Let Live Again

The weekend off in Vegas was fun, but sadly it had to end and back to work it was for us all. Even though work was nothing. The whole time in Vegas was nothing but parties every night. I attended one with Alan and got hammered for the first time too. I had lost my memory of the night, but I had woken up next to him completely naked. By the talks of things, I was a fun drunk. And I had danced on top of a bar counter until I threw up my alcohol onto Austin's lap. Austin was still a little pissed about that, but he was getting over it.

But now it was back into the full swing of the tour and almost three weeks ago. We were in Hartford, Connecticut, for the day and the weather was fairly nice. I was also extremely nervous about being around my hometown and running into someone I knew. Business at the tent was fairly simple today too. Up until Austin and Alan rolled in before their signing. Girls flocked the tent, so I let them deal with the merch situation. Watching them trying to sell the merch was by far the best thing I had seen all day, considering I see a bit of everything throughout the hours I'm there.

Once they took care of the flock, they tried to sneak off. Alan kissed me goodbye, then ran away like a little child. I could feel girls burning holes into my skin with their stares after he left.

After a few more customers, it was finally my time to clock out. I traded shifts with another girl who I never bothered to know. She was quite unfriendly. I grabbed my things and took off, walking back to the guy's bus. It was really quiet, which was a major surprise. It was never quiet around there, so I definitely was not taking this for granted. I went into the kitchen area and hopped up onto the counter, searching for a snack. I settled for a bag of plain potato chips, shoving so many chips into my mouth as I got up to look at the schedule for the boys. They wouldn't be back for another hour and a half.

I pouted a little, feeling slightly sad that Alan wasn't here to enjoy the silence with me. I had slightly grown attached to him since our sexual experiences in Vegas. It was weird and not normal to me to be so affectionate towards someone. I really truly loved Alan to pieces.

I rolled up the potato chips and put them back into the cabinet, going to lay down in Alan's bunk. I curled up in a ball, looking to kill time. I stared at the ceiling for a little bit before I grew tired. I yawned and rolled over, feeling something crunch under my side. I groaned as it stabbed me a little and grabbed it, looking at the box of condoms Alan carelessly left in his bunk from this morning.

I sat up and put the box in a safer place, rolling my eyes as I laid back down. That's when my mind started to crumble. It raced through the past few weeks and over all the unprotected sex I had with him. My stomach knotted up when I realized what day it was and that I was late. I jolted out of the bunk and slipped on my shoes and grabbed my bag, looking up at the clock to see how much time I had to get somewhere for a test and make it back.

I had forty five minutes. I began thinking of what to do next. I quickly headed off the bus and took the back exit for the bands. It took me a minute to remember where I was and I headed to a gas station nearby. I pulled my hair down from my ponytail to try to hide my face, just in case that I ran into someone I knew.

I went inside, a little bell dinging to identify that I had entered. A clerk appeared from the back and smiled at me. "Hello."

"Hi." I muttered, walking up to the counter. The tests were held behind the counter and I glared at them for a moment, then back at her. I paused when I realized who she was. "Holy shit."

"Oh my god, Jacey." she ran around the counter, pulling me into a tight hug. "Where have you been? Robby came back and you weren't with him. What happened?"

"Amanda, please hold on." I say, holding onto her tight. "I've missed you so much and that's a long ass story that I'll be more than happy to tell you in a moment. But first, I need you to do me a huge favor and sell me a pregnancy test."

"What? Why?" she stared at me. "You had sex with who? What!"

"Shut up and get me one! God, you haven't changed a bit." I shook my head, watching her run back around the counter to grab one for me. She rung it up and handed it to me and I paid for it, making a run for the back of the store to the bathroom.

I tore the test from the boxed package and I sat down onto the toilet, following all the directions on the box. Once I was through, I flushed the toilet and went out, setting the test down on the sink so I could wash my hands. I looked at myself in the mirror for a moment. I was pale white and slightly shaking with anxiety. What if I was pregnant? What would Alan say? Would he stay with me or leave me? What would I do? I groaned, grabbing the test as I left the bathroom.

