Synthetic Love

Hook ups. A long string of them.

I would meet up with Ricky whenever I had the chance over the past 3 months. Danny didn't suspect a thing.

I felt bad, sure, but all of these lovely feelings came rushing back to me and I wanted Ricky more and more. I had feelings for Danny, but they started fading compared to the emotions I had for Ricky. Sometimes.

I could tell now that Ricky had me back, he wanted more than just to make me love him again. He wanted Danny out.

For some reason, though, I couldn't do it. It was impossible and every night when I went home and had a romantic night with Danny, I would think "why am I doing anything with Ricky? I love Danny."

Of course, when I was with Ricky, I had these thoughts about Danny. It was all so confusing and I felt like I only really loved one of them.

Vannah and Violent both said I needed to decide soon. Which, I agreed.

I'd never been the promiscuous type and this wasn't me. I knew it wasn't.

I'd go meet Ricky in the morning, have sex with him, go home. When I got home, Danny would flourish me with love, gifts and expensive dates to restaurants. Then, my mind would choose Danny and I would have sex with him.

I would wake up the next morning and repeat this.

Violent went for it completely. Two hot guys. What so bad? Yet, she did tell me that for my sanity, I couldn't rep doing this.

Vannah told me I needed to choose because they were both great guys and I couldn't hurt them both.

My thoughts left me as Danny placed a mug of coffee in front of me. "It's ten. Why do I need coffee?"

He smiled and pulled out a flask. "Let's make it less coffee and more Jack Daniels then." He stated as he poured some of the amber liquid in the mug.

I grabbed the mug and downed the liquid, it scorching my mouth. I didn't care. I needed something to get the edge off.

"You alright?" Danny asked cautiously, sitting in the seat across from me at the kitchen table.

"I guess." I muttered, staring into the empty mug. I didn't want to ask for more, but I wanted more.

He game me a genuine smile "I'm always here for you, love. You know if you need to talk," he reached over, grabbed my hand, and gave it a squeeze. "I'm here to listen. We are engaged, that's part of the deal."

I looked at him in pain. How can I be hurting him so much. I squeezed his hand back. "I know. Thank you."

He pulled my hand to his mouth and kissed it. "I love you, Clara."

I looked down, unable to look him in the eyes. "I love you, too, Danny." I felt bad, but when I told him that, I meant it.

0o0o0

As Ricky's hands slid up my sides and his lips latched on to my neck, I didn't even feel pleasure. This time, my mind wandered to Danny's words from earlier and his loving smile.

Ricky stopped his actions to look at me. "What's wrong?" He questioned, concern in his eyes.

"Nightmares last night. Been bothering me all day." I lied.

I expected him to catch my lie but he nodded. "I'll protect you from the monsters." He said, half-jokingly. "I wish I could be there and hold you at night."

"I could spend the night sometime?" I said, knowing full well that wasn't even an option.

He hesitated. "You don't need me at night. You have him."

"Ricky-" I began, not getting to finish for him cutting me off in anger.

"I need you!"

"I know. I-"

He shook his head. "No you don't! If you only knew how much I really needed you, you would leave him and be with me! Only me!"

He couldn't seriously be doing this. I stood up in anger, defending myself. "You have no idea what it's like to love two people, Ricky! Yeah, I love you but I also love him! I'm gonna be the bad guy whoever I choose! It's hard!"

He stood up. "Do you know how hard it is to know that the one you love is with someone else and you can't do anything about it? Also, I know you love him, considering you don't hesitate to wear that engagement ring whenever you meet me! As if I needed a reminder!"

"I made a promise to him when I said yes! Why would I take it off?"

He laughed. "Yeah, you're great at keeping promises aren't you? You come get some from your ex every other day behind his back. Or maybe did you kept your promise to me all those years ago? You said you'd never leave me. You'd always be there, but when things got tough you disappeared! You should have wanted to get me my memory back, help me after that accident? Did you? No! I guess I wasn't important in the first place! Just like I'm not important enough now for you to choose me!"

I but my lip, forcing tears not to form in my eyes. "Fuck you, Ricky Olson!"

He smiled. "You already do that, behind your fiancé's back!"

I couldn't hold back any longer. I flung my arms toward him, pushing him back. I don't think he could believe I had done it anymore than I did, judging by his face.

At first, he seemed surprised but then anger shone on his face. He collided his hand with my cheek, my hand immediately going to my face. I stared at him in horror.

His face that moments ago held anger, now held regret. "Clara, I'm so sorry." He took a step towards me, but I quickly took a step back away from him.

He began towards me again, this time I flung a fist at him to defend myself. He grabbed my hand and pulled me to him. Fighting him was no use, I felt too comfortable with him. He gave me sad eyes. "I didn't mean it. I'm just so frustrated but all this."

I didn't say anything.

He leaned down, connecting our lips. I couldn't help but kiss back.

0o0o0

I leaned my head on the bar of Mine and Danny's kitchen. Danny soon set a glass of water and some pills in front of me. "This should help the headache and nausea."

"Thanks." I muttered, taking the pills.

"Vannah is in the living room. She's taking you to the doctor."

I got up hesitantly. The movement making my throbbing head worse. I motioned for Vannah to come as I walked past her, ready to get to the car and leave.

The ride was quiet and short. The sunlight hurt my head and the swaying of the card made me want to vomit.

When I got into the waiting room, Vannah signed me in. Within moments I was called back. The room I was put in was white and bright, not helping my headache and the smell of sanitizer made me want to gag.

After fifteen minutes of waiting a brunette man, around age thirty came in with a clipboard. "Hello, Clara. I'm doctor Tennant." He sat down. "What seems to be the problem?"

"Nausea, headache, feverish, hot flashes, tired." I replied dully.

"We'll take your blood and we also have to do a urine test. All new patients must be drug tested for documentation purposes." He said, writing everything down on the clipboard.

A nurse came in a took my blood. I took a cup she gave me to the bathroom and did my business. She took everything to the lab and sent me back to the room.

The twenty minute wait was once again quiet. Vannah decided that I was not feeling well enough to talk.

When the doctor came back in he sat back down and began writing things down.

"Well, you have the stomach flu but there isn't much we can give you."

I raised an eyebrow. "What? Why?"

He turned to me and frowned. "Weren't you aware? The lab test said- well, you're three weeks pregnant."