The Right Thing

We finished our breakfast slowly. Nathalie kept pouring large portions onto the plate over and over and Sidney helped me to polish it off as I began to struggle with the staggering amount of food being pushed at me. She was treating the announcement of our engagement as if I’d told her I was going into hibernation and needed to stock up for the long sleep.

Sidney was more than happy to help, but even he had his limits. He started making a show of how full he was and Nathalie seemed to get the point.

“I’m sorry. I just don’t know when to quit sometimes.”

Sidney chuckled. “Never apologize for giving us free food. But we’re only human.”

“I’ll eat whatever they don’t want,” Austin called from somewhere upstairs.

She sighed and pulled herself away from the stove.

She managed to sit and engage in a real conversation for a while. Sidney was finally at the point that he was willing to talk about the summer. He was always so focused during the playoffs that he refused to even think about the summer until all was said and done. His schedule was no longer off the table and he was more than happy to let Nathalie in on his plans.

It was nearly an hour later when we managed to shuffle back across the yard to the guest house. I was still so full that I wondered if Sidney wouldn’t have to roll me across the yard and through the door of the guest house.

“I brought home some boxes. I Figured I’d start packing things and taking them over to the new house. Maybe I’ll even ship a box or two of clothes north so we don’t have to mess with too much luggage when we head up there.”

I nodded and checked my phone as we approached the house. I stepped inside and found that the few boxes Sidney had mentioned seemed to be closer to a couple dozen large boxes all stacked in the small space. I sighed and read Sebastian’s reply to my earlier message.

-Oh my God! Are you serious? When did he ask? Have you told anyone else? I better be the first person to know!

I showed Sidney the exchange and he chuckled. He pushed a stack of boxes out of our way. He’d brought plenty of boxes and I wasn’t sure how he possibly fit them into his car.

“I got home a little before I came to save you from the breakfast of doom,” he said as if he’d read my mind. “I put them together so they’d be ready.”

“You didn’t think to maybe put them together as we went?”

“No. And that would have made more sense. But I needed something to keep myself busy.”

My phone buzzed again as we cleared a path that led through the room.

-Celebratory dinner tonight. Mexican and margaritas on me. Leave the fiancé at home, he’s not invited.

Sid was already planning on having dinner with a few teammates and I knew he wouldn’t mind. We were looking at spending most of the week, when Sidney wasn’t at the dentist, saying goodbye to his friends and teammates for the summer. We were headed to California first, Sid looking forward to training for part of the summer in a place that he wouldn’t be recognized. Then, the rest of the summer would be spent in the Maritimes and both of us were looking forward to it.

“Looks like margaritas for supper tonight.”

“He not going to try to plan our wedding too, is he?”

“Nathalie had the best intentions,” I defended.

“I know. But it suddenly feels like everyone has an opinion.”

“That tends to be how weddings work.”

“How involved is Sebastian going to be?”

He’d been overwhelmed by the questions that Nathalie had asked. He hadn’t been prepared for it. It had probably never occurred to him until people starting asking questions and throwing their ideas at us. He hadn’t even taken it into consideration.

“I’m sure he has a binder waiting just for the occasion.”

He sighed.

“We’re the only ones who get to actually plan our wedding.” I assured him. “They can have all of the opinions that they want, but it’s our wedding. We’ll set the date and make the choices. It isn’t about anyone else, just us.”

He sat down in his favorite chair and pulled me down with him.

“I don’t want it to seem like I’m complaining, but I have to say that this isn’t getting any packing done, Sidney.”

“I don’t care. We’ve got time for that later. I want to talk to you before Sebastian gets his claws into you tonight.” He dropped his feet onto the coffee table and I settled into his lap. “What kind of wedding do you want?”

“Small.”

“You’ve met my family, right?”

“I’m serious. I’ve always wanted a quiet wedding, just close friends and immediate family. I’m cool with the idea of a big party afterwards with lots of good food and dancing, but the wedding feels like such a private occasion to me. I feel like it would be too much for me if it wasn’t intimate. I’ve also thought it might be nice to have the wedding on a Thursday or Friday evening and then plan the reception for the next night with a bigger guest list.”

“But why small?”

“Every wedding I have ever been to or been in has been a big, stressful event. I don’t want that. I want that day to be all about us. I don’t want to be frazzled and stressed because I want to focus on you and me.”