I walked up to the front where Amanda was still standing and waiting. "Now what the hell is going on?"

"It's still a long story." I mumbled, looking down at the test. "You know how Robby and I left for California? Well when were were stopped somewhere outside of LA, he left me at a freaking gas station."

"He did what!" she nearly yelled at me. "He left you all by yourself?!"

"He did. And that's when I met Alan."

"Alan who?"

"Alan Ashby. He's now my current boyfriend." I say, shyly looking at the pregnancy test in my hand that still hadn't given me the results.

"Jacey, get behind the counter and hide." she quickly said, looking frantically at the parking lot. I saw Robby walking towards the building and I scrambled around the counter, flopping in the floor just in time. I sat up against the counter, holding my hand over my mouth to keep any noise from coming out.

I heard the bell ding and Amanda told him hello. "Hey Amanda. Can I get a pack of cigarettes? I don't give a shit which kind." he asked her.

I kept quiet as she accidentally kicked me in the leg as she went to turn. I let my eyes wonder down to the pregnancy test, which now showed two lines, which meant I was pregnant. Tears started to pour down my face and I tried to keep quiet some more. I was gasping for air now as Amanda gave him the cigarettes.

"So where's Jacey?" she asked him as she rung up his cigarettes.

"She's here and there I guess." I heard him say with no emotion.

"I haven't seen her in along time. Can you tell her to call me?"

"Will do." he said with a laugh. She handed him his cigarettes and he walked out, leaving us in silence. I was now sobbing.

"Jace?" she asked, looking down at me. "He's gone."

"He's gone and this is positive!" I semi yelled. "I don't know what Alan's going to say and I'm so scared."

"I don't know him, hun, but I'm sure he'll understand. Right?"

"I really hope so." I sighed, standing up. "I need to go back to him."

"Where are you guys at?"

"Warped tour." I said, walking towards the door. "I'll call you, Amanda. I promise. Thank you for everything."

"No problem, babe! I'm here if you need anything." she said, waving. I discarded the pregnancy test into the trashcan as I walked by, waving back to her, and took off through the door. I watched closely to make sure I didn't run into Robby out here by myself. That's all I really needed.

I made it back to the buses in no time, finding Of Mice's bus. I went around it, heading for the door, stopping dead in my tracks as I saw the guys headed back towards the bus. I began to panic, seeing Alan speed up to get to me.

More tears streamed from my eyes and I looked down, trying to hide my face from him. I did not know how to tell him about my fear of being pregnant. I sure didn't want to tell him that I saw Robby and I was scared. I just didn't want him to worry about anything whatsoever.

"Jace, are you okay?" he asked, putting his arms around me. He tried to get me to look up but I refused. I figured the best thing to do was just tell him the truth. But I didn't want to tell him with his band members zoning in on our conversation. I also didn't want him to get upset with me in front of them.

"I'm fine." I shrugged, finally answering. "Can we just go for a walk away from here for a bit?" I gestured to the bus and his band mates, that were lingering by the door.

He smiled gently at me and nodded, taking my hand and led me away. Once we were away, he looked down at me. "You ready to tell me why you're crying and upset?"

I looked down, deciding what I should tell him next. Just when I thought things couldn't get worse, they did. I saw someone staring at me from the corner of my eye. His face was haunting me like a bad dream. My face turned pale and I looked up at Alan. "I saw Robby." I quietly said.

"Where'd you see him at?" he became alert, looking around us.

"Alan, be quiet." I said, grabbing onto his arm tight, pulling him in direction of the buses. "Lets just go back to your bus.."

He nodded, still looking around as we started walking again. I turned my head in the direction where Robby was, seeing him give a smirk as he began walking after us. I began to panic again, pulling Alan through a crowd of people, telling him to run. We ran to the first bus and stopped behind it to catch our breath.

