Perry

Perry…

Just the name was enough to bring a smile to my face. He was my only true reason for living. He had tried to kill me, destroy me completely… but I had shown him nothing less than love. I had saved him from the darkness. I melt the ice he had created around his heart which was far beyond my understanding… but I did it…because I loved him with all my being.

I felt warm with the limbs swung carelessly around my waist as I was pulled closer to the body next to me. I flushed a deep crimson as I looked up at him questioningly, looking for some reassurance in the deep pool of ice blue eyes that now looked down on me and smiled.

‘’It'll be fine,’’ he whispered, leaning his forehead on mine and then kissing me softly, ‘’I'm here.’’ He leaned down to capture my lips again, sighing contently when he felt my lips move softly against his own. He pulled away and smiled down at my crimson cheeks. ‘’I'll be back soon okay… I'll be just behind this door,’’ He said and I nodded my head vigorously as Perry pulled away and disappeared inside his apartment.

I sighed when he was out of sight and leaned my back on the door while allowing my body to slide down. I didn’t know why Perry would never allow me inside his house, but I trusted him even though no one else did. Perry was all I had. No family, no friends…only Perry and truth be told, I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. Without him my life seemed pointless.

I shook the thoughts from my mind and pulled my knees to my chest. I knew Perry didn’t deserve me. I was too kind to him, too understanding. He could be lying to me all these times he didn’t let me get into his house or even cheating on me… but I always thought better of him…

I smiled at the thought of the blonde haired young boy which I loved. He looked so innocent, yet our roles were reversed. If only he wished to be better because of me… because he loved me… I couldn’t hold back a tear that rolled down my left eye as I buried my face in my knees. I didn't know why Perry had chosen me, but I was happy, I was –for once in my life – happy that I wasn't alone, and it was all thanks to Perry.

My head shot up as the sound of something dropping sounded through the door. I furrowed my brow in concentration as I strained to hear the confrontation behind the door.

‘’But you know you love me Perry!’’ I flinched as I heard a girl’s voice screaming from behind the door.

‘’Shut up and be quiet,’’ Perry whispered kind of angrily.

‘’Perry, you know I can't do this. You know I love you and you love me back too. Why is he even here!?’’ I heard the girl’s voice again as I stood up. While the conversation carried on, I found myself plastered to the door to hear better.

‘’He’s outside so shut up,’’ Perry's voice snapped.

‘’Why do you even care about him? We would be together if he wasn't here!’’

…Silence…

‘’Right, Perry? We were always meant to be together…’’

I bit my lip in anticipation as I waited for Perry’s answer. Tears were burning on the corner of my eyes as I held on to the door as if my life depended on it. What would I do if Perry said yes? My breath was shaky as my body trembled to the silence on the other side of the door which grew long and awkward. I was beginning to think I had missed the reply when a simple answer cut through my heart.

‘’I know…’’ I heard his voice saying and my eyes widened… ‘’I…I just don't know… He needs me right now because I'm all he has…’’

I stumbled back from the door, my hands covering my agape mouth. So if I wasn't here, if I wasn't so helpless that I didn't need his help, if I wasn't alone, Perry would choose a girl over me? I felt sobs wrack my body as I crumpled to the floor.

Perry…my life, my one reason for living was with me because I was alone and helpless. Caught up in my own misery, I didn't notice the door had opened until familiar arms wrapped around me comfortingly. Normally I would bury my face into Perry’s chest and wish the pain away, but how could I do that when it was him who had hurt me?

I pulled my hand away violently, causing Perry to lurch forward. ‘’I fucking heard you, Perry! You and everything that girl said,’’ I snapped, wiping my tears away with my sleeves and stumbling to my feet. Perry reached out, only for me to slap his hand away. ‘’Why are you with me if you love her? Why would you stay with me, if you didn't want to be with me?"

…I loved him and even though he hurt me, I didn’t want to hold him back…

‘’Please, listen to me. I am so sorry you over heard that, but you don't understand. I don't want to be with her. It’s true that I was in love with her and if I had not met you, I would have been with her. I met you though, and I love you. I would be happy with her, but I would die without you.’’

I fell on the ground and buried my face in my knees yet again. I wanted to believe that because deep down I knew he loved him and I shouldn’t doubt that. I was too good for the one who always hurt me, but he was too good for me too. I was always easily scared, clumsy and get hurt by others easily like now and hurting them as well.

‘’I’d do anything to make sure you knew that,’’ I jumped up at the voice and looked up to see Perry’s smiling face hovering over me. ‘’You know I would always choose you over her.’’

‘’Are you sure Perry? Because I can walk out of your life if you want me to,’’ I whispered while the words leaving my mouth made my heart breaking.

Perry smiled gently for once, before tilting my head so he could capture my lips with his. He licked my bottom lip gently, sighing with content when my lips parted, allowing his tongue to slip inside my mouth with ease. Our tongues battled for dominance for only a second before I pushed mine back, letting his tongue explore inside my mouth. Minutes later, we pulled away from each other and he gave me one of his kindest smiles.

‘’It’s true that you are the only one who understands me…the only one I've ever been so scared of losing, but it’s not just that. And you know what?! I want to find someone who will bring out the best in me. Not someone I have to bring my best out for,’’ I said to him, and it wasn’t just something I said because I was sad and angry. It was the truth. I was tired of trying to be as perfect as I could when I wasn’t. And yet, I was crying…and Perry took my tears away with his hand.

‘’I would die if I ever hurt you again…’’ He whispered to me with that voice which I so much adored.

‘’But you-‘’ I started but his lips cut me off.

When he pulled away, he put a finger in front of my lips silencing me as he said, ‘’You don’t have to do your best for me and I won’t let you go and search for someone else while I am here. I will be the one to bring out the best in you… Me, and no one else.’’

That was all he had to say to make my heart melt. He pulled me closer to his body, making my head touch his chest, and as I turned my head to the right, my ear was against his heart. I heard his loud heartbeat showing me he loved me as much as he said.

But I always knew that, didn’t I?