The Right Thing

Sidney did what he could to function normally between appointments with his dentist and surgeon. It wasn’t easy for him; especially for the period of time that they were keeping him inactive so he didn’t rip a stitch or cause any damage. The pain pills were enough to keep him occupied, making him tired enough to nap more often than he normally would.

He stopped by the arena a few times before he’d been cleared. He wanted to be present, to still be there for his team, especially as the end of the season was drawing near. Whether he could play or not, he wanted to be a part of things whenever he could.

He went with them on a trip to Florida and for some reason, I stuck around. I stayed in Pittsburgh while he was away and Sebastian seemed to know that I was on my own, taking advantage of the situation and taking me out on the town a few nights in a row.

He had a number of favorite bars that he wanted to introduce me to. I’d been out with Sidney a few times, hidden away in the VIP areas of a number of hot spots in the South Side. But the places that Sebastian preferred weren’t quite the same.

There was a lounge where we’d listened to karaoke and 80’s music until I thought my ears would bleed. The lighting cast a red glow over everything in the place, including the faces of the strangers who were too close for my liking.

We followed that adventure with one at an island themed bar where they served the drinks in mugs and bowls meant to be souvenirs. The music was loud and the place was packed, but I couldn’t interest myself in sharing a bowl of rum with several other people. That was the only night that had ended early, a failure that Sebastian had taken responsibility for.

Our third night was at a martini bar after I’d refused an adventure at a Halloween themed place in the same neighborhood. I regretted the decision about halfway through the night as it seemed that my glass was never quite empty and every concoction tasted better than the last. I should have stopped drinking long before I did, but he managed to keep me drinking until we poured ourselves into a cab after last call.

I was exhausted when Sidney called me from the hotel in Florida on Friday afternoon. It was as if Sebastian didn’t have any real responsibilities aside from taking me out to get hammered on weeknights when I was certain his mornings were never as difficult as mine were. It wasn’t the weekend and I was already feeling like I was going to die if I had so much as another sip of alcohol.

Sid and the boys had been out at the pool all day, filling their hours with the sun that we’d all been missing over the course of winter and early spring. I was jealous as I searched Sidney’s cabinets for an aspirin to chase away my hangover.

“Do you have any Pedialyte?” I muttered.

My mouth was dry and I felt like I might heave. I swallowed my nausea and tried not to open my eyes too wide. I had no idea what time it was, but I knew it was far later than I’d slept since I was in college. I swallowed the aspirin dry and shuffled towards the kitchen.

“What?”

“I know how you athletes work. It’s stronger than Gatorade, replenishes electrolytes faster.”

“Why do you need it? Are you sick?”

“I went out with Bastian last night.”

“Hangover,” he muttered. “How bad?”

“It’s like there is a gremlin in my brain chiseling cave-art in my skull; with a very dull chisel…or maybe a jackhammer.”

“What were you drinking?”

I could tell that he was trying not to laugh. I’d never seen Sidney more than a little tipsy, but he metabolized alcohol in the way that most people metabolized water. But he didn’t want to piss me off when he knew that I was feeling like hell.

“Pretty sure they were just martinis, but he could have been dosing me with absinthe for all I know. All I do know is that I’m never going out with that idiot again.”

“I think there might be some in the fridge. No promises.” Sidney said as I heard him excusing himself from the rest of the group. “Interesting night last night?”

I didn’t feel the need to tell him how we’d run into Charlie and Oliver who had been seeing each other since the disastrous Halloween group date that Sebastian had drug me along for. Sebastian had gotten flustered and I’d been the one to tell a few off-color jokes to ease the tension. It had been terribly awkward and had we not both been so drunk when we got back to his apartment, I would have been forced to suffer through several episodes of Sex in the City. Instead, I’d insisted that I take the cab all the way back to Sewickley. It had cost plenty, but I’d been able to pass out in Sidney’s bed where I seemed to sleep better than anywhere else.

I didn’t mention that I’d fallen asleep in the dress that I’d worn to the bar either.

It felt a little pathetic.

