A Few Heartbeats Away From Disaster

Me and Mike had decided to try the coffee date thing again, after the terrible outcome last time. We went to the same Starbucks and he ordered both of our drinks. We walked back down to the beach and sat like we had last time, only this time we sat mostly in silence, sneaking kisses every now and then.
"So, college girl, how did you manage to swing a week vacation?" He asked after a long silence.
"It's the beginning of January, Mikey. I spent my last week of winter vacation here." I said. Then I mumbled the last part of my sentence, "but I go back today."
"What?!" He asked turning to face me. "You leave today? But we just started talking again I mean, we barely spent any time together!" He looked at me frustrated.
"I know. I'm sorry. But I have classes starting on Monday. It's Sunday. " I explained. I laughed at myself and added, "Well, barely." We both laughed and then conversation ended for a while. I snuggled closer to him.
"Karmen?" He asked. "What's it like to never sleep?" I didn't mind his questions anymore. I knew I had to be open.
'Better than sleeping' I thought to myself. I couldn't say that to Mike though, it would just raise questions, and while I didn't mind some questions, some were still off limits. "I do sleep. I sleep about an hour every night." He still raised an eyebrow at my answer,he was obviously still not satisfied. "I just don't get the urge to sleep. I'm just not tired." Lie. I was tired. I was always tired, but it was worth it.
"Oh. That makes sense I guess." He nodded. We sat for a while longer in silence. "Karmen?" He asked timidly after a while.
"Yeah?" I asked, worried by the tone in his voice. Instead of speaking he just grabbed my arm and slowly, cautiously, pulled my sleeve up. I was hesitant at first but I allowed it.
"Is this what happened a year ago?" He whispered running his finger along the vertical cut on my arm.
I let out a shaky 'yeah' and felt a tear fall down my face.
"Tell me about it." He whispered. I was about to protest but he held my face in the palm of his hand. "Hey, hey it's okay. I just... I don't understand. I just want to understand." He said. In all honestly, I didn't want to talk about it. But there was something about the gentle way he was touching my arm and my face, the concern in his eyes, the sincerity in his voice, I found myself telling him everything.
"It, uh, it started when I was 15. I was diagnosed with depression, bipolar disorder, insomnia, and anxiety. I figured it would just go away, ya know, I mean adults don't have that stuff, right? So I dealt with it. I cut for years, I had chased away all my friends except for five, I was on more pills and treatments than I could count, and it went on for years. Finally last year I looked at myself in the mirror and I said to myself..."
*Flashback*
"Look at yourself" I spat at my reflection. I was home alone for the first time in a long time; Tay, Jenna, Alex, and Kellin were all on vacation and Alan was at work. I had just finished taking my evening set of pills along with fulfilling my self-prescribed treatment. "You're 23 for God's sake and your still dealing with this shit. You're pathetic! You're tearing everyone down. You. Are. A. Monster." I looked down at my wrists which were newly stained crimson and the sink which was filling with blood.
"You need to stop. You need to stop ruining their lives." I said as I scraped the blade across my wrists again. "You need to stop killing them and kill something that deserves it." I nodded at myself and walked to the medicine cabinet grabbing every pill bottle I could find and downing it's contents. I had consumed a bottle of Asprin, Advil, Nyquil, and 2 that I hadn't bothered to read the label. I was starting to feel drowsy and sick when I looked at the mirror again. "You know how many times pills have failed people?" I asked my reflection. I nodded and grabbed the blade from the counter and walked out of the house and down to the beach that was conveniently located in our backyard.
I sat in the sand at the edge of the water and just cut over and over and over again. Finally, feeling like I was about to pass out, I pulled the blade down harder and cut straight down- palm to elbow. It immediately started gushing blood- but I knew that cutting had failed too before. I did the same to the other wrist and laid down, on the brink of unconsciousness. I couldn't risk failure though- I couldn't fail at this too. So I used my last ounce of energy to stand up and walk into the ocean. I walked and walked until I couldn't touch and I knew as soon as unconsciousness embraced me, I would surely drown.
