Status: whenever i get inspiration... probably never
Stack the Deck
Lisa Eckert
The tiny white ball continues to whirl around in the wheel and it does not stop. It should, right? Sir Isaac Newton said that if no net force is applied to an object, the object will stay at rest or stay in motion. The net force being the hurdles next to the numbers causing the ball to lose momentum as it jumps over each one. The hurdles… they're not there anymore. Where did the numbers go? I bet on black, how did the whole damn board go red?!
Saturday morning, yet the alarm wakes me up. The incessant, vulture-like buzzing rings throughout my cramped room and bounces back-and-forth off my walls. I slap the top of the clock and the God forsaken noise finally quits. Why do I even have a mirror left of my bed to be reminded of what I look like each morning? I look like Hell. I force my head away and enter the bathroom to take a piss, brush my teeth, and try to fix my bed-head. There's no real point in showering, I did that yesterday, so I just put on an alright looking suit. The scheduled Gambling Addicts Anonymous meeting begins in forty-five minutes. I hurry in getting the keys to my shit car, my cellphone, and my wallet because traffic is generally unpleasant and I'll probably be spending 80% of my time in an unmoving vehicle.
This circle of plastic, dark blue chairs reminds me of my Physical Science class in eighth grade. You would think the set up would be a little more formal. Tom, the leader of the group, must not be able to afford fancier seats. There are a total of seven people (eight, including Tom), two of them I have known before and the other four must be new here. The meetings are held in a conference room in the Publix which Tom's friend manages. I've been going for seven weeks and I've been sober for three. No bets, no gambles, no risks.
"Lin, would you like to introduce yourself to our newcomers?" Tom asks, looking in my direction.
I shrug and stand from my seat. "My name is Lindell." I say and pause for the whole Hi, Lindell. "I'm an.. ex-gambling addict. My favorite games are Roulette, Blackjack, and Texas Hold 'Em. I haven't played for the past three weeks." The rest of the group congratulates me, although I'm not sure how many of them really care. I sit back down, then moving clockwise in the circle, a woman tells her introduction.
The meeting lasts around two hours. After the introductions were over and done with, Tom went around asking what were all our big wins, our big losses, when we came to realize we have an addiction problem, and what/who brought us to seek help for it. I'm happy for it to be over, I only have to go to two more Saturday meeting until I'm declared 100% clean and off the hook. Of course, I don't have to go, but since I know Tom personally, I know he would bug the living Hell out of me if I didn't finish.
At Starbucks, someone gets my attention off the newspaper I was reading. "Lin?" when I look up, the voice is coming from a woman that I recall seeing before. "Lindell Elias? From graduate school at UMass?" she asked enthusiastically. I remember who she is, she was in a class with me when I was a Mathematics graduate student at the University of Massachusetts.
"Lisa!" I said, standing from my seat to give her a hug. "Lisa Eckert." I said, thinking of what she was like. I knew her from one class but we had a similar circle of friends, so we met together aside from school. Never alone, but I she was, maybe still is, the type of girl I would want to date. She was hard-working as hell, but she occasionally went out for drinks and showed up at college baseball or basketball games. She's probably graduated already, and has a fantastic job.
"Is this seat taken?" she asked kindly and I told her to please sit down. "I'm so sorry, I'm terribly unpresentable." she shook her head and frowned.
"Oh, you look good. Really good." I smiled and rubbed her arm. I could tell she only came for breakfast, considering it's noon on a Saturday. Her hair is in two braids and laying over her shoulders. She's wearing a thin, white tee, light Pink sweatpants, and white Chucks. She still looks very pretty.
"Not as good as you! Do you have work on Saturdays?" she asks, noticing my suit and gently tugging the arm.
"No. No, I just had a special meeting to go to, nothing to do with work." I clarify for her.
"Okay. My goodness, it's been so long. Almost two years!"
"I know, and it's so good to see you again." Honestly, my gambling problem led me to drop out of graduate school before I got my Master's. I always hid that from everyone and some of my old friends became resentful because of my sudden departure. Most likely, they were able to deduce that I had dropped out but I hoped they didn't know why.
"I'm really happy to see you too, Lin. Um… so what have you been doing?" I can tell she wants to bring it up but does not want to be rude. I decided to say it myself.
"I stayed in the city after I dropped out of UMass. I've been working as a bank accountant for the past 17 months." I nod, and we both sip our coffee.
"That's great! I'm an accountant as well. But, uh… why didn't you tell anyone you were dropping out?" she asks, her voice almost showing hurt.
"I was ashamed of myself…" I admit, looking down at my cup of coffee and tightening my eyebrows. She supportively grips and squeezes my arm, silently telling me it's ok. I clear my throat to make clear the shift in the conversation. "Do you work here, in Boston?"
"Yes, I do! Only recently though, I was transferred from a branch in Worcester about two weeks ago. I love the nostalgia from college here in UMass, including you." her smile was so sweet and warm.
I smirk and I'm sure the lightest tint of red showed on my cheeks. "Yeah, I missed you too, Lisa."
She laughs and pulls out her wallet. "You didn't forget my number, did you?" she teases with a grin. I stammer over my words feeling foolish and she tells me to relax. "It's been a long time since we've even contacted each other. I've got to run soon because I need to go aid one of my girlfriends. Let me just write down my number for you and just call me whenever you have time." she says nicely, handing over a slip of paper and standing from the table.
"Yeah... yes, I'll definitely do that. God, it's so good seeing you." I tell her, standing myself and giving her a goodbye hug.