We talked for a while and eventually I gave up on the search for Pedialyte. I wound up collapsed on the sofa with a bottle of Gatorade and the lights turned low. Sidney got a good laugh out of my plight, but it was a great sound to hear. I was willing to be the butt of the joke if I could hear the chime of his laugh.

Frankly, I missed him though it had only been a couple of days.

He’d been in a good mood through most of the battle since his jaw had been broken. It was a process and he knew that it would take time to heal, it allowed him to keep his spirits high. But I was glad that he was out having fun with his teammates even though he was in Florida and so far from home.

It was interesting being alone in his space. I hadn’t been in Pittsburgh without him being there with me. It was an experiment that might play a role in our future. If we stayed together in the way that we were going, if what we had going for us became permanent in the way that we’d so quietly whispered about, it would be the way our lives worked. I would stay in Pittsburgh while he was on the road for away games. It would be the way that our relationship would function with some amount of regularity. Sidney and I would have to deal with the challenges that came along with it.

His tone was different when he called me the next day. They had a game against the Panthers that night, one that he’d be watching from the press box. But as much as he’d enjoyed his day at the pool with his teammates, there had been worry in the back of his mind. I knew it but hadn’t mentioned it, afraid to push him into talking about his Nanny Crosby being sick.

The cancer had been a part of her life for nine years, a part of her life that the family knew would eventually take her away. His father had called him earlier in the day to tell him that Linda had passed and my heart ached for him as he relayed the news to me. She wasn’t suffering any longer, but that wasn’t a comfort to him in that moment. That would certainly take time.

“She would have wanted you there,” he said after asking me to accompany him to Nova Scotia for the funeral later in the week.

I didn’t doubt him. I’d met her only once during our trip at Christmas, but she’d made her approval clear. She’d also asked me to keep an eye on Sidney, to love him as best I could. That meant, regardless of my discomfort with funerals in general, I needed to be with him if he wanted me there.

I couldn’t deny him. I knew that if the situation were reversed or if he’d been in my life when I was a teenager, he would have been by my side when I’d lost my mother. I wouldn’t have had to ask. It wouldn’t have been a question.

He was cleared to skate when he got home, allowed to join his fellow injured teammates on the ice though taking hits and full practice drills were another thing entirely. It helped him clear his head, kept him distracted from feeling too much of the pain that I was sure would hit him once he was surrounded by his family back in his hometown.

The week was a challenge. I spent most of Monday in tears, concerned about the people of Boston, wondering where I would have been and whether I would have been in any danger had I been back there as opposed to staying with Sidney in Pittsburgh. The distance felt horrible as Sebastian and I traded phone calls, seeing who we’d heard from and gotten ahold of, trying to make sure that everyone we knew was okay.

Staying busy became my only saving grace.

I took it upon myself to pack for us and after he skated with the boys on Wednesday morning we were on a plane to Halifax.

It was the first time that I’d travelled with Sidney sans private plane. We joined the regular people of the world on a commercial flight. He went for first class seats, but it was a change for me. I’d always given him crap for the private charters but I could see that he was uncomfortable. A businessman across the aisle from us kept eyeing him then going back to his Blackberry.

I could see it in Sidney’s eyes, wondering if that stranger was tweeting his whereabouts, impeding on what little privacy Sidney got. I hoped that it wasn’t the case, but I had no way of knowing and I tried to avoid anything with Sidney’s name on the internet. The rumors got old and the vile things that people said were enough to make my skin crawl.

I didn’t need the internet to tell me a damn thing about the man that I loved.

I saw a different side of Sidney over the course of those two days in Canada.

As he squeezed my hand, his knuckles fading to white, I saw him in a completely different light.

I’d seen him experience any number of emotions in the time we’d been together. I’d seen anger so intense that it bordered on rage. I’d seen him frustrated, passionate, and gleeful. I’d seen him broken in a hospital bed on a heavy dose of pain medication, swollen and toothless. I’d seen him happy and dejected. But I hadn’t seen him as I was in that moment at the church as a family friend stood to speak about Linda.

