No One Called the Devil a Liar
Never Loved
I wake up in an unfamiliar place. My head is pounding and I try to search my mind for the end of last night. I remember seeing Alex and Alecia together, God I was so stupid to think something wasn’t going on between them. I remember drinking way more than I should have; and Leif… That’s where I am, Leif’s place. I remember leaving the party, but not getting here. At least I hope that’s where I am. I haven’t been to his apartment before, but it makes sense. I look around the room. It’s a lot cleaner than mine and Alex’s place, but very simple. The person behind me shifts, so I decide to take a peak. He has his back towards me, but I can tell by the dirty blonde locks and the Celtic tattoo on the back of his neck that it’s Leif. I let out a sigh of relief: at least it’s not some stranger.
I blow lightly on the back of his neck but he doesn’t move. I lightly trace my finger along the lines of his tattoo and he shifts, but doesn’t wake up. I give up. I get out of bed and walk to the kitchen to get a glass of water. I’m a little surprised when I step out of his bedroom. I knew Leif and Alex were very different, but I never would have taken Leif for a clean freak. Everything is spotless and in order. I walk lightly to the kitchen, almost kind of intimidated by how clean everything is. I get a glass from one of the cupboards and fill it with water from the tap. I take a long drink and set on the counter.
I begin walking back to Leif’s bedroom when I hear a very loud knock on the door. I walk to it and look through the peep hole. Shit! It’s Alex. I don’t think he knows I’m here, and I don’t want to see him. I run to the bathroom and hide in the shower. Alex pounds on the door and I eventually hear Leif get up to get it. I try to listen to them talk, but I can’t hear anything but mumbles. I hear them walk this way.
“One sec, I gotta piss.” Leif says and enters the bathroom. When I hear him shut the door, I open the shower curtain. “Shit!” He says, startled. “What are you doing in there?”
“Do you remember last night?” I ask.
“Yeah, do you?” He replies.
I shake my head. “I remember leaving the party, and everything before that, but nothing after.” I sigh, “I don’t want to see him.”
Leif gives me a sympathetic look. “Well I’ll try to get him to leave, but I really don’t want him to know you’re staying here.” I nod in agreement. “Now, will you turn around so I can piss?” I roll my eyes and shut the shower curtain. I lie down in the bath tub. I don’t know how long it will take him to get rid of Alex and I don’t want to stand forever.
~~
I wake up to a face full of cold water and shriek. I jump up and out of the shower. Leif is leaning against the bathroom door laughing his ass off. I hit his arm. “Thanks asshole.” I say through shivers.
“I’m sorry, I had to.” He says laughing again. “Come here,” He says and I follow him to his bedroom. He sits me on the edge of his bed and wraps a fluffy blanket around my shoulders.
After such a shitty night, it’s nice to have someone take care of me. I hadn’t really had a chance to think about the Alex thing from the night before, and now that I do, it really sinks in. I’ve been with Alex for over a year and he has always been so kind to me. He took me in when I had no one else to go to, and I never thought he would do something like this to me.
“Are you okay?” Leif asks. He leans down a bit to meet my gaze. I shake my head, and as hard as I try, I can’t stop myself from crying. “No, don’t do that.” He says and pulls me into his chest. I cry hard and long, until I’ve run out of tears. I’m down to just sniffles when he releases me. He looks me in the eye and wipes the tears from my cheek. It’s that small kindness that makes me break again.
“Sh, sh, sh.” He says and hugs me again. I want to stop crying. I want to not care about Alex anymore, but I can’t just make the feelings stop. And I can’t stop crying. Leif leaves for a moment then comes back to me and leads me back to the bathroom where he has a bath running. He undresses me and helps me into the tub and bathes me while I cry. I can’t think or move, I just cry. And Leif washes my hair, and me. It’s not sexual or wrong feeling. It’s a comforting notion, like something you imagine a parent or sibling to do for you when you need them.
