The Right Thing

“It’s over.”

His voice on the line confused me more than anything. It was early in the morning, offensively so. I could barely gather my wits. It wasn’t like I’d been sleeping well and the early wakeup call was a shock to my system. A glance to my left told me that it wasn’t even six in the morning, far too early for Sidney to be calling. Worse still, his words finally registered and it struck me that I should be concerned about his call for a reason beyond the early hour.

I sat up straight in bed, stiff as a board and suddenly wide awake. The early hour was forgotten and I was terrified of what he could possible say next.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean, Sidney?” I demanded.

It had only been a few days since I’d last seen him. Just a few days since he’d slipped out of my bed, into his clothes, and off to the airport. He’d kissed me on his way out, his lips attacking mine in the darkness, as though he wouldn’t get a chance to kiss me ever again. I’d missed him since that moment and I was suddenly afraid that his kiss had, in fact, been our last. My stomach had settled somewhere near my toes where it had dropped when his words registered.

Over?

“Shit. That came out completely wrong.”

“You think?” I felt a slight sense of relief.

“What I should have said, aside from “Good morning,” and “I love you,” was that the lockout is over.”

I took a deep breath. I was still a bit irked. It wasn’t the way I’d wanted to wake up and I doubted that there was anyone who would appreciate the wake-up call that I’d received. But I couldn’t stay mad for long as he started to chatter at me like he’d been awake for hours and had more to tell me than he could possibly express. He spoke rapidly, like a sugared-up little kid.

I could hear it in his voice. He was elated, the joy made him sound like a kid on Christmas morning.

“Addsy texted a while ago to tell me they came to a deal early this morning. It’s tentative, but I had pretty much given up on this happening. He stopped texting me back, I can’t blame him, it was early and he’d had a long night of negotiations. But I know I can’t get back to sleep, there’s no way.”

He barely took time to breathe. It was lucky I was able to catch the words as he spewed his thoughts into the phone, rattling on so rapidly that I was surprised his words didn’t run together.

“I’m really happy for you, babe.”

Frankly, I was elated. I knew how miserable he had been with the work stoppage keeping him away from what he loved.

“Do you know what this means?”

“You won’t be so whiney? Wait, you’ll have less time to get on my nerves so I’ll like you more.”

“Very funny.”

“I’m hilarious.”

“It means that you have to come visit this week.”

“I just spent an entire damn week with your ugly mug.”

“Yes, but training camp will probably start in a week or so and with a compressed schedule I won’t see you as much as I’ve gotten used to. It would be really nice to see you before all of the craziness starts.”

It was his subtle way of begging with me, pleading without seeming desperate. I wasn’t going to say no, I’d known it would happen eventually; his crazy schedule would kick into high gear and I’d only see and speak to him on occasion. It wouldn’t be like it had been during the lockout. We wouldn’t be able to talk until all hours of the night. I wouldn’t see him the way I had. I could still make trips out to Pittsburgh, and I knew that I would do just that; but that didn’t mean that we would see much of each other when I was there.

It was the challenge that we’d both been bracing ourselves for since the beginning of our crazy relationship; the official start of dealing with a relationship that had to weather his career and the distance between us. It would go in fits and starts, determined by his schedule as the league sent it their way. Our relationship would be in the hands of someone else, we would be at the mercy of the NHL. I knew that we were prepared, or at least we thought we were, but that didn’t mean it would be a smooth transition for either of us.

I wasn’t going to miss a chance to be with him without distractions.

“I’ll book a flight and let you know.”

“Really?”

“Really. But you’re picking me up at the airport and I’m only staying until camp starts. I’m not even going to tell Sebastian that I’m there. It will just be us and I refuse to stick around when you need to be focusing playing hockey.”

“You’ve got yourself a deal.”

I flew out the next afternoon after packing hastily. I merely packed random articles of clothing, grabbing black and white items that were guaranteed to coordinate and packing them into a duffel bag so that I wouldn’t have to check anything. It was enough for a quiet few days and nothing more.

By the time I landed in Pittsburgh, just me and my duffel, I was ready to murder the 7-year-old who’d spent the entire flight kicking the back of my seat in perfect time with whatever terrible music he was listening to on his iPod. The person in the seat next to me wasn’t much better, humming along with his own music more loudly than I assumed he realized.

