Synthetic Love

My hands hurt. Simply. Two hour show plus three encores. I loved this life. I couldn't complain but I feel like I'm missing something.

Sure, that's cliche enough. I lost my memory a few years ago, continue with my dream, never regain my memory, and I feel incomplete.

Laugh while you can but it's true.

Devin suggested getting a girlfriend. I've tried, I really have but something in my head sets my standards too high. Something in my head won't let me like the girls I date.

I know, that's always the case.

But this time it's real.

0o0o0

"Hey, Mom." I muttered as she pulled me in for a hug.

"Hi, sweetie. How's it going?"

"Better." The best reply I could manage.

"Pizzas are on the table. They guys and Vannah have started on them."

I turned to see she was right. Devin, Chris, Balz and Vannah were sitting on the couches stuffing pizza in their mouths.

I followed suit, sitting down and picking up a slice of pepperoni pizza.

Oh, you know how's your best friend always unknowingly does stuff in your face that makes you feel even worse about a problem you're having? Yeah, Balz was currently doing that. His arm was around Vannah. He was feeding her pizza.

Like, this had been happening for five years. Yeah, I should be used to it but...

"Hey, we can all sleep over tonight, right?" Devin questioned, breaking me from my thoughts.

"Yeah." My short reply came. "Chris can sleep in my room, Devin you can sleep in the guest room and Balz and Vannah can have the couch. No sex on it please."

"Well damn! Ruined my all night plans you faggot!" Vannah yelled, her voice thick with sarcasm.

Balz opened his mouth to say something but Chris cut him off. "Just shut up, man. You know she's the dominant one in bed so don't even act hard."

Balz's mouth fell open and Vannah have Chris a smirk.

"Where is he next show at?" Vannah asked, wanting to change the subject for my sake and Devin's.

"Los Angeles, California. We leave tomorrow at noon and the show will be the day after. At least we get one day off." Chris replied through bites of pizza.

"Do they have anyone to replace A Skylit Drive yet? Michael got sick, ya' know." Balz replied.

"Not that I know of. We'll see when we get there."

0o0o0

We all headed off to bed. It was late but who cares? No show tomorrow. I didn't really talk but, I enjoyed just sitting around. I was a quiet person. Plus, I leant more by listening.

I had been laying in bed for about an hour until I heard talking outside my door. "Let's take it downstairs and look at it. The last thing we need is for Ricky to see it. I think he still feels bad." I heard Devin whisper. "Why would she leave it?"

"She probably forgot it. She got out if here pretty fast." Chris replied.

I waited a moment until It was quiet and I got up. I slowly opened my bedroom door and went out. On the kitchen table was a book.

It was made of leather and it looked like it had been through a lot. I slowly moved down the stairs, making sure not to wake up Balz and Vannah. I grabbed the journal and took it back up the stairs with me to my room.

I turned on my lamp and opened it up to the first page.

The scribbled writing down the page seemed foreign but the person who signed it wasn't.

Clara.

This was her journal. Something I probably knew before I lost my memory. Something about this journal seemed familiar, like it meant something but, just like all the other familiar things, I couldn't seem to remember them.

I still felt bad about the Clara thing. I know being in a relationship with someone is hard enough without them forgetting you. I was still guilty and I never got the chance to do anything about it because she left. That only made me feel worse.

She never came back either. Or called anyone. Not even Vannah.

I flipped through the journal to the last page that had been written. The date read September 15, 2008, the day before she disappeared.

The only thing written was one sentence

Now I've lost everybody.