And at that exact moment, Darkness enveloped me, whispering sweet nothings in my ear as I embraced the fact that this was my final endeavor.
*Flashback Over*
"How are you alive?" Mike asked breathlessly, wiping tears that had formed during my story.
"Alan got home from work not long before I went into the ocean. He saw the blood in the sink and he followed the trail of blood out to me. He pulled me out and rushed me to the hospital which was just down the road. I was dead for a few minutes though." I said staring at my hands. I knew what would happen now, Mike would see how messed up I was and he would leave. I just didn't know if I was ready for that.
"Hey, hey look at me." He said grabbing my chin. "You're still here. That's the important part. And now you have me, and I will never ever let you feel like you need to do that again. Hell, I'll never let you do that again. And these," He said running his finger across my countless scars, "these stop here. Okay? You're not going to turn to a blade, you're going to turn to me." He leaned down to kiss me and I kissed him back. He wasn't leaving. He was here to stay. He just said so.
We stayed like that for about another hour, in silence, trying to piece together what just happened. I just told my biggest secret to someone who was almost a stranger. I couldn't help but feel comfortable with Mike, though. He wasn't a stranger, he was amazing. He cared, he listened, he wanted to help. That's not a stranger. I looked up at him to kiss him but I saw that he was falling asleep. I kissed his cheek and he woke right up.
"I'm sorry..." He said looking down at me. "I just-"
"Hey, you're good. I should probably get back to Tay anyways." I said pulling away from him and standing up. He stood up too and insisted on walking me back to the hotel. The whole way there we just made small talk and walked through the empty streets hand in hand. We got to my hotel and I spun on my heel to face him.
"This is me." I said. He looked lost in thought while he looked down at me. "What is it?" I asked.
"How far away is East Palo Alto?" He asked. I had to admit, I was surprised he remembered the name of my small town.
"A few hours." I replied. "Why?" He got a cheeky grin on his face. I knew what this was. "No."
"You don't even know what I was gonna say!" He said back
"You were thinking you were going to come visit me! No. Not only do I have 5 crazy roommates but I have 5 crazy roommates." I said seriously. He laughed but I don't think he understood- Kellin, Alan, Alex, Tay, and Jenna were crazy enough all on their own; I happened to somehow end up in a house with all of them.
"I'll just have to surprise you." He said cheekily.
"You don't have my address. And I'm not giving it to you. I hate surprises. You're not suprising me."
"Ah come on, all a guy wants to do is surprise his girlfriend-" He froze like a deer in headlights. I couldn't help but smile and, ya know, make fun of him.
"His what?" I asked mockingly, tilting my head.
"Nothing. I didn't say anything." He said. I just looked at him. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that I just... Oh god." He muttered rubbing his hands on his face in frustration. He looked at me through his fingers and I did my best frowny-pouty face. "Unless you're okay with it?" He asked more than said. I just nodded frantically and he grabbed my face and kissed me.
I pulled back after a while and something dawned on me- we still didn't have each other's numbers. I grabbed his phone from his front pocket and put my number in it. "There, now you can text me and maybe I'll give you my address." I said smiling.
"Wait, there's no contact picture here." He said smiling. He leaned down and held his phone out to take a picture. He kissed my cheek and I made a funny face. He spent some time tapping away at his phone and I started to get curious.
"What are you typing?" I asked pulling his phone down. I saw the screen just in time to see the 'Photo Uploaded' rotate on the icon bar.
"Uploaded where?!" I whisper screamed- it was 5 A.M. and I didn't feel like getting yelled at by the hotel staff.
"Oh ya know, twitter, instagram, the usual." He said pulling up the picture and showing me. It had the caption 'Meet my amazing girlfriend'.
"Wow, cheesy" I said laughing. He pulled me in for a goodnight kiss and we said our goodbyes. I walked into the hotel with a huge smile on my face and a skip in my step. I was like a teenager again, even though I'm only 24, and it was all because of Mike. Mike Fuentes, the player, the rockstar, my boyfriend.