Clarity

Benedict still felt his head pounding as he collapsed onto his couch for the day. The aspirin that he took at Xianghua is slowly taking it’s time kicking in and in the meantime his treacherous thoughts decided to revisit the conversation he had with the frazzled woman.

He couldn’t get her out of his mind. What did he do to make her so startled? So angry and confused? There is nothing that he could think of that would upset her so much. His heart stopped as he assumed the worst. Did he harass her? Say awful things to her or even forced himself on her? Ben would never force himself upon any woman, but his drunken state left his a little loose.

For the life of him he couldn’t remember the important parts of the night. He does remember chatting with his mates and debating with them about his feelings for Xianghua (which there is none) then showing up at her door somehow to prove to everyone that he only saw her as a friend.

Clearly something happened.

It made him worry and concerned for her to leave on such awkward terms. His gaze caught the clock to see that it is a few hours before Xianghua and Tom left for the states. Something told him that he should go; that he should clear things up so they can both have a clear conscious.

Then he remembered what she told him.

That she wanted space and she didn’t want to see him. When she is ready she will come go to him. Benedict didn’t want to push his luck and show up at the terminal to say goodbye. Fighting every inch of his soul he stayed put rendering himself from shooting across his flat and onto his motorbike to race to the terminal to see her before she left.

It killed him watching the time go by. The clock felt extremely slow as it inched closer to the designated time and when it was five minutes till, his heart dropped. He felt a small squeeze in his chest filled with guilt and doubt. What if she never wanted to reconcile?

That is his worst fear. He didn’t want to lose such a precious friend over something so trivial, yet the distance can be helpful and have her come to terms of being around him without feeling shattered. His fingers twitched aching for a cigarette to soothe the anxiety that overwhelmed him. Dashing towards the back, he breathed in the cool air before lighting up and inhaling deeply.

His shoulders relaxed and his back hunched over the window as he thought of the thousands of ways he can apologize to Xianghua for his behavior despite not remembering much. The more he thought about it the more his head hurt yet he suddenly remembered him being physically close to her to the point where she felt uncomfortable.

Cursing into the wind he checked his watch to see it was fifteen minutes after, a sad smile graced his features before he lifted his eyes to the cloudy sky knowing that she is thousands of feet in the air along with one of his best mates. He hopes that Tom will look after her while they were in the states and somehow have her improve while she is gone and while she did that, he is going to work on himself in the process.

Benedict needed to find his own happiness and being stuck on making sure Xianghua was happy most of the time never helped him. It only held him back from finding someone. Martin was right. If he spent half the energy he did looking for a girl that he did with Xianghua he will be in the process of finding that right woman for him.

Xianghua is a kid, he told himself, and she will get over the crush and move on.

He repeated the line over and over again, but for some reason he didn’t believe it. The nicotine worked wonders, but the effects were only temporary and that frustrated him.

Running a hand through his curly hair, he tugged at the roots in aggravation. Xianghua will be happy in the end, he had to believe that and once he did he can let go of her. The sad part was he didn’t realize that he had to let her go until that moment.

_ _ _

Xianghua moaned in content as she happily lapped the savory strawberry ice cream from the elaborate waffle cone she purchased not long ago. She could feel the eyes of her friend burning holes into her hand that held the ice cream and she pulled the cone closer to her to indicate it was hers and hers only.

“I hate you.” Tom grumbled.

She did particularly felt bad when she recommended getting ice cream from a well-known place in Cleveland after their strict meal that consisted of protein and other substances. Tom still being on the regime to bulk up and remain that way cannot afford to indulge himself in the luxuries she can. Yes, Xianghua has practiced healthy eating while around Tom she was usually healthy anyways, but wanted to make it easier on Tom until this moment.

“Let me have one bite.”

“No.” Xianghua frowned. “One bite can lead up to eating the whole thing. You have no self-control.” As she bit into the waffle cone she heard Tom scoff.

“I am a man that didn’t have sex for a year because his beloved fiancé wasn’t ready. I have self-control.”

