A Few Heartbeats Away From Disaster

I stayed in that numb state for 5 days. Five days of routinely waking up, going to school, going home, and crashing in to bed. I didn't sleep, of course, but I had no desire to do anything else.5 days of scaring the shit out of everyone. They would all take turns sitting in my room and watching over me- trying to keep an eye out and make sure I didn't try to hurt myself. I was beyond that though; Mike hurt me enough, I didn't need to help him. 5 days of excessive phone ringing. I didn't shut it off- I wanted him to know that I could hear it- but it killed me to listen. Every time I fell into a numb daze my cell phone buzzing would pull me out of it and drag me back into reality. 5 days of wishing I was dead, but not caring enough to kill myself.
I was laying in bed (go figure) when I heard a knock on the front door. I ignored it and let one of my roommates answer; if it was Mike, I didn't want to talk to him, if it wasn't, I didn't care. I had dazed off again when someone barged in my bedroom. I groaned and threw a pillow over my face. "Get out" I said with zero emotion. Who ever it was was interrupting my solitude.
"You can get out of bed, or I can throw you over my shoulder and carry you out of this house." I heard Justin's familiar voice. "Either way, you're getting out of bed,"
I wasn't going to lie, I was happy to see Justin. He had helped me out in school this week since I wasn't in the mood to do anything, and he has been checking on me everyday. He wasn't sympathetic to me like everyone else was, instead he was mad at mike. No, not mad, he was furious. Justin was my protective best friend, sure, Alex was definitely my number one best friend, but Alex was concerned about me, whereas Justin was concerned with making sure the other person paid for what they did.
"Justin, I'm really not in the m-"
"Exactly!" He interrupted me and jumped on my bed- like literally- shoes on and all. "You're letting him win, Kar!" He jumped one last time before landing cross legged next to me. "You need to get out! Go have a good time! Hell, even if you're absolutely miserable, make him think you're having a good time! Post pictures of you laughing and smiling and rub it in his face that you don't need shit like him in your life!"
"You just got dirt all over my bedspread." Was all I responded with, to which we both laughed. Before I know what was happening, he snapped a picture on his phone.
"See," he said showing me the picture, I had terrible bed-head and my makeup was astray, but I looked happy- which was something I hadn't been since Mike cheated on me. "Look at that. That's my best friend smiling and being happy. Don't let a low-life like Fuentes take that away from you." He slung his arm over my shoulder and I hugged him back.
"I heard laughing is she having a breakdown?!" Kellin asked as him, Alex, Jenna, Tay, and Alan all appeared in my doorway, all out of breath and slightly panicking. Did they really think I was having a mental breakdown?! I know I'm unstable but come on....
"No I was actually laughing you doof." I said smiling again, Justin took another picture and I couldn't help but smile even bigger.
"And a smile? Are you feeling okay?" Alex asked pushing past and pretending to take my temperature with his hand across my forehead. Before he could react I tilted my head back and licked his hand. "Hmm. Feels a bit clammy," he said laughing. We all laughed too and I stood up for an awkward group hug.
"I'm sorry you guys. I scared the shit out of all of you." I said during our hug. They all said it was okay but I still felt bad. When our hug broke up I turned to look directly at Alan. I looked down at my hands, playing with my sleeves before looking up at him. "I'm really sorry, Lan." I said quietly. "You were right, about everything, and I should have listened to you. You're one of my best friends, Alan, and I love you, and I really wish you'd stop being mad at me." I looked up at him one more to see his reaction and he just engulfed me in a hug.
"Kar, you have nothing to be sorry for. I'm not mad at you , hun. I could never be mad at you."
"No! Stop! No sentimental shit!" Justin said pulling us apart. "Today is about having fun! No feelings! Just fun!"
"I'm down for that." I said. "What are we doing?" I asked Justin.
"We're going to Venice." He smiled, "Venice Beach, of course. I love you and all, but I'm not taking you to Italy. Maybe if you were getting a divorce..." he trailed off laughing. We all laughed with him while he invited everyone else to tag along. They all declined due to work. Aside from Alan, they all worked tonight. Alan worked in a half hour.
"Dibs on first shower!" He practically shouted before heading down the hall. We all groaned, but dibs was the number one rule in this house.