Each time someone walked by to get to the lavatory I became more annoyed with my position in the aisle seat. I suddenly found myself wishing that I’d let Sidney do his thing and put me in a fancy first class seat just to avoid the annoyance. It was really no wonder that he was more likely to book himself a private flight than deal with the hassle of flying with other members of the general public.

I rushed to get off the plane and out of the airport, knowing that Sidney would be waiting for me.

I breathed a sigh of relief as I spotted the Range Rover parked outside the arrivals area. I rushed towards him as if I hadn’t seen him in months. I didn’t bother tossing my bag into the back and simply jumped into the front seat, adjusting my coat and dropping my bag at my feet. I leaned across the armrest and pressed my lips to his, releasing a soft sigh against the pillow of his mouth.

I’d missed him terribly and hadn’t even realized it.

“Welcome back,” he murmured.
“Thanks, Seed.”

I jumped, startled at the voice coming from behind me, thick with a Russian accent and clearly playful. My heart was racing as I settled back into my seat, catching a broad smile from the man sitting in the middle of the back seat, a hand on either headrest of the front seats.

“Hello,” he said with a broad grin.

“Hi,” I said quietly.

“Should have warned you,” Sid said with a slight grimace. “Geno’s flight got in 20 minutes before yours. Figured I might as well pick him up while I was here. My duty as the captain or whatever.”

Evgeni Malkin was a big man, taking up a good chunk of the back seat. He was watching me carefully with a playful look on his face. He was clearly amused by my presence, looking at me as if the last thing he’d ever expected was his captain picking his girlfriend up at the airport. Sidney had always told me that the number of girls he’d ever introduced to the team could be counted on one hand; I was clearly a bit of a surprise.

“You should always pick her up same time as me.”

“Why?” Sid asked, pulling away from the curb.

“She pretty, you not so much. Rather ride with her.”

“Sidney, is your teammate flirting with me?”

“You’ll get used to it,” he assured me as Geno laughed in the back seat.

“In case you need plan B,” he said with a thick finger pressed to his own chest. “Geno be here for you.”

“Thanks, G,” Sid mumbled.

“Hey, everyone needs to know their options,” I said with a smirk.

“Especially pretty girls,” Geno added with a wink.

“I knew I should have let you find another ride,” Sid said with a shake of his head. He turned his attention to me. “Why are you siding with him? Am I not your best option?”

“You’re a solid option. I wouldn’t go so far as to call you the best option I’ve ever had.”

“He clearly brings out the wrong side of you,” Sid muttered.

“You drop me off soon.”

“Thankfully.”

I liked Geno. He was spirited, more outgoing than I’d assumed he would be. His grasp of the English language was almost much better than I thought it would be based on the few times I’d heard him speak. I could tell that he felt comfortable with Sidney, like there wasn’t any pressure so he could relax. I wondered if he deferred to Sid in the dressing room as well, letting Sidney carry the brunt of the load so Evgeni could focus on the game. It wouldn’t have surprised me if that was the case.

“Glad to be back in Pittsburgh?” I asked Evgeni, catching his eye in the mirror on the back of my visor.

I caught a grin as he locked eyes with me. “Always miss Russia, but happy.”

“Makes sense to me.”

“He doesn’t care as long as he’s playing hockey.”

“You could have played too,” his teammate replied, leaning forward.

“I cost too much to insure.”

“Is that why you didn’t go overseas?” I asked, angling my body to place him in my line of sight.

He shrugged. “Among other reasons.”

“Other reasons?”

He glanced towards me quickly but didn’t reply. Geno leaned back in his seat and chuckled in a way that said he knew something I didn’t.

“Love make him soft.”

Sidney narrowed his eyes as he caught Geno’s gaze in the rearview mirror. I raised an eyebrow at the silent exchange between the teammates.
“Just wait until we’re on the ice, G. Then we’ll know who’s gotten soft.”

Geno smirked. “I always win.”

“And I thought you were full of yourself,” I teased, giving Sidney a gentle shove.

“You ain’t seen nothin’ yet,” he kidded in return.

“I see nothing,” Geno quipped.

Sidney shot him a look in the rearview mirror.

