4 Feet 1 Edge
Ant Sized Cars
(Cars zoom by, honking, and people yelling.)
We sat on the edge.
Looking down at the cars that were the size of ants. They zoomed by not even noticing us on top of the apartment roof. I held her hand tight, as we both just stared down. God, New York right? The Big Apple which really only looks beautiful at night when all you see is lights. Other than that, it's complete and odder disgust. At least to me..
"This is it. Huh?"
I just looked at her in return.
"Yeah. I guess it is."
I smirked. It wasn't funny but it was just remarkable how easy it was to end it all. I didn't blame her for wanting to end her life. The moment she told her mother and father that she was lesbian they kicked her out and told her they wanted to disown her. Almost like she was nothing to them previously. Like they had no memory of who and what she was to them. After that when the school found out the news and the word spread things only got worse. She was all the sudden friendless, alone, and looked down on. People walked down the halls of the school spitting on her, pushing her, and yelling religious views at her.
I on the other hand, well I was just there. I purposely had no friends, ditched school constantly, and loved my drugs. I mostly stuck to joints, heroine, and sometimes even cocaine. It wasn't the best life but its what I chose. I didn't care either, about anything. I was known around the school as the "Fuck up". Her knowing me by my reputation ,came to me when things were getting bad. She planned something and well... Wanted to have someone help her.
At first I thought she was insane, I told her to go fuck herself. After I said that she just went up to me and smile, it was such a friendly and sweet smile too. She slowly touch my cheek and kissed it, then slowly walked away. I stared at her, startled,"This is catholic school, what the fuck do you think you are doing kissing girls?! Don't you know you'll get in trouble?!" I asked. She looked down at the ground, and told me then and there what all happened. How she was the most popular girl in school, most beautiful, had all the friends and guys in the school. And the second the truth came out. It all disappeared from her life. She explained how she had no family anymore, no one that cared. And that once she started being terrorized and mugged after school by the school girls and guys she knew what she wanted to do. She knew things would never change.
I grabbed her hand, And I told her I'd help her. I don't know what I was thinking, and regret saying that till this day. But she had no one. And needed someone to help. I didn't want her to kill herself, but I just couldn't say no to her and her feel like no one would ever help.
Now we're here. On top of my apartment complex building, looking down at the date we both chose.
"I think I'll do it now."
She said staring into my eyes.
"Now... Why now?"
I asked.
"Because everything is perfect right now. All I hear is the birds, the sky is blue, and the clouds are snow white and puffy. And then you're here... Holding my hand as tight as possible so you don't fall alone."
I looked down again. A tear from my eyes dropped down my face and hit my thigh. God, she was so amazing. But no one would know because of what they had done. What they had judged.
"I've thought it all out, all my options, and I still choose this one."
She said. She turned and smiled again. "Thank you, thank you so much." she kept saying into my ear. She kissed my lips and closed her eyes.
"Now. I want to go. Now."
I felt her lean forward and the gravity start to take over. In a panic as my body started to lean with her, I pushed my body back to roof. With one hand holing a railing and the other holding her hand I tried to pull her back over the edge with me again. Her hand had no force with mine, I was the only one holding on.
"NO!..... PLEASE NO. God I love you,please just stay. Please. I've never had someone like you in my life. I just want you. I want us. At first you gave me friendship and I took it, but now, now I'm in love. And I don't want you to leave me alone with it." I screamed. She looked up at me, and smiled, that beautiful smile I love.
"Now my love, I SAY NOW. Let me go.." Her other hand swung over my my only one which held her. And she began to pick off my fingers from her hand. She noticed that I wouldn't loose my grip to her, so she used to strength to pull up to my head and kiss me. And right after that moment, right when my body relaxed just for a second, she dropped down.
Suddenly. Mu hand was light. Her body was seconds away from hitting the ground. And for a whole minute. The world was silent. I pushed my body back to the center of the roof and cried. I screamed and prayed for her to come back. For her to suddenly realize not everything was bad. People screamed from the horrific scene. "Call 911! Call 911!" that's all I heard from below. I shook in my skin as I heard the police ask around where she jumped from. The police soon arrived on the roof, and one saw me from the corner of his eye. "You! Stay there!" he yelled at me. I couldn't move even if I wanted to. I was just covered in my own tears and sweat. They took me into questioning. But even there I refused to talk. The room was ice cold, and my hands were shaking. I didn't know what to do but cry. Oh my Megan.... Oh my dear Megan. Why did you have to leave me?
