Clarity

“I don’t think…I don’t think I should work for you anymore.” Xianghua maintained her emotions as her heart hammered in her chest. She didn’t think she would be standing there in front of Ben cutting all ties off so quickly, but it had to be done. She had to be professional about it.

“You don’t—is there something the matter, Xianghua?” Ben furrowed his brows in concern, playing the fool very well. Both knew the reasons of her departure, but he didn’t want to finalize it until those words uttered out of her mouth.

Xianghua wrung her hands nervously, avoiding his multicolored eyed gaze. She didn’t want to think of how his right eye had more of a golden tint while the other maintained the beautiful blue she loved so much. There were millions of reasons as to why she shouldn’t be so attached and yet she kept finding small things to stay over.

“I…this arrangement after what transpired months ago seem to not be working for me. I tried to look pass it, tried to be a good friend and employee, but I’m hurting myself by staying. It’s was obvious that I should have left right when I confessed my feelings. The act was unprofessional and unforgivable. As a friend and your assistant. So I came to the conclusion to resign from my position. I’m sorry I didn’t let you know sooner, but this has to be done.”

Benedict his heart constricts hearing her broken words, it did hurt his feelings that she is leaving with such short notice, but he had to understand her situation. What would he have done if he was in her shoes?

He didn’t know.

Stiffly nodding, he responded with a tense posture. “It will be effective immediately. I wish you the best of luck.”

Xianghua wore a tight smile, “Thank you.” She bowed slightly before turning her heel and walking down the steps of the house that she considered a home for quite some time. The woman never considered how attached and comfortable she was until then.

It was borderline pathetic clinging to something she will never have. Tears slipped from her eyes, rolling down her cheeks in small waves. Her bright red lips pursed tightly to keep them from quivering as she slid into her car and drove away with the heaviest of hearts.

A loud curse broke Xianghua out of her trance as she stood on her feet and hastily made her way towards Tom. “What is it?” Worry laced in her voice as she saw the frustration on his face, his jaw locked in a grimace.

“My pants ripped.” Tom looked defeated as he showed her the huge hole at the crease of his pants. “These were my favorite.” He solemnly admitted. “Guess I have to wear something else until they are fixed.”

“I can fix them.” Xianghua stepped closer with an experienced look. “I sew things all the time, I always have to tailor my clothes given some are bigger on me. I can fix them in no time, thirty minutes give or take.”

The relief that washed over his face is an understatement. He hugged her tightly thanking her a million times before giving her the pants. Taking her sewing kit out, she slowly and precisely starting to fix the hole. “I forgot the praise you used to get from Ben. You saved him from thousands of disasters.”

Xianghua smiled letting the sharp sting hit her heart full force. It has only been a few months since she cut all contact from Ben and it felt like yesterday when she had the talk with him. She is indeed an excellent homemaker and one of the reasons why Ben was so adamant the first time to give her the job.

“Well, if you need anything fitted, fixed or made I’m the girl to go to. Give me the time and I’ll have it ready.”

“Noted. How much time do we have?”

Xianghua glanced at the clock before muttering that they had enough time. Tom patiently waited observing her every move as her fingers did the unimaginable. He didn’t think someone can work so diligently and fast pace as her that he wondered if she ever considered working in the fashion industry.

When he shared his thoughts she grinned, “I get that all the time. I actually worked as a stylist before working for Ben.”

“What happened?” He saw the way her eyes shined as she spoke of her previous job, but it as quickly faded as he asked. Tom didn’t want to step on her toes by asking such a blunt question, but he wondered why someone like her has been as an assistant as long as she had.

“Drama. Always drama when you are in the fashion world in some way and rumors spread so I decided to lay low for a while. That is when I started working for Ben and saw that I enjoyed being an assistant just as much so I just kept at it.”

“It’s hard to imagine rumors being spread about you. You’re one of the nicest people I have ever met.”

Heat radiated on her cheeks as she finished the final touches. “Even the nicest people get thrown under the bus.” Snipping the string she overlooked her work before handing them over. “Good as new. We should get going if we are going to make it to your Avengers meeting.” She saw him looking over her work in complete awe before putting them on.

“You’re an absolute treasure, Xi.” He kissed her cheek, the stitching was perfect as if a professional as done it.

Then they were both on their way to the first event of the day.

