No One Called the Devil a Liar
Always Searching
“Are you doing anything today?” I ask Leif as he walks to the kitchen. I watch him from the couch. He pours himself a bowl of cereal than sits next to me.
“I don’t think so, just skating.” He replies and eats a spoonful of the Captain Crunch in his bowl.
“I heard there was a party tonight.” I say and pick at my split ends. Leif looks over at me. I shrug.
“I may or may not go. I don’t know yet.” He says. I frown. “You could go you know.”
“Ha! That would be a great idea.” I reply sarcastically.
“Well why not? You’ve been cooped up here for at least two weeks. Are you ever going to leave?”
“If you wanted me gone, you could’ve just said so.”
“I don’t mean it like that. I don’t think being up here forever will be very fun.” He’s right. I’ve been bored out of my mind. The drugs are the only thing keeping me sane up here.
“I guess I’ll go.” I say and glance up at him. He smiles and finishes his cereal.
“It’s a big party; we probably won’t even see him there.” I frown. He just had to bring up Alex. I mean, I know I was thinking about him, but neither of us had brought him up and I liked it that way. “Stop pouting and eat something.” I scrunch my nose at him.
“When do you want to leave?”
“It’s at Craig’s house, and we’re just going to walk, so a little after eight-thirty.”
“Good, I can go back to sleep.” Leif rolls his eyes then gets up and puts his bowl on the kitchen counter.
“Alex wants to come over later.” He says suddenly.
“Why?”
“To hang out, I don’t know. We’ll probably just smoke and play x-box.”
“Should I leave then?”
“No. You’ll be fine if you stay in my room. We’re just going to stay out here.” He says, leaning over the back of the couch.
“I guess this will be fun.” I tease. I turn on the T.V. and find some movie to watch.
“I’m going to take a shower.” Leif says. He toss’ a pillow at my face before leaving.
I haven’t given much thought about Alex in a while. I don’t know what will happen when I see him tonight, if I even see him. What if he tries to talk to me? What do I say? Do I even say anything? I don’t know. It just ended. He didn’t try to come after me. He hasn’t tried to find me. Was he cheating on me through our whole relationship? How could I not see it? My head starts to ache. I have so many questions, but I won’t get an answer to any of them. I try to push away the thoughts of him and think about how great it will be to get some fresh air, but he’s all my mind wants to think about.
I turn off the T.V. and go to Leif’s room to lie down. I don’t think I could sleep, but lying down will help me stop feeling like I’m going to puke.
~~
I hear them in the living room: talking, laughing, acting like nothing’s wrong. It’s only been two weeks, how can he be perfectly fine? I sure as hell am not. I want to run out to the living and rip his head off. I don’t. I stay calm and cool in Leif’s room. I’m sitting against the bedroom door listening to them. He hasn’t once brought me up, at least not yet. He has to though. He’s had to have thought of me at least once. Isn’t he curious as to where I am? Or did he ever even care at all? I don’t know, and I hate not knowing.
Their conversation is simple. Small talk, really. They’re avoiding anything that could bring the topic to me, which only proves that Alex has thought of me. Right? He always talks about drugs and parties and shit that relates, but he hasn’t, at all. I feel a sort of sense of relief. Just knowing that I’ve been on his mind either as much or more than he has been on mine, makes me feel a little better.
I get bored of their conversation and back down in Leif’s bed. I pull the blankets over myself and close my eyes. I can still hear them talking from his bed, and it irritates me. I just want to relax now. I want to lie hear and not have to listen to that asshole’s voice. I eventually doze off.
~~
I don’t know how long I’ve been asleep for when I hear a loud yell.
“Wait!” Leif says.
“What?” Alex replies.
“Don’t go in there.” That’s when I realize it. I roll over, making my back face the door. I pull the blanket over my head and hold it tight. Please, please, please don’t come in here.
“Why not?” Alex asks and I hear the door knob turn. My heart stops and I hold my breath. “Oh shit.” Alex says, and I know I’ve been caught, we’ve been caught. “Is that why you haven’t been around much? You finally found a girl?” Alex says and I hear the smirk in his voice. I swear Leif and I let out a sigh in relief. Idiot I think, though I am thankful for that at the moment.
“Uh, yeah.” Leif says and I hear the click of the door shutting. I let out another large breath.
I lie there, unwilling to move. I wait there until Leif finally comes in.
“He’s gone.” He says. I sit up and push the comforter off of me. “That was fucking close.” He says. I nod in agreement.