Though I’d seen both sadness and vulnerability play out across his features, tensing the set of his jaw as it grabbed hold, I’d never seen him experience grief. I’d never felt my heart break for him as he vacillated between sadness and relief for her. It was all new, completely uncharted territory.

I held his hand, my mind flashing to the funerals that I’d attended in my life. They were few and far between; my father’s father and a great aunt that I barely knew. I’d had a high school teacher pass away and the whole school had attended his funeral.

My mother.

I listened to the kind words spoken about a woman that I’d met only once and felt the sadness that Sidney was trying to hold at bay.

I’d been holding my own emotions in for days in the same way Sidney had. But as Troy’s sister stood at the pulpit to speak about her mother. Tears sprang to my eyes. I hadn’t spoken at my mother’s funeral. I’d still been working through denial, unable to accept the loss. She’d been healthy and happy and then she was just gone. But I knew how his aunt was feeling. I knew how all of them were feeling.

Sidney handed me a tissue as I felt the tears running down my cheeks. I gave him a weak smile, a gesture that he returned as his eyes swam. I squeezed his hand, my knuckles creaking under the strain.

Taylor was sitting on his other side, clinging to his arm. He was being strong for her, it was instinct for him. But he needed someone too and though I was unable to hold back my tears, I was glad to be there for him.

We returned to Pittsburgh the same way we’d left and he continued the waiting game that his life was becoming. He only had so much patience, but he did what he could to stay focused and wait it out.

Sidney would have rather been playing hockey, that was perfectly clear, but after a visit with his surgeon, he wasn’t quite there. His jaw wasn’t as healed as the doctor wanted it to be and for that reason Sidney was going to have to sit out at least the first game of the playoffs. The rest remained a mystery. He had no idea when he could get back on the ice for good and it was liable to drive him a little bit crazy.

He wasn’t happy about it, but he knew better than to argue. It didn’t stop him from being in a bad mood when he got home.

“What’s the verdict?” I asked as I put the finishing touches on an early dinner.

Sidney had slipped into the apartment and headed straight for the bathroom and into the shower. I knew that it couldn’t have gone the way he wanted it to when he was at his appointment with the doctor. He clearly hadn’t heard what he wanted to hear. If he had, he would have moved directly to the kitchen to tell me and give me a celebratory kiss. It was apparent that that hadn’t happened.

“Can’t play.”

“Timeline?”

“None.”

“Sorry, honey.”

“I really wanted to open the series.”

“You really wanted to be back last week.”

“It’s not even sore anymore.”

“But if you take a hit too early everything will have to be reset. More surgery and no post-season at all for you; you have to be patient.”

“I am patient.”

“When the press ask, you’re patient. Here, you’re like an impudent child who isn’t getting his way. Just give it time.”

“Easy for you to say.”

“No, it’s not. Frankly, I would much rather you were out there taking hits and doing your job, but instead I get to watch you sulk.”

“I’m not sulking.”

I rolled my eyes. He was healing well but the doctor simply wasn’t confident that he could take the kind of hits that were waiting for him. The Islanders were fast and physical and they would play their toughest guys against Sid and Geno, that was a given. It was the playoffs, the hits would be harder and if Sidney wasn’t completely healed when he went back, he was likely to regret it.

“Fine,” he murmured as he sidled up behind me and placed a quick kiss on the side of my neck. “I’m done sulking.”

“If that’s the case, then you can set the table and pour us some wine.”

“Putting me to work?”

“Well, if you can’t play hockey, you might as well make yourself useful.”

He walked away as I pulled the chicken that I’d been working on out of the oven. Sid’s diet was still terribly limited. Anything that took too long to chew was off-limits and steak was out of the question until his teeth were fixed. Still, with his missing teeth, I would have paid to watch him try to eat an apple.

We’d made a deal that I would stay in Pittsburgh until Sidney was cleared to play. I wasn’t sure why that had been the bargain we ended up striking, but it was the case. I tried not to think about leaving again and instead focused on the fact that when I went back to Boston there was a long list of things that I needed to do.

I had to set things up with the movers and sell off the furniture and appliances that would no longer be of use to me. I had parking tickets to pay off and would either have to sell my car or my final shuttle between Boston and Pittsburgh would have to be in the old beater of a vehicle I’d been driving since college.

