Clarity

Paty gave her a cheesy grin as the two had over the top hats placed on their heads and sunglasses carved into the New Year. Squeezing the petite woman towards her Paty took a few selfies with her before proclaiming it will make a good tweet.

Xianghua smiled when Paty then skipped along and brought Tom into a picture after placing a hat and glasses on him. Chris looped his arms around her waist muttering into her ear, “You look beautiful, babe.”

“Thanks. So do you.” Giving him a charming smile, her red lips marked his cheek a flash hit the couple. Xianghua cautiously looked over to see her friend with a winning smile promising these photos are for friends only. It brought great relief given that the couple was still under radar for the most part and Xianghua isn’t in the social media because of the partial fear of what they might say.

Adorned in a golden dress, Xianghua’s heels clicked on the tile as she spotted the small puppy happily nipping at her feet. Lifting the Corgi into her arms, Xianghua cooed at the small animal wondering what they were going to do with the puppy.

Paty begrudgingly stated that they were going to drop off their child at her future mother-in-law’s home to provide solitude for their puppy. Snuggling the brown ball of fur closer to her she gave it a soft kiss on his head before Tom gathered him up in his arms while Paty fussed over which toys and treats they were going to take.

“Makes me wish I brought East.”

“You’ll see him soon.” Xianghua reassured her boyfriend soothing his cheek with her thumb; fingernails colored in festively mostly black and her middle fingers were gold.

Day transitioned into night as friends started filling up the Hiddleston household and with each new guest Xianghua felt a lump in her throat. Once seeing it wasn’t Ben, she almost sighed in relief. Staying close to Chris is her plan to avoid Ben all together. She didn’t know what she will do or say if he were to speak to her.

Butterflies flew wildly in her stomach as she thought of the worst possible thing…him confessing that he loves her. What would she do? If this was several months ago she would be over the moon, so hopeful that this New Year will be different than the last and better.

So many scenarios filled her head before she met Chris of how Ben will see her other than a friend. Most overly romantic and over the top and cheesy she must admit. For the present day, she wished the year to be filled with romantic moments with Chris for her to finally get rid of these wicked feelings harboring for Ben.

Xianghua isn’t going to lie to herself and say that she is completely over him. It will take time and seeing that she has a bright future with Chris, she is more than willing to move on. Someone that is attracted to her since the beginning and both share a shy quality.

Chris is beyond her expectations and she can’t say that his body isn’t mouthwatering. The two fooled around and have gone pretty far; she can say Chris is more aggressive in the bed room. Still haven’t gone all the way yet. Their relationship is still fresh and she wanted to take things slow and get to know each other.

Having his body pressed up against hers sent a subtle reminder of how many dreams she had of him lately. Quite embarrassingly enough she would wake up not knowing how to approach easing herself into slumber again.

A few hours before midnight Ben arrived and with a cute brunette beside him; Xianghua was taken aback that he would have someone with him. Did he have someone with him at the welcome back party? Her heart twisted in unimaginable ways when her eyes caught sight of the sweater that she bought for him for Christmas.

It suited his skin tone and showed off his broad shoulders and arms that were easily wrapped around the tall woman. Openly staring at the two, she blushed when Chris tapped her on the hip. “Wanna go say hi?”

Chris knew of her friendship with Ben, but not the tumulus route their friendship has gone. He could probably sense it when she shook her head telling him that she will say hi later since they were busy. Her eyes cautiously went back to the duo seeing the woman overly friendly with Paty, might be friends with their enthusiasm and cheer.

Looking over the brunette, she can see the olive tone skin free of blemishes, dotted with make-up that complimented her features. Her hair pulled back into a low ponytail when she turned in her direction Xianghua panicked and shifted her gaze elsewhere.

Right when she glanced back she saw that the woman looked older perhaps more suited to Benedict’s age. From where she is sitting the woman is beautiful probably not in media standards, but feeling the bubbly aura just had her oozing beauty. What she didn’t expect was to see the woman taking towards in her direction.