When he’s done bathing me, Leif stands me up and wraps a towel around my body. I’ve stopped crying now, but I don’t feel any better. I feel like I’m not even in my body anymore, like my mind and body have detached from each other. My mind was blank, empty, and my body was only moving because Leif was leading me. He sits me on the edge of the bed and goes to his dresser. He removes the towel and pulls a t-shirt over my head. He sits behind me and dries my hair off with the towel, then brushes it. When he’s finished, he lies me down on the bed and lies down next to me. He pulls the blankets over us and I start to weep again. He hugs me closely and strokes my hair until I fall asleep.
~~
I wake up and the room is dark. Leif is no longer lying next to me. I get out of bed and rub my puffy eyes. I leave his bedroom and walk through the apartment, it’s empty. I go back into the bedroom and pick up the piece of paper sitting Leif’s pillow.
Dyllan,
I’ve gone out for a bit. I’ll be back soon
-Leif
That’s all it says. I set it back on the pillow. I pick up his comforter and go into the living room. I curl up on the couch and turn on the T.V. I flip through the channels before finding some cartoons and settle for them.
Its a few hours later when Leif finally returns home. He’s a little surprised to see me up, but smiles.
“Did you sleep okay?” He asks while locking the door. He was holding a few grocery bags in one hand and his skateboard in the other. I shrug. He goes into the kitchen and puts the groceries away. “Are you hungry?” He asks from the kitchen. I shrug again, and then realize he can’t see me. He comes back into the living and kneels in front of me. “When was the last time you ate?” I shrug again. I haven’t felt hungry in a while, and I honestly can’t remember the last thing I ate.
“I can make some soup, does that sound okay?” I nod. He strokes my hair and walks away.
I don’t understand why he’s being so nice. We’ve hung out before, with Alex of course, but we’ve haven’t had many conversations. And he’s Alex’s best friend, why does he care about how I am? I don’t understand, but I am grateful nonetheless.
Leif comes into the living room and sets the bowl on the table along with a spoon, then leaves again. I pick up the bowl and spoon and sip on a spoonful. Leif sits next to me with a bowl of his own and we eat quietly. When we are both finished, he takes the dishes into the kitchen. He sits back down next to me and I look at him. He returns the gaze.
“Thank you.” I say. My voice cracks. He smiles at me. I move next to him and lay my head on his lap. He pulls the blanket over me and strokes my hair lightly, detangling it and making me sleepy again. I eventually drift off to sleep.
I blow lightly on the back of his neck but he doesn’t move. I lightly trace my finger along the lines of his tattoo and he shifts, but doesn’t wake up. I give up. I get out of bed and walk to the kitchen to get a glass of water. I’m a little surprised when I step out of his bedroom. I knew Leif and Alex were very different, but I never would have taken Leif for a clean freak. Everything is spotless and in order. I walk lightly to the kitchen, almost kind of intimidated by how clean everything is. I get a glass from one of the cupboards and fill it with water from the tap. I take a long drink and set on the counter.
I begin walking back to Leif’s bedroom when I hear a very loud knock on the door. I walk to it and look through the peep hole. Shit! It’s Alex. I don’t think he knows I’m here, and I don’t want to see him. I run to the bathroom and hide in the shower. Alex pounds on the door and I eventually hear Leif get up to get it. I try to listen to them talk, but I can’t hear anything but mumbles. I hear them walk this way.
“One sec, I gotta piss.” Leif says and enters the bathroom. When I hear him shut the door, I open the shower curtain. “Shit!” He says, startled. “What are you doing in there?”
“Do you remember last night?” I ask.
“Yeah, do you?” He replies.
I shake my head. “I remember leaving the party, and everything before that, but nothing after.” I sigh, “I don’t want to see him.”
Leif gives me a sympathetic look. “Well I’ll try to get him to leave, but I really don’t want him to know you’re staying here.” I nod in agreement. “Now, will you turn around so I can piss?” I roll my eyes and shut the shower curtain. I lie down in the bath tub. I don’t know how long it will take him to get rid of Alex and I don’t want to stand forever.