“Yes, but it was easier refraining from something you never had until you tried it. After you engaged in sex with Paty I heard you have been quite busy.” Xianghua blushed thinking of the times Paty shared more information than she rather know. She wasn’t a virgin, by far from it, but hearing her friend, the one girl that has been withdrawn from sexual innuendos have crawled out of her shell and unleashed this sex ranting demon from time to time.

“And you can’t imagine the different positions I heard you’ve tried.” She murmured.

Tom shifted his gaze onto her again, “Did you say something?”

Shaking her head, she focused on her ice cream cone again avoiding embarrassing herself again. Instead of Tom rattling it out of her she could feel her chest relief when he misconstrued her silence for something else. Xianghua smiled as he tried to comfort her.

She then countered with her own inquiry, “Excited about meeting Mr. Downey and Mr. Jackson?” The nerves that were etched on his face were clear. There were a ton of emotions on his face that included anxiety with excitement.

Tom couldn’t wrap his head around being in a film with the lineup of actors he actually looked up to. “It’s like I’m in a dream”, he said quietly. “Afraid of waking up to realize none of this is actually happening.”

“You can believe it. It’s happening.” His blue eyes focused on her again as she gently smiled at him. “If this was a dream Paty would be here not me.”

“Doesn’t mean I don’t want you here, Xianghua.” He retorted automatically. “We are not as close as you are with Paty, but I still cherish you as a friend. I feel our friendship has grown substantially since you started working beside me.”

His words soothed her. Tom is too kind, instead of saying she worked for him he said that she worked beside him. He saw her as an equal not some servant to be pushed around…Ben did the same thing. They both didn’t want to add any unnecessary burdens on her such as domestic things. She never minded working a little extra while getting her hands dirty, she actually intended to.

In her train of thought, she saw a blur cut her vision. Xianghua looked down before settling on Tom who had a mischievous grin on his face. A plastic spoon nestled in between his lips as he finally got what he wanted. The woman shook her head as she snatched the spoon from his mouth.

She softly scolded, “You have your fitting tomorrow. We don’t want any sudden changes in measurements, do we?”

“All I wanted was one spoon.”

Xianghua chuckled before dipping the spoon on the untouched side of her ice cream that was attacked by Tom seconds before. Giving him a nice scoop she handed him the spoon warning him it was the only and last time she is letting him off easy.

“Yes, ma’am.” Tom happily indulged on the ice cream with a childish grin.

Once she finished her ice cream they walked out of the shop with no hassle. Tom didn’t get enough recognition to need any protection so far, but she sensed that after this movie the Loki fans will increase by tenfold. There weren’t a lot of fans approaching them, but she did see the cameras from afar snapping pictures of them.

Xianghua felt unsettled. She isn’t over the fact that the media attacked her so bluntly and hurtfully just by being associated with Tom. Pressing her dark pink painted lips together she created distance between her and him. Tom saw her taking steps away from him. “What are you up to?” He asked; the actor didn’t want to jump to conclusions without questioning her first.

“They’re taking pictures.” An undertone of disgust and sadness laced in her voice.

Tom watched as sadness and wariness overwhelmed her features; he felt terrible that she felt this way around him. She should be feeling relaxed, not focused on the past or Ben and yet with paparazzi around them she gets reminded. Tom couldn’t help but want to reach out to her so he impulsively reached out and grabbed her hand leaving the paparazzi behind as he started to run.

Xianghua yelped at the sudden pull her legs trying to catch up to Tom who had the advantage of his unnaturally long legs. Frightened, she didn’t know what to think of his actions. There is a possibility that the paparazzi might twist the image into something horrible, but her lovely friend reminded her not to worry about it.

When a smile reached her lips, she laughed as they came to a sudden halt. Her chest cavity tightened from the strenuous sprint down a few blocks or so possibly more. Xianghua felt satisfaction when she noticed that Tom was far less winded than she was. She was grateful given he has trained for this kind of action months prior and it hasn’t gone to waste.

“Now,” Xianghua looked at him once more and that devilish smirk was placed on his lips. “what else should we do?”

_ _ _

3 months later…

Three months, Xianghua couldn’t believe it. The time has flown by after the first month. Her mind was stranded on Ben the first thirty days despite her being star struck when she met the cast of the Avengers. Shyness took over her and she bowed profusely to all of them, grateful that she is surrounded by such wonderful people.

