as the rest of them.

The black haired beauty linked arms with hers ushering her towards the front of the line where she flashed the bouncer a smile before squeezing in. Xianghua ignored the glares that were sent their way as they weaved through the crowded room, her body vibrated along with the music, fumbling through.

Susan turned her head signaling if she wanted a drink. Nodding her head, they headed towards the bar and ordered their first round. The two easily got talking and with a mouth like Susan’s how could the conversation not flow?

Drink after drink, Xianghua’s face flushed as she laughed at every single word Susan sputtered. When the song shifted to another, Xianghua gaped screaming it is her favorite song. Jumping on her feet, she stumbled grabbing onto Susan’s, laughing along with her new best friend at the moment before dragging her on the dance floor.

The duo goofily danced in their small perimeter, both shaking to the beat and offbeat when it seems necessary to get a good laugh. Shaking her hips, Xianghua couldn’t care less if she gained attention along with Susan.

It felt like hours, sweat on her face she wiped her forehead before they called it a night. The two stuck together not letting one getting reeled in by a guy that knew they could be taken advantage of. Stumbling out of the club, the cool air nipped at their hot skin letting a loud sigh of relief.

“GOD IT FEELS SO GOOD!” Susan yelled stretching out her limbs as Xianghua stuck out her hand, waving it childish to hail a cab.

The younger woman pouted when one passed by her, she shouted, “ASSHOLE!” Turning to Susan, she offered her to stay at her house to have a slumber party. That brightened up Susan’s face as she jumped up and down excitedly.

“Yeah! Yeah! Maybe this will get their attention.” Susan giggled as she saw a cab driving their way; she stuck her hip out and purposely flashed the driver. The car screeched to a stop a few feet away from them. High fiving each other, Xianghua giving Susan praise for her expertise they climbed in and once giving him the address they leaned against one another laughing at each other’s corny jokes.

Right when the driver turned on Xianghua’s street, she obnoxiously pointed her finger at the window, “My flat is right there!” The driver came to a slow stop, he turned around with a perverted grin when Xianghua slapped him the cash that he wanted.

“Mind giving me a show, love?”

Xianghua blinked slowly glancing at Susan who gave her a cheesy smile. Thinking nothing of it, she pulled her top down for a few seconds before slipping it back up again. “You’re welcome and thank you!” Stepping out of the car, she held hands with Susan who couldn’t contain her laughter, clutching onto her stomach as she slid out.

Pulling her towards her flat, Xianghua slammed her body against her door with a small groan. “Why does the keyhole have to be so small?” Jamming the key into the hole, completely missing it and scratching the knob.

Finally sliding it in, she twisted the door open she kicked off her heels which Susan had to compliment when they landed in the living room. Taking small steps towards her room, she pointed to the guest room telling Susan she is more than welcome to sleep there.

“Why we just share a bed?” Susan jutted out her bottom lip in a pout.

Xianghua shook her head, “I have to call my boyfriend; he’s expecting me to call and you’ll just make noise.”

“I promise to be quiet. Quiet as a mouse.” Susan comically zipped her lip and threw the invisible key across the hall to satisfy her. She couldn’t stand the sad look that Susan is giving her and caved, reinforcing that she did not say a word.

Jumping on her bed, she pushed strands of her hair out of her face before deeming that the dress is making her feel too hot. Ripping the clothing off of her, she collapsed on her bed before calling Chris.

Right in mid ring, Xianghua’s eyes closed for a second and falling into a deep slumber beside Susan not hearing the confused voice of her boyfriend on the line.

When she woke up the next day, Xianghua was greeted with a major headache that just begged her to end her life. Never in her life has she experienced something like this. Barely opening her left eye she saw long strands of black hair that didn’t belong to her. Furrowing her brows, she lifted her head to see it was Susan.

Shifting on the bed, sitting up she felt the lack of warmth on her skin. Glancing down, she gasped seeing she is only in her panties and bra. Checking to see if Susan had any clothes on, her heart dropped seeing that her dress has been removed too.

She hoped that nothing happened between them and it was just a friendly little sleep over. Xianghua knew she tended to be over friendly when she is drunk and passing the invitation along to Susan isn’t out of the usual. From what she can remember before she threw those drinks back in her throat, Susan unexpectedly is good company.

_ _ _

After that drunken night out on the town, Xianghua had a permanent red beet face when Chris called her not long after her hangover confused as to why she rang so late. Embarrassingly she had to explain her circumstances which Chris found funny and adorable.

“How many drinks did you have?”

“Three.” That was rewarded with another round of laughter and she wanted to bury her face in a dark hole to hide herself from the world. Apologizing profusely for her behavior, he dismissed her apologetic demeanor stating that it was all in good fun and he couldn’t wait to see her for New Years.

The two decided not to spend Christmas together given that they are a fresh couple and didn’t want to bring one another to their families. She still had his gift wrapped and tucked away for when he arrives despite them promising to each other that they wouldn’t get presents.

For Christmas Eve she spent it with her friends, exchanging gifts and spreading the holiday cheer of her favorite holiday. Weeks before, Xianghua spent a lot of thought on whether or not she should get Benedict a gift and with much consideration she did. She couldn’t let his stupidity ruin the tradition and she still thinks of him as a dear friend even with his heartbreaking actions.