“Did he suspect anything?” I ask. Leif sits on the bed next to me.
“If he did, he didn’t show any signs of it.” He says. I laugh. It’s a short, snort-like laughter that is soon followed by a full on laugh-fest. Leif looks at me funny at first, then eventually joins in and it only makes me laugh harder.
“You’re fucking ridiculous.” Leif finally says after the laughter subsides. I smile. It’s a genuine, happy smile. The first real one in ages.
“I’m going to take a shower.” I say and leave the room. The shower is fast, and I dry off. I wrap the towel around myself and head back to the bedroom. I search through Leif’s dresser for something that won’t make me look incredibly boyish. I find a small black t-shirt, well small for him; it’s a bit baggy on me. I slip it on. I find one of the two pairs of jeans I own and put them on.
“What time is it?” I ask Leif who is sitting on his bed reading. He glances at me and shrugs. I roll my eyes and he looks at the alarm clock next to him
“Eight forty-five.” He says. “Are you almost ready?” I nod and put on some socks, then my shoes. I run a brush through my hair. Leif gets up and puts his shoes on. He grabs a hoodie from his dresser and pulls it on. I walk into the living room and Leif follows.
We leave Leif’s apartment and walk a couple blocks to Craig’s house. It’s around nine fifteen when we get there, but the house is already packed. We can hear the music from down the block. A few people were standing on the front porch smoking, but it’s no one I know. I go inside first, and of course the first person I see is Alex. He looks at me from across the room. He looks different. He’s thinner. His eyes look slightly sunken and dark. It’s a look I know well. He stares at me and I stare back. His gaze is an empty one that turns to confusion when Leif walks in behind me. He slightly cocks his head to the side. That’s when I look away and go into the next room.
I don’t know many of the people at this party, just a few. Craig talks with me for a few minutes then leaves to socialize with the rest of the party. I feel awkward and out of place, but I try to push those feelings aside and enjoy myself. I go into the kitchen and grab myself a beer. There are people dancing and talking everywhere and I feel claustrophobic all of a sudden. I make my way into the back and find Leif smoking a joint with a few other guys. I stand next to him.
“You okay?” He asks. I nod and take a long sip of my beer. He gives me a slight frown then hands me the joint. I gladly take it and take a long hit. It feels good to let the smoke cloud my lungs and I hold it in as long as I can before my lungs feel like collapsing. They pass it around a few times.
“Do you want the last hit?” Leif asks.
“No, I’m fine.” I reply.
“Here,” He says and inhales the last bit of it. He puts his hand on my neck and pulls my face close to his, but not touching. I part my lips slightly and gaze into his eyes as he exhales the smoke and I inhale it.
“What the fuck?” An all too familiar voice shouts from by the sliding glass door. Great. “Is she the girl?” He asks while walking towards us.
“No, dude. That’s not it at all.” Leif says coolly.
“Are you fucking serious?” He says, his anger only escalating. “That’s sure how it looks!”
“She’s not the girl.”
“Then what the fuck is all this kissing and shit.”
“We didn’t kiss.” Leif says, his calmness is almost as scary as Alex’s anger. “She was just there.” He says with a shrug.
“Then who is the other girl?” Alex asks.
Leif hesitates for a moment before finally saying, “No one.”
“You fucking liar!” Alex says and shoves Leif. “You always fucking want what I have!”
Leif stumbles back a step, then straightens himself. “Had,” He corrects Alex, and it only pisses him off more. He shoves Leif again. “Dude, stop. You’re way too wasted.” Alex tries to swing at Leif, but he steps back before he makes contact.
“Back off, Alex. You’re the one who cheated on me!” I say. He looks at me for a brief moment and it’s a look that terrifies me.
“Shut up you fucking slut!” He yells and he swiftly lands a punch to my face. It’s a hit that sends me back and brings instant tears. He goes back after Leif who makes no hesitation to hit Alex back and he falls to the ground. He sits up, only to be met by Leif who is leaning over him.
“You don’t ever hit a girl.” Leif says and shoves Alex back to the ground. He makes no effort to move this time. Leif walks over to me.
“Let’s go.” He says and gestures his hand out to help me up. I take it. We walk back towards the house and he doesn’t release my hand.
Everyone is staring and it gives me an unsettled feeling. Leif leads me through the house and out the front door. We walk back to his apartment and he doesn’t let go of my hand. It’s a weird feeling. I shouldn’t like him. But I can’t help it. He’s so gentle with me and has taken care of me in a way that no one else has. I look down at our hands and get that feeling in my stomach. It’s such a small gesture, but it’s one that makes me feel good, and I don’t ever want him to let go.