I’d bought the car, a sedan nearly as old as I was, when I was a sophomore in college on money that I’d made working at a bowling alley on weekends and early morning shifts at a café several days of the week before class. It had been a rusty piece of shit then, five years of me being behind the wheel hadn’t done the poor junker any favors. I doubted it could even survive the drive to Pittsburgh.

“What would you say to going back to Mario’s?”

“For?”

“The rest of the playoffs.”

“Staying in the guest house, you mean?”

“Mmhmm,” he murmured though a mouthful of pasta.

“Running back to the familiar?”

He shrugged, waiting for me to give him some sort of answer.

“Sid, I’m fine with it wherever you want to be is fine.”

I stopped before mentioning our deal. I didn’t need to start anything with him. I knew he didn’t want to think about it, especially given his mood after hearing that he wouldn’t be in for the first game of the series.

The next night, after we’d settled back in at the guest house in Sewickley, I watched as he got into his suit and slicked back his hair.

“You’re sure you don’t want to come? You can sit up in the press box with me and the other guys. It’s a great view from that high above the ice.”

“I’ll be fine on the couch.”

“You’re positive?”

I laughed and pressed a kiss to his lips. “Positive.”

He sighed as I straightened his tie. He was nervous even though he wasn’t playing. It was a big series, their gateway into the rest of the playoffs and after a few disappointingly short post seasons, they needed the win. They needed to make it into the second round and I doubted there was another player in the league who craved lifting the cup as much as he did.

They were in for a battle against a team that many people had written off.

I watched the game from the guest house, writing up lists as the game moved forward. I got distracted easily during game; my mind always somewhere else no matter how much I had always enjoyed the sport. I didn’t want to think that Sidney was a major factor in how well on concentrated on games, but it seemed to be the case.

Still, I tried to keep my eyes on the screen and was glad I did when Marc started the series with a shut-out. It was a great way to begin the playoffs, a great way to start the ball rolling in the right direction.

I knew that Sidney was likely sitting in the press box wishing that he was on the bench and could only assume that he wouldn’t manage to watch the whole thing from his perch so high above the action. I couldn’t blame him. Loving the game as much as he did propelled him, but it couldn’t be easy, not even a little, when he couldn’t let that happen. His desire to play grew every single day and he couldn’t do what he wanted to. He couldn’t follow that desire and it had to be eating him up little by little.

He called from the locker room, the boys sounding rowdy in the background, to invite me out. I declined, the drive from Sewickley sounding like more of a chore than anything and I didn’t want him to feel the need to pick me up and drive all the way back into the city just to have some drinks with his teammates. Besides, I wanted him to enjoy his time with the boys. I wasn’t one of the girlfriends who felt the need to supervise his actions. I trusted him to be out on his own with his buddies. I had no fear that made me feel like I needed to be with him 24-hours a day to make sure that he didn’t get himself into any trouble.

He got home when I was already in bed. I settled back against him as he curled up in bed and slept soundly in his arms until he slipped away in the morning. He left me to my own devices and letting me focus on work as the day moved forward.

My phone rang from the next room, pulling me out of my work. I pushed myself away from the desk and ran for the bedroom. I caught the call as I dove across the bed to pluck the phone off of my bedside table.

“Hello?”

I was winded from sprinting to the bedroom.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Fine, just ran for the phone.”

“I need to get you out for runs with me again.”

“I’m fine being your couch-potato girlfriend,” I replied. “Is there a reason you called aside from insulting my fitness level.”

“I’m cleared.”

I could hear the smile in his voice. He sounded almost giddy at the prospect of playing again and the verdict changing so quickly. It was especially surprising given the fact that he didn’t have an appointment with the doctor set up. They hadn’t even given him a hint that he would be ready so soon.

“When did you see the doctor?”

“He was around after practice. I wasn’t even going to talk to him.”

“But he said you’re ready?”

“He said that he’s confident that it’s healed enough to take the hits that are waiting for me.”

“Sounds like a nice surprise.”