We dropped his teammate off at the house that he hadn’t seen since the end of their previous season. It had been a long time since Geno had been in Pittsburgh, Sidney and several other teammates were his only connection to the city and what had been happening in the NHL since he’d been away. He’d gone back to Russia for the summer, training there and eventually remaining to play in his hometown when the lockout began. He was in game shape, but Sidney was fairly convinced that he was the one in better shape. I wouldn’t want to get between them when they tested their theories because as playful as they were being, it was clear that a healthy competition existed between the two of them; healthy, but still fierce.

“This is where you get out,” Sidney chided.

“Was nice to meet you,” Geno said as he leaned forward between me and Sidney.

I reached back to shake his hand, his hand big enough to completely cover my own. He pulled my hand to his lips, taking me by surprise as he pressed a kiss to the thin skin on the back of my hand.

“Get out,” Sidney groaned.

I laughed as Sid dropped his head back against the headrest, rolling his eyes at his friend as the larger of the two men chuckled and gathered his bags. We said our goodbyes, Geno laughing all the while. Sidney pulled away from the curb as soon as Geno was out of sight. I leaned back into the bucket seat, letting the warmth of the heated seat envelope me.

“I’ve only met two of your teammates, and both have been merciless.”

“Merciless flirts.”

“Are they all that friendly?”

“Nope, you’ve just lucked out. Nealer is really the only other one who might be trouble.”

“Good to know.”

“At least you’re prepared.” He paused as he headed for the guest house where he was still staying. “You didn’t mind did you? I really should have warned you.”

“It’s fine. As long as you don’t intend to introduce me to the rest of them that way, it shouldn’t be a problem.”

“I hadn’t planned on it. Didn’t really plan the first two, it just happened that way,” he said with a soft smile.

I eyed him for a moment, his eyes locked on the road ahead of him. Midday traffic was less than stellar and we found ourselves at a standstill on the way back to Sewickley.

“You don’t intend to make any big introduction right now, do you?”

“Not any time soon,” his eyes landed on me as he spoke. “I don’t want them to chase my girlfriend off before the season starts. I play shitty hockey when I’ve been dumped by a beautiful girl.”

“I wouldn’t dump you.”

“You can’t be sure of that. You’ve only met two of them.”

“I’m pretty tough, and like you said, only one of the other should give me any trouble. I think I’ll be able to handle it.”

“Are you really ready for that?” he questioned as we rolled forward slowly.

“Not at all.” A nervous laugh bubbled up in my throat at the thought. “Not during this visit. This is about us.”

I wanted to meet his teammates, it wasn’t like they didn’t already know about me. But it didn’t feel like it was the right time for big introductions. Sidney wasn’t the only one who needed to focus, they all did. I didn’t want to be the one to throw any of them off by somehow changing the dynamic. More than likely, I was giving myself too much credit, but I certainly wasn’t willing to risk a thing.

“Probably a wise choice. Now may not be the best time.”

It took a while to get back to the guest house, but once we were there, we both settled in quickly. We fell back into our old habits. Sid would go to the rink and check on the new house while I stayed behind and worked. He would come back to the guest house and share the details of his practice and while it was nearly always the same story, it wasn’t something I would ever trade.

There was a change in him, a light in his eyes that I hadn’t seen before, at least not first hand. There was a lightness about him that brought a smile to my face. It was clear that he was happier than he had been in a very long time, like the missing piece was finally in place and his life could go in the direction it was meant to. There wasn’t anything stopping him, nothing to hold him back or slow him down.

Each night, after dinner and a couple of glasses of wine, we would tumble into bed or onto the sofa. Once we only made it as far as the kitchen counter after I watched him load the dishwasher while wearing a pair of jeans that should have been outlawed. For a while there was nothing else in the world. It was just the two of us in those moments that I wished would last forever. There was nothing that could touch us, not a sound that could pull us from our revelry. He joked that the house could be on fire and neither of us would even notice and while I laughed, I wondered if it could be true.

