Learning to Live

"It was hard for me growing up being the quite child. Everyone thought I had no reason to be quiet. That I had a fantastic life and got everything I asked for. That is all they see behind the smiles that I fake. The looks of pure joy I give my friends when I am around my family. But secrets lay hidden underneath. And those secrets are just dying to get out. I am dying for someone to ask me what is wrong. For someone to see behind the smiles that I fake. But no one ever will. Because I hardly talk. I talk when spoken to. And only then.

That was a flaw growing up like I did. Just one of many major flaws that I have."

I reread my journal entry as I am laying on my matress. Everything I wrote was how I was feeling again. Everything I wrote was from the depth of my heart. And I never tell anyone these things. Not one person questions the journal I keep tucked at the bottom of my bag. Or in the jacket pocket of my hoodie if I needed to write down a thought or a feeling.

Getting up I push my journal into my pocket and start to get ready. School was today and it was one of the only times I am going to be excited to be a new student. We had moved to LA from London this year but the school was already closed so I didn't have to worry.

Pulling on my tight skinny jeans and my woe is me top. Long sleeve, just in case. I realised I was going to be new and I would have no one. I would know no one.

And that's just the way I like it.