“I’ve never thought of it like that.”

“That’s why you have me. I’m the one who thinks that way. You worry about the big picture and I’ll deal with the details.”

“What else have you thought about?”

I’d thought about every detail, even the most miniscule ones. I spent hours on the internet looking at pictures and brainstorming. It was something that I’d done with spare time since I was a teenager, but as Sidney and I had moved forward in our relationship it had become more specific than finding pretty pictures to dream about. It became very real and if I closed my eyes, I could see it exactly as it was meant to be for us.

“Summer. Outdoors.”

“Have you taken weather into account?”

“Outdoors. Rain or shine.”

“I know you’ve accused me of insanity a time or two, but I’ve got news for you; that’s insane.”

“Rain is romantic.”

“In the movies, rain is romantic. In real life, rain makes mud and you’ll be wearing white.”

“Mud on my dress would just be a great story to tell our kids one day.”

“A great story told by a sad man when asked why Mommy is finally leaving him.”

“I wouldn’t leave you. Our marriage is not going to end.”

“So says the woman who argued during a perfectly executed proposal.”

“Perfectly executed? You were sucking on my neck one moment and then proposing the next.”

“You didn’t expect it. Proposals are supposed to be unexpected and spur of the moment.”

“A goddamn bear attack would have been unexpected and spur of the moment.”

“There’s another reason we shouldn’t get married outdoors.”

“What?”

“Bears.”

“You are ridiculous.”

“I just am not sure how I feel about an outdoor wedding.”

“I’m not a church-goer, Sid. I have faith like you do, but church just never felt right to me. There’s nothing special about some random hall either. Besides, you’re Catholic and there are rules.”

“Like what?”

“Like, if you want a proper church wedding, I would have to convert and that isn’t something that I am willing to do. I don’t want those little differences, the slight line between Catholicism and Protestantism to be the forefront at our wedding. I want us to be on even footing.”

“I love that you refuse to change.”

“You once told me not to change for anyone. Besides, I don’t want you to lose interest.”

“Not a chance,” he replied. “You really want to get married in Minnesota?”

“An outdoor wedding in Minnesota; are you nuts? Have you seen the mosquitos there? They’re the size of hummingbirds. I said absolutely nothing about Minnesota.”

“Don’t all women want to get married in their hometowns, especially the crazy ones who want outdoor weddings in the summertime?”

“Cannon Falls isn’t home. It’s my dad’s home, but it was never really mine.”

“Boston?”

I shook my head. “I used to think so. I used to have these grand thoughts of getting married in one of the museums of the library. I thought maybe even somewhere on the water, with that beautiful view that everyone loves. Once upon a time, that sounded like a dream to me, but it isn’t home anymore either.”

“So where is home?”

“Turns out, it’s not really a specific place. For me, home is wherever you are.”

“I like that.”

“So do I.”

“We could always get married in Cole Harbour.”

His suggestion was quiet; tentative. He sounded unsure, as if he would be asking too much for us to get married in the town where he’d grown up. He was proud of where he came from and he loved it dearly, but he’d never wanted to force it on me.

“Yeah, we could.”

I lingered in thoughts of getting married up at the cabin on the lake. Just our immediate family and a few close friends there to witness it as the late evening sun bounced off the surface of the water.

Rain or shine, it would be beautiful. Even if Sidney thought an outdoor wedding was a dangerous idea. I was willing to risk the weather and even bear attacks if it meant that our wedding was unforgettable.

“Come on,” I said as I jumped to my feet. “You’ve got packing to do before we both have to leave for dinner.”

“I’m not going for your Mexican Madness.”

“You aren’t invited. But you’re driving me.”

“We need to fix this single car situation.”

“Not yet, I’ll look for a used car in the fall.”

He laughed.

“What?”

“You aren’t buying a used car.”

“Well I certainly can’t afford a new car.”

“We can.”

“Sid—“

“I refuse to argue with you about this.”

We’d already argued about it plenty. The money wasted on plane tickets and private charters when we could have flown commercial. There were fancy dinners when I could have easily cooked something at home that we would have enjoyed just as much. Not to mention the art room that easily set him back ten thousand dollars. Money and frivolity were sometimes an issue.

“I firmly believe that everything of mine is also yours. When you marry me, the law will agree.”

“Not if we sign a prenup.”

“A prenup?”