“Understatement.” He paused for a moment, his tone changing slightly. “You’re coming, right?”

“Sidney—“

“Nope. I don’t like it when you start sentences with a long, drawn out utterance of my name. No arguing. You can sit in the box with Mario and Nathalie. They enjoy it and I want you to be there.”

I didn’t reply.

“Please?”

“We’ll decide tonight. I’m not saying yes and I’m not saying no.”

“Fine,” he replied flippantly.

“But I’m ecstatic you get to play tomorrow.”

“Me too, and I’m taking you to dinner to celebrate.”

“Sidney—“

“Don’t complain. I’m just taking you to the café, nothing terribly fancy.”

“Fine.” It was my turn to be flippant.

“I’ll see you when I get home. And I love you.”

“I love you too.”

I couldn’t focus on my work after we spoke. After a while I gave up entirely and did what I could to get myself put together given the boiling lump of fear in my gut.

Sidney noticed during dinner.

“I know we said you’d go back after I was healed but I didn’t think an extra day would upset you.”

I picked at my salad.

“That’s not why I’m upset.”

“Is it the running thing? Because I was just kidding around, I don’t care if you get winded when you sprint for the phone. It was an asshole thing to say but you’re still more than welcome to join me for workouts if you want to…”

“It’s not that, and I’m not mad at you. Yet.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

“I’m just kind of scared.”

“Of what?”

“Watching you play.”

“What?”

“When I think about you on the ice, all I can see is that puck hitting you. And the blood.”

I dropped my fork on the plate, my appetite was shot.

“Babe, I’m fine. It’s a part of the game, but I’m okay.”

He reached across the table and put his hand on mine. He never touched me in public. We didn’t hold hands or walk too close to one another for fear of drawing attention. If our thighs touched when we sat, we were too close. But he didn’t seem too worried about being seen with his finger laced with mine.

“I just…”

“You’ll get better at dealing with it. But I’ve been through worse. If you come tomorrow you’ll be with Nat which should make it easier. Or, you could always sit with the wives and girlfriends.”

“Or not.”

I’d only met a couple of the WAGs of the team. I’d met Marc’s wife Vero over dinner at the house in March, but she was home with a brand new baby. Frankly, I didn’t want Carole-Lyn Dupuis to feel like she had to babysit the new girl.

“Another time.”

I nodded.

“Will you please come? I have to leave for New York right after but I’ll see you before we go and you can ride with Mario and Nat.”

“Fine.”

“Are you going to be here when I get back next week?”

“I haven’t booked a flight if that’s what you mean.”

“Will you at least stay until I come home?”

“I can spare a couple of days.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Sid being back didn’t work in their favor and the game was less than pleasant to watch. He held his head high and was cheerful, if a little exhausted, when I saw him before they headed for the airport.

I promised to watch the games while they were away.

Game three wasn’t as hard to witness from Sidney’s couch, but they still weren’t playing great hockey. We only talked for a few minutes that night. Sidney seemed to be in high spirits after the win, his first since being back. But I knew that he was tired, still struggling to get into game shape. I wanted to let him rest even if he said he was willing to stay up and chat.

They had a day off the next day and we got plenty of time to talk.

Game four was another story. Frankly, it was painful to watch and when Sidney got hit in the throat with a puck, I nearly turned off the TV. Instead, I strung together curses in new and creative ways until the game was over and collapsed into bed not long after.

I wasn’t sure how Sid would be feeling when they got back to Pittsburgh and I wasn’t sure than I wanted to be away to find out.

Sidney crawled into bed long after midnight. As much as he put on a show of being in game shape, he was exhausted and sore after every game. It was getting better with each day and each workout, after all he had been away for a month, unable to do much of anything to stay as fit as he normally was. But it would be a while before he was back where he wanted to be, frankly it could take all summer to get back up to his normal weight. Still, after the loss of the game in New York, his condition seemed to be the least of his worries, and understandably so.

“Hey, babe.”

He muttered a reply into his pillow. I couldn’t be sure if he was speaking English or even if he’d used words at all.

“Tough one, huh?” I asked.