The days ticked down and while we’d avoided the world outside of us for days, Mario and Nathalie had us over for dinner to celebrate the end of the lockout, something that we’d all been waiting for in a manner that was less than patient. It wasn’t the way that we’d planned to spend my last meal in Pittsburgh, but we knew that it was only healthy to leave the confines of the guest house for a few hours and to interact with others. Besides, I was beginning to miss them and didn’t want to pass up a chance to share a meal with the family before I left. I had no idea when I would be back.

There was something different about the meal that evening. It was much like the others in most ways, but the fact was that the air around us felt different, lighter in a way. It was as though the lockout had previously been lingering over our heads, floating above us and drawing us down though we hadn’t even noticed. The atmosphere was different as he lounged around the table in the kitchen after we’d finished the meal.

The kids all had other things to do, keeping themselves busy and leaving the adults to our own devices. Sidney and Mario offered to clean up after dinner, gathering the dishes and leaving me with Nathalie as we continued to nurse the glasses of wine in our hands. My eyes drifted towards Sidney every once in a while. I just couldn’t seem to let him out of my sight.

“This is when it gets tricky, isn’t it?” I asked.

“It certainly isn’t a cake walk,” she admitted. “But I know for a fact that it’s worth every bit of work that it takes. All of the effort pays off in the end. Hockey will be over someday, at least his playing career will be, but you will have built something that will last long after his time in the league is over.”

“I feel like we lucked out,” I confessed. “As much as I know the lockout just about drove Sid insane, I think we had more time to build something. Maybe this won’t be as much of a test as it could have been.”

“You could be onto something there; you’ve had more time than most in your position. But I think Sidney was going to want this whether the season had started last fall or not.”

“What would I have wanted last fall?” Sidney asked, glancing over his shoulder.

“Stop eavesdropping and rinse the dishes, Canada.”

He smirked at me and I knew that Nathalie had a point. By the time the season was initially supposed to start, though we’d only been together a few months, he’d already found himself a home in my heart, burrowed in deep and determined to stay. I was stuck with him even then. We both would have put the work in no matter what, too stubborn to back down from the challenge that being together was bound to present.

I caught Nathalie smiling at me, a look that said more than it appeared to at face value.

“What?”

“I just don’t recall ever seeing Sidney this at ease. I’ve seen him happy, but this is new. He’s just…”

“Content?” I suggested.

“That’s the perfect way to describe it. What on earth did you do, agree to move here?”

“Not yet,” I admitted. “I don’t know what it is, but I’ve noticed it too.”

“So he’s really asked?”

“More than once,” I said with a nod. “But we’ve got plenty of time for big steps. Right now his mind needs to be on hockey.”

She seemed to concentrate for a moment. “So you aren’t moving in and I don’t see a ring,” she murmured. “You aren’t pregnant, are you?”

“No,” I replied, holding my wine glass towards her as evidence.

“Just checking,” she said with a grin. “He must just be really in love with you.”

I watched Sidney over Nathalie’s shoulder. He’d clearly been listening, his focus far from the dishes that were sitting in the sink waiting to be rinsed. I could have sworn for a moment that I saw him deflate slightly at my denial, but I couldn’t even think about kids. That kind of thing was something that belonged in the distant future as far as I was concerned, there was no need to skip steps and jump straight to parenthood. I was a little old fashioned that way and I knew that Sidney was too.

I chalked it up to the wine going to my head and making me think too much as it had a tendency to do more often than not.

By the time we made it back to the guest house, it was clear that Sidney had let the wine go to his head as well. We were barely in the house, the door still hanging open when his lips were on mine and my fingers were tangled in the mess of curls that had been begging for my attention all night. Before long we were battling for dominance. Sidney used his foot to nudge the door closed behind us; shutting out the rest of the world as we stumbled into the house

I moaned into his mouth, unable to resist the urge.

He pulled back, a lopsided smile gracing his full lips. His eyes caught the light in a way that made them look as if they were on fire. Heat bubbled up in the pit of my stomach, longing and want filling me to the brim. He’d taken my utterance as submission, an admission of defeat. And while I wanted the upper hand, the look in his eyes made me weak in the knees.

Before I could react to his victorious smile, he had the upper hand. He grabbed me by the waist and without a second of hesitation, he tossed me up over his shoulder as if I was nothing more than a sack of flour. I tried not to laugh as I was jostled on the trip to the bedroom, Sidney not showing a bit of strain from the added weight of my body thrown over his shoulder.

