Status: based on the '09 Tel Aviv Gay center shooting
Outcast
Painful
“Are you ready to talk?”
“No” she answered dryly, taking in the toxic fumes. The temporary relief hit her as the smoke filled her already withering lungs “I have to talk”
“Why do you feel you must talk if you’re really not ready?”
The silence followed shortly after. The words still hung in the air, refusing to scatter and looking desperately for any kind of reponse. Taking a long drag of her cigarette, she sighed.
“She’d want me to”
The recording machine made a small ‘click’ noise as the record button was pushed and the tape began rolling. The sound had managed to make her feel even more uncomfortable, as if it were waiting for her to say something so she would be judged.
She was used to the judgement. To the judgement, the hatred, the ignorance, the insolence. She was used to so many people walking up to her to ask her about that night, about her, reopening old wounds and making them bleed as if it were nothing. As if she were a puppet that couldn’t feel any pain.
But she could. And she suffered a lot. Now it was time for her to speak up. Not because she wanted to – if she could she’d shut herself down and erase every trace of that awful memory – but because she’d want her to.
“Who’s she?” the woman finally spoke, staring down at her, pushing her glasses further up her nose. “Can you tell me more about her? What was she like?”
“She was the most beautiful human being I’ve ever met” the chills ran down her spine and a smile appeared on her lips for a split of a second as she remembered her face.
“Tell me about August 1st”
“It’s just an ordinary date” she shrugged “it’s the beginning of the hottest fucking month of the year. Most people are at the beach sunbathing and whatnot. Other people prefer staying at home with their air conditioner or fans… nothing special”
“What about you?” the woman asked “what do you do on August 1st? Do you go to the beach?”
She hesitated before answering that question, and looked down. Her long, unkept hair fell on her face to cover it.
“I can’t go to the beach” she said in almost a whisper “not anymore”
“And why’s that?”
“Because it was her favourite place to be”
The woman took a deep breath, feeling they were getting somewhere. She tried to be careful and calculated the right words to say so she wouldn’t close down again.
“Can you tell me about August 1st?”
“I just did”
“No,” the woman shook her head “August 1st 2009”
Her body froze. She didn’t think she’d be that direct, she thought they’d build up to it like the others tried to do. Yet, the others had failed to make her speak. There was something about the directness in her voice that made her want to speak up at last.
“She wasn’t supposed to be there” she said.
“What do you mean?”
“She didn’t want to go, really. She had homework to do” she chuckled sadly “I told her to stop being such a nerd and join me at the youth bar. I thought it’d be fun, that we’d finally get to meet up people like us, or at least people that wouldn’t judge us”
"Let go of that book already!" Laura suddenly exclaimed, startling Christina. “It’s Friday night, you should be having fun, not studying" she emphasized the last word, dragging the ‘u’ in a mocking way.
"Well, I’m sorry that it bothers you so much," she answered calmly and gave her an unimpressed look before going back to her book “I just care about my studies and my future"
"Oh, come on" Laura rolled her eyes and sat by her side on the bed, pushing her slightly “there’s a really cool party tonight at the youth bar, we should go"
"I don’t think I should" she retorted and moved away from her, trying to concentrate even though she knew her friend wouldn’t back down.
"Please" she pressed, pouting and knowing Christina would break.
Christina sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose before giving Laura a good, hard look. She glared at her for a few seconds before closing her book.
"Fine, I’ll go with you" she got up from her bed and walked over to her closet.
"I knew you’d break" Laura mocked.
"You’re lucky I love you" Christina retorted as she searched lazily through the different clothes, thinking of what she could wear.
"I definitely am" she whispered and turned to look at her.
The blonde haired girl looked beautiful to her even if her hair was a complete mess, even if she didn’t wear any make up, even in her childish Mickey Mouse pajamas. Laura kept on telling herself every day how lucky she was to have such a wonderful person by her side.
Christina felt Laura’s eyes upon her, and turned around so their gazes would collide in mid air. She didn’t have to say anything; she knew exactly what was going through her mind.
She felt the same way.
"You’re going to get dressed or what?" Christina asked with a smirk to break the tension. She knew that if there was something Laura hated it was to show vulnerability “If you changed your mind, I’ll gladly go back to my studies"
"No!" Laura snapped and hurried to her backpack, emptying it from its contents. Her actions looked so amusing to Christina, she couldn’t help but chuckle “We’re definitely going!"
