What Am I Getting Myself Into?

"If you are feeling any discomfort out of the ordinary I need you to come in. You're very close to the due date now,Rhian. She could be here anytime in the next three to four weeks" The doctor smiled at me once she was finished with my eight month check up. I forced a smile in return and and straightened out my shirt before thanking her and walking out of the hospital. I slid into my little car,struggling with the seat belt but eventually getting it fastened over my whale of a body. I sighed and glanced at the last sonogram pictures of my little girl. She was being stubborn today so it was really just a picture of her feet and a picture of her butt. I giggled at the thought of her being camera shy already and started up the car,driving towards Tess's house. I hadn't allowed her to drive me to my appointment because it conflicted with her picking the girls up from school but promised to drop by afterward and tell her how it went. Since Tommy had left she had taken over his role and it was really sweet but only made me long for him even more. I pulled up in the driveway and spotted Paddy's old beat up car. Tess must have roped him into being there, she really wanted me to feel like part of the family despite the situation.

I rang the door bell once and the door was instantly flung open. A bright eyed Rosie on the other side with a wide smile on her face when she saw that it was me.

"Aunt Rhian!" she cheered and flung herself forward,wrapping her arms around my legs in the best hug she could muster up.

"Hi princess!" I smiled at her when she let go and allowed her to grab my hand,dragging me into the family room.

"Mommy! Aunt Rhian is here!" She yelled as we walked into the room, causing both Tess and I to giggle.

My smile dropped however when I noticed that it wasn't Paddy that was here at all.
It was Tommy.

"Oh" I breathed,instantly becoming swarmed with nerves. This was the first time I had seen him in more than a month. I didn't know what to say or do,really.
I felt the baby start to move around as my heart rate increased and I placed my hands over my stomach,rubbing gently to hopefully settle her down.

"Is she alright?" Tommy asked,his eyes glued to my stomach,voice barely above a whisper.
The room had gone quiet at my reaction to Tommy's presence.

I nodded and stuck my hand into my bag,pulling out the pictures that the doctor had managed to snap of her and chuckled again at the photo of her little bum turned up at the camera.

"Can I see?" Tommy asked,standing and walking towards me as I was about to pass the photos to Tess.

"Hey girls! Lets go outside and play for a little while" Brendan suggested and the girls squealed and ran past us and out the back door,soon followed by Brendan and, after giving my shoulder a reassuring squeeze,Tess.

I still couldn't look him in the eye. After all this time I just wanted to be near him again and now here he was and I couldn't even make myself look at him. I nodded and held the photos out to him. Tommy gently took them from my hand and stared at them for a moment before letting out a soft laugh.
"Stubborn like her old man already" he said and I furrowed my brow. What? He was acting like he hadn't accused me of carrying someone elses child all those weeks ago.
Tommy dipped a finger under my chin and tilted my head up,forcing me to look at his face. He had a slight beard now,as if he hadn't shaved in weeks. His eyes were red,bags formed under them as if he hadn't slept. "Im so sorry,Rhian" he moved his hand to cup my cheek and gently rubbed his thumb across my face.
"I don't know why I let that shit get to me. Im so sorry" the look on his face was more serious than id ever seen before,but I couldn't just forgive him. Not like this. It wasn't going to be that easy. He knew how scared I was that this was going to be a huge mistake and knew how much I loved him and yet some stupid rumor that he heard at the bar....he let that tear apart our family before we got the chance to become one. I shook my head and backed up a few steps. "Rhian,please!" he pleaded, a look of desperation on his face. "Im so sorry,im so sorry,baby. Please!" he closed the gap between us and pressed his lips urgently to mine. The kiss was so intense and I could feel all of the emotion he was pouring into it. I allowed myself to kiss him back for a moment before coming back to my senses and pushing him away. When I looked back up at him there were tears rolling down his cheeks and it almost broke my resolve to hold strong against him. Almost. "It isn't that easy,Tommy!" I shook my head at him and felt a tear escape but quickly wiped it away. "I trusted you to be there for us! You said that you loved me,we picked out names and started planning our future and then you let WEEKS go by without putting up a fight for us! I deserve more than that,Tommy! SHE" I pointed to my stomach "She deserves more than that!" I was full blown crying now. Tears rushing down my face. Tommy stepped forward and tried to wipe them away but I swatted his hands away. "Tell Tess and Brendan that im sorry" I sniffed and walked out the front door and got into my car,driving back to the apartment that I had shared with Tommy and letting myself break down once I was safely in my parking spot. I leaned my head against the steering wheel and let everything out in the form of tears. Hot,angry tears. I was angry that he really hadn't fought for us. I was angry that he expected me to just let him back in after what he did. I was angry that he had the nerve to look as upset as he had when it was his own fault that things had gone this way,but most of all I was angry at myself for wanting him back so badly at that moment. I could still feel his lips from that kiss he planted on me. Still feel how desperate he was and how hurt he was. I slammed my fist down on the steering wheel and angrily swiped the tears away from my face. "Goddamn it,Tommy!" I yelled at the empty space of my car and slammed my fists down once more before leaning back in my seat and letting out a long,frustrated sigh. The baby gave a few swift kicks and I rubbed my belly protectively. I knew that she could feel how upset I was and I tried my best to pull myself together before getting out of the car and walking into my home. My empty,lonely home.