We sat on the edge.
Looking down at the cars that were the size of ants. They zoomed by not even noticing us on top of the apartment roof. I held her hand tight, as we both just stared down. God, New York right? The Big Apple which really only looks beautiful at night when all you see is lights. Other than that, it's complete and odder disgust. At least to me..
"This is it. Huh?"
I just looked at her in return.
"Yeah. I guess it is."
I smirked. It wasn't funny but it was just remarkable how easy it was to end it all. I didn't blame her for wanting to end her life. The moment she told her mother and father that she was lesbian they kicked her out and told her they wanted to disown her. Almost like she was nothing to them previously. Like they had no memory of who and what she was to them. After that when the school found out the news and the word spread things only got worse. She was all the sudden friendless, alone, and looked down on. People walked down the halls of the school spitting on her, pushing her, and yelling religious views at her.
I on the other hand, well I was just there. I purposely had no friends, ditched school constantly, and loved my drugs. I mostly stuck to joints, heroine, and sometimes even cocaine. It wasn't the best life but its what I chose. I didn't care either, about anything. I was known around the school as the "Fuck up". Her knowing me by my reputation ,came to me when things were getting bad. She planned something and well... Wanted to have someone help her.
At first I thought she was insane, I told her to go fuck herself. After I said that she just went up to me and smile, it was such a friendly and sweet smile too. She slowly touch my cheek and kissed it, then slowly walked away. I stared at her, startled,"This is catholic school, what the fuck do you think you are doing kissing girls?! Don't you know you'll get in trouble?!" I asked. She looked down at the ground, and told me then and there what all happened. How she was the most popular girl in school, most beautiful, had all the friends and guys in the school. And the second the truth came out. It all disappeared from her life. She explained how she had no family anymore, no one that cared. And that once she started being terrorized and mugged after school by the school girls and guys she knew what she wanted to do. She knew things would never change.
I grabbed her hand, And I told her I'd help her. I don't know what I was thinking, and regret saying that till this day. But she had no one. And needed someone to help. I didn't want her to kill herself, but I just couldn't say no to her and her feel like no one would ever help.
Now we're here. On top of my apartment complex building, looking down at the date we both chose.
"I think I'll do it now."
She said staring into my eyes.
"Now... Why now?"
I asked.
"Because everything is perfect right now. All I hear is the birds, the sky is blue, and the clouds are snow white and puffy. And then you're here... Holding my hand as tight as possible so you don't fall alone."
I looked down again. A tear from my eyes dropped down my face and hit my thigh. God, she was so amazing. But no one would know because of what they had done. What they had judged.
"I've thought it all out, all my options, and I still choose this one."
She said. She turned and smiled again. "Thank you, thank you so much." she kept saying into my ear. She kissed my lips and closed her eyes.
"Now. I want to go. Now."
I felt her lean forward and the gravity start to take over. In a panic as my body started to lean with her, I pushed my body back to roof. With one hand holing a railing and the other holding her hand I tried to pull her back over the edge with me again. Her hand had no force with mine, I was the only one holding on.
"NO!..... PLEASE NO. God I love you,please just stay. Please. I've never had someone like you in my life. I just want you. I want us. At first you gave me friendship and I took it, but now, now I'm in love. And I don't want you to leave me alone with it." I screamed. She looked up at me, and smiled, that beautiful smile I love.
"Now my love, I SAY NOW. Let me go.." Her other hand swung over my my only one which held her. And she began to pick off my fingers from her hand. She noticed that I wouldn't loose my grip to her, so she used to strength to pull up to my head and kiss me. And right after that moment, right when my body relaxed just for a second, she dropped down.
Suddenly. Mu hand was light. Her body was seconds away from hitting the ground. And for a whole minute. The world was silent. I pushed my body back to the center of the roof and cried. I screamed and prayed for her to come back. For her to suddenly realize not everything was bad. People screamed from the horrific scene. "Call 911! Call 911!" that's all I heard from below. I shook in my skin as I heard the police ask around where she jumped from. The police soon arrived on the roof, and one saw me from the corner of his eye. "You! Stay there!" he yelled at me. I couldn't move even if I wanted to. I was just covered in my own tears and sweat. They took me into questioning. But even there I refused to talk. The room was ice cold, and my hands were shaking. I didn't know what to do but cry. Oh my Megan.... Oh my dear Megan. Why did you have to leave me?