You Have My Attention

“Lukass?” Andy’s soft, deep voice resonated through the bus, gaining my attention from where I was crouched on the floor, trying to sweep God-know-what out from under the bunks.

“One sec!” I called back, stretching my muscles slightly as I stood.

The last couple of days had passed relatively normally, well, as normally as days could pass on the Black Veil Brides bus. Days could never be ‘normal’ when they involved five of the most active, creative and wild men you could meet. Of course, when I say wild, I don’t mean party animal wild, apart from occasionally, but that’s mainly CC and Ashley, anyway. No, I simply mean strange.

It’s not like I can talk, though. I have my strange moments as well.

Strolling into the lounge area, I came up behind Andy, curling my arms around his shoulders and pressing a kiss next to his collarbone - which was exposed due to the fact the vest he was wearing was all cut up.

“Hey” I murmured, smiling against his skin before scooting around the couch so that I could curl up on his lap.

Immediately, his arms wrapped around my body, cradling me against his chest as I pulled my knees up and relaxed into his body.

“Hey, um, Lukass?” he started, his tone instantly worrying me; he sounded cautious, like he wasn’t sure how to approach the topic he was clearly working up to.

“What’s wrong?” I urged, my hand seeking out his and gripping it gently when they came into contact.

He only squeezed my hand gently though before releasing mine and using that hand to pick up his iPhone, which was lying on the couch cushion next to us.

“Why, when I went onto the internet browser on my phone today, did apartment listings and job vacancies come up on my previous searches?” he asked carefully, big blue eyes staring into mine, full of question and even some underlying hurt.

“Oh, um, I didn’t realise it would come up on there… I… I don’t know…” I mumbled, trailing off rather pathetically.

“There must have been a reason. Why would you be looking for that sort of stuff? Are you thinking of leaving us? Quitting the tour and going it alone?” My stomach tightened as he said that. Of course I didn’t want that; the problem was, though, that Andy didn’t know that. And, judging by the sad sheen over his eyes that made them look glassy, Andy was believing the conclusion he’d jumped to.

“What? No! Of course not, Andy. I’d never leave you guys” I reassured.

“Then why, Lukass?”.

“Andy…I… Wow, it’s going to sound so bad but I searched it so I had an idea of what I could do if… I was looking because… I wanted to know what I could do… If…” I scrunched my face up in frustration as I couldn’t work out how to articulate my feelings. Getting Andy to understand wasn’t the easiest task. “Damn. Um… Essentially, I was looking so I could get an idea of what I could do if stuff went, you know, tits up between us… and, um, I wanted to… Seriously, this shouldn’t be this difficult! But like… Okay, a few days ago I was worried about what I was going to do after tour, okay? I have like no money and won’t have a job once this tour’s over. Plus, this bus is currently my home. Where am I meant to live when tour’s over? I needed to get an idea of what I can do to keep myself alive, basically…” I finally got out, stumbling over my words but eventually managing to get out what I meant.

The expression Andy was wearing was a slightly odd one, but it wasn’t the same one he was donning before.

“So”. He started, obviously finishing collecting his thoughts before looking up to meet my eye. “So the reason you were Googling that was because you were worried that, when tour’s over and done, you won’t have a place to go? That you’d essentially be on the streets? Wow, Lukass, you clearly think highly of me as a boyfriend… You think I’d really let that happen?” I felt so guilty at the hurt that flashed across his face, quick but drastic, like lightening.

“Well, I know you wouldn’t, but I didn’t want to presume anything, you know? You’ve done so much for me, I didn’t want to ask for more of you. Just in case there was an issue or something, I wanted a backup. I didn’t just want to assume you’d have me… Didn’t want to be a burden…” As I trailed off, long fingers graced my cheek, tilting my head upwards so that I was gazing at Andy.

“Oh, Lukass… Sweetheart, you don’t have to worry about anything like that! Of course I’d want you to live with me. Even if you already had a house and all that jazz, I would still want you to move in with me. Baby… I didn’t ask you before because I thought you’d know without me having to tell you that I want you there. I’ll ask now, though. Lukass, when tour is over, will you move in with me and the guys?”

“Of course” and then we sealed it with a kiss.