“Your reps will rightfully insist that any man with your status and assets have a prenup. They will tell you that you need to protect what’s yours. They’ll insist that you’ll never need it but you should cover your bases in case something unforeseeable happens. They’d be crazy not to encourage you to do it. It’s a given, Sidney. And I know you don’t think that way, but it’s the nature of the beast.”

“You would just volunteer to sign a prenup?”

“Seeing as how the only way it would ever come into play is if you lied to me about something monumental or cheated on me, I don’t think that it matters. But yes, I would gladly sign one. I’m not marrying you for your houses or your money. I’m not marrying you because you can buy me a fancy car. I certainly wouldn’t divorce you for those things.”

“But you would kill me for the insurance.”

“Not a chance.”

“Unless I cheat.”

“That might be an exception.”

“Noted.”

He carried boxes into the bedroom and we began tossing clothes into them. Some would go to Cole Harbour to wait for us there. Others would be tossed into the back of his SUV to be dropped off at the new house. We wouldn’t worry about those so much, choosing to officially move in as time crept towards training camp in the fall.

We changed the subject, neither of us feeling the need to go into a detailed conversation of wedding plans or the specifics of the prenup I was bound to be asked to sign. We weren’t sure of any of the details. I couldn’t keep any of it straight in my own head and I wasn’t even sure how to carry on a conversation about all of it. It was all so new that it didn’t necessarily feel real.

It was better to just let it all sink in for a while.

We spent the day packing boxes and shuttling them back and forth from the guest house to the new house a few blocks away. Most of the process was quiet, we didn’t feel the need to speak as we packed away our things, most of them his, and transferred them a few boxes at a time.

It was an eerie feeling as the guest house grew empty. The sheets were stripped off of the bed and the pieces of furniture that belonged to Sidney followed the boxes of clothing and belongings to the new house. It amazed me that he’d been able to fit so much in such a small space; it almost seemed to expand when it had a larger space to spread out.

It was all so different when we found ourselves in an empty house. It was just the two of us, a bed that had nothing but a couple of blankets and our pillows, and our luggage waiting for us to leave for California within the week.

By the time we’d managed to get the bulk of the work done, both of us were ready to just curl up on the bed and sleep, but we had plans to keep. Sidney changed his clothes and waited for me to get ready; more of a process than I really wanted to endure. I didn’t want to concern myself with getting too put together, my jeans and t-shirt enough for dinner with Sebastian, though I knew he’d be looking rather dapper for the occasion. The only problem would come after dinner when Sidney expected we’d join him out at the club and they wouldn’t let me through the door in a baggy t-shirt. I slipped into a dress that was at least moderately comfortable, tried to do something with my hair, and joined Sidney by the door.

I caught him glance down at my feet. I knew what he was looking for and that he didn’t get what he’d hoped for when he looked down to investigate my shoes.

“The silver heels are in my suitcase, I don’t want to dig them out.”

“You’re bringing them to California?”

“I figured if we’re there for a couple of weeks, you can afford to take one night to take your fiancée to dinner somewhere you probably won’t even be recognized. It would be like being engaged for a normal couple.”

“I really love those shoes,” he murmured as he placed his hand on the small of my back.

“I know you do. You think I don’t use that to my advantage sometimes?”

Sidney pulled a cap down over his hair and we left the house for our dinner plans.

I spent the drive trying to steel myself for the onslaught that was sure to come as soon as I sat down across from Sebastian. I hoped for Sidney’s sake that his teammates would simply congratulate him and move on. I wasn’t sure how much wedding talk he could take.

Sidney dropped me off and we made plans to meet up later on. He would be eating dinner with a few teammates and meeting up with more as the night wore on. We’d likely end up in the VIP section of their favorite club, avoiding prying eyes and enjoying the company of friends.

First, I had to get through dinner with Sebastian.

He was waiting for me, impatient at best. He’d already ordered our drinks and I didn’t hesitate to join him. I’d expected him to immediately jump into a barrage of questions and demands for information.

I wasn’t disappointed.

“What are the plans, Wynnie?”

He was leaned forward in his seat, elbows propped on the table. His attention was locked on me as he seemed to be refusing to blink. Perhaps that would mean that he was crying uncle in some staring contest I didn’t know we were having.

I assumed it was just his natural curiosity getting the best of him.