We’d made the bed as a team earlier in the day, having decided that after several days of depravity and early morning love making, fresh linens were a necessity. We were about to undo all of the work we’d done after I’d packed my suitcase that afternoon.

It didn’t matter.

He tossed me down onto the mattress, making quick work of the jeans that I’d been wearing as my hands flew to his belt. I caught a whiff of his cologne as he hovered above me and bit down on my lip to keep from making another sound that would lead him to believe he was winning our little war.

“I’m going to miss this,” he admitted, his breath brushing my skin.

“Just this?”

“You,” he amended, “I’m going to miss you like hell.”

“Better,” I replied, stretching to reach his lips with my own.

“You could always just stay.”

“Not yet.”

“What if missing you distracts me?”

We broke apart for a moment as he pulled my shirt up over my head. I’d been working at the buttons on his shirt, the pale skin of his chest and abdomen just asking for my nails to be raked across the taut muscles and smooth flesh.

“It won’t. You’ll be too busy and too focused to miss me.”

“I beg to differ.”

“If you’re going to miss me so fucking much,” I hissed as he hooked a thumb into the side of my underwear, “you sure are wasting a lot of precious time talking about it.”

He smiled then dipped his head, his lips on my neck in a flash. He was going to leave a mark, but I didn’t care. I’d travelled with a few scarves, tucked in my bag in case there was anything that needed to be concealed from prying eyes on the trip back to Boston.

I would pay him back by leaving marks of my own behind.

We spent the night marking our territory, neither of us missing an inch. I had to be up early for my flight back to Boston, but neither of us seemed to care. We took our time, not risking missing a moment, a second of our time together.

When we finally fell asleep, my head on his chest and his arms wrapped around me, holding me motionless like the harness on a carnival ride, we were both exhausted.

For me, my night of sleep amounted to little more than a nap, but I woke before the alarm on my phone could pull me from my dreams. Neither of us had moved an inch and my joints cried out, needing to stretch to fight the rigidity they’d taken on. He was still sound asleep, his breathing slow and rhythmic, soothing and threatening to pull me back under. The sun wasn’t up but I needed to get out of bed and start my day.

Sidney had hired a car to take me to the airport, insisting that he wouldn’t let me pay for a cab. I knew that the black sedan would show up in the driveway early, giving me plenty of time to get to the airport without the risk of missing my flight. But a part of me was willing to take that risk, to stay in bed and miss my plane. Another day in Pittsburgh wouldn’t kill me and I knew Sidney wouldn’t argue. But I’d decided when I’d agreed to the trip that I would be out of town by the time the boys began their shortened camp. I refused to be a distraction even if Sidney did argue that my absence would be more distraction than anything. I didn’t want to get in the way of his habits and rituals. I wanted him to treat everything like it was a normal season, a season before I existed.

I attempted to separate myself from Sidney but his arms remained locked around me. I heard him groan but knew that he was still sound asleep. He was stronger than me, even when he was sleeping. The more I attempted to pull away the stronger his grip became. It was a dangerous cycle to start, if I kept fighting, I would never get loose and I would be liable to go back on my promise to myself.

I had to get out of bed whether it was what I wanted to do or not.

“Baby,” I murmured, placing a kiss on his collarbone. “I have to get up.”

He groaned in reply.

“Sidney, you have to let go.”

He let go of a deep breath, the air leaving his lungs like a sigh. He was stirring; I knew that he would be awake soon enough. I kissed him again, my lips pressed against the taut skin of his muscular shoulder.

“Stay,” he murmured, his arm still locked around me.

His voice was heavy, husky with sleep. The sound made me want to do what he asked. It was so hard to resist. I was warm and comfortable. I felt safe in his arms, like I could stay there forever. And I would, gladly.

“You know I can’t.”

“I know you won’t,” he retorted with the gravel still settled deep in his voice.

I heard sadness in his tone. I knew that he wanted me to stay, but I had to think about my own life and not only his. He knew that I wasn’t going to give in and I knew that as much as he wanted to, he wouldn’t push me. I felt his grip relax as he ducked his head to kiss me. We were past the point that we worried about morning breath; I loved kissing him in the morning as much as I loved kissing him at night. I tried not to let the feeling of his lips on mine overwhelm me and gathered enough though to push up out of his grip.