Instead of personally handing him the gift, Xianghua pleaded with Paty to give him the gift. She thought it was a horrible idea and that if she wanted to give the gift, then she should do it personally. Paty confronted her that if she spent all this effort and time getting him something then she should simply set her feelings aside like she did with the present and give it to him.

So Xianghua weaseled her way around Tom and asked him politely. Tom knew she already went to Paty being the first person she would go to and agreed to it. He will slip the small gift with theirs so Paty wouldn’t find out, well not until later that is.

She prayed that she didn’t receive a gift from Ben and they have been answered as she got nothing from him. Days went by, she focused on New Year’s; the day she will see her boyfriend after a couple of months apart and she honestly couldn’t wait.

Placing the neatly wrapped present in her purse as she scoured on the terminal floor waiting for a certain someone to walk through those doors; Xianghua needed to be with Chris. Having the confliction inside of her has been driving her insane and she wanted solitude. Chris is the only person that can provide that for her.

Her dark eyes scanned through the crowd again and once she spotted the familiar Boston cap, her mood instantly brightened. With a sparkling smile, she giggled as she sped through the crowd to get to him. She didn’t want to cause a scene given to her nature, so she wrapped her arms tightly around him loving the natural feeling of his body pressed against hers.

“I missed you too.” He breathed out jokingly, taking in her perfume and holding her just as tightly.

“It felt like eternity.” Xianghua confessed and it did especially what has been happening here in London, but now she can focus on the good. The positive of having Chris here with her; finally letting her go after a few minutes she remembered that the gift in her purse.

“Before I forget. Merry Christmas.” Handing in the silver wrapped gift with a powder blue ribbon nestled on top.

“Wow, looks like you’re an expert wrapper.” Chris chuckled, eyeing the perfectly wrapped box before turning his gaze on his girlfriend. “I thought we promised not to exchange gifts?”

Xianghua shrugged shyly telling him that she felt guilty not getting him anything when she got all her friends something. “It’s not much, but hope you like it…if you don’t then I completely understand.” Quickly adding as she watch him tear the paper, her anxiety spiked when the present is revealed to be a simple frame filled with a collage of the time they spent together filming the Avengers.

The expression on Chris’ face is unreadable and the longer she stared at him the more nervous she became. When a smile broke upon his lips she almost sighed in relief as he brought her in again thanking her genuinely.

“I’m definitely taking this everywhere with me.” Then a mischievous smile came upon him as he nonchalantly gathered his small suitcase before he offered her a similarly small bag. “I would be a horrible boyfriend if I didn’t know you any better.”

Xianghua smiled, taking light steps beside him as they walked to her car. Gripping the bag, she waited until they were in the parking structure before Chris pressed her to open it. “Hope you don’t think this is douchy of me to get, but I remember you said you wanted something similar.” Removing the tissue paper from the bag she discovered a small Captain America pendant with a silver chain at the bottom.

She gasped in delight, bringing the cold metal to eye level before he told her to look at the back. Twisting the necklace, she saw a familiar date, “The day we first kissed.” He simply replied to her unanswered question.

Her heart melted at the thoughtful gift being the comic book nerd that she is, Captain America has always been one of her favorites aside from Wolverine. She remembered when she bashfully told him her favorite superhero and proclaimed it had nothing to do with him portraying the character. He pretended to be hurt thinking they had a stronger friendship than that and in the middle of her apologetic rant, he kissed her.

The short and sweet kiss had them blushing, stuttering and shyly looking away from one another before going about their day like nothing happened.

She smiled, remembering the day vividly.

Xianghua composed herself feeling her emotions get the best of her and stood on the tip of her toes, kissing him gently.

At the time they arrived at her house, Chris passionately kissed her behind closed doors showing how much he truly did miss her. Xianghua didn’t hold back as she poured every single emotion into the kisses they had together.

Spending the follow day together, they slept in curling against one another proudly wearing the pendant Chris gave her. By midday they begrudgingly got up after nonstop calls from Paty on her cell and then Tom called Chris’. It came to her mind that Paty is using Tom’s phone to get to her since she promised to help set up the New Year’s Eve party.

Gathering her dress and other necessities, she dragged Chris with her and they were on their way over. As they arrived, Paty scolded Xianghua for being an hour late and with several apologies later the girls were already decorating the house.

Paty took notice of the sparkling pendant on Xianghua’s neck, complimenting it so she can get details. She already knows who gave it to her, but she wanted to see her reaction. The reaction is what is key and seeing the beaming smile on Xianghua’s face told her that things were getting serious with her and Chris or they were heading in that direction.

“Everyone is coming over just so you know.” That warning tone made Xianghua give her a strange look. “I just want you to be awkward around anyone.”

“Okay…” Xianghua finished the last part of the setting before she excused herself to start getting ready for the party. Taking small steps up to a room where she stuffs her clothes in, she pondered on what on Earth Paty is trying to convey.

It didn’t take her long, her dress half way up to realize that she is talking about Ben. Ben is going to be here and that thought made her heart drop.