“No” she answered dryly, taking in the toxic fumes. The temporary relief hit her as the smoke filled her already withering lungs “I have to talk”
“Why do you feel you must talk if you’re really not ready?”
The silence followed shortly after. The words still hung in the air, refusing to scatter and looking desperately for any kind of reponse. Taking a long drag of her cigarette, she sighed.
“She’d want me to”
The recording machine made a small ‘click’ noise as the record button was pushed and the tape began rolling. The sound had managed to make her feel even more uncomfortable, as if it were waiting for her to say something so she would be judged.
She was used to the judgement. To the judgement, the hatred, the ignorance, the insolence. She was used to so many people walking up to her to ask her about that night, about her, reopening old wounds and making them bleed as if it were nothing. As if she were a puppet that couldn’t feel any pain.
But she could. And she suffered a lot. Now it was time for her to speak up. Not because she wanted to – if she could she’d shut herself down and erase every trace of that awful memory – but because she’d want her to.
“Who’s she?” the woman finally spoke, staring down at her, pushing her glasses further up her nose. “Can you tell me more about her? What was she like?”
“She was the most beautiful human being I’ve ever met” the chills ran down her spine and a smile appeared on her lips for a split of a second as she remembered her face.
“Tell me about August 1st”
“It’s just an ordinary date” she shrugged “it’s the beginning of the hottest fucking month of the year. Most people are at the beach sunbathing and whatnot. Other people prefer staying at home with their air conditioner or fans… nothing special”
“What about you?” the woman asked “what do you do on August 1st? Do you go to the beach?”
She hesitated before answering that question, and looked down. Her long, unkept hair fell on her face to cover it.
“I can’t go to the beach” she said in almost a whisper “not anymore”
“And why’s that?”
“Because it was her favourite place to be”
The woman took a deep breath, feeling they were getting somewhere. She tried to be careful and calculated the right words to say so she wouldn’t close down again.
“Can you tell me about August 1st?”
“I just did”
“No,” the woman shook her head “August 1st 2009”
Her body froze. She didn’t think she’d be that direct, she thought they’d build up to it like the others tried to do. Yet, the others had failed to make her speak. There was something about the directness in her voice that made her want to speak up at last.
“She wasn’t supposed to be there” she said.
“What do you mean?”
“She didn’t want to go, really. She had homework to do” she chuckled sadly “I told her to stop being such a nerd and join me at the youth bar. I thought it’d be fun, that we’d finally get to meet up people like us, or at least people that wouldn’t judge us”
"Let go of that book already!" Laura suddenly exclaimed, startling Christina. “It’s Friday night, you should be having fun, not studying" she emphasized the last word, dragging the ‘u’ in a mocking way.
"Well, I’m sorry that it bothers you so much," she answered calmly and gave her an unimpressed look before going back to her book “I just care about my studies and my future"
"Oh, come on" Laura rolled her eyes and sat by her side on the bed, pushing her slightly “there’s a really cool party tonight at the youth bar, we should go"
"I don’t think I should" she retorted and moved away from her, trying to concentrate even though she knew her friend wouldn’t back down.
"Please" she pressed, pouting and knowing Christina would break.
Christina sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose before giving Laura a good, hard look. She glared at her for a few seconds before closing her book.
"Fine, I’ll go with you" she got up from her bed and walked over to her closet.
"I knew you’d break" Laura mocked.
"You’re lucky I love you" Christina retorted as she searched lazily through the different clothes, thinking of what she could wear.
"I definitely am" she whispered and turned to look at her.
The blonde haired girl looked beautiful to her even if her hair was a complete mess, even if she didn’t wear any make up, even in her childish Mickey Mouse pajamas. Laura kept on telling herself every day how lucky she was to have such a wonderful person by her side.
Christina felt Laura’s eyes upon her, and turned around so their gazes would collide in mid air. She didn’t have to say anything; she knew exactly what was going through her mind.
She felt the same way.
"You’re going to get dressed or what?" Christina asked with a smirk to break the tension. She knew that if there was something Laura hated it was to show vulnerability “If you changed your mind, I’ll gladly go back to my studies"
"No!" Laura snapped and hurried to her backpack, emptying it from its contents. Her actions looked so amusing to Christina, she couldn’t help but chuckle “We’re definitely going!"
♠ ♠ ♠
One shot cut up into three chapters.