She shouldn’t panic there were dozens of people around them and she might know any one of them. The likelihood of her coming up to her is slim to none; they didn’t know one another. Turning her head towards the conversation Chris had with a few people around them she tensed feeling a tap on her shoulder.

A tiny soft tap that she barely felt and when she turned her head she hoped that it wasn’t the woman. Internally screaming recognizing the bronze beauty before her, Xianghua was thrown off by her smile as it partially blinded her.

“Hi, you must be Xian—hua?” Her name being thrown questionably in the air in hopes that she will correct her or pat her on the back for saying it right.

Xianghua’s lips stretched into a nervous smile not knowing what to expect, “Xianghua and you must be…”

“Deirdre, a friend of Paty’s. I’ve heard so much about you I couldn’t just stand around waiting for someone to introduce us. Pleasure.” Her American accent shouldn’t have thrown her off, but it did and seeing that Ben quietly stood behind her made it all the weirder.

Still Deirdre had made the effort of coming over unlike her who refused to do so after Chris tried to give her a push. “Pleasure is mine.” Firmly shaking the woman’s hand before standing up, “Would you like a drink?”

“Sure! Ben would you like one?” Deirdre cheerfully asked Ben pretending to be oblivious to the tension between the two friends.

Ben forced a smile as he declined offering that he will get them drinks. Xianghua flustered, offering that she will do so. The two argued over who would get the drinks before Deirdre linked arms with Xianghua and said they will get the drinks placing Ben in an empty seat.

“You sit there and relax.” She murmured into his ear, her eyes showing concern for him a message that he received before spinning on her heel and joined Xianghua towards the kitchen. “Can I get one of those hats?” A childish grin plastered on her face when Xianghua offered her one, placing it on her head she peered at the drinks before asking what the shy woman wanted.

“I can fix it-”

“Oh no, allow me. I was a bartender for fifteen years, all through college and my Masters.”

Xianghua looked in awe as she shrugged at what she wanted; Deirdre quickly decided what to serve her. Pouring a mixture of drinks shaking it thoroughly before pouring it into an empty red cup before handing it to the anxious girl, “Go on. Try it; if you don’t like it then I’ll make you something else.”

The level of assurance didn’t go unnoticed by Xianghua as she took a sip of the tangy beverage, her brows perked as she looked intrigued. “It’s delicious.” There is a hint of alcohol which she thanked the woman in front of her before taking another hearty sip.

Deirdre grinned, “Knew you would like it. Most women do. I like the fruity drinks myself.” Mixing another concoction, she served herself before sitting next to Xianghua asking how she met the trio of actors. The conversation is lighter than she expected, keeping it short and sweet divulging in a few details when Deirdre shared the story of how she met Paty.

A few laughs were ensued and the mixture of the drink loosened up Xianghua and shocking enough she grew fondly of Deirdre. The woman is beyond sweet and that grew confusion when Deirdre told her that she has been dating Benedict for a while now making her wonder if she knew about what happened between the two.

The calm and loving face either forgave Benedict or is clueless about the whole ordeal. Thinking it is the latter it isn’t in her place to say such things.

Her red painted lips stretched into a dramatic smile as she said, “I’m happy Benedict is finally seeing someone. It’s been hard on him lately.”

Deirdre agreed, barely going into detail of how Ben has really been taking it. A surge of words wanted to erupt from her mouth spilling every content of how Ben really missed Xianghua and that he wanted things back to normal. So much she wanted to say, but she kept it to herself because it isn’t in her place to say such things. Ben will be so frustrated if she were to say anything on his behalf.

Soon their conversation became light again and drinks increased. One of the guests realized that Deirdre is capable of mixing drinks and led her away from Xianghua with an apologetic look. Xianghua somberly outside quietly feeling the furnace of a heater blasting on her skin barely feeling the freezing air biting her skin.