Xianghua was all smiles every time she stepped outside following Tom like a baby duck. Tom was astounded at how punctual and worried she becomes when he either didn’t make it on time or something involving in his work schedule. He can see why Ben is concerned with her at times seeing how invested she puts herself in the job.

As the day wind down, Tom said goodbye to the young Chinese woman before heading his way to the pub where his friends always gathered. Tom tried to keep Benedict’s name out of the picture whenever he was with Xianghua and it was a lot harder than he expected since Ben is a dear mate of his.

Finding his mates near the corner as per usual he greeted each of them before sitting down his body easily melting into the cushion seat.

“Let me guess another tired filled day that you wish to wash away with a pint.” Martin mused with a smile.

Tom laughed, rubbing his tired eyes. “I think it needs to be more than a pint, mate. Feels good to relax at the end of the day, I know it will only get hectic once we start shooting and I’m away from Paty most of the time.”

He’s not going to lie and say he won’t miss his fiancé while he is away. It’s going to be difficult juggling his job and keeping a long distance relationship intact. They already try to schedule days where she will fly over and Xianghua happily suggested a few days where they can squeeze in some alone time.

“Everything will be fine. Paty is living her dream and your living yours with the right balance and devotion it will be easier than you think.” Ben advised.

“When do you start shooting? Soon, I reckon.” Martin popped a chip in his mouth as Tom nodded his head. Tom hoped that Martin wouldn’t ask the one question that he wanted to avoid, but with having a mate like Martin he always put everything out in the open. Without a beat, he questioned, “Xianghua going with you?”

Tom pursed his lips as he watched from the corner of his eye, Ben tensed at the name taking a large gulp of his beer. “Of course. Can’t bloody doing anything without my assistant.” He tried to make the topic as light as possible, laughing near the end as it came out as a true statement.

Xianghua is indeed incredible in her line of work.

“Xi is brilliant at what she does. Knitted my kids beanies, mittens and scarves for winter. She’s too kind.” Martin expertly glanced at Ben suddenly quiet when Xianghua was mentioned. He expected Ben to either be silent or ask needed questions about the shy woman. Ben kept is lips tightly shut. “How long will you be gone for?”

“Five months.” Tom breathed out. Both men silently watched as Ben inhaled deeply. It is beyond ridiculous how he became mute. He never was like this when discussing Xianghua, the woman was one of his main topics to talk about and he suddenly stopped.

Martin spoke up first, hinting to Ben at the length she is going to be gone for. “Five months is a long time. A very long time.”

“What do you expect me to do, Martin? Talk to her?” Ben whipped his head around, glaring at his friend who clearly wanted him to say something. Tom and Martin tip toed long enough to the point where they can’t take it anymore.

“Yes, even if it’s just a simple hello. It’s driving us mad. I can’t talk about her and neither can Tom because you are down in the dumps about it. If you are so depressed why not do something? Does it not dawn on you that you might feel something for her?”

Ben sighed, drawing his lips tighter against his teeth. “Don’t be daft. I don’t have feelings for her. It just feels odd listening to you lot talk about her while I don’t have the slightest clue as to what she is up to. I use to know her more than you and now I feel like our roles are reversed.” He tugged on his curls in frustration.

“You’re acting like a child, Ben.” Martin pointed out.

“I do n-” He paused seeing that his friend made a clear point and stopped himself in his tracks. Stepping back and thinking things through.

“If you don’t,” Ben looked at Tom as he spoke. “maybe it’s time for you to start dating. You don’t have to feel guilty since you lot won’t be in the same country in the next five months.”

The baffled man furrowed his brows, “I have been dating.” His two mates gave him looks, not convinced in the slightest that Ben has not taking the initiative to move forward.

“Xianghua is moving forward so should you.” Martin quipped. “Find a woman that will knock your socks off as Xianghua would say.” Ben chuckled at the last part knowing she said it all the time.

His friends are right. He has been so focused on watching his every move with Xianghua that he forgot to enjoy himself. Sad to say that he felt the same way when she cut all ties with him months prior, but now knowing she will be gone for five months will help him breathe a bit. He needed to hit the refresh button like she did and start anew.

There is a woman out there for him and he shouldn’t linger on one he isn’t going to fall in love with. Ben has been hurting her the more he clinged onto that image and he will admit now that he loved the attention and full awareness of Xianghua loving him.

It gave himself a huge ego boost as guilty as he felt. Now that she has let him go he needed to do the same. Ben discovered it was hard to let go of something he never wanted to begin with, not with her anyways.

