A Few Heartbeats Away From Disaster

"You dirty little secret keeping whore!" I woke up to Tay screaming at me and jumping on my bed. I looked over at my alarm clock- it was 7 o'clock, the time we agreed to wake-up. I slept for about 45 minutes last night and I was exhausted.
"Oh my God, Tay, what are you rambling on about?" I mumbled into my pillow. She plopped down on my bed and shoved her phone in my direction. I looked at the screen through squinted eyes and saw Mike's picture.
"Oh... Yeah I meant to tell you I mean we met the first day we got here and then we didn't talk for a few days and then yesterday we just... I don't know Tay it just happened. I was gonna tell you." I said. She glared back. If anyone loved Pierce The Veil more than me it was Tay. "Did you make coffee?" I asked sitting up.
"Make your own damn coffee. I'm going to get breakfast. Don't expect anything." She said walking out the hotel door. I got up and threw on some decent clothes before slipping on my flip flops and heading to the lobby. I planned to go to the little coffee shop across the street. While in the elevator I felt my phone vibrate. I looked down to see a text from Mike.
'Good Morning(:' -Mike
'Are you stalking me?' -Karmen
'Haha, No. I had to get up to go recording. Did you just wake up?' -Mike
'Yeah. Tay ditched me. Going to get coffee.' -Karmen
I walked out of the hotel and into the fresh San Diego air. I immediatly regreted not throwing on a sweatshirt due to the breeze coming from the ocean. I heard my ringtone- Helena by My Chemical Romance- and looked down to see Mike's I.D. picture.
"Hey you." I answered crossing the street.
"Hey. Where are you going to get coffee?" He asked curiously. He really loved this whole suprise visit thing.
"No. Absolutely not. I just rolled out of bed. Like messy bun, sweatpants-"
"A Day To Remember band shirt?" He said. You've got to be kidding me. I turned around to see him standing outside the coffee shop smiling at me. We hung up and he walked in to come over and give me a hug.
"You really are stalking me!" I said after our brief hug. "I thought you were recording?" I half said half asked.
"No I wasn't. I wanted to make sure you were still here so I could come say bye." He smiled at me. I had to admit it was clever and adorable. He bought us coffee and started heading toward a table but I got a suddenly terrible idea.
"Wait. I have someone that wants to meet you." I said with a smile. He raised his eyebrows at me and I grabbed his hand, dragging him out of the coffee shop and across the street. He tried to ask where we were going but I just shook my head. We got to the elevator and I finally explained. "Okay so my best friend Tay really wants to meet you and she's mad at me for not introducing you to her when we first met. So. You are going to meet her." He just laughed and agreed. We walked to my hotel room and I barged through the door to see Tay packing.
"Tay- Mike. Mike- Tay. There. You're introduced." I said looking at a rather stunned Tay.
"Hi." Mike said in a deep voice while winking. Wow, he was totally messing with her. Tay just stuttered and managed to incoherantly stutter out 'hey'. She was definitly starstruck.
"Oh my gosh you two." I laughed. I caught a glimpse of the alarm clock on the hotel table. "Oh my god it's almost 8 o'clock." I looked up at Mike and gave him a sad look. "We should probably head back." He nodded and I looked over at Tay giving her my best 'get out of here' face.
"I'll take my bag to the car!" She said sneaking around us. Mike said 'bye' in that same deep voice and Tay stumbled out the door.
"You're unbelievable." I said sarcastically when she left.
"Ah, thanks babe" He said laughing and pulling me into a hug. We shared a goodbye kiss and when we pulled away he looked back at me. "Are you gonna be okay?" He asked.
"Yeah, I'll be good. I have everyone up there looking out for me. And I can always call you." I said smiling at him.
"Yes you can. And you're going to. I'll see you this week when I come surprise you." He said with a cheeky grin.
"I'm actually looking forward to it." I said back. We kissed one more time before he left and I zipped up my already packed suitcase. Tay came it a little later and punched my arm.
"Thanks for the warning! I looked like an idiot!" She said.
"Well at least he got to see the real you." I replied walking out of the hotel with my bag. She punched my arm again and we argued the whole way to the car. Once we were in and on the highway headed for home Tay turned to me and asked-
"So is it weird kissing someone with a lip ring?
~ ~ ~
We had finished our 3 hour drive home and were now sitting in the car in our driveway. We had a fairly nice house- 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, and a decent sized kitchen and living room. With six people living in it though it got a little cramped. It hadn't always had that many people- it started out with just me, Alan, Tay, and Jenna. After a few years our friend Kellin finished school and got offered a job not far from our house, so we invited him to live with us. Alex was the last to move in, he lived in our home town of Tucson for years after high school- the only one from our group of friends who stayed in Arizona. He moved in last year after the incident.
"You know Alan is gonna be pissed when he finds out you have a boyfriend right?" Tay asked breaking me out of my thoughts.
"Why would he be pissed?" I asked looking back at her. She almost laughed at my question.
"Because he's been crushing on you since eighth grade!" She said back. I shouted a quick 'did not' back and she laughed again. "Karmen, he didn't leave your side all of high school, and then after that he followed you out of state to college!"
"So did you and Jenna!" I retaliated, but I knew she was right. Tay and Jenna moved to California with me because they weren't going to college. Jenna was a wedding planner and Tay managed hotels- they both took online classes and got their buisness degrees and that was that. Alan got into Stanford on a sports scholarship for his basketball and is going to coach when he's done playing. He could have gone anywhere but he busted his butt to get the grades to go to Stanford with me. "He'll be fine." I said getting out of the car and grabbing my bag.