Nursing her drink, she sipped feeling far from sober. A small buzz that tickled her fancy and a few giggles ensued. If people were to pass her they would think that she is mad. Tucking a few strands of loose hair away from her face she didn’t see Benedict coming up to her.

With her side vision, she yelped in surprised spilling the rest of her drink. She laughed, placing a hand over her heart, “B-benedict! You scared me!”

Watching her laugh made his heart swell; he didn’t think she would have such an effect on him so soon. Noticing that Deirdre took longer than he anticipated with his drink he weaves through the crowd to see Xianghua and Deirdre were getting along. He didn’t want to break up the conversation so he let them be until Deirdre started to hand drinks and taking orders from people.

Taking the opportunity that Xianghua being alone given that Chris (who he refuses to believe is her boyfriend) laughing hysterically along with Tom. Ben sneaked out of the group circle and within a few minutes found Xianghua sitting outside.

His nerves started to get the best of him as her mere presence stole every sound in his voice and in exchange scared her, leaving her in laughter. Laughter he didn’t think he could get from her at the way he has been treating her. When he heard the red cup clattering on the ground he noticed that she is probably not sober.

Taking a seat next to her, she smiled at him. The same smile that she always gave to him when they were together, having a great time and sharing laughs. The times when everything was so simple and looking at her now he felt everything changed.

Shifting in his seat, he cleared his throat to break the tension for him so it seemed. “I saw you and Deirdre talking…” How wonderful to start to bring up something so stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid, he mentally cursed.

“We were and it was fun. You have a really nice girl, Benedict. Really nice so nice in fact that it took me by surprised when I saw her.”

Ben is clueless as to what to say next so he said the only thing he can say, “…Thank you?”

Xianghua stifled a giggle, “Are you sure you mean it? Sound doubtful there.”

“Listen, I know you aren’t drunk yet so it gives me the opportunity to say a few things. First, I want to say that I feel guilty for springing on you the last time we spoke. It was uncalled for and completely foolish to kiss you, but I won’t apologize for expressing how much you mean to me or how I felt when I kissed you. Those feelings can’t be apologized for and I know my actions confused you beyond words.” Benedict spilled more than he intended, but the more truthful he became the more he felt relief on his end. He didn’t know how Xianghua kept her feelings inside when they were working together for so long.

Xianghua listened to his words hearing his side without interruption. The bitter side of her wished she didn’t drop the cup and she is fighting another part to lick it off the ground to forget this conversation is even happening.

“Why did you say those things when you have a girlfriend? It’s unnatural to do and say those things to another woman no less when you are dating someone. Deirdre is a sweet woman and for you to betray her like that…it’s hurtful. I agree that you can’t apologize for feelings, I understand that part, but the kissing—”

Swirls of emotion fluttered in the pit of her stomach; she didn’t know how to approach this as she pushed it aside. “If you can keep yourself in check we can be friends and give up the notion of winning me over. You have Deirdre and I have Chris. We should be happy-”

“Two minutes to countdown!”

Random hands dragged the two inside leaving Ben breathless at what she said. Did she say should? Does this mean that she isn’t that happy with Chris or should be happy? He honestly didn’t know and his doubts were distinguished when he saw Xianghua lovingly wrapped around Chris. Stars in both of their eyes as they fondly gazed at each other.

Deirdre easily slipped into his arms as they shouted the last minute. Watching the seconds, he had a realization. It will be a New Year; a New Year to start fresh and every heartache and confusion will be left behind.

He can’t be dragging along women just because he wanted someone else; if he truly wanted her he wouldn’t be hurting Deirdre. He will have to stand on his own and fight for her. Benedict is in love with Xianghua and he felt his heart being crushed when her lips pressed against Chris’ before his vision was blocked with Deirdre’s.

He will get her back, but first he had to break one more heart in order to achieve it.