“Are you sure you don’t want to take notes. Perhaps use a tape recorder…”

“Steel trap,” he quipped, tapping a fingertip against his temple. “Now, plans.”

“I don’t know.”

He stared at me in disbelief.

“How many times did we talk about weddings as a kid?”

“If I recall correctly, you did most of the talking. Besides, those were all hypotheticals. Silly ideas that little kids go after in fantasies; they aren’t things that will actually work in the real world. I believe I once said I wanted a carnival theme for my wedding.”

“That would be epic. Carnies and cotton candy…”

“No. I’m not having a theme wedding.”

“But there are so many worthy themes.”

“Like what?”

“Fairytales.”

“Like Disney?”

“Precisely.”

“No.”

“You’re absolutely no fun.”

“I’m plenty of fun, but this isn’t a game. This is my wedding.”

“Gone With the Wind.”

“Forgive me for saying this, but that idea blows.”

“What about a hockey theme?”

“Even Sidney would find that ridiculous.”

“Nautical?”

“Grasping at straws,” I replied, taking a bite of one of the nachos between us.

“You can’t not have a theme.”

“Yes, I can. My theme is a wedding themed wedding. That’s it.”

“I think that’s a terrible theme.”

“I think it’s my wedding. Not yours.”

“But I have my whole wedding bible prepared. I have it tabbed and everything.”

“Then maybe you should take up wedding planning because you aren’t using it one me.”

“I have some amazing ideas.”

“And it’s my wedding, Bastian.”

He seemed disappointed, but he didn’t push the issue. It didn’t stop him from asking plenty of questions. Nothing would have stopped him from asking questions. Death wouldn’t have stopped him from finding a way to pick my brain about what sort of wedding I would ultimately have.

He would have haunted me until I gave him the goods. He was that persistent.

“Have you at least picked a date?” he asked as he sipped at his drink.

“No.”

“Any ideas?”

“No. We haven’t really talked about it.”

“Not at all?”

“We’ve talked about it, but we haven’t talked about a date or anything. This is still really new. He asked me to marry him, literally, two days ago. This is one of the biggest steps you can take in a relationship, in your life, really. I don’t know that we would benefit from immediately starting the planning. I think we need to settle into this for at least a little while.”

“Would you marry him tomorrow if he asked you to elope?”

I took my time structuring my response, pretending to be focused on the toppings that he’d chosen for the nachos that we were sharing. I couldn’t avoid answering forever. I knew the answer and as much as it scared me, I knew it was the God’s honest truth. I chewed the bite I’d taken as slowly as I could, buying time to build up the courage to admit to something that frightened me a little.

“Yes, I would.”

“So what is the point of putting off the planning?”

“I don’t know. It made sense in my head.”

“Things so often do.”

He stayed quiet for a few moments, turning his attention from me to ordering another round of drinks for the two of us. I knew what he was doing, plying me with alcohol.

“Just tell me what you want your wedding to be like. At least a hint.”

I sipped at my fresh margarita, staring at him over the rim of my glass. It wouldn’t hurt to at least talk in hypotheticals. I knew it would probably help clear my head to bounce ideas off of him, but I would rather do that with Sidney. I wanted him to help me sort through my ideas. I wanted him to tell me his ideas. I wanted everything about the wedding to be ours and no one else’s.

Still, years of friendship meant that I wouldn’t leave Sebastian completely in the dark.

“I really don’t know exactly what I want. I have a few ideas and I haven’t discussed most of them with Sidney. All I really know is that I’ve always wanted a summer wedding somewhere outdoors. We talked a little about getting married up in Nova Scotia. Something small, maybe in the evening. I’m just not sure.”

“Doesn’t he have a gigantic family?”

I gave him a look. Sidney’s family, aside from a few anecdotes about my visits to Canada, had never been a subject we’d discussed ad nauseam.

“What? I can Google things that aren’t Beyoncé lyrics and porn. I haven’t spent much time with this guy; I thought it only fair to get some information. It just so happens that the internet is rife with details about him. Did you know there are books written about that guy? It’s amazing he doesn’t have a huge head with all of that.”

“He has his head on his shoulders, that’s for sure. And yes, his family is big. But that’s extended family. I don’t think either of us wants all of our aunts, uncles, and cousins present. I don’t want all of my college friends there and he has no inclination to invite every guy with whom he’s ever played. Small would work.

“We’d probably have a huge reception, something a little extravagant with dinner and dancing.”

