Synthetic Love

"I guess I can forgive you. I also must be mad at you...for fundamental reasons."

I gave Vannah a quizzical look.

She rolled her eyes. "We swooned over Danny Worsnop and obsessed over Asking for years and here you are knocking boots with him! I mean, I'm a little pissed you ditched me and Ricky and that he's back and you have moved on but I can't help but be jealous."

I gave her a smile. "Thanks? You know I didn't mean to hurt anyone."

"I know. You should at least attempt to make amends with Ricks. He still loves, ya' know? Even before he got his memory back he stayed single. He felt as if there was still unfinished business with you."

"You're trying to make me feel guilty."

"No. Just pointing out why you should do the right thing and talk to him."

I put my face in my hands. "I can't just do that. It also wouldn't be fair to Danny. He's protective and easily jealous. He would have a panic attack if he knew who Ricky was to me."

Vannah scrunched her eyebrows. "Don't tell him...?"

"Vannah!"

"What? You have dug a hole that you have to get out of. The past always comes to haunt you. This is your time to deal with that."

I nodded, finally. "Yeah. I'll talk to him."

"Good." She began scribbling something on a napkin. She tossed it to me. "It's his number. Set something up."

I stared at it blankly. His number was still the same.

0o0o0

The awkward tension in the room was too much for me, and I was alone. Ricky wasn't even here yet.

I Heard footsteps down the hall and finally the door opened. Ricky looked nervous as well. Yet, confident.

He waved. "Hi."

I nodded, giving him the best smile I could. "Hey."

"Vannah told me everything about why you left. I feel like it's my fault and I'm sorry."

"It wasn't. I swear. I've always been messed up. I'm sorry I made you feel that way."

He smiled. "Apology accepted. I feel like it was kind of both our faults. I could have been more sympathetic when I realized I didn't know you."

I smiled. "When we started going out. I was so sure we were starting something great and that accident ended it before it really began..."

"I got my memory back, right before I met you again after all this time. That's saying something was meant to happen." He didn't look at me when he said this.

My face grew warm. "Ricky-"

"No, you're with Danny Worsnop the gorgeous rock and roller who fucked everybody."

The atmosphere of the room changed. "Ricky. Stop. He used to be that way but he's not. I'm always on the road at his side, he doesn't drink as much, his drug habits are gone. He's not that bad a guy. He's different with me."

"You've grown. You're a different person, I see. I should have known. I just couldn't help but hope. Maybe you could love me again." He was playing the guilt card.

"You'll always be important to me. Danny got me out of a rut."

He sighed. "A rut I caused."

I didn't respond.

"I hate knowing that you're with him and not me. It makes me angry and now since you have that goddamn ring on your finger I don't even get a chance to be with you or change your mind or even- I need you, Clara. You were the one. Hell, you are the one. I may move on, one day, but they will never hold what I had for you. We were young, but when it comes to love, you know these things. I saved you so that you could get away from your dad so I could be with you and make things better, not so that you can get away from him and be with someone else. I deserve a chance." He was staring at me now. His eyes boring into me.

My face felt even hotter and my palms were sweating. "Ricky, I don't know what to say to you. Last week I didn't expect to even be doing this: talking to you. I honestly don't know what to say. I want to make you happy but I can't change myself or who I love."

He scoffed. "Yeah, neither can I and that's the problem. I wish my fucking memories hadn't came back. I would being hurting right now. I might even be happy that you moved on." He shrugged. "I can't be, though."

I felt tears brim my eyes. I didn't want this conversation to go this way. I expected to catch up, explain some things. Talk. Not yell and confess feelings.

"What can I do to help you? I can't stand being the reason you're hurting. I had no idea." I whispered out.

He walked closer towards me. We were face to face and he was so close to me, I felt his breath on my cheek. "Give me a chance."

"I-" I was cut off by his hands. His familiar touch made shivers run of my spine. His fingers trailer my arms, sides and finally up my neck, in my hair and to my face. I shouldn't let him do this.

Danny.

I couldn't stop him, though.

I wanted this.

He leaned in and connected his lips with mine. I felt all his anger, hurt, frustration, desire and need in the kiss. It was hungry and almost possessive. His lips moved slowly, taking in every shape my lips made as I kissed him back.

His hands traveled down my sides again and he moaned, pushing me back until we hit the wall.

My hands went around him. One of his hands touched me in all different places, the other stabilized us against the wall.

He disconnected our lips for a second to breath. He smiled at me and my dazed expression. His free hand moved down, gripping my ass. "Does Worsnop do this?"

I shook my head. I had never imagined Ricky acting this way but I liked it. It was a turn-on.

"This is my chance and I'll make it worth it." He connected our lips again and this time his tongue went inside my mouth. His tongue explored every crevice of my mouth and moans spilled from his throat. He picked me up, holding my legs around his waist with a hand on my thigh and my back was pressed hard against the wall.

We were so close together I could feel his heart beat. He began to grind on me as we kissed. The distinct bulge in his pants rubbing right at my core. Heat pooled to my abdomen and I found myself wanting the friction, despite the clothes in the way and that this wasn't Danny.

He moved his mouth to my ear. "You want me, still." He went back to shoving his tongue down my throat.

He disconnected and dropped me to a standing position and went to the door. He locked it and was back to me in a flash. He went for my pants and I didn't object.

He brought me to the ground, on my back. "This is all for you." He murmured as he started at me. All I wore below was my thong which was swiftly removed.

I didn't care that this was cheating, I was ready for whatever he had planned.

His fingers just touched my opening, when his phone rang. "Ignore it." I moaned out.

He didn't. He said a few yeses into the iPhone until he finally hung up: "we'll continue later." He said with a smirk, throwing my pants toward me.

He winked at me and was out the door as if he were never there.

What was I doing?