Let Live Again

I clutched tightly onto the handle of my suitcase that held all my clothes for the summer. A big traveling bus was parked against the curb and I stared at it in awe. That was going to be my home for the next seven weeks and I was a little nervous. I would be on a bus with five men, plus their techs. I was already used to Alan, but I didn't know how well things with the others would blow over. I'd have to get used to them and they'd have to get used to me.

The bus door popped open and Alan stepped off the bus, smiling at me. "You finally made it outside. Let me put your suitcase away." I nodded and let him take it, watching him drag it over to the bus and shove it into a under compartment for luggage. Once he was done, he shut the compartment back up and stepped back, turning to look at me. "You're quiet this morning."

"Alan, it's six thirty, for one. And I'm nervous." I mumbled, rubbing the back of my neck, trying my hardest to avoid eye contact.

"Why are you nervous?"

"I just.." I started, but paused. "you're not going to leave me, are you?"

"Oh hell no. Of course not." he shook his head quickly, running over to me. He brought me into a hug and swayed me a little. "I'm going to make it my first priority every night before we leave that you and I are the first ones on that bus. I promise."

"I'm holding you to that, you know? And if you let me down, god so help me Alan, I will murder you in your sleep."

"Damn." I heard a voice behind me, causing me to jump in Alan's arms. I turned my head and looked up, seeing the giant thing we called Austin. "Jacey sounds promising with her threats, Alan." he wiggled his eyebrows, pushing his sunglasses back up on his face.

"Shut up and go away." Alan whined, letting go of me. "Can I show you around the bus now?"

"I don't think there's a lot you have to show me, but if you think you need to." I said, smirking a little as we walked towards the bus.

"You shut up too."

"See, I think Jacey and I are going to be great friends this summer." Austin snickered, putting his stuff away under the bus like we had.

Alan rolled his eyes and pulled me onto the bus. "This is the front lounge. Aka, the place everyone always is. Here's our little kitchen right here." he pointed to a small little kitchen area. I nodded, letting him pull me along. We passed the kitchen, and he opened a door, bringing us to another part. "This is the bathroom right here, then there's our bunks. Yours is right across from mine." he smiled brightly, bringing me to the very last set of bottom bunks. "I've got the right side, you've got the left."

"Thank you for keeping us short people in mind." I smiled at him and he laughed, shaking his head. He brought me to another door and opened it, bringing me through it.

"This is the back lounge, aka, the quiet place. This is mostly where I am."

"Interesting." I say, crossing my arms. "When you told me you were in a band, I never really expected all of this."

"Well that's usually the first thing I try not to tell girls. It just leads to consequences." he laughed.

"I really don't give a shit that you're in a band, to be honest." I shrugged. "What mattered to me was that you were really kind hearted and brought a lost puppy dog home with you."

"Ew Jace, you know how I feel about dogs."

"Excuse me, cat, you asshat." I rolled my eyes. "I'm sleepy, can I sleep?"

"Mhm." he nodded. "The bunk is all yours and I guess I'll see you when you wake up."

"Thank you, Alan." I turned around, walking to the bunks. I pulled the curtain back and crawled in it, snuggling under the nice blanket that Alan had put in there for me. I laid there for a little while, waiting for the bus to actually leave. Once it did and I adjusted to the hum of the bus engine, I fell asleep.

I woke up a few hours later to cramps in my lower stomach. Great. I sat up, slamming my head into the top of my bunk. I sighed and rubbed my head, crawling out of the bunk and held my stomach. I heard voices in the front but I didn't go in there. I took the advice I was given and went to the back, finding Austin and Alan chilling in the back room in the dark.

"Are you okay, Jacey?" Alan asked, patting the spot next to him.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I mumbled, sitting down and pulled my knees to my chest.

"Still checking on her, Alan?" Austin muttered from the side and I glanced up at Alan, seeing him glaring at Austin.

"What?"

