You Have My Attention

Jinxx was the only up the next morning when I emerged from my bunk to make breakfast. When I’d eventually returned to the bus late last night, I’d avoided everyone at all costs and headed straight for my bunk. After having a night to dwell over it, I just felt worse and worse about the situation.

I like CC but I let Ashley muck around with me for a bit.

What the actual hell is wrong with me? They also probably all think I’m a slut now who can’t take his job seriously; instead he just sleeps about like a whore…

Still, moping and hiding when I actually did have work to do would not do me any favours, so I clambered out of bed, got dressed and made myself presentable before getting ready to make breakfast.

I didn't actually realise Jinxx was there until I turned around with two empty plates in my hands and nearly dropped them up the floor in surprise.

Jinxx just sat there, his hands in his lap and his stance hostile.

“Have fun mucking around with Ash yesterday?” he snarled with a glare to match.

Someone is clearly not happy!

“Jinxx” I sighed, setting the plates down on the counter behind me before turning to face him again. “I didn’t mean to lead him on in anyway and I didn’t sleep with him” I clarified, not knowing which way he meant ‘mucking around with’. “He came onto me!”

“Yeah, well you weren’t pushing him away!” I was still confused. Was he mad at me because he feels like a led Ashley on by not pulling away sooner, or mad because I let him get as far as we did and because he thinks I’m just trying to sleep around rather than work?

“Look, Lukass, what you do in your free time is your choice, but doing it when CC is on the bus is just low” he growled, before pushing the chair backwards from the table and storming off into bunk alley; leaving me to stand and dwell on what he’d just said.

What did he mean about CC? If he doesn’t mind about what I’m doing in general, he clearly isn’t mad because he thinks I’m being a whore. But, he also made no indication that he thought I was leading Ashley on. Why did he mention CC though? From what he said, he’d made it sound like CC cared; that could only mean a few things.

CC is either homophobic (which I strongly doubt), likes Ashley or possibly, just maybe, likes me…

But…

On the off chance he does like me, are all chances of anything happening ruined now? He did look hurt when he saw us, but he could just as easily like Ashley, which would make more sense since they’re a lot closer and Ashley’s obviously attractive and CC barely knows me.
I just… I don’t even know…

Breakfast wouldn’t take that long to prepare. Since only Jinxx was currently up and he wasn’t looking for breakfast, I didn’t have to make it right now.

I sank down into the seat that Jinxx had just vacated and propped my elbows on the table before
leaning into my hands.

Why does everything have to be so complicated?

And with that, I removed my hands from under my head and let myself face-plant the table.

*****

“Good morning?” someone greeted from the doorway, making me jump in my seat. I spun around in the wooden chair and saw Jake wandering over. He sat down in the seat next to me and placed his hands on the table, interlocking his fingers together on the surface.

“Hey, Jake” I greeted, pleased he wasn’t glaring at me like Jinxx was.

“So… you want to talk about yesterday?” he asked gently. Unlike Jinxx, he didn’t seem mad at me, which made me want to open up to him. Honestly, I really did want to talk about it and just get it off my chest.

“Actually, yes please. I don’t even know what happened…” I groaned, massaging the sides off my head with my hands. Sleep hadn’t come easy last night and I was paying for that now with a headache.

“Well, before we start, I need to know something so we’re on the same page. Did you and Ashley sleep together?” he asked cautiously, like he was afraid I’d explode at him.

“What? No, Jake. Things got a bit out of hand but I wouldn’t do that, I don’t believe in the whole one night stand thing. We just kissed” I explained, feeling a little bit sicker knowing that the guys had clearly thought about the possibility that I’d slept with him.

“Oh, well, tell me about that. Did you kiss him? He kiss you?”

“He kissed me and I just… I didn’t push him away and I should have… I gave him the wrong idea and he wanted to take it further… I guess it just took me until then to realise what was happening… and then CC walked in and probably now thinks I’m a slut, just like you all probably do because I kiss guys even when I don’t feel anything for them, even though that’s the only time I’ve ever done that and I don’t ever plan on doing it again, but I still did it! and fuck…” I groaned before putting my head back in my hands again, resting my elbows on the table once again.

I felt Jake rub my back slightly in a comforting gesture.

“So, Ashley came onto you and you didn’t know how to respond, so you went with it. When you realised what was happening you went to stop it. When you were interrupted, you realised just what the situation was and left Ashley alone, yes?” Jake confirmed, summing up my rambling in a nutshell.

“Yes”

“Lukass, I don’t think you’re a slut, and neither do the others. Just chill, everyone makes mistakes. Though, Ashley might be a bit cold with you for a while judging by the way he was stomping around last night, but that’s probably because he’s not used to people turning him down. He’ll get over it” Jake soothed, squeezing my shoulder.

“What about Jinxx? He seems really mad at me… I think he’s mad because of something to do with CC, he – Jinxx that is - came in just before you and said that it was low to do things with Ashley while CC’s on the bus. I don’t get why it would affect CC though…” I asked, looking up at the older boy, hoping he could offer me some sort of explanation.

“I don’t know; I’ll talk to him” Jake said as he stood from his seat. I wasn’t quite sure whether he was referring to Jinxx, CC or both to be honest though.

“Thanks Jake” I offered him a smile; he’d made me feel better about this whole situation.

“Anytime Lukass” he said cheerfully as he started heading off out of the kitchen area before stopping again. “Oooh! And you know how because I’m so lovely you want to do something for me?” he asked with a grin. “Since I made you feel better, can my breakfast be one of the first two you make?” he asked, smiling like a mad child. I couldn’t help but chuckle at his expression and nod.

“Of course, Jake” I agreed, causing him to practically skip off to another room in delight.

Weird boy... I thought with affection.

Now all I had to do was hope that Jake could help me with CC. If I had indeed made him upset, I needed to fix that as soon as possible. I couldn’t let such a happy person be sad because of my actions.

Besides, it’s CC, when he’s happy, it makes me happy, so when CC’s sad, it makes me sad.

Clichéd? Maybe a little. True though.