“And drinks?”

“Of course. But really, beyond those little details, that’s all I know.”

“When is this all going down?”

“I already told you that we haven’t set a date.”

“But you can’t tell me you don’t have some inkling of when you want this to happen.”

“That’s something that I have to discuss with Sid. That’s all there is to it.”

“So, have you officially stopped referring to him as ‘Patrick’ for good?”

I chuckled and took another sip of my drink. I hadn’t even realized that I’d stopped calling him by his secret name. It felt silly since Sebastian knew who he really was. I wasn’t playing the game that I had been before.

“No secrets left, I guess.”

“You never really were any good at keeping secrets from me.”

“You thought he was a financier named Patrick for a solid six months, if not a little longer.”

“Fine. You pulled it off once. In like, two decades.”

He dropped the wedding subject not long after and we were able to focus on polishing off the tower of nachos that we were sharing. I was almost glad that we had plans to go to the club, a little bit of dancing would help after a meal like the one we were sharing.

We were nearly finished when Sidney called and asked us to meet him at Diesel.

I’d been only a couple of times and was always unhappy when we left. But I figured it would be fine with Sebastian in tow. Sidney had us added to the list for VIP and I promised that we’d be there before long.

“How do you know I don’t have other plans?”

“Sidney will pay your tab if you don’t force me to go to that place alone.”

“Your fiancé is there. How could you be alone?”

“My fiancé is…you know who he is. The women there throw themselves all over him. He puts up with it, always putting on a brave face. And I know that it shouldn’t really bother me, it comes with the territory. But that doesn’t help. It makes me nauseous. It’s why I go home right after games more often than not. I know he’ll join me within a few hours and I know he would never do anything with any of those girls. I just don’t like being there to witness it.”

“Do they actually think he’ll take them home or something?”

“I’m sure he has in the past.”

“No!”

“This can’t really be news, Bastian. He is who he is. He’s also a man in his twenties who has been consistently pursued by those club girls. And as much as I hate it, some of the puck bunnies are pretty easy on the eyes. Get me drunk enough and I might take one home.”

“You make it sound so tempting.”

“The music is loud, the girls are scantily clad, and the men are mostly straight or married. But the drinks are cold and Sidney’s paying.”

“Good thing I knew I was getting hammered and took a cab here.”

“Then let’s go get drunk at the club.”

“You won’t stay for one more margarita?”

“No. I’m going to need something a little stronger to get through the evening, and we’ll find that at the bar.”

He sighed and paid the bill. He always insisted that if a dinner was his idea, he needed to pay for it. Sometimes I thought he might just enjoy flashing the extra bills in his wallet or perhaps the color of his credit card. Sebastian liked the finer things and liked people to know that he could afford those things.

We called a cab and were on our way across the Monongahela River and within minutes of the club that I’d grown to dread.

The drive didn’t take long enough for my taste, but there was only so much time that could be spent putting things off.

We got the velvet rope treatment from the moment we reached the door. I led the way up the stairs and to the all-white VIP room that I was sure was already full of busty women trying to get in good with any of the players who were gathered there.

I knew some, James especially, enjoyed the attention. But there were others that I was surprised could enjoy themselves in that place with women hanging off of them like barnacles. I spotted Pascal before I saw anyone else. His wife was absent, as she always was, much more content to stay at home and let her husband have a little fun with the boys. He didn’t always take part, but he made an appearance every once in a while.

He’d made it clear that he wanted to enjoy the time he got. He couldn’t be sure that he’d still be a Penguin when fall rolled around and he wasn’t about to waste any time that could be spent with his teammates.

I took a seat next to him as he greeted me with his ever-present smile. Sidney was nowhere in sight as I introduced my friend to Sidney’s preferred winger. I could see that Pascal was stressed, worried about his future in Pittsburgh, but I wasn’t about to bring it up.

“Nice to see you here,” he said, the words hard to hear over the pounding music. “Sid said you were coming but I had to see it to believe it.”

“You know how much I love it here.”

He laughed brightly.

“Where is Sid?”

“Lost somewhere in a sea of sequins over by the bar, I assume.”

“Lovely,” Sebastian scoffed. “I’m pretty sure I saw to people fucking on the dance floor.”

“It happens,” Pascal replied with a chuckle.

“It’s like prom all over again.”

