Clarity

Benedict inhaled deeply letting the nicotine fill his lungs before he blew out softly. “What’s going on in that head of yours, Ben?” The man chuckled dryly as he tapped his finger onto the cigarette before responding.

“What a great question! When I find the answer I will gladly share it with you.” Martin frowned at the sarcasm dripping in Ben’s voice. The curly haired actor was known to be witty and have a dry sense of humor, but he was coming off like a sod. Ben realized the tone in his voice and quickly apologized letting the cigarette take its effect on his body.

Martin picked at his fingernails nodding before he turned to Ben to watch his reaction. “Does it have anything to do with Xianghua?” The stiffness in Benedict’s body made it positive of his assumption of what was going on. That and Xianghua didn’t accompany him today, usually she would be right on his trail on her Blackberry or at a nearby area where Ben can call out to her.

“It has nothing to do with her.” Benedict pursed his lips as he was reminded of the days prior. The day that she confessed that she loved him, how open and honest her words were when she courageously spilled. Her cheeks tinted red from embarrassment, her eyes cast down to avoid any rejection.

It killed him when he had to let her down. He didn’t feel the same way. He was a little surprised by her actions and his heart broke for her when he saw the light in her eyes fade, her back stiffened and he felt the barrier that she tore down being built up again. The wall was still there now, stronger than ever. Under the façade that she was fine he worried for her when she thought she saw a woman in his house.

“It has everything to do with her.” Martin pointed out. “You can’t say it didn’t change because it did. Once she told you her feelings it all changed and I’m not surprised that she didn’t quit. I am surprised that you didn’t let her go.”

Benedict’s eyes widened as he turned to his companion, “What are you trying to say?” Martin is one of the few people that he can truly rely on. With years of filming together and being around one another, they confided in almost everything. Martin also knew Xianghua; saw her as a little sister. Everyone on set knew who she was; she was like a puppy following Ben. It was adorable in some ways.

Martin’s expression turned grim, “It’s already difficult that she confessed such things to do and it was risky. How can someone not lose their job over that? What if you did reciprocate her feelings? She couldn’t work for you. She would have to quit. But it didn’t happen that way, it went horribly wrong and now every day you lot have the reminder of what transpired between you two. How can you let her be around you at this time? She’s still recovering, Ben.”

“She doesn’t work for me full time anymore. Xianghua works for Paty part time.” He felt selfish making some petty excuse. Part time was still too much. They needed to have a clean break and he knew it. Benedict just didn’t want to. Xianghua was amazing at what she did and he didn’t know what he would do without her.

“That’s not enough, Ben and you know it.” Martin told the truth. The cold bitter truth that he tried to hide from since the beginning, it was a selfish act on his part. He will admit to himself that there was a part of him that wanted her to stay by his side. Couldn’t he be selfish this one time? He knew he shouldn’t when he saw the look on Martin’s face.

Benedict sighed, running a hand through his thick curls. “I’ll talk to her about it.”

_ _ _

Xianghua looked at Paty with a deadpan expression, “This doesn’t count as being your assistant, Paty.” Paty giggled as she munched on the pizza slice that was served on her plate. Music echoed in the background as she missed Tom placing her plate in front of her.

Tom slid next to Paty and dug into his meal. Paty scrunched up her nose at the highly protein meal that consisted in Tom’s meal. With him bulking up for the Avengers, he couldn’t spend his time eating junk food all the time and opted for the healthier option. Xianghua joined Paty in eating the cheesy, greasy bread decorated with mushroom and pepperoni.

“It counts as work if I say it does.” Paty spoke as she chewed on the delicious piece of pizza. “You needed a break and you would have never gotten it if you continued to work like you did.”

Xianghua could see this one way and that was the couple ganging up on her to quit being Ben’s assistant or giving her better options. Paty kept hinting that Tom needed a new assistant since his own was on maternity leave. Tom didn’t say much on that subject only that she should think of herself for a change and it was alright to switch gears if needed.

It got her thinking. Did she really make a bad call when she stayed with Benedict? She didn’t think it was. Her thumb softly drew lines on her glass as she sat on the idea. The thought of her leaving him like that was a bit much. He already sounded sad when she told him that she was only working for him part time.

There was something that told her that she was abandoning Ben. She didn’t want to make a bad call and regret it later on.

It shouldn’t matter. She shouldn’t be thinking of such things right now. A sigh left her as her eyes darted between the engaged couple as Paty gave Tom a cheesy smile, dangling a piece of cheese in front of Tom coaxing him that it was delicious.

Tom laughed pushing her hand away.

Xianghua smiled softly as she watched the playful taunting being exchanged. She wished that she had something like that. The relationship that she had with Ben had a new fence built between them. There was something that separated them from being as close as they were before. She could feel it.

The fence alone is making her considering the facts that Paty has been conveying to her. Maybe it would be good if she worked for someone else. Her heart didn’t want to go through with it, her heart desired to be around Ben even if it hurts. It would soon pass she kept reminding herself. But what if it didn’t pass? What if her pain progressed as time passed?

Xianghua felt lost as she pondered on what she should do next.

The three then moved their little party at their new house. Xianghua’s mouth dropped at how beautiful it was Paty expressed the pains and labors of picking the right house for their new life. It was difficult from what she had heard. They couldn’t agree with any house and after months of searching they finally found one that would be family and pet friendly.

Scottie yipped at her heels, scooping him up she chuckled at how relaxed he got when he was in her arms. She could easily tell that he was babied and he was content in being carried. “Have you considered Tom’s proposition?”

Xianghua scratched behind one of Scottie’s ears before he got restless and tried to jump into Paty’s embrace. Paty chuckled as she grabbed the pup by his midsection and bringing him close to her mumbling loving words to his ears.

Tom shook his head at Paty’s insistence, “You don’t have to take the job, Xi. There’s no pressure. I could easily find another assistant.” Paty and Tom exchanged looks as if they were having a silent debate on what should have with Xianghua. She knew that Paty wanted her to have a clean break and to focus on her work than following Ben around with her heart broken.

Tom could see from Xianghua’s perspective and if she wanted to stay alongside Ben then he wouldn’t say anything. He knew that Benedict’s feelings were platonic concerning Xianghua, but maybe she needs the harsh reality of being there in order to see that nothing is going to happen between them.

“I’ll think about it.” Her response left them speechless. They both turned slowly in looks of disbelief. Xianghua’s hands clasped together tightly as she nervously shared her concerning thoughts. She knew that it was a hard decision on her point of view. There was an obvious choice and it hurt just to think about it. The thing was would she be able to do it?

“Think about yourself for a moment, Xi. Don’t concern yourself of sparing Ben’s feelings when yours is left off far worse. This can benefit you in the long run. He will understand if you back off for a while.” Tom finally advised her. He saw the conflicting emotions circling in her eyes and he knew what position she was in. He has been in that one plenty of times and was a fool every single time staying when he should have left.

Xianghua took his words into consideration, swallowing up each word before she nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Paty eagerly asked, her feet planted on the chair pushing herself forward to meet with her friend’s watery gaze.

“I’ll—take it.” A large lump developed in her throat, Xianghua paused to let the moment pass. Tom wrapped an arm around her shoulders in comfort. It was a hard decision to come to, but the free days that she had apart from Benedict really had her thinking. She had to think of herself and what it was doing to her. Being around him at this moment wasn’t good, she hallucinated that there was a woman in his home for goodness sake’s!

It wasn’t healthy for her to continue on like this and that is when she made a final decision. It was all for the best.