The Anthem for a Dying Breed

“The wolves never stay at bay” - Anthem, Bring Me The Horizon

The following morning, I rolled out of my bunk and pushed my hair away from my face; Rayne and Adam were still asleep, and there were takeout containers and empty beer bottles everywhere. After the shows, we’d hung out for a little while and gone through the pictures and footage we’d caught. Adam said he was going to need alcohol if he was going to be with us all evening.

I tied my hair in a knot on the top of my head and began to pick up the rubbish and put it into the bin, then went to clean myself up. When I was done, Rayne and Adam were still asleep, so I changed into a loose tank top and skinnies, placed Rayne’s mirrored Ray-Bans over my eyes and tucked my purse into my pocket.

A crew member had driven us out overnight to our next date: today, we were in Denver, Colorado.
It was still pretty early, and I think the driver was still crashing in one of our six bunks, so I left quietly and headed to the catering tent. Grabbing a tray, I piled it high with pancakes, scones, fruit and a couple of bottles of orange juice. As I left the tent, a couple of people eyed my mountain of food dubiously, so I kept my head down and tried not to yell “Don’t stare at me, I KNOW I’M AN AWKWARD WHALE!”

Escaping into the cool sanctuary of the bus, I dumped the tray on the table and found a post-it and a pen. I wrote “Breakfast’s on the table” in my untidy scrawl and stuck it on Adam’s forehead.
Taking a pancake, I shoved half of it in my mouth and located my camera as I chewed. Adam and Ray still seemed dead to the world, which was unusual; normally, I was the laziest bitch most people encountered. At least they wouldn’t miss breakfast today.

I bit the remaining half of my pancake and grabbed one of the bottles of orange juice. It was barely half nine, but having nothing better to do, I pulled the camera strap over my head and headed back out into the sun.
There were just a few unsigned bands playing, most of which I had never heard of, so I decided to get a better view. Finding the ladder, I stepped onto the first foothold built into the side of the bus and heaved myself up: so far, so good.

I took another step up, then another, realising I was already halfway up the side of the bus - these ladders were evidently made for someone with longer legs than me. At least I wouldn't have to worry about my jeans falling to my ankles whilst hanging off the side of the bus. All the french fries I had scoffed last night had probably increased my dress size a tad.

Climbing the rest of the way up, I thought on it a little more, plonking my arse down on the sun-warmed roof of the bus. My weight hadn’t been of a huge concern to me whilst I was a schoolgirl, but afterwards, when I started college, something in my brain started telling me the way I looked wasn’t going to cut it.

The bottle of orange was still in my hand, and I unscrewed the lid slowly before tightening it back up again. Repeating the process, I scowled at the transparent bottle in my hand, unable to think through all the radio-fuzz haze hanging around my brain.

I could feel the beginnings of tone of those blinding headaches that could last for days burning dimly at the back of my skull, and it worried me; I really didn’t want to have to deal with this here and now, when I should be feeling weightless for once.
Sighing heavily, I glanced up, looking over at the stages in the distance, realising I had forgotten to put my contacts in. I really couldn’t be fucked to go and get them now, they were probably buried in amongst the rest of my shit somewhere.

“Hey!” someone yelled from close by. I jumped at the sound and looked around. “Over here!” My gaze fell on Vic below me, who had Oliver Sykes and Jordan Fish trailing behind him - and, more importantly, Austin.
Vic waved at me and I waved back half-heartedly.

“Alright?” I called.

“Awesome, kid! You?” he replied, tilting his baseball cap back so he could look up. I nodded stiffly, just replying,

“Yeah.”

It was almost weird, how much I wanted their approval yesterday, and how much I wanted to talk to them and have them like me, but just didn’t want to be anyone today.

“Coming down?” he continued. I paused, pressing my lips together.

“Yeah. In a minute. Why don’t you go see Adam and Ray?” I suggested quickly. He nodded, seeming to shield a frown by pretending to block the sun out of his eyes, and motioned for the guys to go in. I hadn’t met Oliver and Jordan yet, and the thought of doing so made me feel a bit ill: I actually looked up to them quite a bit, especially Oliver.

As I climbed back down, it occurred to me just how many of the artists here were important to me. And I could barely think of something interesting to say to them.

“Hey, kid.” Vic said, appearing from nowhere and taking hold of my arm to help me down.

“Oh!” I looked at him in surprise once I had my feet firmly on the ground. “Hey.” I said, taking my arm back and adjusting the camera strap on my shoulder. “Well, come on in, then. The rest of the guys have gone in, haven’t they?”