“This place is nothing like prom,” I corrected. “But I wonder if it isn’t a lot like purgatory.”

A few of the others drifted past, all making it a point to stop and say hello, though none of them seemed to know where I could find my fiancé. They all seemed to have a vague recollection of seeing him headed towards the bar but after that he’d vanished. It wasn’t the first time he’d been MIA in that situation.

I didn’t set out to look for him and instead my attention stayed on the vodka martinis that seemed in endless supply and sat back in my seat to wait for him. I was determined to be the patient companion.

It wasn’t always an easy feat.

“They party here all the time?” Sebastian asked.

“It’s relatively private. There are very rarely pictures of what goes on and they have some amount of trust in that.”

“And you?”

“I wait for it to be over. Sometimes I watch really closely for nip-slips or count the number of times a woman touches one of the guys in order to get him interested. But mostly I just drink and wait.”

I heard a particularly obnoxious laugh coming from a cluster of people. It was high and forced and I could almost picture the woman making the sound.

I didn’t like the imaginary looks of her.

I got to my feet and chose to be bold. It was a rare thing for me. It was more posturing and drunkenness than anything else. I wasn’t about to waste the sudden bravery; I downed the last of my martini, straightened my dress, and stepped directly into the mass of people. I knew that I would find Sidney in the middle of it all, on his best behavior and forcing a smile for his adoring public.

I pushed through the crowd of women. They were like a mass of zombies all compelled to follow the scent of human flesh, all drawn in one direction and ready to rip him to pieces at the slightest provocation. Sidney was their prey and I was just drunk enough to go on a rescue mission.

I saw him as the crowd parted upon my pressure. There was a redhead with her hand on his arm, batting her eyelashes and up to no good. Her eyes were on the prize and nothing seemed like it would deter her. I took her in for a moment, her skirt dangerously short and breasts artificially enlarged to the point that it was almost comical. She ran a finger playfully up the flesh of his forearm. Her eyes may have been on the prize, but so were mine.

I approached quickly, stepping up behind him. “Hey,” I murmured slowly.

He turned on his heel and before he could make another move, my lips were moving against his. Never would he have chosen to kiss me in public, there were just too many people who could see, too many prying eyes to take away what little privacy he had. But I was too tipsy to care. I wouldn’t stand by and watch other women throwing themselves at him when I could be kissing him. If anyone would have her hands on Sidney, it was going to be me.

I brushed his lips with my tongue. He was shocked, but he didn’t resist. I felt his lips part and took advantage as he gave me the upper hand. My left hand gravitated to the smooth flesh of his cheek. I drug my palm down his face and onto his neck, marking my territory.

A felt the crowd step back just slightly. The ring on my finger acting as a barrier between Sidney and the crowd. I gave them all a moment to take it in before I pulled away. My lips buzzed with the feeling of the electricity he always seemed to leave in his wake. I stepped back, took his hand, and led him out of the throng of women without a word.

They chattered amongst themselves. My presence was sure to give them all plenty to say and I was sure Sidney would have plenty to say as well.

I didn’t care.

I pulled Sidney towards our friends, Sebastian seeming to hit it off with a number of Sidney’s teammates. If nothing else, he was good for a little entertainment. I’d always been a fan of his creative club commentary. His people watching skills were well honed and he could read almost any situation. It made for a fun outing no matter where you wound up.

“We’re going home,” I announced.

James wolf-whistled and I heard Sid laugh behind me. I was dragging him down the stairs and towards the door.

“What’s gotten into you?” he asked as we settled in the car.

“Mostly tequila and vodka. Just a bit of jealousy too.”

“Really? Because the girl I’m engaged to once told me she wasn’t the type to get jealous.”

“She lied.”

“Did she?”

“She hadn’t seen you with a redhead trying to find a direct route into your penis.”

“You are drunk,” he chuckled.

“I really don’t like that place.”

“Diesel isn’t a bad place.”

“It’s just the patrons.”

“I think it’s safe to assume that particular group of patrons now like you as much as you like them.”

“But I’m the one who gets you.”

“So I’m the prize?”

“Something like that.”

“I think I can live with that.”

“Can you?”

“As long as you never kiss me like that in public again.”

“I think I should be able to kiss you wherever I like.”

“That’s all well and good, but I thought I was going to have to take you into the bathroom and teach you a lesson.”

“I’m always willing to learn.”

“That’s the problem.”