"Oh, no, the pleasure is all mine. Goodbye, Lin!" she says, waving and going into the coffee line.
I wave back at her and say quietly "Hopefully I'll see you again soon." I crush the paper cup in my hands and throw it in the trash before leaving the shop.
Saturday morning, yet the alarm wakes me up. The incessant, vulture-like buzzing rings throughout my cramped room and bounces back-and-forth off my walls. I slap the top of the clock and the God forsaken noise finally quits. Why do I even have a mirror left of my bed to be reminded of what I look like each morning? I look like Hell. I force my head away and enter the bathroom to take a piss, brush my teeth, and try to fix my bed-head. There's no real point in showering, I did that yesterday, so I just put on an alright looking suit. The scheduled Gambling Addicts Anonymous meeting begins in forty-five minutes. I hurry in getting the keys to my shit car, my cellphone, and my wallet because traffic is generally unpleasant and I'll probably be spending 80% of my time in an unmoving vehicle.
This circle of plastic, dark blue chairs reminds me of my Physical Science class in eighth grade. You would think the set up would be a little more formal. Tom, the leader of the group, must not be able to afford fancier seats. There are a total of seven people (eight, including Tom), two of them I have known before and the other four must be new here. The meetings are held in a conference room in the Publix which Tom's friend manages. I've been going for seven weeks and I've been sober for three. No bets, no gambles, no risks.
"Lin, would you like to introduce yourself to our newcomers?" Tom asks, looking in my direction.
I shrug and stand from my seat. "My name is Lindell." I say and pause for the whole Hi, Lindell. "I'm an.. ex-gambling addict. My favorite games are Roulette, Blackjack, and Texas Hold 'Em. I haven't played for the past three weeks." The rest of the group congratulates me, although I'm not sure how many of them really care. I sit back down, then moving clockwise in the circle, a woman tells her introduction.
The meeting lasts around two hours. After the introductions were over and done with, Tom went around asking what were all our big wins, our big losses, when we came to realize we have an addiction problem, and what/who brought us to seek help for it. I'm happy for it to be over, I only have to go to two more Saturday meeting until I'm declared 100% clean and off the hook. Of course, I don't have to go, but since I know Tom personally, I know he would bug the living Hell out of me if I didn't finish.
At Starbucks, someone gets my attention off the newspaper I was reading. "Lin?" when I look up, the voice is coming from a woman that I recall seeing before. "Lindell Elias? From graduate school at UMass?" she asked enthusiastically. I remember who she is, she was in a class with me when I was a Mathematics graduate student at the University of Massachusetts.
"Lisa!" I said, standing from my seat to give her a hug. "Lisa Eckert." I said, thinking of what she was like. I knew her from one class but we had a similar circle of friends, so we met together aside from school. Never alone, but I she was, maybe still is, the type of girl I would want to date. She was hard-working as hell, but she occasionally went out for drinks and showed up at college baseball or basketball games. She's probably graduated already, and has a fantastic job.
"Is this seat taken?" she asked kindly and I told her to please sit down. "I'm so sorry, I'm terribly unpresentable." she shook her head and frowned.
"Oh, you look good. Really good." I smiled and rubbed her arm. I could tell she only came for breakfast, considering it's noon on a Saturday. Her hair is in two braids and laying over her shoulders. She's wearing a thin, white tee, light Pink sweatpants, and white Chucks. She still looks very pretty.
"Not as good as you! Do you have work on Saturdays?" she asks, noticing my suit and gently tugging the arm.
"No. No, I just had a special meeting to go to, nothing to do with work." I clarify for her.
"Okay. My goodness, it's been so long. Almost two years!"
"I know, and it's so good to see you again." Honestly, my gambling problem led me to drop out of graduate school before I got my Master's. I always hid that from everyone and some of my old friends became resentful because of my sudden departure. Most likely, they were able to deduce that I had dropped out but I hoped they didn't know why.
"I'm really happy to see you too, Lin. Um… so what have you been doing?" I can tell she wants to bring it up but does not want to be rude. I decided to say it myself.
"I stayed in the city after I dropped out of UMass. I've been working as a bank accountant for the past 17 months." I nod, and we both sip our coffee.
"That's great! I'm an accountant as well. But, uh… why didn't you tell anyone you were dropping out?" she asks, her voice almost showing hurt.
"I was ashamed of myself…" I admit, looking down at my cup of coffee and tightening my eyebrows. She supportively grips and squeezes my arm, silently telling me it's ok. I clear my throat to make clear the shift in the conversation. "Do you work here, in Boston?"
"Yes, I do! Only recently though, I was transferred from a branch in Worcester about two weeks ago. I love the nostalgia from college here in UMass, including you." her smile was so sweet and warm.
I smirk and I'm sure the lightest tint of red showed on my cheeks. "Yeah, I missed you too, Lisa."
She laughs and pulls out her wallet. "You didn't forget my number, did you?" she teases with a grin. I stammer over my words feeling foolish and she tells me to relax. "It's been a long time since we've even contacted each other. I've got to run soon because I need to go aid one of my girlfriends. Let me just write down my number for you and just call me whenever you have time." she says nicely, handing over a slip of paper and standing from the table.
"Yeah... yes, I'll definitely do that. God, it's so good seeing you." I tell her, standing myself and giving her a goodbye hug.
"Oh, no, the pleasure is all mine. Goodbye, Lin!" she says, waving and going into the coffee line.
I wave back at her and say quietly "Hopefully I'll see you again soon." I crush the paper cup in my hands and throw it in the trash before leaving the shop.