“Yeah, I just thought maybe we could talk.” he replied, half smiling at me.

“Well, yeah, of course,” I agreed, quirking an eyebrow, “what’s up, man?” He stuck his hand in his pocket and shrugged.

“Not a lot.” he chuckled.

“Well, come inside then, weirdo.” I replied, hurrying away from his inquiring gaze. He laughed a little more, following me to the door as I opened it. Inside, Oliver, Jordan and Austin had managed to wake Adam up and were laughing over one joke or another.
A quick look around told me Rayne wasn’t anywhere in sight, so I grabbed Adam’s arm and discreetly asked him where she was.

“She’s refusing to get out of her bunk.” he murmured, quickly turning back to the guys.
I rolled my eyes and caught Vic watching me.

“Come and wake this lazy shit up with me.” I said, beckoning him over to the bunks.

“What’s happening?” he said once by my side.

“I haven’t the foggiest. Lets find out.” I replied, pushing the curtain to Rayne’s bunk back a little and poking my head in. He did the same, and we found ourselves with Rayne lying flat on her back, pillow over her face. “Budge over, you fat git.” I said, pushing her skinny legs out of the way and climbing in.

I looked over at Vic, who was watching us almost nervously, evidently unsure if he should climb in too. “For fuck’s sake, man, come on!” I sighed, pulling his t-shirt and half dragging him in. “And shut the bloody curtain.”

“WHAT THE FUCK? VIC’S HERE?” Rayne whisper-yelled, sitting up and smacking her head on the ceiling. Vic and I sniggered like schoolgirls.

“Calm your shit, doll face, he know we’re married.” I said, winking at Vic.

“I didn’t actually - I do now.” he chuckled.

“Great. So...why aren’t you leaving your bunk, you freak?” I demanded. “Austin’s here to see you.”

“How did you know?” Vic gaped.

“He isn’t.” Rayne snapped, glaring at me.

“Yes. He is.” I said, equally sharply. “He keeps looking in this direction - he knows you’re here.”

“Well, get him out! He can’t be here!” she whined, punching my arm.

“No! Why? So you don't have to think about how much you wanna get into his tight little panties?” I demanded, getting more and more impatient.

“You want to get into his panties?!” Vic squeaked, eyes growing huge.

“No!” Rayne shouted, raising her voice to match mine. “Don’t bring his panties into this!”

“Face it, he wants to bang you!” I shouted back.

“Oh my god, how did you find out?” Vic whispered frantically.

“No, he doesn’t! I want to bang h-”

“HAH! So I’m right!” I declared, grinning gleefully.

“You’re never right!” she yelled, throwing her pillow at me.

“Shut up, you silly cow.” I said, bringing my voice back to a normal indoor level. “Go forth and procreate!” I giggled as I pushed her towards the edge of the bunk, watching as she flailed for balance before falling through the curtains.

“ What ... is happening?” cried Vic, clapping his hands over his face.

“Wait…” I whispered, “did you hear her hit the ground?”

We both looked at each other and leaned forwards, sticking our head out the curtains.

“What is [i/] happening?” I asked, looking on in shock; Rayne had fallen out of her bunk and right onto Austin, who happened to catch her as he was passing by.

“You’re an evil genius, is what’s happenin’!” Vic replied as everyone but Rayne and Austin exploded into laughter.

“How true, Victor!” I replied, watching Rayne and Austin blush profusely.

“

The rest of the day was nowhere near as interesting as the morning: or, at least, up until around eight o’clock.

“What are you going to wear tonight?” Rayne asked, emptying her suitcase onto the floor in the middle of the bus. I looked up from my laptop at her blankly.

“You what?” I replied, frowning deeply. She sighed with added exasperation and sat on the floor.

“Tonight? The party?” she said, sifting through the mountain of material.

“I didn’t know there was one.” I mumbled, blinking like an owl. “Tony mentioned something about a party you guys were apparently talking about, but I thought he probably just had a screw loose or something.”

“No, you twat, there really is one. I thought I told you - we’re going. It’s after the last shows are done, whenever that is.” she clarified. “It’s like a thing out here, that all the bands take it in turns to host a party each night.. No one done one yesterday ‘cause apparently everyone’s tired as fuck.”

“Not surprised.” I said. “I think I heard about that.”

“Right. So what you wearing?” she repeated. I pulled a face at her and went back to scrolling through my Tumblr.

“Mm’not going.” I muttered.

“Yeah you are, you little shit.” she replied, picking up a dress and standing up. “What d’you think?”

She held up a pretty black dress lined with lace and a red underskirt.

“Ew.” I said, sticking my tongue out.