Robert Downey Jr. had a colorful way of joking with her as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders before saying something, but she couldn’t focus on that while his skin was touching hers. She could feel herself feeling lightheaded at the innocent touch…yet nothing was innocent when it came from Mr. Downey himself.

When she addressed each of the cast members they kept reminding her to call them by their first name, last names sounded too formal. During her time in Cleveland her days weren’t so jam packed as she thought it would be, they were light due to Tom shooting all hours of the day after the promotional shoot for the movie. Of course, Tom always weaved her name into his conversations with everyone so she got a small job on the side to help with wardrobe due to her magical touch with clothes.

She worked with almost everyone on the cast and no one made her laugh more than Robert himself. His sharp tongue got him away with almost everything and his perception always erupted a laugh out of her. She wouldn’t say she was close to him, she did feel an attachment since Robert made an effort to talk to her because she was strangely quiet, she might have paraphrased his word choice only to avoid embarrassment.

The rest of the cast was too kind to her and Tom, he did cling to Hemsworth a lot at first due to them being mates then started to chat with everyone around him.

When she wasn’t working with the stylist or helping the actors with the final touches of their outfits before takes, she sat quietly watching the scenes unfold. At first she was there for only Tom, watching his scenes until Robert pouted saying it wasn’t fair that Tom got all the attention and he needed some love too.

Once she started watching Robert’s scenes then most of the men made the same compliant to the point where she stayed most of the time now. Joss Whedon gave her a wry smile when she hung around more than needed and joked that she obtained the love of every man in the production. “You sure you’re single?”

Xianghua blushed furiously, “Yes I am.”

“Not for long if this keeps going.” He replied.

His statement lingered in her mind as she followed the cast back to the hotel to shower before they met up again at a bar. It became a tradition to have dinner at some bar after their long days of shooting scenes as a celebration and Xianghua got looped into the circle without her knowing.

Freshly showered with a casual dress with tights underneath due to the weather at night, she slipped on her knee high boots and sweater to accommodate any shiver she might have. The light make-up she applied made her wonder if she suddenly tried to impress someone, Joss’ words really did hit her hard. Shaking her head, she met up with Tom before heading down to their destination.

The bar this time was small and not as compacted as the last one, murmurs of chatter hung around her ears as they bee lined towards their circle of friends if she dare say that. Xianghua was nestled between Mark and Scarlett nowhere near Tom because he didn’t deserve her attention or that is what most of the actors proclaimed.

She felt at ease when laughter circled around the table the more talkative actors overtook the conversation for the most part before most of the men migrated to the pool tables after some random challenge. Xianghua’s eyes were focused on Scarlett as they finally had some time to talk, surely she is nice, but she found it awkward talking to her since she isn’t as talkative as Robert or Tom.

Xianghua was relieved when Scarlett excused herself to watch the boys, she didn’t question it as she let her go. Shifting in her seat she thought she was alone until a voice beside her caught her off guard. “Are you having a good time?”

Turning her head, she saw light blue eyes gazing at her, the strong jawline that associated with the charming smile of Chris Evans. It took a moment before she spluttered out, “Y-yeah. Everyone is so kind…are you having a good time?” She could sense a hint of nervousness from him as he talked to her, out of all the actors Evans was the one that she least talk to.

She couldn’t believe that he was shy or that is what Tom has told her.

“Yeah. It feels surreal to be here, ya know? To be in this hugely anticipated movie associated with high profile actors that are not big headed about it…I consider myself very lucky.”

Xianghua smiled remembering hearing words correlated to Tom’s, the sincerity of being gracious had her body relax. When Chris’ mouth moved she furrowed her brows in wonder. The same anxious face repeated himself, “I, uh said that—you have a nice smile.” The way he fumbled with his words is adorable.

Did she really think that?

Maybe Whedon was right, she mused.

“You too.” The distance between them was safe, not intimate enough to cause a scene. It was casual as the two indulged in their conversation to the point where Tom paused to see that Xianghua was solely chatting with Chris. He felt proud that she is able to open up to someone other than him and possibly Ben’s wishes were coming true, she might be on the way of moving on.