“I don’t think so, just skating.” He replies and eats a spoonful of the Captain Crunch in his bowl.
“I heard there was a party tonight.” I say and pick at my split ends. Leif looks over at me. I shrug.
“I may or may not go. I don’t know yet.” He says. I frown. “You could go you know.”
“Ha! That would be a great idea.” I reply sarcastically.
“Well why not? You’ve been cooped up here for at least two weeks. Are you ever going to leave?”
“If you wanted me gone, you could’ve just said so.”
“I don’t mean it like that. I don’t think being up here forever will be very fun.” He’s right. I’ve been bored out of my mind. The drugs are the only thing keeping me sane up here.
“I guess I’ll go.” I say and glance up at him. He smiles and finishes his cereal.
“It’s a big party; we probably won’t even see him there.” I frown. He just had to bring up Alex. I mean, I know I was thinking about him, but neither of us had brought him up and I liked it that way. “Stop pouting and eat something.” I scrunch my nose at him.
“When do you want to leave?”
“It’s at Craig’s house, and we’re just going to walk, so a little after eight-thirty.”
“Good, I can go back to sleep.” Leif rolls his eyes then gets up and puts his bowl on the kitchen counter.
“Alex wants to come over later.” He says suddenly.
“Why?”
“To hang out, I don’t know. We’ll probably just smoke and play x-box.”
“Should I leave then?”
“No. You’ll be fine if you stay in my room. We’re just going to stay out here.” He says, leaning over the back of the couch.
“I guess this will be fun.” I tease. I turn on the T.V. and find some movie to watch.
“I’m going to take a shower.” Leif says. He toss’ a pillow at my face before leaving.
I haven’t given much thought about Alex in a while. I don’t know what will happen when I see him tonight, if I even see him. What if he tries to talk to me? What do I say? Do I even say anything? I don’t know. It just ended. He didn’t try to come after me. He hasn’t tried to find me. Was he cheating on me through our whole relationship? How could I not see it? My head starts to ache. I have so many questions, but I won’t get an answer to any of them. I try to push away the thoughts of him and think about how great it will be to get some fresh air, but he’s all my mind wants to think about.
I turn off the T.V. and go to Leif’s room to lie down. I don’t think I could sleep, but lying down will help me stop feeling like I’m going to puke.
~~
I hear them in the living room: talking, laughing, acting like nothing’s wrong. It’s only been two weeks, how can he be perfectly fine? I sure as hell am not. I want to run out to the living and rip his head off. I don’t. I stay calm and cool in Leif’s room. I’m sitting against the bedroom door listening to them. He hasn’t once brought me up, at least not yet. He has to though. He’s had to have thought of me at least once. Isn’t he curious as to where I am? Or did he ever even care at all? I don’t know, and I hate not knowing.
Their conversation is simple. Small talk, really. They’re avoiding anything that could bring the topic to me, which only proves that Alex has thought of me. Right? He always talks about drugs and parties and shit that relates, but he hasn’t, at all. I feel a sort of sense of relief. Just knowing that I’ve been on his mind either as much or more than he has been on mine, makes me feel a little better.
I get bored of their conversation and back down in Leif’s bed. I pull the blankets over myself and close my eyes. I can still hear them talking from his bed, and it irritates me. I just want to relax now. I want to lie hear and not have to listen to that asshole’s voice. I eventually doze off.
~~
I don’t know how long I’ve been asleep for when I hear a loud yell.
“Wait!” Leif says.
“What?” Alex replies.
“Don’t go in there.” That’s when I realize it. I roll over, making my back face the door. I pull the blanket over my head and hold it tight. Please, please, please don’t come in here.
“Why not?” Alex asks and I hear the door knob turn. My heart stops and I hold my breath. “Oh shit.” Alex says, and I know I’ve been caught, we’ve been caught. “Is that why you haven’t been around much? You finally found a girl?” Alex says and I hear the smirk in his voice. I swear Leif and I let out a sigh in relief. Idiot I think, though I am thankful for that at the moment.
“Uh, yeah.” Leif says and I hear the click of the door shutting. I let out another large breath.
I lie there, unwilling to move. I wait there until Leif finally comes in.
“He’s gone.” He says. I sit up and push the comforter off of me. “That was fucking close.” He says. I nod in agreement.
“Did he suspect anything?” I ask. Leif sits on the bed next to me.
