Deadly Affairs

“Yeah, well you went through my shit how am I supposed to act?” Kellin yelled at me. We were in the kitchen and he had just found out I went through his journals and he wasn’t too happy about it.

“I know but it was just killing me not knowing.” I said.

“How about you ask! Better yet how about you just mind your fucking business! If I wanted you to know I would’ve told you!” he kept getting louder and his face was red from how angry he was.

“I have a right to know who I’m dating.” I said and I guess that sent him over the edge because the next thing I know I was having plates and glasses launched at my head. I guess we can check off that he has IED. He’s fucking crazy! His eyes were glazed over, like he was in another mindset and he just kept throwing dishes at me.

“Kellin! Stop!” I yelled. He was running out of dishes and the only thing left was silverware; forks, spoons, knives. I definitely couldn’t let him start throwing knives at me. Once he reached down I ran over to him and grabbed his arm trying to stop him but he just kept trying to fight me off. I felt something pushing against my chest but there was nothing there. Then I started to feel something pound against my chest, like a fist but I was holding his hands so he couldn’t be doing that. Nothing was making since, what the hell is going on?

Suddenly everything made since because once I felt a kick to my lower area. I awoke in Kellin’s room with my hands around his neck. I was dreaming and while I was dreaming, in real life I was trying to kill Kellin in my sleep. I immediately let go and he pushed himself off the bed and backed into a corner, coughing, holding his neck, and looking at me in fear. I didn’t know what to say, what could I say? Oh don’t worry it’s just a natural reaction? I knew I shouldn’t have had sex with him last night, I hadn’t killed anyone in so long my body is so tense and I knew it was a possibility that this could happen. So in the midst of trying to cover my own tracks for sneaking around and breaking into his house I put him in danger. It was a bad decision and now I feel even horrible because I was trying to figure out his problem and what was wrong with him but here I am choking him in my sleep. I guess I’m the one with the real issues.

I quickly got off the bed and put on my pants then ran downstairs grabbing my shirt and shoes then I left without a word. Once I got home I started to pace back and forth. I didn’t know what I was going to do. I was so screwed and I usually have a way out of things but I don’t know. I just feel guilty and maybe if my emotions weren’t getting in the way I could play it off nonchalantly but it’s too late for that because I like him and I almost killed him. My thoughts were all over the place, nothing made sense. I stopped pacing when my phone rang.

“Hello.” I said.

“Hey, Jackass wants to know where you are.” Justin asked. I looked at the clock and saw I was already an hour late. He had Justin call me which was weird he usually will call to rip me a new one. I guess our conversation last night really shook him up.

“I’m on my way.” I hung up then quickly went into my room and changed my clothes. Once I was finished getting dressed I picked up my dirty clothes, that’s when the papers fell out of my jeans pocket. I paused then picked them up and stood there for a second. I walked over to the trash and threw them away. I wasn’t going to read them; my dream must’ve been a sign. If I read them he’ll find out so I won’t read them. When he wants to tell me he’ll tell me. He doesn’t owe me anything if anything I owe him something because of what happened this morning. I left out and headed to work. Once I got there I past my boss’ office and he looked at me then looked back down at the papers on his desk. If I knew that all I had to do was show him a piece of my sadistic side and he would leave me alone I would’ve done it a long time ago.

Sitting at my desk I didn’t do much work today my mind was someplace else so I’m just going to take my work home and try to do it tonight. It was nearing the end of the day and I was just ready to go home I sat there spinning in my chair waiting for the day to be over but it was taking forever. My boss walked past my cubicle and went into the fax room with a couple files in hand. He usually would ask me to do it so when he past me, I smiled to myself out of amusement. Was I really that intimidating or is he just that much of a coward? About 10 minutes later he came back and past me smiling, guess he got his cockiness back. It was about 10 minutes until I could pack up my stuff and go home.

“Vic, could you come here for a second.” My boss said to me. I walked into his office and he was sitting at his desk.

“Yeah?”

“So last night was interesting.” He said. I wasn’t going to apologize if that’s what he was looking for so he was wasting his time. “So in the midst of you defying me I forgot to ask why you were here so late, care to tell?”

“No.” I was already getting tired of him and I had just got in here. I liked it better when he was scared, hiding in his office, and not making eye contact.

“I think you would.” He placed a little journal on his desk and I knew it was one of Kellin’s. When I dropped them yesterday I must’ve forgot one. I began walking closer to his desk to grab it but he quickly picked it back up. “So I talked to Justin since you guys seem so buddy-buddy with each other. At first he wasn’t willing to talk but as soon as I put his job on the line; boy did he spill.” He got up from his chair and walked around to the front of the desk.

“He told me who Kellin is. It’s the guy I met at the art museum right?” he asked but didn’t wait for a response. “Does he know you’re copying his journals? I mean this is some deep stuff I read a couple pages and this looks like stuff you wouldn’t want someone to read not have your boyfriend go and copy it.”

“Give it back and mind your business.” I said.

“Well this is my business, you used company property to do this, it’s very much my business. Now how much work have you done today?” he changed the topic.

“I did some, I’m going to finish the rest at home then bring it to work tomorrow.” I replied.

“No, you’ll stay here and finish it all then you can go home and don’t worry I’ll be here to make sure you finish it all.” He smirked.

“What about the journal?” I asked.

“I’ll give it when you finish your work.” He said. I rolled my eyes, leaving out his office and headed back to my cubicle then started to do my work as quickly as possible. I was so pissed at my boss and at myself. How did I forget the journal? That was such a rookie move. I know not to leave any evidence behind and yet I was in such a rush I did. As soon as I finished I went straight into his office and set all the work on his desk. He sat there and looked over it. I tried to wait patiently but he was taking forever and it was already late. After this morning Kellin is probably going to want to write in his journals so he definitely could notice that it’s gone.

“Alright, you may go.” He said.

“Can I have the journal now?” I asked.

“Oh no, I’m going to keep it.” He said.

“You said you would give it back.” I began clenching my jaw. I should’ve known he would pull something like this.

“I lied, and the next time you try and threaten me think twice about it.” He smirked then gave me a little wink. It took everything in me not to just walk over to him and repeatedly smash his onto the desk. I slowly turned around and walked out his office.

While I was walking home I began to get even angrier because now I have to worry about getting the journal back when I need to be focusing on what I can say to Kellin to make this right. I tried to tell myself to just calm down and you’ll get it back, that Kellin wouldn’t find out, and everything will be fine but the more I said it the more I didn’t believe it. When I got in the house I walked back to the closet in my room and moved everything out the way until I saw all my knives, guns, gloves, and everything else I use to kill someone. I stood there for a second and contemplated if I really wanted to do this and yes I did want to do this. I grabbed my bag, put all the tools I would need in it and then headed back to work hoping he hadn’t left yet. The closer I got the more excited I got. I hadn’t done this in so long to finally have the knife in my hand again will be such a thrill that I can’t explain.

Walking into the building and taking the elevator up I got this sudden adrenaline rush and as the elevator doors opened and smile appeared upon my face when I saw him sitting at his desk still. This is going to be a fun night.