That Boy of My Dreams

Have you ever been in love? Have you ever met someone so amazing you could never stop thinking about them? You thought they meant everything to you, that they were the only thing that was keeping you alive. Have you ever had someone in your life you could tell anything to? Someone who would listen and not drift away from you because you used the scissors to cut your wrists instead of paper?

Most people would leave you to fend for yourself. Most people wouldn't want to have a depressed friend, someone who skipped their meals to lose a few pounds. They wouldn't want to be friends with you because you kissed a guy in an alley when your girlfriend was five feet away.

I used to have a lot of friends, I used to be popular. I used to date cheerleaders and go to parties and I used to be looked up to. Now I'm people look at me with disgust. I'm the guy who has graffiti all over his locker. I'm the guy who is always getting shoved. I'm the guy who is called a fag and I'm the guy who doesn't dare raise his hand in class because I know I will find myself in a locker after school.

I didn't know what love was until I met this guy. We both had guitar class together, and I sucked at that class. I knew if I actually practiced I would get better, but I loved singing so much more. So did the guy I fell in love with, Billie Joe Armstrong. He had this amazing voice and I loved the way his fingers moved on the neck of his guitar. We both sang and played guitar, even if I sucked at both and he was a god.

I remember when he told me he was bisexual. Even today I still don't understand the term. It means you can be sexually attracted to both guys and girls. To me, you either like dick or you like boobs, not both. I guess I'm bisexual. I've had a whole lot of girlfriends, and had sex with even more than that. But the first person I fell in love with was a guy, Billie.

I was in love with him right off the bat. But I knew he was in love with me when we first kissed. The way he leaned over and kissed my lips and how his hand went to my waist and how our lips moved together in sync. In the middle of the kiss, I had opened my eyes to watch Billie. He just looked so peaceful and happy. I closed my eyes and let my hand wander up Billie's shirt. He was so much stronger than me, and I looked too frail. Weeks of starvation did that to me.

Billie took care of me. I ate more when he was in my life. He also got me to stop cutting, after finding my tin of razors that were in a pair of boxers. Billie taught me I didn't have to be like everyone else. That I could do anything I wanted to.

I guess when he said that something in me sparked. I dyed half of my hair blue. When I came to school Billie laughed at me and hugged me. I loved how his gorgeous green eyes suited the eyeliner that was coated around them.

I'll go into more details later why Billie was so amazing, if you haven't already caught on to that. He seemed so happy to me, and I wondered how he could be with someone like me, someone who dreamed of dying every night. I don't know how I survived the first month after his death. He was only twenty years old, and got hit by a drunk driver.

I fell apart again, ran to his house and found my tin of razors and sat in his room and cut so deep I'm pretty sure I stained his carpet.

Now I don't want this to be another story when a depressed boy meets a boy and falls in love and then the boy dies so the depressed boy becomes a suicidal wreck again. I just want this to be my story, my story on how you really only fall in love once, and on how that one special person really is your shining star. I hope you'll stay to listen to another cheesy story about two high schoolers who fall in love and thought nothing could separate them.

I guess I should introduce myself, the protagonist of this story. I'm Alex Gaskarth and I fell in love with Billie Joe Armstrong.