"Why'd we run?" he gasped, looking at me confused.

"I saw him and I thought he was following us."

"I don't even know what this guy looks like."

"I know, I'm sorry, baby." I said, forcing myself into his embrace.

"I love you." he told me, kissing the top of my head.

I sighed, looking up at him. "I have something to tell you."

"What is it-"

"Oh hey, Jacey." I heard a voice behind me. I stiffened in Alan's arms, turning my head around towards the voice.

Robby had caught up with us somehow and found his way back to the buses. I was now terrified and clinging to my new boyfriend for dear life. Alan's posture had changed from calm to protective in a matter of seconds. He stood straight up and brought me to his side as we both faced my abusive ex-boyfriend.

"Please, don't let me interrupt. Tell him what you had to say first." he mocked me, cocking his head to the side.

"It can wait. What do you want?" I replied, glaring at him in the worst way possible, that would easily earn me a slap to the cheek. I could see it in his eyes. If I wasn't with Alan, I'd be dead right now.

"Oh you know, just seeing what the hell my girlfriend is doing clinging onto some ginger faggot." he shrugged, glaring at Alan. "With horrible tattoos."

Alan took a deep breath to hide his rising anger. "Fuck off. You left her hanging in the middle of nowhere. She isn't your anything anymore." he said, pushing me behind him.

"Oh, is that what she told you?" Robby got in Alan's face. "She ran away from me. I'm pretty sure that she's mine."

That's when hell broke loose. Alan raised his fist, punching Robby right in the middle of his face. Robby quickly recovered, throwing back a hard punch right into Alan's stomach, then another to his face. I watched as Alan fell to the ground, being kicked in the sides now. I screamed, running towards Robby and pushed him as hard as I could, trying to get him away from my limp boyfriend laying on the hard concrete.

He gripped hard onto my arms, trying to pull me away from the scene. I screamed as loud as I could and tried to fight my way out, kicking, scratching, and biting. He grabbed me by my hair and held me out away from him. "You can fucking hit me all you want, but you're not going to hit him!" I screamed at him, wailing my hand towards his face and scratched whatever my nails came in contact with. He groaned and let go of me, taking a few steps back.

A few people flocked over to us now. I looked up, seeing an angry Austin cornering in on Robby. I let him take over and ran over to Phil and Tino, who were trying to get Alan to respond. I began crying more as I brought his head into my lap, listening to Phil get in contact with 911. Austin and Robby disappeared out of my sight. I moved messy pieces of Alan's hair from his face, hearing sirens so near to us.

Once they came, they loaded my unconscious boyfriend onto a stretcher, putting him into the back of the ambulance. They sped off to the hospital, leaving me there on the ground. I sat there for a minute, froze, unsure what to do now. After not moving, Tino lifted me up from the ground, carrying me back to the bus.
_____________________________________________________
a few hours later

Tears fell down my face as I stared at the pale colored walls outside Alan's hospital room. He wasn't allowed visitors right now because he was sleeping off the medicine the doctors had gave him for the pain. I sat against the wall with Aaron, listening to the beeping of machines coming from his room. Things had grown so bad in the past few hours, I didn't know how to take it. I found out I may be pregnant, I have a violent encounter with my ex boyfriend which now results in my current boyfriend being in the hospital with two broken ribs, a punctured lung, and a concussion. Austin was arrested for beating the fuck out of Robby afterwards and Tino and Phil went to go bail him out. Our world was just fucked.

Aaron patted my arm, trying to give me some comfort. "It's not your fault, Jacey."

"Aaron, I appreciate you trying to comfort me, but it really is. If it wasn't for me, Alan wouldn't be in this position." I sighed. "I just wanna go home."

"Your home is with Alan. You are home, whether you're in the room with him or not." he nodded.

