You Have My Attention

Met with five un-amused faces, I froze in place and stared at them wide eyed, completely at loss of what to say.

Why were they all up so early?

Shouldn’t they have been in bed?

Well, I guess the same could have been asked of me and – by the looks on their faces – they were about to.

“Where the hell were you?” Andy said in a loud, slightly panicked voice that made me jump slightly. His booming deep voice was a stark contrast to the silence of night I’d been experiencing. “We were worried, you know? You could have at least told someone you were going out!” Andy’s words made my mind spin momentarily, trying to assess if I’d heard right.

They were worried about me? That was incredibly sweet, but I could hardly just say ‘oh, yeah, I disappeared into the night to go check if my dad was at his house or in jail and got myself beaten up, even though you told me not to do anything stupid regarding him’ now could I?

“Um… I… I…” Apparently I couldn’t even form coherent sentences, let alone think of a convincing lie and sell it so it would deceive five intelligent people.

I was cut off by barked laughter from Ashley – the voice seemingly always ready to berate me.

“See? He can’t even explain himself! Caught like a deer in headlights! He knows he shouldn’t be going out late at night because of bus curfews! Can you imagine if he’d come back half an hour later and we’d have left without realising he was gone? What a mess that would have been to sort out! So I think an explanation would be nice, if you don’t mind, Lukass!” Ashley was evidently mad while the four others looked caught between worried and slightly angered. Then again, Ashley didn’t like me before, so of course this would mean he would be more annoyed than anyone else.

“I…I was…” I stuttered, head tilted towards the ground and eyes trained on the floor of the bus. I saw someone walk over and when fingers gently gripped my chin and tilted my head up, I realised it was CC.

“Lukass! What happened?” his voice was shocked and he sounded disbelieving, like he couldn’t comprehend that I’d left for a few hours at night and then come back battered and bruised. “Who hurt you?” quieting his voice to just above a whisper, he ran his fingers across my jaw before retracting them when the others hurried over.

“I… Don’t get mad, okay? I needed to know whether or not the gun man was my dad, so I snuck out and… and I went to his house. You know, to see if he was there? If he was there, he obviously wasn’t the one who shot at me. I got there and he was there – he wasn’t the one to shot at me. He did beat me up though. I escaped, came back here with my answer and a few new bruises and here we are now. I’m sorry, you told me not to do anything stupid and I didn’t listen… but I had to do it and now I know…” I mumbled, much to the interest of the five men around. Even Ashley looked a little shocked.

“Oh God, sorry about a minute ago; we all thought you’d just gone out clubbing or something and hadn’t had the decency to tell us! We didn’t realise” Andy was the quickest to apologise and quickly pulled me into a hug, towering over me due to those gazelle legs of his.

“Yeah, man, we didn’t know. Are you okay?” Jinxx asked, reaching out to squeeze my shoulder in a friendly gesture.

“I guess; nothing too serious, just bruises and a few cuts. Time will heal them. Apart from that… yeah, I guess so… my dad didn’t try to kill me, so that’s something, I guess. If I would have stayed longer, he might have beaten me close to it… but he didn’t seem like that was an intention, so yeah! Dad doesn’t want to kill me, well, at least to my knowledge, so life’s good!” I slapped on a grin for the sake of putting on a brave face.

While the others were mothering me, I didn’t notice Ashley slip out to the kitchen. It was only when he returned and awkwardly held an ice pack up to my still lightly throbbing cheek that I’d noticed he’d left.

“Yeah, um, sorry you got hurt, Lukass” Well, I wasn’t expecting that, let me tell you.

Ashley Purdy? A man who seemed to be harbouring some strong dislike for me was showing compassion? The man who early was full out ignoring me even though I’d just been shot at?

“Thanks, Ashley” I replied, taking the ice pack from him and gently holding it in place, making sure not to add enough pressure that it would have made my cheek uncomfortably cold.

“S’okay. Well, now he’s back, I say we all head to bed again. It’s stupid early and we’re going to be busy tomorrow; we need sleep” Ashley suggested, earning nods from everyone including myself. After my little “adventure”, I was incredibly tired and having a strange longing for my cramped little bunk.

As everyone else headed off down bunk alley, Ashley gently grabbed my wrist to pull me back, leaving the two of us alone.

“Um, Lukass, I wanna talk to you real quick” Ashley whispered, his voice sounding like he didn’t want to have the conversation but felt the need to.

“Sure, but can we make it quick? I’m tired” I checked, well aware heavy tired feeling settling over me.

“Sure. Basically, I want to apologise. I’ve been an asshole to you lately and I shouldn’t have been. As much as I hate to say it, it was because I didn’t like being rejected. Actually though, I’m kind of glad you did reject me. You see, when I came onto you… well, you already know I just wanted a one night stand sort of thing but… well… it was because I was trying to distract myself from having feelings for someone else because I knew I couldn’t have them. Then, when I couldn’t have you either, I got mad. It was stupid and I shouldn’t have acted that way just because you wouldn’t get in bed with me. Basically, I’m trying to say I’m sorry for the way I’ve treated you, especially earlier, when you were shot at and I acted like I didn’t care. Truthfully, I did care, you actually seem like a really good guy and – if you’ll forgive me – I’d like for us to be friends” only when he finally finished did he meet my eyes and the honesty I saw in them shocked me.

To say I expected an apology from Ashley would be like saying I expected to open the bus door one morning to find several elephants, a cheetah and a man selling tacos in the living room.

Simply put, I never expected it to happen, yet it did.

“Oh, well, I forgive you. Question though, do you still like this person? And… um, if you don’t mind me asking, who is it?” Ashley liking someone in a way that went beyond one night stands and drunken hook ups? Just another thing I thought Ashley would find impossible.

I guess I just didn’t know him like I thought I did.

“I won’t say who it is, but I will say that I still like them. I still like them very much” his voice faded out on the end of the sentence and his eyes glazed over just slightly. I could tell he was thinking about this person he was so into.

“Okay then. Well, I’m going to bed now, Ashley. Goodnight” he nodded and I decided it was time to retreat to my bunk so I could let my tired body rest. Just before I headed into the bunk area though, I looked back over my shoulder.

With a small smile on his face, Ashley was staring off into the distance, no doubt completely lost in thoughts for this person he likes.

So, I was a rebound, a comfort fuck, someone to make him feel worth something.

I perceived him as a player, what I missed was that he was actually just someone lost and seeking comfort because he couldn’t have the one he wanted.

Maybe Ashley wasn’t as bad as I thought.

“Thanks, Ashley. Goodnight” I whispered before heading off to bed, not bothering to check if he heard me.

When I finally got a pillow under my head and had covers over my body, I didn’t even have time to mull over the many significant things that had happened today; I just fell straight into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Hopefully, tomorrow would be a little less stressful and hopefully with a distinct lack of shootings, beatings and love confessions.