Panea

Father was early today, I realized. I was on my way downstairs when I heard his gruff voice conversing with someone else on the telephone. It was an oddity for him to arrive home at a time like this; it was twelve midnight. Usually, he would leave for work at one in the afternoon and arrive back home the next day at around six or seven in the morning.

I was hoping not to disturb his conversation since it had sounded serious. Yet, he noticed me walk downstairs and hung up with whom I assumed was his partner in the laboratory. Even when at home, he would bring his delegation from work.

“August, you’re awake,” he stated.

“I was just going to get a glass of water,” I said as I refused to satisfy his curiosity of my being awake at this time of hour. It was the same routine we would do with each other. There were no warm greetings, inquisitive questions or interesting facts that we would share. I had become used to this and there was no way of me trying to talk to him like a normal son would.

“I see. Can I join you?”

I looked up at him from the opened refrigerator and was shocked. This had never happened before between the both of us. I guessed there was something he needed to inform me which couldn’t wait till the next day. I slowly walked my way towards the chair that was on his right and sat down quietly, slightly uninterested but slightly curious as well as to what he needed to tell me.

He drank the water which I brought for myself and chucked down the entire thing before saying anything. He took his time as if he needed to form a coherent sentence that would make me understand the topic at hand. I didn’t know what he wanted but I was positive that whatever he would give me –whatever information that he had to deliver to me –I was going to take it like a mature adult.

“You know that I’ve been studying and observing this small planet which was similar to ours. Do you still remember that, son?”

“Yeah, I still do.” It was all I could ever think about when he would bring me to the lab when I was only ten years old. He would let me look at some substances which were believed to be taken from that planet and I would look at how intricate their dust rocks would look like compared to ours. That was before, though. Now, I didn’t give a crap about anything he wanted to show me since that dust rock seemed to be more important than his son.

“Well, do you still remember the things that I used to show you before when you were a kid?”

“Yes.” I was getting impatient already. Whatever he needed to tell me, I need it from him straight. I didn’t like him beating around the bush when I have no time for it.

He continued with what he was trying to explain to me, as if trying to make me remember the things we would do together eight to nine years ago. It was apparent that he didn’t care whether I was impatient or not.

“Dad, I’d like to go sleep now. If you can just cut to the chase –“

“Boy,” he started. “You don’t know how hard it is for me to explain it to you, right now. What I’m trying to tell you is something very important.” He stared at me with the same brown eyes that I’ve inherited from him. I could see the scruff that he was beginning to grow from his chin. He also hasn’t brushed his hair in several days.

I did not like how he looked. It was beginning to grow worse almost every single day. I began to feel bad for him and his way of living. But whatever that was that was making him grow thin and scrawny every day, is not and will never be my fault. This is the life that he has chosen and I vowed never to live like him when I grow up.

“Please, dad. Can you just tell me what you want?”

He looked heartbroken from what I had just said to him and I wasn’t sorry for that. It was taking all my strength for trying to sit here beside him only when he needed something from me.

Immediately, I regretted what he was going to ask from me because as soon as those words came out from his mouth, my world had changed completely.