I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

I stalk out of Sanders' office in a rage, ignoring Alex's shock when I exited so quickly, and the worry in his voice when he shouted after me. I'm not in the mood for the kid's flirtatious remarks right now, not after getting shot down by that idiot mayor again. He's fucking unbelievable. Sorry, my ass! The man sees the forest, but not the trees, if you ask me. One day, the causalties are going to outweigh the cause.

Upon clambering back into my rusted old truck (you think a car mechanic could do better), I take a moment to try to calm myself down. Driving in such an angry state wouldn't be doing poor little Lux any favors...Goddamnit! Smacking my hands against the wheel, hot tears make tracks down my cheeks. Never mind me, mister mayor, what about my daughter? Lux was ten months old when Jessica died. Do you have any idea how hard it is to hear that little, "Mama? Mama?" Every day, for months? Well, let me tell you something, Derek Sanders, I wouldn't trade those tears, that innocent, sad, confusion, for all the money in the world, much less a measly two fucking million. You "don't see," why a debt settled in court months ago is still an issue today, sir? Try explaining that to my fifteen month old daughter. Look in those green eyes, like her mother's.

Fuck. Just breathe, Jack. Breathe. Do it for Jessica, do it for Lux. Breathe for every mother, father, and child who's breath (thanks to our "dutiful" mayor) has been lost. Now, drive home. It's going to be okay, eventually. He'll pay. Oh, they'll all pay.

I slam the door to my apartment, calling, "Lux! Zack! Rian! I'm home!" Almost instantaneously, the thump of feet sounds, and seconds later, a giggling toddler and two giggling toddlers in grown men's bodies jump onto me. "Whoa!" I shout, nearly falling over on the hardwood floor of my minuscule kitchen area.

"Dada! Dada!" Little Lux shrieks into the pant leg she's gripping. I pick her up, giving her nose a kiss and holding her close.

"How was your day, sweetheart? Did Uncle Zack and Rian play nice?" I shoot a teasing glance at my best friends/babysitters.

"Good!" She says cheerfully, shooting the fiancées a mischievous look of her own.

Rian and Zack rush to fill me in on how her day went (what she ate, how long she napped, etc.) and then proceeded to ask about the meeting I had with the bastard head of the local executive branch.

"Did he say anything other than he usually does? Is he willing to make amends? Is he going to resign? Does he know it was you that broke into his off-,"

Rian's hand claps over his lover's mouth. "Zack! No talking about that business when we're not in costume, remember?" He stage whispers, glancing around my apartment nervously, despite its locked doors and sealed windows.

I sigh, and lead the group in front of the tv, where I sit Lux down to watch whatever cartoon is on the six channels we get currently. "It's okay, guys. Just be more careful, especially in places with cameras. I don't think the man has a clue I am who I am. He's pretty oblivious to who's who in this city, for someone shrewd enough to abolish term limits."

My companions look relieved. "Alright, alright," Zack responds. "Sorry to duck out so quickly, but we've actually got an appointment with a wedding florist to get to."

I smile, remembering Jessica and I's wedding planning days. "No, go right ahead! Have fun!" A look of amusement is shot towards Rian as I think of the less than romantic man trying to get indecisive Zack to decide between roses and lilies, and the receiver of said look rolls his eyes, knowing exactly what I'm thinking.

Each of my old buddies from high school waves bye bye to a distracted Lux, and is gone. I relax a bit, laying down on my puke colored couch and keeping an eye on my chubby, dark haired daughter. What a day. I meet a cute guy, find out later he works for the devil himself, and have another rejected proposal. Joy.

I can't believe Alex works for the mayor. That's probably the last place I ever expected to see him. In the ten minutes I waited for my appointment to start, Alex seemed like a pretty cute guy, if not heavily liberal. Hey, maybe the guy isn't all that bad. Maybe he's a villain, too. You never know. Looks can be deceiving, that's for sure. I mean, just look at me. I'm not a very villainous guy. I don't go around kicking puppies and shit. The only reason I decided to become the Wrathful Heart in the first place was to get revenge for my wife's death. Hell, I wouldn't have even had the funds to do what I'm doing if the judge hadn't agreed 2 million was perfectly fair.

Anyway, I want to find another strong parental figure to be in little Lux's life. Take it from me, growing up with one parent isn't all it's cracked up to be. And I know it's definitely too soon to be saying this, but Alex Gaskarth seems like a pretty strong candidate. We'll have to see how the date I set up with him on Friday goes, first.

I check the time on my phone, and observe that it's usually around this hour Lux and I eat. Deciding quickly to just reheat some leftovers, I pull Lux into my arms, exclaiming it was dinner time and making her grin (showing off all three teeth) and clap her hands in excitement.

Twenty minutes and several spoonfuls of spilled spaghetti later, I laugh at my sauce saturated daughter and shout, "Bath time, baby!"

Lux giggles and proceeds to sweep her hands across her high chair's tray, splattering more of her tomatoey dinner on both of our shirts and faces. "Dada messy!"

I gasp exaggeratedly. "Lux!" And pull her out of her chair, tickling her tummy as I walk to the bathroom. She giggles and flails her little arms around.

"No, dada! No!" Ah, her favorite word. I stop my assault on her little armpits, setting her down on the tile floor of our bathroom gently and pulling her drenched clothing off along with my shirt.

I guide her into the small tub, turning on the water as I do. When it fills up, Lux splashes around, not letting me wash her properly, and I huff in faux anger. It's enough to make her slow down for a few minutes, and I wash the soft small amount of hair she's got.

After getting her out of the bath, I put her in bed, then get in a quick shower myself. As I collapse into bed at nine thirty, the last thing I see is the framed picture of my darling Jessica, and I fall asleep thinking only of how much I miss her.