“If he did, he didn’t show any signs of it.” He says. I laugh. It’s a short, snort-like laughter that is soon followed by a full on laugh-fest. Leif looks at me funny at first, then eventually joins in and it only makes me laugh harder.
“You’re fucking ridiculous.” Leif finally says after the laughter subsides. I smile. It’s a genuine, happy smile. The first real one in ages.
“I’m going to take a shower.” I say and leave the room. The shower is fast, and I dry off. I wrap the towel around myself and head back to the bedroom. I search through Leif’s dresser for something that won’t make me look incredibly boyish. I find a small black t-shirt, well small for him; it’s a bit baggy on me. I slip it on. I find one of the two pairs of jeans I own and put them on.
“What time is it?” I ask Leif who is sitting on his bed reading. He glances at me and shrugs. I roll my eyes and he looks at the alarm clock next to him
“Eight forty-five.” He says. “Are you almost ready?” I nod and put on some socks, then my shoes. I run a brush through my hair. Leif gets up and puts his shoes on. He grabs a hoodie from his dresser and pulls it on. I walk into the living room and Leif follows.
We leave Leif’s apartment and walk a couple blocks to Craig’s house. It’s around nine fifteen when we get there, but the house is already packed. We can hear the music from down the block. A few people were standing on the front porch smoking, but it’s no one I know. I go inside first, and of course the first person I see is Alex. He looks at me from across the room. He looks different. He’s thinner. His eyes look slightly sunken and dark. It’s a look I know well. He stares at me and I stare back. His gaze is an empty one that turns to confusion when Leif walks in behind me. He slightly cocks his head to the side. That’s when I look away and go into the next room.
I don’t know many of the people at this party, just a few. Craig talks with me for a few minutes then leaves to socialize with the rest of the party. I feel awkward and out of place, but I try to push those feelings aside and enjoy myself. I go into the kitchen and grab myself a beer. There are people dancing and talking everywhere and I feel claustrophobic all of a sudden. I make my way into the back and find Leif smoking a joint with a few other guys. I stand next to him.
“You okay?” He asks. I nod and take a long sip of my beer. He gives me a slight frown then hands me the joint. I gladly take it and take a long hit. It feels good to let the smoke cloud my lungs and I hold it in as long as I can before my lungs feel like collapsing. They pass it around a few times.
“Do you want the last hit?” Leif asks.
“No, I’m fine.” I reply.
“Here,” He says and inhales the last bit of it. He puts his hand on my neck and pulls my face close to his, but not touching. I part my lips slightly and gaze into his eyes as he exhales the smoke and I inhale it.
“What the fuck?” An all too familiar voice shouts from by the sliding glass door. Great. “Is she the girl?” He asks while walking towards us.
“No, dude. That’s not it at all.” Leif says coolly.
“Are you fucking serious?” He says, his anger only escalating. “That’s sure how it looks!”
“She’s not the girl.”
“Then what the fuck is all this kissing and shit.”
“We didn’t kiss.” Leif says, his calmness is almost as scary as Alex’s anger. “She was just there.” He says with a shrug.
“Then who is the other girl?” Alex asks.
Leif hesitates for a moment before finally saying, “No one.”
“You fucking liar!” Alex says and shoves Leif. “You always fucking want what I have!”
Leif stumbles back a step, then straightens himself. “Had,” He corrects Alex, and it only pisses him off more. He shoves Leif again. “Dude, stop. You’re way too wasted.” Alex tries to swing at Leif, but he steps back before he makes contact.
“Back off, Alex. You’re the one who cheated on me!” I say. He looks at me for a brief moment and it’s a look that terrifies me.
“Shut up you fucking slut!” He yells and he swiftly lands a punch to my face. It’s a hit that sends me back and brings instant tears. He goes back after Leif who makes no hesitation to hit Alex back and he falls to the ground. He sits up, only to be met by Leif who is leaning over him.
“You don’t ever hit a girl.” Leif says and shoves Alex back to the ground. He makes no effort to move this time. Leif walks over to me.
“Let’s go.” He says and gestures his hand out to help me up. I take it. We walk back towards the house and he doesn’t release my hand.
Everyone is staring and it gives me an unsettled feeling. Leif leads me through the house and out the front door. We walk back to his apartment and he doesn’t let go of my hand. It’s a weird feeling. I shouldn’t like him. But I can’t help it. He’s so gentle with me and has taken care of me in a way that no one else has. I look down at our hands and get that feeling in my stomach. It’s such a small gesture, but it’s one that makes me feel good, and I don’t ever want him to let go.