~~
I wake up to a face full of cold water and shriek. I jump up and out of the shower. Leif is leaning against the bathroom door laughing his ass off. I hit his arm. “Thanks asshole.” I say through shivers.
“I’m sorry, I had to.” He says laughing again. “Come here,” He says and I follow him to his bedroom. He sits me on the edge of his bed and wraps a fluffy blanket around my shoulders.
After such a shitty night, it’s nice to have someone take care of me. I hadn’t really had a chance to think about the Alex thing from the night before, and now that I do, it really sinks in. I’ve been with Alex for over a year and he has always been so kind to me. He took me in when I had no one else to go to, and I never thought he would do something like this to me.
“Are you okay?” Leif asks. He leans down a bit to meet my gaze. I shake my head, and as hard as I try, I can’t stop myself from crying. “No, don’t do that.” He says and pulls me into his chest. I cry hard and long, until I’ve run out of tears. I’m down to just sniffles when he releases me. He looks me in the eye and wipes the tears from my cheek. It’s that small kindness that makes me break again.
“Sh, sh, sh.” He says and hugs me again. I want to stop crying. I want to not care about Alex anymore, but I can’t just make the feelings stop. And I can’t stop crying. Leif leaves for a moment then comes back to me and leads me back to the bathroom where he has a bath running. He undresses me and helps me into the tub and bathes me while I cry. I can’t think or move, I just cry. And Leif washes my hair, and me. It’s not sexual or wrong feeling. It’s a comforting notion, like something you imagine a parent or sibling to do for you when you need them.
When he’s done bathing me, Leif stands me up and wraps a towel around my body. I’ve stopped crying now, but I don’t feel any better. I feel like I’m not even in my body anymore, like my mind and body have detached from each other. My mind was blank, empty, and my body was only moving because Leif was leading me. He sits me on the edge of the bed and goes to his dresser. He removes the towel and pulls a t-shirt over my head. He sits behind me and dries my hair off with the towel, then brushes it. When he’s finished, he lies me down on the bed and lies down next to me. He pulls the blankets over us and I start to weep again. He hugs me closely and strokes my hair until I fall asleep.
~~
I wake up and the room is dark. Leif is no longer lying next to me. I get out of bed and rub my puffy eyes. I leave his bedroom and walk through the apartment, it’s empty. I go back into the bedroom and pick up the piece of paper sitting Leif’s pillow.
Dyllan,
I’ve gone out for a bit. I’ll be back soon
-Leif
That’s all it says. I set it back on the pillow. I pick up his comforter and go into the living room. I curl up on the couch and turn on the T.V. I flip through the channels before finding some cartoons and settle for them.
Its a few hours later when Leif finally returns home. He’s a little surprised to see me up, but smiles.
“Did you sleep okay?” He asks while locking the door. He was holding a few grocery bags in one hand and his skateboard in the other. I shrug. He goes into the kitchen and puts the groceries away. “Are you hungry?” He asks from the kitchen. I shrug again, and then realize he can’t see me. He comes back into the living and kneels in front of me. “When was the last time you ate?” I shrug again. I haven’t felt hungry in a while, and I honestly can’t remember the last thing I ate.
“I can make some soup, does that sound okay?” I nod. He strokes my hair and walks away.
I don’t understand why he’s being so nice. We’ve hung out before, with Alex of course, but we’ve haven’t had many conversations. And he’s Alex’s best friend, why does he care about how I am? I don’t understand, but I am grateful nonetheless.
Leif comes into the living room and sets the bowl on the table along with a spoon, then leaves again. I pick up the bowl and spoon and sip on a spoonful. Leif sits next to me with a bowl of his own and we eat quietly. When we are both finished, he takes the dishes into the kitchen. He sits back down next to me and I look at him. He returns the gaze.
“Thank you.” I say. My voice cracks. He smiles at me. I move next to him and lay my head on his lap. He pulls the blanket over me and strokes my hair lightly, detangling it and making me sleepy again. I eventually drift off to sleep.