"Alan's going to hate me when he wakes up. I just know it."

"He's not going to hate you."

"He is when he finds out what secrets I'm packing."

He raised an eyebrow. "Those are?"

"I was about to tell him everything before Robby showed up. While you guys were gone to the signing, I was thinking about things. I realized that I missed my period too so me being a local, I ran away to the nearest store that an old friend worked at. I got a pregnancy test and found out that I could possibly be pregnant. Then we saw Robby coming towards the store so I hid.. After that, I ran back here and ran into you guys and took Alan away, then he ended up getting hurt and it was all my fault."

"Oh shit." his jaw dropped a little.

"I just can't tell Alan now.. I don't want to put too much on him now. I just wanna go back to Huntington and escape this place."

"Maybe it would be best for you and Alan both." he said. "Give you both some recovery time."

"Alan wouldn't have it." I said quietly. "I'm sure everyone else is mad at me."

"Tino and Phil aren't. Austin is a whole different ball game." he said. "I'm really sorry and I hope things do get batter for you." he patted my arm again.

"Aaron, I swear to god, your baseball pun wasn't funny." I started to laugh slightly, shaking my head. "But thanks. At least someone cares to listen."

"You can always count on me, Jace."

"You! Get the hell out!" I heard an angry voice, that caused me to jump. I looked up, seeing a really tall Austin glaring down at me. "This is your fault he's in here!"

"Austin, stop." Phil stepped in, trying to calm his aggressively mad band mate down.

"Its also your fault I was arrested too!"

I stood up quickly, standing up to face him. "That wasn't anyone's fault but yourself. You're the one who thought it'd be okay to beat the fuck out of him, not me. And as for things being my fault for why he's in here, yeah, I take the responsibility for that. I already feel like shit, Austin. Don't make me feel any fucking worse."

"I want you fucking out. Now." he pointed towards the door.

"Can you guys like stop being mean to my girlfriend!" I heard Alan yell from inside the room. I pushed past Austin and ran into his room, nearly hopping into bed with him. I hugged him as tight as I could without hurting him.

"Well hello to you too." he laughed slightly, then groaned. "It hurts to laugh."

"I know baby, I'm so sorry." I sighed, holding onto his hand. "How do you feel?"

"I feel groggy and sore."

"You're gonna feel that way for a little while."

"What happened after I got my ass kicked?" he smiled a little.

"I don't find the thought of you getting your ass kicked humorous Alan, so wipe that smile off your face." I scolded him, watching his lips form into a pout. "He came after me and I screamed as loud as I could and I got Austin, Tino, and Phil's attention and they came to the rescue. Austin beat the shit out of him and got arrested. I'm so sorry Alan."

"Don't. This isn't your fault, baby. I shouldn't of hit him."

"I made the mistake of taking you for a walk."

"So? What was it that you had to tell me?" he looked at me.

"I don't want to overwhelm you." I say quietly. "I think I'm gonna go back to Huntington though. I need a break from all this.."

"You're not leaving and that's final."

"Alan please.." I whimpered a little, looking at him with pleading eyes. "We'll only be apart for a week, baby.."

"I don't want you to go anywhere alone anymore.."

"I won't even leave your house." I sighed. "Please let me.."

"Fine. But you can't leave until I'm allowed to be out of this place." he said sadly, looking away.

I felt so bad for hurting his feelings. I laid over a little, resting my head on his arm. "Listen to me.. You know you mean the world to me, right?"

"Mhm."

"Well, you do mean the world to me and I don't ever want anything to happen to you. I love you with all my heart, Alan. I never wanted to hurt you or upset you." I sighed, tears falling from my eyes again. "I just love you and I'm so sorry. That was meant to be a cute speech but now I sound like a retard." I wiped away my tears.

"Don't cry, baby." he said, leaning down a little to kiss my lips gently. "I love you so much. More than you could ever know and I mean it. Don't ever forget that."