He stayed in bed, reclined with his arms behind his head, watching my every move as I scurried around the room getting ready. I felt his gaze on me as I double checked the contents of my bag and slipped into a pair of jeans that I’d worn more than once during the visit.

He still hadn’t moved when I returned to the room after brushing my teeth and pulling my hair out of my face.

“I still can’t believe you didn’t bring a coat,” he commented.

He’d commented on it several times over the course of my trip. But I hadn’t intended to be out wandering around Pittsburgh and even if I had, it wasn’t so cold that a sweatshirt or even long sleeves wouldn’t suffice to keep me warm.

“I won’t need a coat on the plane.”

He shook his head and slid out from under the covers. He moved fluidly though it was clear he was exhausted, two hours of sleep clearly not enough for him to be rested. I was already feeling awake from the process of readying myself for the day. I urged him to stay in bed trying to ignore the way his muscles moved beneath his skin, rolling and flexing with every step he took.

He pulled open one of the drawers in his dresser and tossed a sweatshirt my way.

“Something to remember me by,” he muttered.

It smelled like him and I knew it did. I didn’t put up a fight, pulling it on and zipping it up. It was just another piece of Penguins merchandise to add to my growing pile. It was another piece of Sidney’s clothing that I would be stealing, adding it to a hat and several t-shirts that had bled into my wardrobe over the months.

“Just because I’m leaving doesn’t mean I have any intention of forgetting you,” I replied.

“Just in case.”

Light filtered through the window as the car pulled up in front of the house. Sidney sent me a sad smile and picked up my duffel, reaching for my hand. I let his hand wrap around mine and he led me from the bedroom and towards the front door. He was wearing nothing more than his boxers and I knew that he wouldn’t follow me outside or step beyond the front door, just in case there was a chance of someone snapping a picture that he’d never live down in the locker room.

We stopped at the door. He gazed down at me for a moment before his hand wrapped around the back of my neck, pulling me in towards him. He kissed me hard, not out of desperation but as a signal to me that he wanted me to stay. I kissed him back without hesitation, still certain that I had the wherewithal to get out the door and into the car, leaving him behind. I pulled away, knowing that I would still feel him on my lips when I was back in Boston. It was a feeling that lingered, a sensation that never truly left me, one that I could recall without effort. All I had to do was think of him and I could feel his lips on mine, his fingers on my skin.

“Stay?”

“I love you, Sidney.”

He smiled, still looking tired. “I love you too.”

“Call me later.”

“Of course.”

“Don’t miss me too much, okay?”

“I’ll try.”

“You’ll be fine.”

“Keep telling yourself that.”

I chuckled, took my bag from him, and headed out the door before I could stop myself. I didn’t hear the door close behind me and knew that he was watching me walk from the door to the car, making sure that I wasn’t going to turn around. I turned and waved as I reached the car, not watching to see if he sent the gesture back in return as I slid into the backseat of the car. I wasn’t sure what would feel worse, seeing him wave goodbye or watching him close the door.

I trained my eyes on the road, ignoring the pain in my stomach. It had hurt to leave before, but it was different with the season about to begin. I was just getting acquainted with the new version of Sidney, enjoying the freeness with which he smiled and laughed. I felt like leaving would force me to miss the development that was only just beginning.

I felt my phone buzz in my pocket as we approached the airport. I slid it out of the front pocket of my jeans and smiled at the message from Sidney wishing me a safe flight. He knew I was leaving, that I’d been gone long enough that the car wasn’t turning around to take me back to him. I typed a quick reply telling him to get some rest before his last informal practice because in just over 24-hours he would be beginning training camp. He promised he would before I turned off my phone and headed into the airport to go back to an apartment in a city that was bound to feel less like home than it ever had.

I hated the feeling, the emptiness that I knew would envelope me when I stepped foot in my apartment. But at the same time, I cherished the feeling. It was nice to know that there was something, someone really, so important that my home no longer felt like home to me simply because he wasn’t there. It was a reminder of just how blessed I was and that feeling alone would be enough to get me through until the next time I felt his arms around me or his lips pressed against mine.

That would just have to be enough.