"Whatever you say!" She said doing the same. We walked up and opened the door and were immediatly met with a furious looking Alan.
"Told you so." Tay whispered under her breath right before Alan started his rampage.
"Where have you guys been?! It's been 5 days and we haven't heard anything from either of you! You didn't tell us where you were going, didn't give any hint that you were leaving you were just gone!" He yelled while me and Tay scurried around him and into the house. We shared curious glances- both confused that he wasn't yelling about Mike.
"He's been like this all week." Kellin muttered when we walked into the house.
"...And all we hear is Tay's stupid voicemail saying 'Me and Karmen are in San Diego, if you need us, don't need us!'" He continued doing his best Mock-Tay voice.
"I swear he hasn't shut up." Alex said when I went to sit by him.
"Alan. " I said trying to get him to stop rambling. He didn't though so I said repeated myself more forcefully "Alan!" He stopped and stared at me. "We're fine. We just wanted to get away."
"Yeah, come on Alan, chill! Have a beer!" Tay, who went to the kitchen, said from her spot on the top of the counter.
"Chill? Yeah I was really chill when I came home on Tuesday- Tuesday of all days- and see that you took Karmen on some freak vacation without any warning!" He screamed.
"Alan don't take this out on Tay! It was my idea. I wanted to get away. You think Tuesday was hard for you, try being me." I spat at him while storming off to my room. I saw his face while I was leaving and I could tell he was hurt but so was I. He can't honestly think that this week was only hard on him.
The limited living space in our house made for interesting arrangements. All the girls got their own rooms, because well, we're girls. I got the master bedroom because I had the most stuff and I honestly think they all felt bad that I spent my time in my bedroom awake. Tay and Jenna each had their own rooms at the opposite end of the hall and they sandwiched Alex and Kellin's room. Alan's 'room' was the dining room- we put shower rods in the doorway and it was just like his own room.
I got to my room and slammed the door shut, turning up my stereo which was currently playing Mayday Parade. My room consisted of a full size platform bed, black metal desk, an electric piano, and a table with a record player, stereo, and extensive album collection on it. My desk was litered with lyrics and my piano was flooded with unfinished songs. Music sheets were tacked all over the wall above them both. One wall was completely filled with pictures of me and friends in a giant collage- Kellin, Tay, and Jenna did that while I was in the hospital last year. My room was the one place that really described me.
I don't know how long I layed in my bed fuming at Alan until Alex came in. He didn't say anything for a while, he just read over some lyrics of mine and looked at my picture wall. Alex had been my best friend since 5th grade and he knew eveything about me. We introduced each other as brother and sister because we looked so similar. It was also convienient that we thought alike because when one of us didn't know what to do we would go to the other.
"This, is my favorite picture." He said tapping a picture on the wall and turning to me. I rolled over to see what he was pointing to and I was immediatly hit with a wave of emotions. It was a picture of the two of us- me on his back kissing his cheek and him sticking his tongue out. We were on the beach and it was sunset. It really was a beautiful picture- but I knew that wasn't why it was his favorite. "Do you remember when we took this picture?" He asked.
"A year ago." I said. Not wanting to really answer his question.
"A year ago, monday. When you dropped me off at LAX. That was the last I saw and heard from you before it happened." He said. "The next time I heard from you I was sitting at the edge of your hospital bed." He came over and sat down on my bed with me.
"Alex, we don't have to do this. I just got home." I said from my lying down position.
"No we do have to do this. I was a wreck when I heard about what you did. I thought it was my fault. I had seen you only 8 hours earlier, I was your best friend, I should have noticed. I completely blamed myself and I wasn't even in the state! I got a call from Kellin saying the doctor's debated letting you die because you were so damn determined." I tried to interupt him when I heard his voice crack but he wouldn't let me. "They said you were the most horrific case they had ever seen. A doctor quit after operation on you because he said if someone was that determined to end their own life he didn't think he could truely save anyone. I moved down here so that I could try to redeem myself for disappointing you as a best friend."
"You didn't do anything Alex it wasn't your fault." I said letting a tear fall.
"I know that now. And you know how bad I felt, think of how bad Alan felt. He was the only one home with you. He found you, Kar. He found you bleeding and drowning in the ocean. No one- no one blames themself for what happened to you more than Alan does.You've gotta give him more credit, Kar." He looked down and I just nodded. I was a mess of tears by now and he knew that I understood what he meant. This week was hard on Alan, too. It was hard on all of us. I was too hard on him. Alex layed down with me and pulled me close to him so I could cry into his chest.
"I'm so sorry, Alex." I muttered over and over again. He soothed me by running his fingers through my hair and his hand up and down my back. All I could think was how I wished he was Mike. I wish it was Mike here to comfort me and I wish it was Mike laying here with me and I just wanted to be with him. I needed him. I could feel myself falling asleep and so I started to wriggle around in Alex's arms. "Shhh, it's okay, go to sleep." He said holding me.
"No, Alex, I don't want you to have to-"
"Hey, I've done it before. I've done it countless times before. I can do it again." I knew he would. I just didn't want him too. My drowsiness, unfortunately, soon won over my stubborn side and I was falling asleep. I could only sleep when someone was with me but that person always paid a price, and little did me and Alex know, this was going to be the worst time yet.