Sidney looked at me as though I’d made a gross understatement. I never knew what to say after a big loss and it was my first time being the girlfriend of the man who seemed to want to place all of the blame squarely on his own shoulders. His fans expected a cup and he wanted it more than anyone could possibly fathom. But it was enough to stress him out in a way that I couldn’t quite understand.

“How’s Marc taking it?”

“Like he lost the cup for us and he’s going to be drawn and quartered by a mob of angry fans the next time he steps foot in the arena. I tried to talk to him, but he’s still too angry. A lot of the guys are. The locker room wasn’t a pretty place tonight. I’ll try again tomorrow before we talk to the press. See if everyone isn’t feeling a little less rage by morning.”

“He’s knows it isn’t his fault, doesn’t he?”

“It’s just so obvious when a goalie has a shitty game. We all played like shit. He deserved better from us.”

“Thursday.”

He looked at me like a little boy who’d lost his favorite toy. I didn’t like that look, especially since I knew how much he cared about his teammates. It was never good when the captain wore the expression that he was.

“Dan’s not going to pull him…”

“Wouldn’t you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Neither do I,” he said with a sigh. “I have all the confidence in the world in him. He’s an elite goalie for a reason, but the fact is he doesn’t have the confidence in himself. He’s covers for us every game and we didn’t do that for him and he’s holding himself responsible. Doesn’t help that he’s probably being crucified right now.”

“The real fans support him.”

“And the pundits want him out. He’s shaken up.”

“And you can’t afford another collapse.”

“Not if we want to survive this series.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, my hand creeping up his neck and into his hair. “I wish there was something I could do.”

“You’re here, that’s all that matters.”

“Sid, about that—“

“Hell no. You aren’t going to make this night any fucking worse by telling me you’re going back to Boston. We had a deal.”

“That I would stay until you were healed.”

“Have you seen my teeth?”

“Sidney.”

“Please, Bronwyn. Not tonight. We can talk about this later. Just come over here and help me get some sleep.”

I couldn’t deny him. He’d had a terrible night and the next day wasn’t bound to be any better for him of his team. He was the captain; he had to be a leader even when he wasn’t sure what to do. He had no control over the situation; Marc’s fate was in the hands of Dan and the executives.

But he would still have to answer questions about it. He’d still have to act like his media training was strong enough to override his feelings of loyalty to his goalie and friend. He would have to fight back the urge to defend Marc with everything he had and act as though he fully supported whatever Dan decided to do about the situation. He’d have to play the part and he wasn’t looking forward to it.

I rolled onto my side and he did the same, facing each other in the dark and sharing his pillow just to be close enough. I pressed my lips to his, still getting used to being able to kiss him again. I felt the familiar jolt of the contact and sigh against his mouth.

“Just know that I’m glad you’re here,” he murmured as we pulled away and I tucked my head against his chest. “I look forward to coming home to you, knowing that you’ll be here when I get back. It makes everything easier to deal with.”

“I love being here, Sid. That’s not why I brought up going back.”

“We said we weren’t talking about this.”

“You said it. I never agreed.”

“I assumed.”

“Your problem, not mine.”

He sighed into my hair, I melted against him.

“I just want the move to be easier. I don’t want it to take up the whole summer.”

“We’ll figure it out, babe. For now, let’s just get some sleep. Okay?”

“Okay.”

He was quiet, focused as the days went on. They won game five, breaking the 2-2 tie against New York. They fought back, even if they still weren’t playing their best hockey, the battle was back and they were looking at a possible move forward.

I wished him luck before they headed back to Long Island. He knew that I would be in Pittsburgh waiting, but we’d finally discussed the fact that even if they moved forward in the playoffs, which we clearly hoped they would; I wouldn’t be staying for their second round match-up. I couldn’t completely ignore my life in Boston. I had packing to finish and an apartment to clear out. I still hadn’t contacted a moving company to help me figure out when I would be sending my belongings off to Pittsburgh.

It wasn’t that I wanted to leave, not really. It was just something that I had to do, no matter whether they won or lost their series.