"Your boyfriend kept going to check on you." Austin snickered.

"Austin." Alan said with a warning tone.

"He's not my boyfriend, and maybe if you did nice things like that for people, they'd like you more." I muttered, getting a little annoyed with Austin's existence now. PMS was starting to hit me full force.

Alan started to laugh as so did Austin. "Alright, alright. I'll leave you two lovebirds alone." he got up, leaving the back lounge.

"Can I kill him?" I turned to Alan, sighing a little.

"Sadly, you can't. He's our lead singer." he laughed some more. "Are you alright though?"

"Why were you checking on me?"

I had caught him off guard with that one. He stopped for a moment to think about it. "Well the conversation we had this morning about you getting left again has been sticking to my mind all day. So I've just been making sure you were alright." he paused. "I have this funny fear that you're going to leave us instead."

"I don't think I could do that." I looked up at him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. "I just couldn't do that at all. Don't worry about that. I promise I'll stay."

"Good because like, you're my best friend and I would be lost without you."

"I say the same." I smiled a little, letting it fade as I got another cramp. "Fuck."

"What's wrong?" he asked worriedly, putting his hand on his shoulder so he could observe me. "Are you dying, do you need an ambulance?"

"Bitch, I might be." I mumbled, then started to laugh when he did.

"Fucking shit, don't even with that, Jace." he continued to laugh and shook his head. "But really, are you okay?"

"I'm having female issues. I'm leaving it at that."

"I see." he nodded. "If you need someone to-"

"Alan."

"Yeah?"

"Stop."

"Yes ma'am." he nodded and laughed.

"But if you're such a good best friend, you'll rub my tummy for me, right?" I looked at him with hopeful eyes.

"Of course. And if you just want to pop a movie in, we can watch a movie too."

"Can you do it? I don't wanna move."

"Lazy ass." he got up, putting some movie into the DVD player. "I honestly don't know what I put in." He grabbed a remote and pushed some buttons, groaning when the movie menu came up. "The Vow, really?"

I laughed and laid myself next to him on the large lounge sofa. "Point of no return now, Ashby. Lets watch it."

"Fuck." he grumbled, pressing play. He sat adjusted the volume, then sat the remote on the sofa above us, placing his hand on my lower tummy and rubbed small, soothing circles on it. His calloused fingers, pressing into my bloated waist line. After awhile, he shifted to his side and propped his head up on his elbow, watching the movie and rubbed my lower stomach still. At that point, I was tuckered out again and my eye lids were drooping. I gave in, falling asleep again.

Alan's POV:

I had ended up getting into the movie. I felt a little lame and embarrassed for it, but I got over it. I shifted my attention to Jacey, who was now asleep next to me. The innocence showed on her face and she looked so peaceful and serene. Her luscious pink lips were parted slightly, dragging in deep and relaxed breaths. I couldn't help but admire her beauty in this peaceful state.

While I observed her, she rolled to her side. She pushed herself back so that her back was against my chest. This innocent movie watching had quickly became a spooning session that I couldn't drive myself out of. I put my arm protectively around her waist and kept it there, kicking a blanket at the end of my feet up my legs carefully, pulling it up our legs. I sighed quietly and tried to focus back on the movie again.

That was obviously a bust. I couldn't kick the thought that I was cuddled up with Jacey. This seemed like a pretty big deal to my brain. I had grown this weird fascination with her. I mean, she was perfect to me. She laughed at my jokes, she could make me smile no matter what, she could get my heart racing faster than it would be after playing a show, and she had this ability to put knots in my stomach. I didn't want to say it, but the more I think about it now with her laying against me, but I thought I might actually be in love with her? Maybe Austin was right, but I don't want to admit that. But I couldn't ever do anything about it. She would never be able to trust me, I knew it. Not after what that asshole of an ex did to her. I was casually fucked over on this and I hate it because I know I could make her happy. But I probably wouldn't ever get that chance. Fuck. My. Life.