"You're a dick." I called after him, laughing.
"And you're back." Justin said bumping my hip.
~ ~ ~
The drive to Venice Beach was shorter than expected, mostly due to me and Justin having a screaming contest to Bring Me The Horizon. Let's face it though, no one can scream Shadow Moses like Oli can.
When we got there, Justin managed to get a relatively decent parking spot and he pulled out our long boards from the trunk. I always kept a long board with Justin because it quickly became one of our favorite things to do when we were together. He as wearing a bro tank and swim trunks, while I was wearing my bikini, a bro tank I stole from Kellin, some ripped shorts, and a beanie. We looked like typical California boarders, which I guess we were. We rode around on the boardwalk, occasionally stopping at a shop, and constantly taking pictures. After a while we stopped for ice cream and went to sit on the beach.
"Thank you." I said to Justin, playing with the bracelet he had just bought me.
"Don't sorry about it Kar, it's just a bracelet." He said, obviously missing the fact that I was talking about so much more than the Jamaican colored fabric on my wrist.
"No, I mean for all of this. I haven't laughed in days, Just. Then you show up, get mud all over my bedspread- which you're washing by the way- and now I'm feeling ten billion times better." I licked at my ice cream and looked at him. He looked like he wanted to say something but couldn't form the words. "I mean, you could have spent the day with Monica, but instead you're here." I continued, recalling his girlfriend who he spent every weekend with, seeming as how she worked weekdays in Hollywood.
Justin frowned before turning to look at the ocean. His mood had suddenly changed and I couldn't help but feel I'd hit a nerve. "Did I ever tell you where Monica worked, Kar?" He asked turning back to me. All I could do was shake my head. "She worked at Clevver."
That's when it sunk in. That blonde that Mike had been sucking faces with, I knew she looked familiar. I had only met her a few times when Justin and her would go to the bars with us. I should have known. I should have remembered or at least noticed something was different with Justin. Here he was taking me to the beach to get my mind off mike and I hadn't even bothered to notice that he was alone too.
Before I could open my mouth to apologize though, my mind was focusing on something else. While I was lost in thought I hadn't noticed Justin's devious smile and an ice cream cone being brushed against my face. That fucker covered my nose in ice cream!
"Justin!" I screamed laughing, he wasn't paying attention though, he was too busy taking pictures. When he was done with his photoshoot he handed me some napkins to clean myself off.
"Sorry. I could see that look on your face." He replied smiling. "No feelings, remember? I'm over Monica. She was a terrible girlfriend anyways. Now we're done with feelings! Got it?" He asked, repeating his rule for emphasis.
"Got it. No feelings, just fun." I nodded. We got up to go back to the boardwalk and threw out our ice cream on the way. So that was it, me and Justin were both independent people now because we had terrible boy\girl friends. The coincidence was uncanny, really. Here we were though. That's when the thought popped into my head.
"Justin let's get tattoos!" I practically screamed while hitting his arm. He turned to look at me quizzically. "Come on its perfect! Neither of us have any, we can make them match! It can symbolize our new found independence." I said, rather proud of my idea. It was Venice Beach after all, the place was crawling with tattoo parlors.
"I don't know, Kar. Seems a little drastic." He said.
"Justin!" I whined. "I know you've always wanted one! You talk about it all the time! What better time than now? Please?"
"Alright let's go!" He said walking towards the nearest parlor. I could hardly contain my excitement as I ran up to the counter and flipped through the idea book.
Time to be independent.
~ ~ ~
"Hold it up, let's get a picture!" I said beaming at him. We were in his car now and I was still admiring the new mark on my left hand. We decided to get small tattoos since it was both of our first one. I got a treble clef on the crease between my thumb and pointer finger, and Justin got a bass clef in the same spot on his right hand. It fit us because we met through the music program and music was really important to both of us.
"Karmen we've taken 15 pictures since we got the tattoos already!" He said laughing, but he did it anyways. After that final picture I let him drive. We spent of the drive singing along to his iPod and I admired my tattoo. While looking at it I guess I spaced out, but Justin didn't notice.