“Right. I should.”

“You should.” Martin echoed. “Have fun, get shagged just enjoy life, yeah? Xianghua is a kid, she’ll bounce back in no time.”

Considering the age difference, Benedict never saw Xianghua as a twenty-four year old woman. She is still growing into an adult and finding her way, love is something she probably haven’t experienced before and that may possibly why he treated her like a fragile being.

“Well best wishes to you, Tom. Have fun out there and watch her.”

“Always do.”

Martin saw the exchange being too sentimental not wanting their night out to be filled with girl talk. “How bout that game last night?” The groans came from both men before a heated discussion of who deserved to win ensued.

Xianghua laid on her stomach as she darted through the channels from boredom. Sitting up, she gathered her knitting kit and continued working on the winter kit for Tom and Paty for being so wonderful to her. It kept her mind off things and off a certain someone until she heard flying through their words on the telly.

Peering at the screen she frowned noticing she stopped at Sherlock for some reason. Letting out a sigh she changed the channel to some cooking show that was a safe bet. There was no way that Ben could pop in at any given moment.

Right in the middle of her adding on a star to Paty’s beanie a loud bang rang down her hallway. Xianghua stared at the door curious as to the loud thud it sounded like a knock of some sorts. She dismissed the idea and continued on twirling the yarn to the star shape design and heard it again.

Cautious now, a loud groan was heard as she inched closer to the living room. As the thumping sound rang again she turned towards the door and stepped forward again. Placing her feet shoulder width apart, she took a peek from her peephole confused and shocked at the person standing by her door.

Opening the door wide, her bright brown eyes grew big. “B-ben?” He stood merely inches away from her and he naturally leaned closer with dilated eyes.

“Xian.”

“Are you—you drunk?”

Ben exhaled heavily leaning against the door, “Nothing gets passed you my dear girl. You are as sharp as a tack. That’s why I love you.” His finger poked her nose as the shock expression remained on her face.

There is nothing to be astounded with. Ben is drunk and not seeing him for all those months really did a number on him. He looked fatigued and—she couldn’t even finish her thought as Ben pushed passed her and stumbled into the living room.

“Why haven’t you told me that you were leaving for five months?” He whirled around trying to keep his balance.

Xianghua couldn’t believe her eyes as she shook her head, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Going to the states with Tom for five months. Have you given any thought of telling me? You know surprised I was to discover one of my closest or used to be close mate is leaving for an extended period of time?” Ben made his way over to the speechless woman, she stood there watching his every move.

She tried not to cringe as his alcoholic breath fanned her face. “I’m going to miss you, dearly. Very, very much. Like this much.” He mumbled, his lips clashed onto hers within seconds.

Xianghua froze, her mind went blank as she felt his lips connect with her own. The softness of his luscious lips sent her mind into a frenzy trying to grasp what was going on. If she could listen to her heart, she swore it stopped for a second at their connection.

Why?

Why now?

Angry tears pooled in her eyes. Right when she was looking forward to leaving England for five months to try to move on he stumbled upon her door and did this. She couldn’t even move away from him. Her hands desperately clawed his shirt, holding him close to her. The fierceness of the kiss made her heart explode.

When he separated his lips with hers, he gave her a quick peck. “I will miss you that much and much more.” Ben pressed his forehead against hers as he mumbled, “I don’t know why I am feeling like this, so confused when I just discussed this with Tom and Martin. I should find a girl that I love instead of holding you back from loving someone else. I should let you go so you can be free, but a part of me doesn’t want to. I want to be selfish and keep you to myself, but what good would that do? I don’t love you like you love me that’s the hard truth and it pains me to say it. I wish I loved you back, it would make this so much easier, Xianghua.”

Tears already flowed down her red cheeks, gasping for air as she listened to his speech. This was it. He is finally letting her go. After those few moments of eternal bliss he is taking everything away from her again.

Yet this can be the time where she boldly tells him that she already moved on that she didn’t need his pity. She is a grown woman and her love will fade and they will both move on and hopefully become friends again, but none of those words came out. Instead a choked, “You should go to sleep.” Tumbled out.

Placing him in her guest room she tried to keep the fresh tears at bay. He isn’t worth her tears or any other man for that matter.

Slipping underneath her own covers, she exhaled deeply hoping sleep will come to her, but her mind betrayed her and reeled the scene repeatedly in her head.
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