Sidney had been disappointed, but he understood. I didn’t want my life to revolve around him in the same way his life couldn’t revolve around me. Couple or not, we were both individuals, people who needed to live their own lives even if we would miss each other like crazy.

I picked at my cuticles as I watched the game. If they won, it was over. If they lost they’d come back for game seven and he would expect me to be there to watch. I felt selfish even thinking about not wanting to go to a game, but it still made me feel uneasy. I’d gotten through the game with Nathalie at my side, but I wasn’t sure if I could handle another in such short order.

I went from sitting on the sofa eating cereal to sitting on the carpet in front of the television wringing my hands as the nausea mounted. They traded leads back and forth and I could barely keep my emotions in check as the game progressed. I was nearly ready to throw up by the time the final buzzer went off.

The series was theirs.

Sidney called me later. I’d already retired to his bed, knowing that they would be on their flight home before long. He seemed to know where my mind was as I sat in bed on my laptop looking for tickets back to Boston. I needed to buy them before I could back out, before I could make an excuse to stay longer.

“You don’t have to buy a plane ticket,” he murmured.

“Too late,” I replied.

I’d already clicked on the purchase button. I’d be on a plane on Monday and headed back to Boston. Sidney would just have to focus on his game for a while. Our conversations would have to be digital for a while until such a time as I headed back to Pittsburgh.

I didn’t tell him, but I didn’t think I would last long in Boston without him. I didn’t want to admit it, but I was certain that the loneliness would be enough to drive me mad. I didn’t feel the need to tell him though I did wonder if he would feel the same way. I had to admit that it would be nice to be missed.

It was the middle of the night when he landed next to me in the bed. He let out a heavy sigh as he maneuvered his limbs beneath the covers and rolled towards me. I could tell he was being careful trying not to wake me, but I was wide awake and had been since we’d hung up hours before.

“I’m awake, Sidney.”

He stopped trying to sneak his way into the bed next to me and instead draped his body over mine, the weight of him pressed against me more comforting than anything else. I felt like I might overheat, but it was strangely pleasant.

“Did you watch?”

“Of course. What else would I have done with my night?”

He chuckled and nuzzled against my neck. “I missed you.”

“You were only gone for a couple of days.”

“Long enough.”

“I really am going back to Boston,” I reminded him. “I booked my flight and have a friend lined up to pick me up at the airport.”

“I know.”

“You’re okay with it right?”

“Now you ask,” he deadpanned.

“You know what I mean. I just don’t want to mess anything up for you.”

“It will suck, but I’ll be okay. If you were running off to Boston with no intention of coming back, I might feel a little different. But you’re going back to pack and sell off the things you no longer need. You’ll be back and I know that you’ll be cheering me on from that little apartment of yours.”

“Will the house be ready?”

I felt him nod.

“It’s already finished, isn’t it?”

“Well…”

“How long as it been finished?”

“Doesn’t matter. I don’t have time to move during the season, especially this season. All that matters is that it’s ready for us whenever the time comes.”

“You’re not going to chicken out and make me live in a guest house next season, are you?”

“Not a chance.”

“Why is it different now?”

“Honestly?”

“No, lie to me.”

“Funny.”

“Tell me.”

“The house thing scared me because it’s so permanent. It’s this huge step and the fact that I was making it alone just didn’t ever feel right. But now I have you. I see a future with you and I can see that future happening in that house for a long time. It’s not this big house that’s going to sit empty when I’m not around. It’s a big house where my dog can actually live and our kids can grow up.”

“Our kids, huh?”

“Mmhmm. All of them.”

“I like this future of yours.”

“Glad we’re on the same page.”

I turned to place a kiss to his bee-stung lips.

“I love you.”

“The feeling is mutual, even if you are abandoning me.”

“Ticket is non-refundable.”

“Leave it to you.”

“I’ll be back.”

“I know you will, because if you’re gone too long, I will come to Boston to hunt you down.”

“I wouldn’t put it past you.”

“You shouldn’t. After all, I’ve done it before.”

I knew that he would do it again if the need presented itself. But I wouldn’t push him that far. I had no interest in ever making him hunt me down.