Why did this happen to me and Justin? We were perfectly good people. Sure we made some mistakes, but this wasn't fair. The more I thought about it the more I was proud of our decision to symbolize our independence. It felt good to make decisions in spite of the pain I was in. Mike could hurt me all he wanted but that wouldn't stop me from living my life. I could do whatever I wanted now. I was independent. Justin was independent. We were both independent and I was ready to live my life without Mike
Before I knew it we were back in Palo Alto. I didn't want to go home though, not yet,
"Let's just go to your place." I said. Justin looked at me questioningly, "I don't want to go home yet. My phone is there and I know mike will be calling." He nodded before exiting to go to his house. When we got there and the ignition was off I didn't take time to think about my next move
I crawled over to Justin and snuggled into his side while tracing small circles into his stomach. "I had fun today." I said looking up at him.
"I did too." He said looking back down at me, and as soon as he turned his head I leaned up gently pressing our lips together. I pulled back to look for his reaction but I didn't get one- instead he pushed me back onto the seat and hungrily continued the kiss. It escalated and soon our tongues were tangling together and I was pulling at the hem of his shirt. Before I could pull it up though, he was pulling away. "Karmen. No. We're both just upset over Mike and Mo. We're gonna regret it."
Part of me, the more rational part, wanted to believe him. That part of me was screaming to stop this while I still could. But a bigger of me- the part that was only focused on Mike and how bad he hurt me and on how much I liked being this new independent me- that part of me wanted to start my new life without Mike.
"We won't regret it, Just." I ran my fingers lightly up and down his arm. "Just stick to the rule. No feelings. Just fun." I looked at him pleadingly. I needed this, and even if he wouldn't admit it, he did too.
That apparently got his attention, because he leaned down and kissed my neck before opening the door and pulling me up. He attached our lips again and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He carried me up to his door, us still kissing, and right before he opened it he pulled away leaving me to whimper. "No feelings?" He asked to make sure.
"Just fun." I said suggestively before he opened the door, locking it behind him.
~5 days earlier~
"I'm not gonna do that!" Monica screamed at her boss, shaking her long blonde curls. "Not only would that ruin Mike's perfectly fine relationship, but what about mine?!"
"We'll be sure not to get your face in the shot. You'll do this, Mo, or you'll be out of a job."
"You can't do that Chelsea! I need this job! What you're asking me to do, it's horrible! It's unethical!"
"It's the only thing guaranteeing your next paycheck." Chelsea replied. She knew Monica needed this job, which was why she was the perfect person for this particular task. "It's not even that bad, you just have to kiss him so we can take a picture and get our story."
"It's not a story though Chels! It's fake! It's Mike's life! It's Karmen's heart!" Monica knew there was no arguing with Chelsea when her mind was made up, but she also knew Karmen. She knew how fragile she was. And she knew Justin would never forgive her.
"I'm not fighting with you anymore Mo. Either do it, or don't. It's your eviction." with that she was gone.
Meanwhile, Mike was in the dressing room with the guys.
"So, what do you guys think of Palo Alto?" Mike asked after they got done with makeup and all that jazz.
"I think Karmen has 5 roommates." Jaime said. "She doesn't need four more."
"Not what I meant you idiot. But what if the four of us got a house up there? I mean we have the money, and it could be fun. You guys would love Kellin and Alex. And Tay and Jenna are great too." Mike pleaded. He really wanted this, anything to be closer to Karmen.
"You really love this girl, huh?" Tony asked. For someone that didn't show emotion, Tony was good at reading everyone else's. Although, anyone could tell he really did love Karmen. It wasn't hard to see the complete adoration the two had for each other. Mike just nodded in response. "And you haven't had any desire to be with another girl?" It was a reasonable question, given his past. Mike was always famous for being a whore.
"Actually, no. Being with anyone else just seems ridiculous now."
Vic and Jaime burst into a chorus of 'Ahhh's while Mike rolled his eyes. He was about to flip them off when an unfamiliar blonde cleared her throat from the doorway. "Um. Mike, Chelsea wants to talk to you." Monica said glumly. She wasn't proud of her decision to go through with Chelsea's plan, but she had no choice. Mike looked at the guys questioningly, wondering why they wanted the drummer of all people. He followed the blonde to where he assumed Chelsea would be. He was rather shocked when he found himself in the back of the studio.
"Wha-" he started but stopped when he saw a tear in his escorts eyes.
"I'm sorry." She whispered and crashed her lips against his.