What Am I Getting Myself Into?

We were sitting in the waiting room of the hospital again. Tommy fidgeting,tapping his fingers on his knees and then standing to pace as we waited to be called back. I smiled warmly as I watched him run his hands through his hair before jamming his hands into his pockets and sitting back down beside me. He let out a long,annoyed sigh and I grabbed his hand. He looked at me and a goofy smile spread across his face before he leaned over and quickly pecked my lips before lacing our fingers and kissing the top of my hand. "Why are they taking so long!?" he groaned after another five minutes. "It probably wouldn't be so bad if you didn't insist that we get here thirty minutes early" I laughed,my right hand going to my growing stomach without me even really noticing my own gestures. Today I am 18 weeks along and Tommy is losing his mind because we find out what the sex of the baby is. Everyone was convinced that it would be a boy,Tommy wanted a boy,he was scared to death of having a daughter. He said he wouldn't be able to handle it and I laughed,trying to picture her bringing home her first boyfriend. Tommy would scare the kid half to death and I knew it. I didn't care what we were having as long as it was healthy.

Another twenty minutes later and I was laying on the table as cold jelly was squirted onto my belly and the doctor waved the want around. Soon the sound of a heart beat was heard throughout the room and I smiled,my eyes teared up every time we heard it and I looked up at Tommy who was holding my hand tight,smiling as well and staring at the screen. You could see the profile of our baby. I was in love already and most of my fears about Tommy walking out on us were gone the very first time that we saw the baby. He was so happy,it was the sweetest thing I had ever seen. "Would you like to know the sex of your baby?" The doctor asked,a wide smile on his face. I just nodded,I knew if I opened my mouth I was bound to cry. "Yes" Tommy whispered giving my hand a light squeeze. "It looks like you're going to have a beautiful baby girl" he said and took a few picture for us. I felt the tears leaking out of the corners of my eyes and I wiped at them before turning to see Tommy. He had frozen and I knew that he was scared now. "Its okay" I let out a watery laugh and squeezed his hand. He snapped out of his trance as the doctor wiped the gel off of my stomach and I pulled my shirt back down. We were handed a few pictures and then we were on our way.

Tommy was quiet on the drive home and I was scared all over again.

Tommy got down on his knees in front of me and put his hands on either side of my stomach,he had raised my shirt up and was staring intently at my belly now.
"You aren't allowed to date until you're 30,you hear me?" he said in a gruff voice and I couldn't help myself as I burst into a fit of laughter. She was going to have a hard time as a teenager,poor girl.

"What about names?" I asked as we lay in bed that night,neither of us really tired,we were just relaxing. Tommy was quiet for a long moment before he turned to me and placed a hand on my stomach,rubbing gently. "I like Maggie" he said quietly,his eyes meeting mine and a serious look on his face. "Maggie?" I asked,thinking out loud. "We have awhile to decide,but I like that too" I said and he smiled at me,leaning towards me and kissing my cheek and then the corner of my mouth and then finally my lips. I smiled into the kiss and he pulled me into him,wrapping his arms tightly around me. "You're all the family I need,you and Maggs" he said and kissed the top of my head. I snuggled closer and was soon fast asleep.

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I let out a groan as I tried to pull my pants up but it wasn't happening. Defeated,I just lay back on the bed with the pants that refused to come up my legs resting around my knees and sniffled, trying to hold back tears. I jumped when I heard a stifled laugh coming from the doorway and turned to see Tommy standing there,his hand over his mouth as he watched me. I flipped him off but didn't move. He moved his hand from his mouth and smiled at me,walking over and pulling my pants the rest of the way off. "I think its time we got you some maternity pants,babe" he suggested and I let out another groan and placed my arm over my eyes. "No!" I snapped at him but he only laughed. "You're what? 25 weeks pregnant? Rhian,you're not going to be able to fit into these tiny pants for awhile" he said,holding them up to show me and I just rolled my eyes. "This is bullshit" I sighed and sat up,walking to the dresser and pulling out some dark grey leggings instead of the pants that I had wanted to wear. They had stretch so of course they still fit. I then walked into the closer and grabbed a white v-neck and pulled a red plaid button up on and rolled up the sleeves,leaving it unbuttoned. "Lets go get some goddamn maternity pants then." I said,walking past Tommy but he grabbed me around the waist (what was left of it anyway,ugh) and pulled me to him,planting a kiss onto my lips and smiling. "You look gorgeous,Rhi. I don't know what you're so worried about" and I smiled back at him and shrugged.

Walking around the maternity shop,the only one that I could find in town, Tommy was looking at the baby clothes while I dug around in the racks,looking for something that wasn't horrible and finding a few pairs of skinny jeans to try on. I grimaced at the elastic waist but knew that I wouldnt be able to fit into anything that I had soon and moved on to find a few other things that I could wear until the baby came and swore to myself that id get back into my normal clothes as soon as she was out of me.

I smiled as I saw Tommy place some pink onesies onto the counter along with the clothes that I had picked out and refused to let me pay,which was ridiculous since we lived together and shared everything I couldn't understand why I couldn't pay for my own clothes but I didn't want to argue.

Another week later I was pouring myself a tall glass of Green Goodness juice as Tess mixed the creamer into her coffee. I hadn't seen her since we first found out that I was pregnant and I needed the girl time so badly. "I heard that Tommy made you quit your job" she scoffed as I took a seat across from her at the table. This was also the first time that she had been to 'our' apartment. "He doesn't get that nobody wants to flirt with a beached whale" I laughed at myself,looking down at my round stomach,instinctively placing a hand on it. "Rhian,shut up! I wish I looked as good as you do when I was pregnant" she playfully shoved my shoulder and I tried to muster up a smile for her. It didn't really work. "Yeah,well I just hope I look as good as you AFTER the baby. Nobody can even tell that you were ever pregnant,let alone twice!" I smirked at her and she rolled her eyes. We made small talk about how the girls were doing and she asked how Tommy had reacted to finding out that the baby was a girl,that had us both bursting into laughter,trying to imagine how he would be when she brought her first boyfriend home. After a few hours Tess had to go and pick the girls up and get started on dinner for them and Brendan. I smiled to myself as she walked out the door,picturing what it would be like to have my little girl running around the house and having tea parties with Tommy. He was going to love that! I couldn't help but laugh.

Tommy hadn't come home on time that night. He hadn't come home an hour after that. Not two hours. Or three.

I looked up at the clock,letting out a yawn as I saw that it was past one in the morning. Just as I was about to try and call Tommy he burst through the front door. I rose from the couch and crossed my arms over my chest. "Where the hell have you been!?" I asked,more worried than angry but he didn't need to know that.
"I was at the bar!" he said much louder than im sure he meant to and then laughed. He stumbled closer to me and I could smell him before he got too close. He wreaked of alcohol and I scrunched up my nose. "You're drunk" I stated and Tommy stopped,his face going hard as he straightened himself up. I felt my eyebrows rise as a slow smirk spread across his face as he looked me up and down. "You're sexy when you're angry at me" he said,taking a step towards me. I took a step back and he frowned. "Whats wrong,Rhian?" He asked,taking yet another step towards me. "Why didn't you tell me you'd be late? I was worried!" the anger in my voice faded and I could hear my voice cracking. Stupid hormones. Tommy heard it too and quickly wrapped his arms around me,kissing the top of my head. "Im sorry baby" was all he said.