Azalea

"It's really not going to be that bad."

"But what if they hate me?"

"Shut up, Kibum."

"They're going to hate me."

"They're not going to hate you."

"That's what you say now."

"Whatever," she laughed. "Bye, dork."

"Bye."

I was meeting Azalea's college friends, who were stopping in to visit. It made me wonder where she was from - but she wouldn't talk to me about her past for a very long time - and who she was before I met her, before she met Phillip. They were staying for Azalea and Taemin for a few days, and all Taemin could do was talk about how great they were. And if they got along well with Taemin, I could only wonder how much they'd dislike me. They wanted to come to the museum, and Azalea asked me if I would mind giving them all a tour before they went back home. (Where was home?)

I spent my entire Saturday freaking out. (Jinki thought it was the most hilarious thing in the whole world.)

I watched as the elevator doors shut and lean against the wall.

I kept trying not to freak out, but it was kind of a big deal. I mean, at least it was to me. It wasn't like I could make her like me more or something, but I just didn't want her friends - since she didn't have very many, I assumed they were pretty close - to not like me. I don't know. Their opinion mattered because they mattered to her, and she mattered to me.

So, I manage to make it downstairs without passing out, but I'm afraid I won't make it through being introduced to her friends, much less make it through the tour.

Katya, Olive, Francine, and Essie were pretty innocent in their own way. After a few awkward moments, we all got along pretty well. The tour went pretty well and they didn't ask me any out of left field quesitons, and I'd like to think that it was as nice for them as it was for me. The only real problem was that Azalea introduced me as her friend and not much else.

"My good friend, Kibum."

The good was some sort of improvement, I guess.

And I guess we were friends, but I knew we weren't. And I didn't want it to bother me as much as it did - but it still did, a little. Most people were under the impression we were dating. My friends were, even though I told them I was pretty sure we weren't (or were we?) and Taemin insisted that eventually Azalea would see reason and move on to something better. He thought I was a rebound at best, and when things like that happened, I couldn't help but to want to agree with him. But she wouldn't do that, would she?

Azalea had a cold, so I decided to be a good friend (or something) and go see how she was holding up. I even bought some canned soup and cold medicine. Taemin was out with Jinki and Jenny, so she was alone. And since I had Sunday off, I could stay, if she wanted me to.

She answered the door wrapped in a blanket, sneezing.

"I'm contagious." I shrugged and she laughed, letting me inside. "Suit yourself."

I hadn't planned on bringing the friend thing up, mostly because she wasn't feeling well and I didn't want to make her feel even worse. I made her some soup. Everything was okay. We were on the couch, watching some bridal show or something - she liked to make fun of all the ugly dresses and spoiled brides-to-be. She was a little warm, but it wasn't anything too serious.

And then she asked me if I liked her friends.

"Because Katya and Essie thought you were really sweet and stuff, you know," she mumbled between coughs. "And I think that you're wearing Frankie and Olive down too. So, did you like them?"

"What? Yeah, they're great. Did you guys have a nice time?"

She nodded, giggling.

"The girls couldn't stop talking about how great your butt looked in those jeans." I looked down at her, laughing. "And I told them to stop checking you out, because you're mine and not theirs." I was silent, looking at the TV and trying not to say anything, because I didn't want to fight. Not really. "Bummie? You okay?"

"I'm fine."

"No you're not." She squeezed my cheeks, giggling. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing."

"You're a bad liar, you know." Azalea flipped her hair over her shoulder, crawling into my lap. "C'mon."

"I don't wanna talk about it - "

"You never want to talk about anything." I shot her a look. "Okay, okay, sorry. But seriously, what's bothering you? You've been acting weird all day."

"I - " I paused, looking down and sighing. "I just - I don't get you, okay? I just don't understand you, at all." She frowned. "I - I mean - okay, so we're friends. Great. That's amazing. Wow. But I don't know - I don't have friends with benefits because I don't want to. I don't have feelings for my friends. I just want to know what we are because I'm tired of just being your friend."

"Kibum - "

"Don't Kibum me, okay? I just - I wanna know. I want to know what I'm supposed to say to the people who think we're dating, because you keep saying we're friends, and so do I, but we don't act like friends. Far from it."

She sneezed again, biting her lip.

"I don't know how to describe you to people." She glances at me. "Because Phillip was my boyfriend, and he did things to me, and people worried about me, like, a lot. And I don't want to tell people that we're together like that because I think that it's a lot more than your average, run of the mill relationship. I don't know how to tell people about what it's like to be with you or what it's like when you smile or laugh or anything like that." She looked over at me. "I've never felt anything even close to this. And Phillip was my boyfriend but you're so much more than he was, in every sense of the word. I mean that. So what am I supposed to say? Here's Kibum, the sweetest, most unselfish, funniest, dorkiest guy I know?"

"Well, I mean, best lover wouldn't hurt either."

And then she laughed and slapped me across the shoulder, and things were okay.

For then, anyway.